#hotayuu

It’s a week or two after the budget meeting that your resolve begins to fail. Yuuki’s showing you how to properly fill out response forms, because up until now it’s always been her job – you’ve had other paperwork to do – but now that things have slowed, it’s more efficiently if the two of you work on the same piles at once. You’re paying attention this time, too, even if every now and then your eyes creep to her rather exposed neckline. It’s getting colder, but you suppose it isn’t quite cool enough for scarves yet. You’re quite pleased about that. “Then, you just sign here, and you’re done,” and she leans a little further forwards to show you exactly where. You release a tiny gasp as the distance between you shrinks to millimetres, because such extreme proximity is possibly a little much, and your face flushes. You’re so close that you’re sure she can feel your breath on her cheek, and you briefly debate the possibility of kissing that awfully appealing neck before quashing the thought as fast as you can because that sort of thing would really, really not help you here. Her hair brushes against your face, and you can feel the curve of her chest pressing into your arm, and you think to yourself you might expire right then and there but – Yuuki leans back, raising a perfectly curved eyebrow, and asks, “Were you even listening?” It takes you a moment to realise that she’d been talking the whole time, and because you couldn’t keep your thoughts under control, you’d missed her yet again. “Nnyes,” you sputter, your face still redder than last night’s roast tomatoes, and you think to yourself how many times this has happened before. A couple of times a week, perhaps, maybe a little more. It impresses you that Yuuki hasn’t outright given up on you – then again, it’d be a scandal if you were to get kicked out of the student council, so you think that maybe she’s just trying to minimise the damage. Like always, she sighs, rolls her eyes, and begins explaining again. You’ve got to force yourself to pay attention, but there’s only so much alone time with her you can take before your thoughts start wandering. And boy, do they wander. It’s not until there’s a knock on the door that the two of you stop working through the papers. At Yuuki’s permission, Aoi enters the room, Junko in tow. The two of them are still unchanged from club, a trace of sweat on their foreheads. “Oh, hey Aoi, hey Junko,” Yuuki says, putting her pen down and resting her arms on the table. “Shouldn’t you guys shower or something? It’s not good for your skin to stay in your club clothes.” You swallow and wave, reminding yourself that they’re your friends too. You’re just not, well – best friends. “I mean, I’d love to,” Aoi frowns, “but the showers conked out, so we’re gonna need a maintenance request form each.” Yuuki nods, and you watch her as she rushes to the side of the room, and hands over a piece of paper and pen to each. You just keep going through the paperwork, trying to mind your own business. If you pretend you’re busy, then you don’t have to look at the gentle way Yuuki’s hands brush over Aoi’s shoulders, and the soft, kind look in her eyes that she never, ever looks at you with. “So, how did they break?” You can’t drown out their conversation, though. Eventually, the two of them leave with a promise to be back in fifteen minutes, and an offer to go out to that cute French Café again. “Would you like to come, Hotaru-chan?” Junko asks, smiling sweetly at you. You shake your head, though. “I’ll pass, I think. I have a ton of homework,” you say, and it’s not entirely a lie. You do have a few pages of Math due tomorrow, but it’s not like it’ll take you more than an hour. Yuuki gives you a sideglance, but says nothing. The two of you finish quicker than expected, so Aoi and Junko aren’t back yet, and you begin to pack your things away into your bag. Yuuki pouts at you, drumming her fingers on the table as she relaxes in her chair. “Really? You’re gonna leave me here all alone?” she says, “Stay with me until they come back, come on. You don’t have that much homework.” You roll your eyes, and it’s so, so easy to fall back into your old dynamic. There’s something teasing about the lilt of her voice, so naturally you respond in kind. “Maybe if you beg me,” you say, and a grin creeps to your face. You raise an eyebrow as she seems to ponder your request, but you’re just waiting for her to gently punch your arm and tell you ‘only in your dreams’. What you don’t see coming is the way she clutches a hand to her chest, adopts a look of distress, and – “Hotaru-chan, please?” You’re momentarily speechless before you remember she’s Kotori’s child, and suddenly it all makes sense. “Fuuhh-huck,” is all you can manage as your jaw drops, and Yuuki looks at you with an infuriating smirk on her infuriatingly perfect face, and you know she knows she’s won. “Where did you learn that?” you ask, your voice a little