#hostess rant

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Okay, can someone explain to me how it makes sense to walk into the restaurant I work at on a Sunday morning with, 12 people, need two high chairs, and then get mad at me when I don’t have a table ready immediately?? Like… I don’t control the entire restaurant, Susan. I don’t magically pull extra tables out of thin air. There’s a line. People exist. It’s Sunday brunch. What part of this is confusing???

And can we talk about the people who think asking “how much longer?” every 30 seconds will suddenly make a table appear? No Karen, I haven’t discovered the secret to bending time. And the people who get offended if you suggest a smaller table while one opens up… yes, ma’am, the four-seater next to you has literally been empty for 5 minutes. Do you want to sit there or keep fuming at me?

Then there’s the families who bring the entire extended clan, including your dog, your cousin’s friend from college, and somehow expect a high chair for the invisible baby that “might show up later.” Like… how???

And don’t get me started on the people who come in talking on speakerphone, ordering 4 different things before even being seated, and then yell at me when the server brings the wrong syrup. Like, babe I’m not your server!! Please let me get my blood pressure under control first.

first off if you come in without a mask then sass at me for telling you it’s required that you wear one, I already can refuse to seat and serve you, but then to whisper “Fuck Y’all” under your breath thinking that I can’t hear you.

Guests: We want a booth table.

Me (internally): I want you to kiss my ass and fuck off but you don't see me telling you what I want do you?

Me: *smiling*

Me: *still smiling even though a customer just yelled at me because I just told them they had to wait five minutes*

Me: *still smiling even though server is upset with me*

Me: *people are telling me that they don't f-ing care about the other people on the wait list they want a seat now*

Me: *still smiling*

Me: *new hostess talks down to me - starting to lose my patience*

Customer: f* you

Me: Did someone just seat themselves?

Server: Yes...

Me: There's a wait of 45 min right now. You'll have to tell them that they have to be added to the wait list to be seated. There's people on the list who have been waiting for a long time already.

Server: I can't do that...

Me: Why?

Server: I'm too scared to say anything.