#how talk

How-

How do you do the

The talking

You just... talk? Ok but... what if you like that person?

Like

How do you talk to someone you like? On the internet? How do you talk to them and not feel like you're annoying them, making them upset, creeped out, and/or overwhelmed?

((Hooooo boy. So, as always, this depends on a lot of things really. And, as always, you don’t have to listen to what I’m saying, this is just based on my own experience. I feel like you want me to tell you how to make it work, so I’m gonna hit you with some hard truths which sort of answer the question but also serve as a warning, because I feel like people don’t see the tough side of ldrs on social media.

Firstly, after having been in a long distance relationship in my early twenties, I would not recommend it. It held both me and my ex back in a lot of ways and meant that it had a negative effect on the relationship and on my confidence levels specifically. Your teens/twenties are going to be full of change, while you are deciding what and who you want to be. I’m not saying this is impossible to do while in a relationship, but a long distance relationship can make this very, very hard. Partly because you can easily slip into the pattern of spending all your time either online talking to said person, or saving money to visit said person, or missing said person (and spending a lot of time frustrated and sad), instead of developing yourself (which I absolutely did, and have learned from). I spent a lot of my time in that relationship waiting around for the other person, putting in a lot of the work for the relationship, while they were improving themselves and their career. This built resentment and insecurity, and is something I now regret, as I am still not where I want to be career-wise. You have to put a lot of your needs first, because otherwise that resentment will build up and be damaging all round.

Secondly – and be really honest with yourself here – how mature and good at communicating are you (both)? Because ldrs are not a walk in the park. It can be really, really hard, and you have to be able to communicate very effectively to keep the balance. This is something that TT and I have developed over a long time, and still struggle with sometimes, because getting that balance right is freaking tough. 

Thirdly, and again, you gotta be brutally honest with yourself: do you see this being a potential long term success? If you step back from the emotional side of things, a ldr is a huge investment in time and money – travelling back and forth, potentially paying for accommodation etc. And ultimately, if it’s going to work out, one or both or you needs to be prepared to make a huge move. tl;dr:

– Communication – be honest and open with each other– Balance – neither of you compromising too much (or you will both end up miserable and it will ruin the relationship down the line)Bonus:– Doing small things to let each other know you’re thinking of the other (snail mail! random cute messages! n00ds! bad poetry! voice messages!)– Surprises (if you like them) (give your partner a heart attack by turning up at their house when they think you’re on the other side of the world!)– Virtual dates (dress up! have dinner! watch a movie!)

ALSO 

I love TT and wouldn’t have had our situation develop any other way. It happened the way it was meant to and the way it worked for us, but only after we sorted through (and continue to sort through) a lot of issues and situations. 

The negative situation I have referenced was my previous relationship and the reason I’ve brought it up is because I am assuming (perhaps incorrectly) that you are younger than us (cause we’re ancient).

to reiterate