breathy, because you’ve only ever seen it once, long ago in your childhood. It’s a technique her mother’s never used lightly, if only for the sheer power it holds. “Kotori-mama taught me a few years ago,” Yuuki says, and somehow her smirk seems to widen. You suddenly feel very, very sorry for Umi. Fighting against not one, but two of them must be possible. You chat quietly until Aoi and Junko finally show up, and for once, it’s nice. There’s no mention of the student council, or Aoi or Junko, or anything unpleasant. You just talk. It’s nice. When the three of them leave, you offer a smile, but as soon as they’re gone, it drops from your face. You begin to wish you’d said yes to their offer, but it’s a bit late now. Instead, you take to the hallway, trying to get Yuuki’s smile out of your thoughts. Suddenly, your vision goes dark as hands cover your eyes, accompanied by two iconic giggles. “Hotariiiiin~” they call, and you elbow the one directly behind you in effort to free yourself. “Let go, Makoto,” you say, and your vision instantly returns, accompanied by a pair of frustrated purple eyes. Kamiko snickers next to her. “That’s so unfair,” Makoto whines, scowling, “How did you know it was me, and not Kamiko?” “Well,” you lie, “I don’t want to spoil my secret technique, do I? Also, it’s Hotaru-senpai, thanks.” The two of them roll their eyes and peer around you, into the empty council room. “Where’s Yuuki-senpai?” Kamiko asks, and you shrug. “She went with Aoi and Junko today.” The twins exchange a look, but begin to smile again. “So, Maki-mama’s on the late shift tonight,” Makoto says, “And Nico-mama’s away on business. So,” “Do you wanna come over tonight?” Kamiko finishes. Makoto shoots her a glare, but the mischievous glint returns to their eyes in a split-second. There’s a hidden message in their seemingly-innocent request – you know well they just want you to cook them dinner. Still, it’s not a bad idea, considering their kitchen’s appliances are super expensive, and they always get the good meat. You could make a really nice curry, you muse. “Fine,” you agree, ruffling their hair with your hands, “but you two are helping me cook this time.” It’s a wasted statement, because you know they’re not going to, but the pleased looks on their faces are cute enough to stop you from caring.

The curry you make – alone, mind you, although Kamiko did show you how to use the stove – is probably the best one you’ve ever had. The twins agree, rather noisily, but somehow manage to avoid spilling any on the table. It’s not that late when you finish eating, so you decide to finish off those pages of Math. You know Yuuki will have your ass if you don’t, especially after today, and an angry Yuuki is a Yuuki to run away from very fast. The twins are browsing though some old Muse videos from when their parents were still in high school, and you listen, absentmindedly, whilst you grind out some equations. Most of the songs are familiar to you – they’re still played occasionally on the radio, and of course your mothers have been religious about teaching you their solos for ‘Family Fun Friday’, much to your disdain. Natsuki is always equally as enthralled as you are, but you wonder if singing Garden of Glass ever bothered him. It’s not like he’s ever shown any interest in anyone other than Hikaru. You make a mental note to tease him about that later. You derive a small amount of pleasure from just how embarrassed the twins sound as they watch an interview with their mothers from when they were still a first year and third year. “Oh my god, Mom, no.” “I can’t believe we spawned from their loins.” “How did they ever get together?” “I have no idea.” “How come you’re watching all these old videos if they embarrass you so much?” you ask, leaning back in your chair and glancing over at the couch. You can see their 80-inch TV from where you’re sitting, and in the back of your mind, you’re seething with jealousy. “Blackmail material,” they answer in unison, and you roll your eyes – of course. What else would they be doing it for? When you finally finish the last gruelling page of Algebra, you decide to join them. It’s equal parts hilarious and cringeworthy to see your parents and theirs in their teen years, but something about it makes you smile. If not for Muse, you’d probably have never talked to Yuuki. The two of you made an unlikely pair, and if not for the fact that your parents were close friends, you’d probably never have felt the need to become so as well. You wouldn’t have met the twins, or Aoi or Hana or Junko. Despite all this, it was still embarrassing as hell. As you watched, however, you became less distracted by your parent’s teenage antics, and more and more invested in the relationship between Yuuki’s parents and Aoi’s mother. In the beginning, they’d always been together as a trio – HonoKotoUmi, the media called it in the many, many interviews. There was so much love between them, it warmed