#host dormancy

What do you mean I might not front for months and go dormant here and there when I get too stressed?

What do you mean everyone is going to hide things from me?

This all looks so much different than when I met the first little who stopped hiding the system from me. I thought there were just 10 of us. But now there's 350 ish that we know of. I've known them since I turned 18 and have literally no idea what my adult life would look like without them.

Idk. It's all weird. This is not what I thought being host would be like. But I don't think I could ever go back to just being me and only me running my life. Having them makes me feel the most like myself that I've ever felt and they're such a helpful support, but I also can't help but wonder what my life would be like if I still thought I was a singlet.

Being host is weird. Some moments I wouldn't trade it and other times I wish I could just have control back.

When I woke up this morning, I hated everything. I was getting extremely irritated by the inconveneicens of being a wheelchair user. I know that this is me integrating the reality that my body is now disabled after my return from dormancy, but that knowledge doesn't make it any easier to emotionally cope with. Ended up having a sleep to cope with the emotional exhaustion.

In terms of coding projects, the last thing I remember working on is trying to get an animated character (3D) on the screen and working right with keyboard/mouse controls. I was having a lot of difficulty with that. Hopefully the alters preserved the project files so I can have another look at it.

The computer has been wiped since I was around and Linux has been put on, which I will have to adjust to.

Linux is supposed to be quite good for coding though, so I will give it a try.