#holocene.docx

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july 30, 2022 2:30 p.m. myshuno international airport

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september 3, 2022 7:00 p.m. cerise's apartment

[cerise] it's okay if spencer's here, right? and my mom? i asked her to swing by after work because she does have experience with baby showers. she can give some pointers.

[grant] oh, yeah, duh. it's your apartment anyhow; you can have over whoever you want.

[spencer] don't worry, i won't be up in y'all's business. i'm here for fun and to cook dinner. i'm trying to use up this week's groceries before they go bad. i've been going to local organic stores because they're better, you know, but the prices…

[cerise] every onion you forget to use or freeze feels like, what, five bucks down the drain?

[spencer] yeah, and if you haven't looked at an art teacher's salary versus inflation…

[cerise] babe, i'm telling you, we should share grocery hauls. i don't even enjoy cooking like that. that's your thing.

[grant] you like chefing it up?

[spencer] i do. i'm cook most of my meals. the one thing i don't really do is bake.

[grant] hey, if you ever want to, i can offer a hand. my grandma has a bakery.

[spencer] learned from the queen, did you?

[grant] i absolutely did. i'm no grandma aoife, but i know my way around an oven.

[spencer] you know what? i'm down. you, me, bake session sometime.

[grant] fuck yeah, bud. honestly, come over whenever. i have ingredients stockpiled, so your dessert wish is my command.

[cerise] so cute, my boyfriend and my brother being friends.

[spencer] it took me a little bit to not be shocked by his existence, but he's cool.

[grant] how've you been lately, by the way?

[spencer] good, good. everything's the same. work's fine, then i come home and either hang out with cerise or read manga or go the gym. i've been working on ideas for comics i want to write and draw, too, but they're only ideas for now. more on that later.

[grant] you're gonna go for it?

[spencer] yeah. it's been my one dream since i was pretty young. i don't even care if nobody reads it. i just want to do it for me to say i did it.

[cerise] you doing anything fun while you're off work?

[grant] uh, i'm not sure yet. i've been tired today, so i haven't thought much about my plans. i've got ten days off in a row, though, and that's plenty of time. all i know so far is i'm going to work on stuff for soobin's baby shower with you, and…

[cerise] ooh, why are you smiling at your phone like that?

[grant] no reason. no reason at all. psych! i lied. i may or may not be going on a date at some point soon, and the person i'd be going out with may or may not have texted me now.

[cerise] and you weren't going to tell me?

[grant] i was! i just didn't initially mention it because, well, i do have a date confirmed—i asked this morning and got a yes—but no specific calendar date for it yet. i'm letting them pick which day works best for them since i'm the oddball with almost two weeks off. i've also not decided what to do on the date.

[cerise] straight up, do dinner. you're a pleasant person to talk to, and that's what a dinner date is all about.

[spencer] dinner is always a solid idea. i wish that'd been what i took cerise to do for our first date. that was our second date, though, and it went much better.

[grant] your first date didn't go that well?

[cerise] let's be real: it wasn't bad, we were just awkward. we knew each from a college class, right, but we hadn't built that personal connection yet. we weren't vibing enough at that point to do an activity together and have it go perfectly.

[spencer] but we don't know your date; maybe they are an activities person.

[grant] no, i think we're talkers.

[cerise] then dinner. or lunch, if you want to go more casual. either way, find somewhere cool.

[grant] a dinner date isn't too boring? i mean, okay, i think my date would be fine with it, considering what we did when we first met, but i don't want to let them down.

[cerise] you won't. it's a dinner date. it's not boring. it's classic.

[spencer] it's classic for a reason. to quote todd howard, it just works.

[cerise] and if they don't like classic, they have a problem, i fear.

[grant] alright. i believe you! and to be honest, if you guys have restaurant recs, i'll take them. i know of date-worthy places, but they're all places i took my ex on dates, so i'd rather not go to those.

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june 11, 2022 5:15 p.m. magnolia park

continued

[soobin] so, why we're moving. it’s a combination of it being good for our future kids and good for henry. i want him to have peace of mind, and i don't think he could have that being thousands of miles away from his mom after what happened to his dad.

[cerise] oh, okay. what...

[soobin] it's fine, you can ask. everyone knows.

[grant] his dad passed very abruptly.

[soobin] it was a brain aneurysm.

[cerise] wow.

[soobin] obviously, i'm not going to blame him for worrying about his mom all the time, especially if she's going away. i worry about his anxiety levels, but i get it. if she moved far away alone, he'd have to take the highest survivable dose of xanax just to make it through every day.

[soobin] and i also want my kids to have their family around, not just me and henry. if my mother-in-law is gone, that's everybody here in the states gone. all my family is in korea, so is his. my aunt used to live here, i used to stay with her during the school year when i was studying here as a kid, but she left, too. she went to, i don't know, croatia or something with her new husband.