your heart. Yuuki’s parents were adorable, if humorous, and Aoi’s mother was so genuine it was almost painful to watch. They reminded you of the three of you – like mothers, like daughters. The further down the line you watched, though, the more and more you saw of Kotori and Umi together, and less and less of Honoka with them. Every now and then, Honoka’s smile looked – just a little, just a little – forced, whilst Yuuki’s parents looked happier than ever. It became apparent to you that over the months and years Muse had been together, Kotori and Umi had grown slowly closer, and with Honoka, had grown slightly further apart. Your heart almost breaks when it’s decided that Honoka will switch with Umi to be the center of WILD STARS. It looks so unnecessary to you, but Aoi’s mother takes it in her stride. She’s the leader, after all, and a member of the student council. She can’t let petty things like feelings get in the way of her friends and her duties. You admire that hardworking side of her. Then, you’re watching one of their old training videos. They’re practising the steps for Future Style, one of their last ever songs, and Honoka’s without her typical smile. She stops, and Yuuki’s parents look at her strangely. “Honoka-chan, what’s wrong?” “…do you two not like me anymore? Are we not best friends anymore?” The hurt on Honoka’s face is so palpable, so real, and you relate to it so much. In your head, Yuuki is Umi, Aoi is Kotori, and you’re Honoka. You’re on the brink of tears when you hear a key in the lock, and the twins frantically shut off the TV, unplugging the laptop from it and slamming it shut. Your heart sinks, because you just have to know what happens next – you think you’ll expire if you don’t know. “Can you guys give me that videoclip? I kinda want to keep on watching,” you ask. The twins nod. “Uh, sure, but I don’t know where a spare USB is.” You don’t have one in your school bag, but you settle for the promise that they’ll bring you it tomorrow. You can wait, you think. Probably.

The twins make good on their promise and deliver it to you in the morning – “Just for you, Hotariiiin~” “It’s Hotaru-senpai, but thanks.” – but it’s not until after club that you have a chance to watch it. You’re freshly showered, and Yuuki is running late, so you open up your laptop, and continue from where you left off. Almost immediately, that sinking feeling reappears in your chest when you see Honoka’s forced smile. “Honoka, what are you talking about? Of course we’re still friends.” “Umi-chan’s right. We’re definitely still friends.” You swallow as Honoka takes a step back, still wearing that painfully forced smile. “Then…why do you two seem so much closer to each other than you are to me?” “Honoka…” “Honoka-chan…” “….it’s fine,” she says, and you can feel your eyes begin to water. “I think I’m gonna head home for today, okay?” You burst into tears as you see her run far, far away. The clip ends, and you try to rub the wetness from your eyes, but it just keeps coming, and you release an undignified sob. Even though the clip is over, you can’t get Honoka’s hurt expression out of your head. It’s just so, so unfair. The three of them should have been together forever, and if they couldn’t, then what did that mean for you and Yuuki and Aoi? Didn’t that mean that one day, Yuuki and Aoi were going to leave you too, and you’d be forgotten about? They’d go on to have a happy family, and you’d be left all alone. The thought rips a hole in your heart, and you can feeling it bleeding out through your tears. “Sorry about that, Hotaru-chan, Minori-chan had a couple of questions, and – “ Yuuki enters the room at the worst possible time. You look up at her, tears streaming from your eyes, and immediately bury your face in your arms. A touch to your arm indicates she rushed immediately to your side, but your eyes are tightly forced shut, and you think that maybe, maybe if you pretend you’re not crying and that it doesn’t hurt she won’t be able to see and everything will be fine. “Hotaru-chan, what’s wrong? What happened?” But it’s not. You shake your head over and over, unable to say anything because oh god, she’s part of the reason you’re like this and why won’t she just leave you alone? You release another ungainly sob, and forget to breathe for a half-beat, trying so, so hard to just ignore her, but you can’t, you can’t. “H-hotaru-chan? Talk to me…” she says, but her voice is wavering too, it’s almost as panicky as you feel and you know she’s about to cry too. She doesn’t even know why you can’t stop crying, and you choke at the feel of her hands gripping onto your shirt. You hear her whip out her phone and tap away at it, but then she puts it down and awkwardly strokes your hair. It’d be comforting if it wasn’t her. You forget to breathe again, and heave out another sob, wiping your eyes again to no avail. Suddenly, Aoi opens the door and oh god you don’t this could possibly get worse, but