The feeling of despair.
I'm trying so hard to just trust the process. Trust that it'll all work out. Today I let it get to me. I don't know why I do this to myself but I went down that rabbithole of emotional despair. I hate that I feel so much and so deep. I can't stop the tears from rolling down my face and the sadness spread through out my being. Is this what love feels like? why does it hit you like a ton of bricks? Why does it take your breath away? Why does it make you lose all control?
If this is love. I'd much rather not feel any of it at all. Let me move on with my life and continue to be blissfully ignorant to this feeling of love. Help me not care. Let me not invest myself so deeply that it rips my heart apart when it ends. Let me just be. I can tolerate the sadness but damn this love. It gives you the highest of the high and brings you to the lowest of the low. The only good thing about being down there is knowing that eventually you'll make it back to the in between.
The only thing is waiting for that moment when you're free. Free from all the hurt. Free from all the thoughts. Free from all the uncontrollable emotions. Just free to breathe again.
But for now, there is not much I can do but continue to tread the waves of emotional despair.
