okay i feel like this needs to be said more in the hphm fandom.
[ and before you're gonna come at me after reading this do know that im giving my own opinions and im not good with words too so if i said something wrong just lmk without being mean ]
so first of all, i know yall haven't been getting attention or noticed for your works and yeah honestly i get it buddy, i think almost everyone has had this happen to them at least once while staying here, and its been happening for a while now
it just sucks when you know you've spent so much time from days to weeks to get your character's profile done only for it to be eating dust, or spending sleepless nights working on an art piece or a story writing that you're proud of only for it to barely get any likes or reblogs, boy that definitely hit deep in the feels
another thing i noticed is popularity
its pretty normal to get jealous of someone who got popular for their art though, some of them started off pretty strong.
i guess what i didnt like most was how some of the people who became mutuals with the popular bloggers only to get their art but not because they like them as a person
as petty as im gonna sound now, the underrated bloggers are just gonna get pushed further and further away but no one is to be blamed for this.
but do hear me out fellow hphm bloggers
i am here to remind you that its okay to feel petty about it, its okay to feel down because your content isnt getting the attention you wanted it to have. as they always say, a human's needs are never enough, you would constantly give yourself higher expectations.
but also remember that the amount of attention you get dont always determine your talent. its hard to accept the fact people may not like reading your writings or art or edits, and that makes you think you're bad at what you're doing. but i promise you its not.
for as long as you put effort into your work, there will always be someone that appreciates it. who knows, someone might keep coming back to your blog to admire your art or read your stories to sleep, you might've even made someone's day better because of a fluff content you posted months ago. the amount of notes you get doesnt tell you how many people saw your work, because like me, im lazy to like or reblog everything i see.
so, just keep doing what you do best, dont stop putting effort into your stuff, because in the end you're mostly doing it for yourself. once you're happy and proud of it, thats what matters.
oh and another thing
do interact with each other more fellow hphm bloggers
it wont take too long to send them a compliment, or ask them about their characters, or even ask them how their day went <3
well im gonna stop here
please do reblog so the people who may need this will be able to see it. stay strong buddies
here's avery to make your day/night a little better :)
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Aparently tumblr is having a glitch and a lot of people are losing followers š¬ it happend with a few of my friends, check your followers and mutuals yall
It's officially Pride Month (at least here where I am)! Happy Pride Month to everybody from these two adorable gay bois. Remember you are valid, loved, and important. The fight for equality across the board is far from over so keep fighting the good fight for everyone any which way you can. šš³āšāšš
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Hello there. My name's Meg, more commonly known as stupendousbookworm. Now, as everyone else, I'm a huge hphm fan, and I just recently started year 4 (Yeah, I know I might be a tad bit behind, but I follow up on everything, so I really don't care abt spoilers) . I'm really new to this community on tumblr, and I really want to be a bit more active and get to know everyone, because of our current lack of social interaction lmao.
So I decided to try something new, but I'm really nervous that this wouldn't work out. I'm calling out to all hphm writers and artists to join me for a whole month of really random prompts with our beloved MCs. I actually am an aspiring writer and a horrible but determined artist too, and I have the most random and out-of-this-world prompts for everyone to have fun.
If enough people do want to join, maybe I'll make an official post and it would most probably start in April. Bloody hell, I've never been this nervous before, because I've seen so many posts and drawings and I'm just bloody inspired. Guys, if you wanna join, just send me a message and reblog this. It's gonna be fun I guess.
If any of you reckon I'm absolutely bonkers, feel free to feel so, because blimey, I know I'm crazy. Alrighty, I'm just gonna cross my fingers that people will actually join this!
If you havenāt read the first part of the callout, IĀ encourage you to do so here. As before, the normal tags are not included in this post in order to allow this to reach as many people as possible. Potential triggers are listed below, and the main content is hidden to keep sensitive individuals from being unintentionally exposed.
