Odd Stuff with Aud: Hopportunity
I had the very slight honor of sitting down with Nashvilleās Hopportunity at the Hopportunity Mansion, also known as lead singer Blake Skinnerās bedroom.Ā
As we waited to start the interview, the band half heartily sang their very own rendition of āGirlfriendā by Avril Lavigne and Blake impatiently asked, āCan we hurry this up? Iām hungry. Anyone wanna go get food after this?āĀ
Even though Blake is the lead singer of this no-name band, I can feel his Alex Turner persona emerging. Blakeās essence consists of painted pinky nails, late night drives, fast food milkshakes, a deep appreciation for Tame Impala, Mac Demarco and Prince, Marlboro cigarettes and a hopeless romantic soft side overshadowed by bully-esque sarcasm.Ā
The bandās guitarist, Nolan Plummer, has all of the characteristics of an ironically hip alcoholic stepfather, while simultaneously being neither an alcoholic nor a stepfather. His mannerisms are reminiscent of an overcompensating presidential candidate who overestimated his tolerance to marijuana moments before taking the stage for a debate. And somehow heās capable of making an āeveryone-aside-from-myself-is-a-dumbassā attitude and consistent eye rolling subtle, exquisitely tolerable and almost charming. It must be because heās a Scorpio.Ā
And then thereās Brendan Lank, the bassist. At first impression, Brendan can come across as the timid schoolteacher type, with his soft-spoken voice and noncommittal eye contact, but I promise heās so much more. Heās actually more of the dad type. The kind you see at theme parks sporting a Cubs baseball hat and Asics running shoes, squinting their eyes, standing with one hand on their hip and with the other hand wiping away the copious amounts of sweat accumulated on their forehead. Note: Sorry Brendan, not meaning to turn away the females. Ladies, heās single.Ā
In fact, so are Blake and Nolan. The three of them are all super single and super great. So, in honor of their greatness and the fact that they, prior to this interview, have gotten no publicity at all, whatsoever, here is poorly executed non-sense with Hopportunity:
HOW MANY FANS ON FACEBOOK DO YOU GUYS HAVE?
NOLAN PLUMMER: LIKE, 50?
BLAKE SKINNER: 55, TO BE EXACT.
BRENDAN LANK: Y-YEAHā¦
WHICH MEMBER OF HOPPORTUNITY DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD CELERY JUICE?
NOLAN: BRENDAN.
WHAT ABOUT DIRTY BOXERS?
NOLAN: BLAKE.
BLAKE: OH, REALLY? OUCH.
NOLAN: DO YOU WANT TO LOOK AROUND THE ROOM?
BLAKE: THEYāRE ALL CLEAN. ITāS ALL CLEAN. ITāS JUST ALL OVER.
IF EACH OF YOU HAD TO BE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING THINGS WHO WOULD BE WHAT? A BUTCHER, A SERIAL KILLER AND A DOG WALKER.
NOLAN: BUTCHER (points to Blake), SERIAL KILLER (points to himself), DOG WALKER (points to Brendan).
BLAKE: UH, I WAS THINKING BUTCHER (point to himself), SERIAL KILLER (points to Brendan)ā¦
BRENDAN: NO, IāM DOG WALKERā¦
BLAKE: DOG WALKER (points to himself). HEāS TOTALLY THE SERIAL KILLER (points to Brendan). LOOK AT HIS SHIRTā¦ ITāS SOMETHING, LIKE, MANSON WOULD WEAR (Brendan is wearing a striped wide collared crĆØme and tan tee, probably from Urban Outfitters).
WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE GENOCIDE?
BRENDAN: ā¦EVERY GENOCIDEā¦?
NOLAN: THE CAMBODIAN GENOCIDE? PROBABLY. EHHHā¦ LIKE BESIDES THE HOLOCAUST?
NO, THE HOLOCAUST INCLUDED.
NOLAN: OKAY, PROBABLY THE HOLOCAUST.
BLAKE: I DONāTā¦ I DONāT REALLY HAVE AN OPINION ON IT. THEYāRE ALL FINE.
NOLAN: THEYāRE ALL PRETTY COOL I GUESSā¦
FUCK, MARRY, KILL: QUEEN LATIFA, āQUEEN B,ā CELINE DION.
NOLAN: IS QUEEN B BEYONCE?
YES.
NOLAN: UHā¦.
BRENDAN: IāD MARRY QUEEN BAE. IāDā¦ IāD FUCK CELINE DION. AND IāD PROBABLY KILL QUEEN LATIFA.
GROWING UP WHAT COLOR WAS YOUR REFRIGERATOR?
BRENDAN: WHITE.
NOLAN: WHITE.
BLAKE: BROWN.
NOLAN: EW.
IN THE BAND. ROYALTIES.
NOLAN: WEāVE NEVER MADE A DIME.
DO YOU PLAN TO HAVE MORE SHOWS COMING UP SOON?
NOLAN: YES.
BRENDAN: NO.
BLAKE: LOTS. TOO MANY. TOO MANY SHOWS.
NOLAN: TOO MANY SHOWS.
HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOUR PARENTS MAKE?
NOLAN: UH, MY MOMāS RETIRED. SO, NONE.
DO YOU GUYS EVER GET REALLY, REALLY SCARED?
NOLAN: OF THE DARK, YES.
BLAKE: DURING OCTOBERFESTā¦
NOLAN: IN LARGEā¦ IN LARGE CROWDS, TOO.
BLAKE: IN SMALL CROWDS, YEAH.
IF YOU GIRLS WERE THE POWERPUFF GIRLS, WHO WOULD BE WHO?
NOLAN: UH, IāD BE BUTTERCUP. NO, HEāD BE BUTTERCUP (points to Blake), HEāS BUBBLES (points to Brendan).
DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOUāRE BUBBLES?
BRENDAN: I COULD BE BUBBLESā¦
NOLAN: I THINK WE COULD ALL BE ALL OF THEM.
BLAKE: IS THAT SEXIST?
NOLAN: WHAT? NO.
WHAT PHYSICAL FLAWS OR PERSONALITY FLAWS DO YOU THINK CONTRIBUTES TO YOU GUYSā LACK OF WOMEN?
BLAKE: WOW.
NOLAN: IāM A HUGE ASSHOLE.
IF YOU HAD TO DESCRIBE YOUR BALLS AS AN EMOTION, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBEĀ THEM?
NOLAN: THEYāRE FINE.
MELANCHOLY?
NOLAN: MELANCHOLY? I HAVE SOME PRETTY MELANCHOLY BALLS, YEAH.