[cerise] that's fair. you want family around to do holidays and birthdays with, or someone to babysit.

[soobin] i didn't like being here basically all by myself as a kid, so i don't want that for my kids either. also, the idea of sending my kids into american schools in this era...

[cerise] you, too, would need maximum dose xanax.

[soobin] i'm not buying bulletproof backpacks, and i'm not qualified to teach nor a fan of home school, so what gives? let's try the education system elsewhere.

[cerise] that's fair, too. i have younger brothers still in school, and the youngest one, personally, is not old enough to be having a cell phone, but we gave him one just to take to school in case of emergency. things are not great here, so sure, try your luck elsewhere.

[soobin] how old's the youngest?

[cerise] he's eight. eight years old with an iphone!

[grant] at least it's not a new one, right? that'd be one expensive gift for an eight year old.

[cerise] fuck no. he got my old one. he's lucky he even got an iphone because a brick with text function would have been enough.

[grant] bingo, texting and calling is all you need at that age. hell, i'm thirty, and i think i'd be better off with the same thing.

[cerise] the extras are all useless, other than maps and music. i did put hella parental controls on that phone, though, so i've almost turned it into a brick. he's got texting, calling, and a few games. no tiktok! you want tiktok, you watch the videos i download and message you directly.

[soobin] when did you guys get your first phones? i was sixteen.

[cerise] i was more like fourteen. i had one in middle school.

[grant] don't laugh at me, but i was twenty or twenty-one, and i acquired it through somewhat suspicious means.

[soobin] twenty-one?

[grant] my mom never let any of us have one, and then i didn't want to get one for a while after i left home because i was scared she'd figure out my number and call me. anyway!

[soobin] going back to the moving thing, are you going back to california? if you end up flying again, that is.

[grant] i feel like i've used this phrase a lot today, but i haven't thought that far ahead yet.

[cerise] you really aren't a planner.

[grant] but if i do go back to work, my base will still be out of los angeles by default, but i can change that if i want to. i also technically wouldn't have to move back to keep working out of that airport. lots of people commute cross-country. i guess that's an option, stay here and just commute to work.

[soobin] that sounds like a pain, though. or rather, it sounds like something i would not want to do.

[grant] i mean, it's doable. used to know a girl who commuted all the way from thailand. she married a guy from there and then moved to his city, and she'd just, you know, fly back to the u.s. once a month to get all her scheduled trips out of the way in one go, then go home.

[cerise] bonkers. i mean, you do you, but damn.

[grant] i guess i ought to attempt to have a plan in case the letter does have good news inside.

[cerise] you guess you ought to attempt to have one?

[grant] i just wing stuff. i've been winging life since i failed the one plan i ever made.

[soobin] does she know about that?

[grant] did i tell you about...

[cerise] i don't think so, but given what i've heard about your life, i think i can guess what your plan was.

[grant] what was i saying before? oh, yeah, i don't know, at this moment, i'm considering changing crew bases. might as well keep things fresh and not retread old ground. we don't have one in detroit, or else i'd pick detroit. one of my friends is working out of chicago now, though, and she seems to like it. chicago's much closer to here than los angeles, so it would be easier for me to commute to if i have to do that or easier for me to come home to visit friends and family if i move for work.

[grant] but i kind of don't want to leave, which sounds insane to me. i didn't want to come home at first, but now i guess i'm tangibly attached to this place in some way for the first time in my life.

[grant] i'm just spitballing thoughts here, though, honestly. any advice for me, my dear friends, in case i end up needing to make decisions on this stuff in the next few days?

[soobin] do you actually want advice?

[grant] i value your opinions, so yes, if you have advice, i'm open to it.

[soobin] okay, well, disclaimer that i don't understand the ins and outs of your industry because "dang it, jim, i'm a doctor, not a pilot," so this is just friend-to-friend personal advice.

[soobin] even though it sounds absolutely miserable to me, you don't seem totally opposed to commuting, so maybe pick somewhere you really want to work and just stay here while you commute. in my humble opinion, the last few years have been a lot, you know, for you, and even though going back to your old job is something you want, that doesn't make it free of stress or an adjustment period.

[soobin] some stability would probably be good for you, and maybe that stability can be in the form of staying in your own house. it's one thing to keep the same to eliminate some stress. work, selling a house, and buying or renting a new one is a lot to deal with. ask me how i know. i'm in that boat right now. sure, i'm happy to be in that boat, but is the water still rocky? yeah, it is.

[soobin] you could see how things go, and then circle back when you're ready to, want to, and have the energy and time to spare.

[grant] you make some very good points.