TW:Ā Pedophilia, Abuse, Gaslighting, Sexual Assault, Self Harm, Suicide, NSFW Topics, Faked Illness, Faked Mental Illness, Faked Death, Victim Blaming
Ren met Jill sometime between December of 2013 and January of 2014. At the time, he was dating another staff member of the website who will be referred to as Buttercup from now on. Jill was vulnerable in some of the most classic ways a CSA survivor often is. Her home life was chaotic and difficult. She was just finishing middle school. Depression had started to surface, and, worst of all, she had just been diagnosed with a life-altering chronic disease that would require her to change significant aspects of her daily life just to survive. She just wanted a place to fit in and be welcomed, and fell into Renās lures without ever considering the danger that lurked behind the screen.
Up until now, it could be understandable to argue that Ren may not have been purposely grooming young girls. Creating a mature themed website might be creepy and inappropriate, but that doesnāt necessarily make someone a predator. No, what made Ren a predator were his motives, his goals, and his solicitation of vulnerable youth into grossly exploitative relationships. What remains the most disturbing to me is that his behavior consistently fits with the profile of an egomaniac desperate to have power over someone dependent on him, fitting textbook descriptions of the methods abusers employ in order to coax their victims in and trap them there.
The Act of Grooming, Part Two: Approach
Even though common luring methods of child predators are well-known within advocate and legal communities, the average person typically has neither heard of them nor is likely to recognize them as they happen. Some behaviors attached to common lures are easily identifiable: a stranger somehow uses a young childās name to create familiarity and abducts them, or convinces a child that there are prizes to be had if they come along. Methods like these have names, and Ren is guilty of utilizing at least four to his advantage.
The Authority Lure
When Jill first told me about her first interactions with Ren, she was quick to note how starstruck she was with that fact that he wanted to talk to her at all. āI was surprised that admins even RPed down with their peasants on this site,ā she told me. Interacting with staff on the site made her feel special and seen, and Ren was quick to start chatting with her. He had a particular interest in her character. Someone of great importance and authority on the site, going out of his way to interact with her out of all people. He held power over her (over most users on the site) and that was something he was keenly aware of. More sinisterly, not only did Ren himself have power over younger users, but he increased his reach and control through the creation of alternative identities.
Renās main identities were Aaron, Seth, Carter, and Lauren, all of whom he used to form relationships with and manipulate different individuals on the site.
Seth and Carterās accounts have since been deleted, so unfortunately I was not able to see what kind of people Ren made them out to be. However, he clearly made users believe that these were all existing people, and used their identities to build his authority. When everyone on staff is the same person, it doesnāt leave very much room for dissent.
As for Lauren? Lauren was Renās real identity, and the mastermind behind all of it.
As you can see in this post, as of November 11, 2013, Ren was 17 years old. Not only that, but he was in a position of power over children in real life, too. Thereās no reason that Ren would not have known better; no one in that position would be able to have a relationship with a small child as aĀ āmistake.ā Frequently, Ren claimed to be a babysitter for kids as old as 14, which means that children were fully exposed to him on all fronts. Ignorance is not a viable excuse for him; thereās no way he didnāt realize what he was doing was wrong.
A person might argue that thereās no substantial proof that these identities are fake. That would be a valid question at this point. One of Renās supporters (and self-proclaimed partner) has admitted themselves that theseĀ āalternate personalitiesā did not exist. In an attempt to explain away Renās toxic behaviors, they offered up a Dissociative Identity Disorder diagnosis as a defense:
However, thereās one glaring issue with this claim. According to the DSM-5 classification of mental disorders by the American Psychiatric Association, amnesia must occur for a diagnosis of DID. Amnesia is defined by the DSM-5 as gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events. Ren never experienced amnesia associated with theĀ āswitchā of an alter; in fact, he claimed that he and his friends would regularly do activities together, and would even communicate back and forth online with each other during the same lengths of time on AS as he switched between accounts.
I understand that everyone has different experiences with mental illness, and that illness does not have the same symptoms for every person. Regardless, Ren was clearly aware of his actions and the way he used his other accounts to lure/hurt users. Mental illness is not an excuse for hurting children, ever. Ren knew it then, and I can guarantee you he knows it now.
The Affection Lure
Another way predators appeal to their victims is with affection. Pedophiles take advantage of rocky home situations or difficult experiences to abuse the trust a child has placed in them. Jill came to know Ren well through their role-plays. They talked often. Ren made himself available to her, gave her comfort that she desperately needed, and even offered other friends who could be an ear or a shoulder to her. When Ren learned of Jillās chronic illness, he connected her with Seth, another of his personalities. He coaxed Jill into trusting him, and their relationship became inappropriately intense. Most children are exploited by people that are close to them, by people who they trust and rely on.