Aoi takes you in her arms and rubs your back. Just like that, you feel a little calmer, and you bury your tears into her chest until your heaving subsides, and the tears finally stop falling. “Better?” Aoi whispers, and you nod, wiping your eyes again. You take a moment to glance over at Yuuki and instantly regret it. Her eyes are surrounded by a painful pink, her eyebrows knitted, and her face all screwed up. You did this, you realise. You feel awful for it. “I’m gonna take her with me, okay Yuuki-chan?” Aoi says, and she takes your hand in her warm, warm one and leads you out the door. Yuuki refuses to meet your eyes, and you suddenly wish it hadn’t been Aoi to comfort you. The thought of her being jealous over you stings. Aoi herself, however, is kind and gentle, and all the things you’ve ever wanted in an older sister. You’ve known her for a long time, but you never were as close to her as Yuuki is. She holds your hand in an effort to remind you she’s still there, probably, and you appreciate that. The two of you walk in silence, but that’s kind of nice, too. Aoi smiles at you and squeezes your hand whenever the two of you meet eyes – and you glance at her a lot – and you think to yourself that Yuuki is so, so lucky to have her. You can’t blame either of them, really. They shine in places where you don’t, so it’s only natural for them to be attracted to each other. Yuuki is the kind of person you can’t look away from, and Aoi has her own gaggle of fangirls for a reason – it’s not like she lets anyone forget the time she received nine valentines on Valentine’s Day when she was in her second year. You’re just…you. Nothing else. “Do you wanna talk about what happened?” Aoi says, eventually, but you shake your head. The older girl ruffles your hair, and you chuckle. “Nah,” you say, looking up at her, “but thank you. Uh, but could I come to your house today, maybe?” You feel a little rude, inviting yourself over, but you doubt Honoka will mind. She’s always welcomed you into her home. “Of course,” Aoi says, and you thank the gods, “How come?” “I want to ask your mother for advice.” Aoi raises an eyebrow – appropriate, considering how much she complains about how unreliable her mother can be – but shrugs, and elbows you. “A curious choice for advice there, but I guess you know what you’re doing, Hotaru-chan.”

Aoi’s family is lively as ever. Hikaru leaps up from the couch to greet you, and Hana waves enthusiastically from her chair. “Hocchi! I haven’t seen you in ages!” Hikaru says, and you give him a pointed look at the nickname he calls you by. Hikaru just grins, shrugging his shoulders. Honoka is in the kitchen, squatting in front of the oven and watching intently. She’s cut her hair short since her idol days, but it still looks nice, with the two clips from when she was 16 tucking a lock of hair neatly behind her ear. She doesn’t notice you until you walk right up to her. “Good afternoon, Kousaka-san,” you say, and Honoka immediately stands up and grins at you. “Hotaru-chan! It’s been so long since you last visited, how have you been?” Honoka’s face lights up as she looks at you, and it fills you with a warm, fuzzy feeling, countering the gloom still lingering in your chest. “I’ve been really good, but I wanted to ask your advice on something,” you say, and watch as her mouth briefly forms an ‘o’ before she glances at the oven. “Of course,” she says, “but just let me pull out this batch of melonpan.” As always, Honoka’s bread is delightfully tasty, and you relish in the gentle crunch of the sweet exterior as she leads you outside, into the garden. It’s a small, but peaceful place. Their house is somewhat compact, as well as open-plan, so you understand why Honoka chose this place to talk. It’s probably the most private place on the property. “So, uh, Kousaka-san –“ you begin, only to be cut off. “Call me Honoka, Hotaru-chan. You’re a Muse kid. We’re family.” The sentiment fills your heart with warmth, and you can’t stop a goofy smile from creeping to your face. Honoka smiles brightly at you. “Honoka-san, I was watching one of your old training videos today. You were practising Future Style.” Her smile fades a little, to be replaced with compassion. You worry you might have brought up a painful memory too late, but her eyes encourage you to go on. “Except there was a fight, and you ended up leaving Sonoda-san and Minami-san behind. You see, I – “ you say, “I think I’m in a similar situation. Two of my friends are – close, closer to each other than they are to me, and I think I’m getting left behind.” Your shoulders droop. “I don’t want that.” Honoka rubs your back in the same way that Aoi did, gentle and calming. “That video probably didn’t give you a great picture of what happened. It was a silly fight, really. I was so worried over being hurt by the two of them that I didn’t realise how much I was hurting them by pushing them away,” she says, her voice soft. “They chased me down, and once we talked about, I realised that they still cared about me just as much as they cared about each other – just in a different way. Maybe it was a little difficult to adjust at first, but I’d never wanted to date either of them. I just wanted them to be happy.” You nod, but you don’t see how that can help you at all. