you are the feeling of someone holding your face. you are the feeling of true human connection. you are the feeling of warm happy tears rolling down your face. you are the feeling of victory. being around you feels like a warm hug. you are the feeling of dancing to your favorite song with your best friend. sometimes you may feel too clingy or "too much" for people but that isnt true. everyone around you just simply adores you.
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I am reading a lot of posts on my dash about Israel and Palestine at the moment.
And all I really can say to that is: Even coming from a Jewish Family and having relatives in Israel I can not even for a moment be on the side if (the state of) Israel in this.
And yes, I am aware that a lot has happened on both sides - but the dimensions are vastly different in terms of violence, murder and genocide.
If you wanna discuss this with me you should be aware of my background here. Also: I do NOT engage in a serious political discussion (that actually affects ma family) with an Anon. I will not even publish the bait. I am still not here for giving Anons a platform for their gas lighting.
If you are serious about a discussion write me with your name and account attached. Say you want it to be private and I'd never even think ob publishing it on my blog, alright? But I will not answer Anons on such a subject.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Wow. So... I just remembered why I started wanting to draw in the first place.Â
Under 'read more' cause I don't know how long this is gonna be...
I'm just kinda stunned right now. Like... how do you forget the main purpose of your first venture into something?
How do you forget the why?
I guess you... start focusing on the how.
Color theory, anatomy, composition, technical skill... I've focused on these things so much. For the past couple of years. What... three? Four?
I think it's technically been four years since I first decided on pursuing art in a more serious manner. It wasn't just something I did when I was bored any more. Â I actively invested time and money into what had just been a hobby. I bought books, I bought a tablet, I would draw until the ungodly hour my father would wake up for his commute. Â I think it's around that time I started focusing on 'getting better' instead of why I wanted to get better.
The why?
In all honesty? The real reason why I first grabbed the nearest pencil and doodled my way across the page?
I wanted to illustrate my own ideas. Â My own stories. Â I had images in my mind, ones I couldn't rightly explain to other people. Â I wanted to take somebody's hand, whisper things only I could see and then show them.
This is my world.
This is my refuge.
And I want to share it with you.
I'd try to explain what I had in mind but this whole communication thing got in the way.
No matter how hard I tried the images I described with words never made it to the visual world.
My first goal? Since I was in forth grade? Get a story published. Â It didn't have to be the next Lord of the Rings or the next Harry Potter. I just wanted to write a story, weave a tale together and hopefully, with more luck than I've ever had, give somebody a friend. Â Give somebody else what so many have given to me.
Continue the cycle. Â Carry on that hidden, unspoken of legacy.
I wanted to show people a world no one else could see with words and pictures.
Exactly as they were.
With my own hands.
This comes as such a startling realization mostly due to that horrid question that permeates every person's mind with an ounce of creativity.
Why?
Why am I doing this?
What's it all for?
Why should I even bother?
I haven't been able to answer that question lately. Â The answers crept through my mind, taking root and growing.
I don't know. Â I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know why I should bother.
I just don't know.
Maybe I still don't know. Â Epiphanies don't really exist. Â There is no final 'AH HA' moment where everything falls into place. Â It's a brief and fleeting feeling that quickly gives way to self doubt. Â I won't pretend otherwise.
But now I know what my answer used to be. Â I know why I first decided dive into the struggle and knotted mess of pain that being an artist is.
Because I wanted to help somebody else. Â I wanted to give somebody else what others had given to me.
And at the very least, I guess, I can start from there.