At the time, Jill may not have realized how difficult her situation was for her. To her, the chaos of her family life may have seemed normal. Having to compete with siblings and neighborhood kids may have seemed normal. Falling into severe, deep depression may have seemed normal. The truth of the situation is that a vulnerable young woman was falling through the cracks, and Ren saw an opportunity to place himself as the most important person in her life. She needed to belong, so he made sure that she felt like she belonged with him. She needed to be heard, so he made sure that she felt like he was the only one who heard her. She needed friends, so he made sure that all her friends were him.Ā
Not only did he use her trust in him to groom her for a relationship, but he used it to isolate her. If everyone she knew was him, then he would be the only positive feature in her life. If everyone else was an enemy, then she would have nowhere to turn to but him. If he convinced her that she was his world, and that he was hers, she would never believe anyone trying to warn her about him and his behavior. Ren took advantage of a 14 year old childās insecurities and sickness to insert himself as the most important aspect of her life.
Thereās plenty of evidence that this wasn't the first time heād thought of something like this, either. Ren had an obsession with themes of abuse, torture, and child slavery in his stories and role-plays. Much of his content centered around taking advantage of vulnerable people.
It wasnāt just his role-play ideas that crossed the line. His behavior toward other members of the site was hair-raising at best. His supporters try to paint him as someone affectionate and well-meaning, but he had habits of talking to young users in a manner that borders on profiling.
These arenāt things that someone a few months short of their eighteenth birthday should be saying to children on the internet. His behavior also delved into the realm of victim blaming, too; when a minor on the site was posting about their father going out of his way to make custody as complicated and as disruptive as possible, Ren had this to say:
A man, who would have been 18 at the time, with the audacity to imply that a child was to blame for the controlling behavior of their father. That their father only loved them, and that they might have done something to make a grown man act like a petty child during a divorce.
Renās idea of love was as toxic as his need for power.
The Hero Lure
This is, perhaps, the lure that Ren is mostly guilty of. An egomaniac soothed by his own words, Ren saw himself as a hero. In his own mind, he was a faultless deity who deserved no less than the complete and undivided affections of his subjects, but who fabricated false identities at every opportunity. In Renās mind, he is the hero. The survivors of his abuse are turned to abusers, those who dare question him are nothing but petty liars, and anyone not completely enthralled by him is nothing but an extra in his story. Thatās what Ethren was created to emulate.
Ren has not grown. Someone who has grown would take ownership of their mistakes and apologize for the pain they had caused. Someone truly sorry, truly changed, wouldnāt dare to trample on the feelings of people they had hurt. Ren is no different now than he was six years ago, when he made the decision to change Jillās life. Instead, heās turned a survivor into the villain of his world. Instead, he faked his own death so that he could start over with his reputation on AS intact. He never accepted what he did, and instead continues to paint Jill as someone who needed to beĀ āfixed.ā
Wanting to be with someone because it feeds a need toĀ āfixā orĀ āhelpā someone isnāt love. Itās an adult man putting the weight of the world on the shoulders of a little girl. A girl already struggling to adapt. A girl already struggling to fit in. A girl who spent her second week of high school hospitalized because of a sickness that would change her life forever. Jill is a person; sheās a person whoās had to learn to live with restrictions that mean the difference between life and death. Sheās a person whoās had to walk alone through the past six years battling depression and trauma completely unheard and unseen. Sheās not a character in Renās world. Sheās not some fixation to help him feel better about himself.Ā
Jill isĀ a real, living, breathing human being with thoughts and feelings and a future: a future that Ren has done him damn best to make about himself for the past six years.
Ren never wanted to help anyone. Ren needed to feel important to other people to have some kind of meaning to himself. His obsession with playing hero went so far that he would torment his victims just so that he could swoop in and be what they needed. He would pretend to be sick or injured. He would go from having a cold, to strep, to pneumonia in under a day.
He would suddenly need a nebulizer for breathing treatments for his false illnesses.