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want something more with Yuuki, so what good was that sort of advice? “I guess what I’m saying is, don’t be afraid of talking to your friends, even if you think they’re something wrong between you. You’ll solve a ton of problems if you just talk about things, you know?” You nod, and swallow. She makes a good point, you suppose, but – “But how am I meant to talk to them if they’re the reason I’m so upset? I like – “ and you almost say it, but you manage to withhold her name. Honoka’s face softens in realisation, and she hugs you to her side. “Talk to them anyway. Tell them how you feel about everything, and if they’re really your friends, things will work out. If they care about you, of course they’re gonna care about your feelings,” Honoka says, and you don’t want to but you’re beginning to think that maybe she’s right, “If things don’t work out, then you probably weren’t great friends to begin with, but I don’t think that’s the case here.” She squeezes your hand like Aoi does. “Does that help?” she asks. You nod once, twice, four times for good measure. “I – I think I know what I’m gonna do. Thank you so much for talking to me, Honoka-san.” She just smiles, and pats your head.

Aoi’s agreed to wait for you in her room, and you get Hikaru to point out which is the right one. Her walls are a light brown, but her duvet is sky blue. The Western influence has to be Tsubasa, you think Honoka’s always lived in a traditional Japanese house. Aoi’s relaxing on her bed, reading a book, and she pats a space beside her. “Good talk?” she asks, clearly not wanting to pry, and rests her book on her bedside table. You nod, and take a seat, almost falling backwards because you fail to expect how squishy her mattress is. Aoi giggles, and the two of you throw words back and forth until you’re both laughing uncontrollably. There’s nothing particularly funny about the mattress, but Aoi’s laugh is so contagious you think your sides might split. When the two of you calm down, you decide to take the plunge. “Hey, um, Aoi?” you begin, twiddling your thumbs. You’re not sure exactly how to start, but an ‘m’ seems perfectly sufficient. “Mm?” She gazes directly at you, focussing all of her attention onto you. You swallow. “It’s, uh, about earlier today,” you say, “about why I was crying.” “Was it about Yuuki?” she says, you immediately feel the colour drain from your face because oh god how does she know about that, what if Yuuki knows? You’re about ready to expire right then and there, but then Aoi laughs, a full sound. “I’ll take that as a yes,” she says, grinning. “H-how – “ you stammer inelegantly, your face turning red again. This seems to only encourage Aoi’s bemused expression. “Junko told me. She’s super observant, you know,” she says, “and I maybe accidentally eavesdropped a little when I went to the bathroom.” You flush, and try to be angry, but you’re so embarrassed you can’t even muster enough anger to scold her. “She knows Hikaru likes your brother, too,” Aoi continues. “It makes me worry a little, because she’ll probably figure out I like her eventually.” You stop. “Wait a second – you don’t like Yuuki?” Aoi gives you a strange look. “Ah, no. She’s my best friend, but I’m not into her like that.” You suddenly feel a lot better. “Is that what this was about?” she asks, ruffling your hair. You bristle, much to her amusement, “You thought Yuuki and I had a thing?” You feel stupid, but you nod once anyway. Aoi gives you a compassionate glance, and in that moment, she looks exactly like her mother. “I promise you, Yuuki and I are definitely not going to be getting together anytime soon. Besides, I think Junko would have told me if Yuuki was actually interested in me,” she says, and hearing those words lift a heavy burden from your heart. You let out a small smile, and everything feels better. “You’re as useless as your parents, you know that?” You flush again, but you’re laughing this time, and your heart feels lighter for the first time in weeks. “You should tell her how you feel,” Aoi says, “if nothing else other than to get it off your chest. She’ll worry about you forever if you don’t tell her what had you so upset.” You think that’s a ridiculous idea, but the later it gets and the more you ponder over it, the more you think that maybe, quite possibly, you could do it. Hana joins the two of you shortly, and you think about how nice it is to be able to relax for once. The student council doesn’t exactly allow for holidays, but this will do just fine. You think that a bigger family might have been nice, perhaps.