His friends and loved ones would suddenly have life-threatening medical conditions and need to be taken to the hospital.
He pretended to have cancer.
He would use his identities to threaten self harm or death. He used Seth to tell Jill that he was going to send someone to kill her, making her scared for her own life. He made her a part of a world where he was the only one who could help her to satisfy his own sick need to be the most important thing to someone else.
When life caught up to him, he pretended to die.
He knew what he was doing was wrong. He asked Jill to lie about her age and told her that if anyone ever found out about them, he would get in trouble. He used his status as her hero to solicit sexual content online. He knew her age, knew how vulnerable she was, and knew how desperately she needed to fit in. He took advantage of that to fill his own desperate need to be the hero.
The legal age where a person can consent in Jillās country is 16. When they officially began dating, she was 14. Ren was 18. He was an adult four years older than her, who would have faced charges of child abuse in his own state for their relationship. They had a sexual relationship online, which would be equivalent to soliciting child porn in his state. She never cheated on him; he was her world, because he made every effort to make sure that he was.
She never even saw his face.
She never even knew his real name.
She grappled for years afterwards with trauma, and he wouldnāt even give her the decency of having peace when they finally split. Instead, he came here with his stories. He wrote up fantasies where he was the hero, and she was the one who abused him. Jill was still a minor at the end of her relationship. When I asked her if sheās gotten help, she didnāt think a therapist would take her seriously. Ren took her ability to trust her own voice from her. He took her ability to believe that her own problems were valid. He took six years of her life and made it hell for the sake of his own ego and vanity.
Pedophiles will often lie about their age, but most of them make it clear that theyāre adults. Their true age might vary by four to five years (like in Renās case of claiming to be 21 at 17), but they always make it very clear that theyāre adults. Predators know what theyāre doing. Theyāre master manipulators. Theyāre adept at communication. They seem innocent on the surface, until everything theyāve done is laid out where it can be seen for what it is. Predators rely on persuasion, not coercion (Abrams 2016).
Someone I know asked me if I ever considered, even briefly, that Jill wasnāt telling the truth. I answered back without hesitation that I never did, not even once, because I hadnāt even touched one of the most important parts of my research.
Like other predators, Ren had a type. Buttercup was his first victim. When she and Ren met she was only 13--
Just like Jill.
āItās been awhile since I went for a swim...ā Judith thought as she stripped out of her clothes down to her swimsuit. Her mind wandered as her fingertips instantly danced over one of the scars on her chest.
It became a habit of hers. Every summer was her personal hell because she would be alone with her mother.
Someone who never wanted her.
Judith would never purposely put herself in her motherās way. Let alone look at her. She knew that she reminded her mother of her dead father.
From looks to personality traits and attitudes.Ā
Judith wasnāt the daughter she wanted. Or the child she wanted period.
Sade tried to mold Judith into a daughter she would want. But nothing the young girl could do to please her mother.
How can you please someone with something they never wanted?
During the summer before fourth year, Judith accidently broke a glass frame of Jamal and their mother while she was cleaning. Sade snapped and lashed her bad with a belt.Ā
Sade yelled the only reason why she didnāt abort her was because of her father.Ā
Nobody but a dead man wanted her alive.
Judith couldnāt move without wincing in pain for days.
Sade grew crueler with each passing year, the scars on her skin take longer and longer to fade. This made the Hufflepuff witch very insecure.Ā
And Sade knew this.Ā
āWho would want someone like you? Look at you! Scarred and damaged! From your unkempt hair down to your brutish appearance!ā
Judith inhaled deeply, holding it for 5 counts before sighing.
āSticks and stones... sticks and stones...ā
Nobody knew about her scars nor the story behind them. The scars on her arms and legs can be passed off as cuts she got from training or Quidditch.
Judith knew if someone were to see her back and torso, there will be questions.
Questions she never want to answer.
Caught up in her thoughts, she didnāt hear the sound of wings coming towards her until she felt a pair of talons on her right shoulder.Ā
She turned to kiss the Golden Eagleās head.
āHello, Talbott,ā she said with a small smile.
The large bird cooed before flying on the ground and transforming back in to the Ravenclaw wizard.
āHello, little bird... Are you alright,ā Talbott asked softly. Judith frowned at the question.
āWhy do you ask,ā she answered instead.
āYouāre crying.ā Judith let out a shocked gasp, immediately feeling her face to find it wet with tears.
The young witch can feel her heart race as she immediately backed away from her boyfriend.
āHey, hey. Wait a second, Judith,ā Talbott said as he quickly brought her into his arms. Judith braced her arms against his chest, refusing to give into the comfort offered to her.
āJudith. Little bird, look at me,ā Talbott said softly, concern creasing his features. Theyāve been together for quite some time and never once has he seen her cry.
Nor pull away from him like that. It was like she was scared of him...
Talbott studied her closer and noticed at her lack of clothing and-
Red eyes widen.
Scars. All of them were old but very prominent against her skin.
āJudith-ā Then there it was.
A soft sob.
The Ravenclaw boy was quick to pull his girlfriend with him to sit at the base of a tree. He held her as tightly as he could, rocking her as Judith fell victim to her tears.
Talbott knew there was story. Judith isnāt the type to burst into tears randomly.
She was strong and steadfast, rarely letting her emotions get the best of her. It hurt him to see her hurting.
āI-I-Iām s-s-sorry,ā she croaked out, pushing him away a bit to wipe her face. Talbott kept a steady hold on her, so she didnāt get far.
āYou have nothing to be sorry for, little bird. Talk to me, whatās wrong,ā Tallbott cooed softly. Judith sniffled, side eyeing him.
āOf course I should be! Hello? For bursting into tears? For you to see me scarred like this? I donāt know, you pick,ā she retorted. Talbott cracked a small smile before frowning.
āThereās nothing wrong with crying, Judith. Itās natural if youāre feeling sad or upset. And I donāt care for your scars,ā he said, trying to put the pieces together in his mind. Judith rubbed her arms as if she was cold.
āThatās not what my mother thinks. Crying is a weakness in her eyes... and of course, you do. Guys expect girls to flawless and beautiful...ā
āEverything Iām not...ā
Talbottās brows shot up to his hairline. Itās rare for Judith to mention her parents. Only those who are close to her would have an idea about them. They, including Talbott, know about her father, Kendrick.
Nobody really knows about her mother. All that is known about her is her name.
Sade.
āWell your mother doesnāt know anything. And you are beautiful,ā Talbott argued. He could see the doubt in those pale gold eyes.
The same eyes as her dead father.
āBut-Mhm?!ā A reply laid on the tip of her tongue before she was silenced by Talbottās sudden kiss. She was pulled flushed against her boyfriendās warm body as she surrendered to his kiss. She moaned weakly when he nipped her lower lip.
āTal-Talbott,ā she squealed as the Ravenclaw trailed kissed down the sensitive skin of her jaw and neck. Her body let out full body shudder when she felt him suck on her sweet spot. One of her hands pushed his head deeper into her neck as she bit her lip to hold back a moan.
Talbott pulled away, leaving a soft kiss on the love bite.
āYouāre beautiful to me, little bird. From those unique gold eyes down to your scars. Everything about you shows your beauty and strength. You donāt have to tell me about how you got them, but just know I would never think less of you because of them,ā Talbott said, looking into his girlfriendās eyes.
He wants her to really hear him when he said this.
Her outer appearance may have intrigued him but it was what he saw in her eyes, in her heart, and made him fall for her.Ā
Nothing will change that.
Not even what that godsforsaken woman that is her mother.
Judith gave Talbott a genuine shy smile.
āThank you, Talbott...ā He pulled her closer, placing a soft kiss to her cheek.
āAnything for you, little bird...ā
-------------------
Iāve done it! Iāve finally done it!
Iāve drawn a Talith picture!
And drawing Talbott in general š
Iāve been trying to find the energy and commitment to draw him for who knows how long. I keep getting frustrated because it just wasnāt good enough for me. I wanted to do Bird Boy justice.
And now I can finally say, I did that. Whew.
And this is a true backstory.Ā
While she is very confident and a badass in her own right, Judith got bad self esteem issues. She hates crying, even more so if itās in front of people. She doesnāt want people to think sheās weak. So she tends to bottle up her emotions until sheās either in the safety of her room or she has a breakdown (rinse and repeat).