Dinner with Aoi’s family is every bit as lively as you’d expect. What Hikaru, Honoka and Hana lack in table manners, they make up for in gusto. Tsubasa-san and Aoi look a shade embarrassed, but when you smile and join in, they seem to relax. It’s fun, you think, and so different from your own home. Sure, Honoka and Hana’s curry isn’t quite as good as yours, but you think you prefer it anyway. Eating it with five other people quite frankly makes it taste way better. The six of you laugh, joke, tease and tell stories, and all of a sudden it becomes a competition of who did the most exciting thing earlier today. Whilst Tsubasa’s story about Erena and Anju’s dog, Toru, comes close, nobody can top Hikaru’s story about Natsuki and the turnips. Every time you think of it, you burst out laughing again, and it seems like everyone at the table shares your thoughts. By the time dinner is over, you think you’ve laughed off enough calories to burn through all of it. It’s exactly what you need, however, because you haven’t felt so happy and loved in weeks. You thank Tsubasa and Honoka for having you, and Aoi offers to walk you part of the way home. Before the two of you leave, however, Hikaru darts up to you with a serious face. “Hocchi,” he says, “I need you to do something for me. It’s very important.” “Of course, Hikkun,” you respond, your face and tone matching his. “I need you to tell Tsucchi ‘Don’t forget the turnips’ from me.” You nod. “Of course.” Hikaru’s face twists into a grin at your response, and you bump fists as you walk out the door. Outside, the night air is cool, but it feels nice after the sheer energy of Aoi’s household. “Do you feel better about things now?” she asks, and you smile and nod. “A lot,” you say, “I really appreciate you letting me come over.” Aoi shook her head, waving her hands. She looked almost bashful in the light of the streetlamps, and for once, you can understand why she’s so popular at school. “Honoka-mama loves having you over. She practically wants you to move in,” Aoi responds, and you giggle. “I think her dream household is everyone from Muse, and all their kids.” That sounds about right, you think, and you briefly ponder over what it would be like having yourself, Aoi, Hana, Hikaru, Junko, Yuuki and – oh god not the twins – in one house. “It sounds like a living nightmare. Imagine living with the twins full-time.” “They’re not that bad. They just know how to push your buttons. They really respect you, I think.” You’d debate this concept, but you let it slide. “Your mother gives good advice, you know,” you say to her, and Aoi puls a face. “That would be the first time I’ve ever heard anyone say that,” but you’re both laughing about it. You figure Honoka can’t be that terrible a mother. She raised Aoi, after all. “Look, even if Yuuki doesn’t like you back, you don’t need to feel like you’re by yourself, okay?” Aoi offers, brushing against your shoulder in a gentle gesture. “I know Junko likes someone else, so we can be Team Unrequited Love if it goes bad.” You smile, because Aoi is rather sheepish now. “I just don’t want you to feel like I got your hopes up, or anything, because I really don’t know, and –“ “It’s fine,” you say, and nudge her gently. “I’m prepared for whatever happens.” “Have you figured out when you’re gonna ask her?” “Tomorrow. After we’re done with school council stuff,” You feel better about picking a Friday, because you don’t have to see her at all over the weekend if things turn to custard. Aoi nods approvingly. “Alright, I’ll leave you here, okay? Get home safe,” she says, “and good luck.” “Thank you so much, Aoi.” The two of you part with a smile, and you walk home with a bounce in your step. You’ve never felt this motivated before. As you open the door, you notice your parents curled up together, asleep on the couch. Natsuki is doing dishes in the kitchen, and he calls out to you. “Oh, welcome home, Hotaru-nee,” he says, without looking up. You grin. “Hey, Natsuki?” you ask. “Mm?” “Hikaru-kun says not to forget the turnips.” You laugh uncontrollably when you hear a loud crash and a volley of profanity from the kitchen.