[grant] i've already moved once in the last couple years, and i thought about doing it again after i broke up with my ex, but i didn't go through with it. maybe that's a sign to stay in place and just build life around me where i am now.

[soobin] like you've been doing.

[grant] thanks. i really appreciate what you have to offer.

[soobin] but listen to me, you know better than me when it comes to you, your job, and what you need to succeed, so you make the decisions. do whatever you want. you trust my opinion, and i trust you. i know you feel like people don't trust you, but i do. i trust you, and henry does, too.

[grant] oh.

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september 2, 2022 5:00 p.m. honeydew cafe

cont.

[hannah] i've spent my entire adult life married and tied to someone else, and i just figured out what it really feels like to spend your money and time on whatever you want. it feels great, apparently. and to be clear, i do “whatever” within reason, of course. i still have to support my kids, and they’re my priority.

[grant] fuck yeah. good for you. i'm glad you did something for yourself. you deserve it.

[hannah] i do still see connor, though. often, to be honest. it’s hard not to because we alternate custody every two weeks, but we get along more now that we’re divorced. don’t get married young, and don’t have kids young. don’t do it.

[grant] well, i just turned 31 last month, so i don’t think “young” applies anymore.

[hannah] you're exempt from that. i just said that because i think it's true. doing anything substantial when your frontal lobe is still developing is probably never a solid investment.

[hannah] speaking of birthdays, did you do anything for your birthday? i know you’re not big on celebrating, but...

[grant] i did do something. i finally bought some patio furniture and got the backyard looking alright-ish, which i figured i should do since i paid for the land and plan to stay in the house for now, so i just had people come over and hang out outside. i made dinner for everybody, but people brought all kinds of stuff with them. grandma aoife made coconut cake.

[hannah] your favorite.

[hannah] you really made your own birthday meal, though?

[grant] i felt like it. i enjoy cooking.

[grant] what have you been up to? i want to hear about you.

[hannah] um, well, let me get the obvious bits out of the way first. the kids are back in school. they just had their first day this week, so i've been busy with teacher conferences and buying school supplies and looking at the PTO schedule for the year.

[hannah] otherwise, i got my hair done.

[grant] the pixie is fun. you look very pretty with short hair.

[hannah] thank you! it’s something different. connor was never a fan of short hair, so…

[grant] fuck him. it’s your hair. shave it all off, if you want. i'd supply the razor. i support you and all your choices.

[hannah] what else have i been up to? i went camping in the mountains recently. some girls from work invited me. no kids, no spouses, just a girls trip. i got terribly sunburnt on the last day, but it was a good time. we might go again in the fall. i also got asked out on a date by a guy at work. i said no pretty much right away; i'm by no means prepared for that, and i don't think i will for a very long time, but he took it well, and somehow we're friends now.

[grant] so, you're making new friends?

[hannah] now that i have more time to, yeah.

[grant] that’s great! you should. you’re a likable colleen.

[hannah] you’re letting the grandma out of of the box with that word.

[grant] and if i am after letting her out?

[grant] no, i'm fucking around, but on a serious note, you do genuinely seem much happier. i see it in the eyes.

[hannah] so do you. you look good.

[grant] the two of us? happy? what’s happened to the world? ugh!

[hannah] every now and then, the justice arc of the universe has to swing our way.

[hannah] how’ve you been overall?

[grant] um, i'm doing great, actually. having a grand old time. that does feel weird to say, can't lie. i fly airplanes half the month, and when i'm not doing that, i'm just chilling, seeing friends and family and having hobbies. i'm still going to therapy and everything, too. yeah. yeah, things are good. i'm glad i had enough patience to see the last couple years out. it’s paid off, i guess.

[hannah] you ever think about putting yourself back out there again?

[grant] oh, what, like on the romance market?

[hannah] i'm just curious. i mentioned the guy who asked me out, and that popped into my head to ask. i haven't really, i don't know, talked to you much about this topic. we talk more about family, and i tried to give you space after all the debacle with your ex-fiancée, but i do wonder how you're feeling a year later.

[grant] i mean, i feel okay. she fucked me over, and that's that. that's on her, not me. yeah. this is the first time in years i've been on my own, and it's worked out in the end, too, just like everything else. it's definitely given me infinite time and energy to work on myself.

[grant] you think you'd ever date again?

[hannah] maybe. i'm where you've been–in the embracing being alone phase–and i'm enjoying it. if i changed my mind any time in the near future, it'd have to be for someone worth investing in.

[grant] same here, kind of. i think i'm in a place where i could try again, but i'd still want it to be for someone worth it. i historically pick all the wrong people, and i'd like to not do that again. i got almost close to pursuing someone that felt worth it a while back, but...

[grant] i wasn't ready at the time, so i didn't.

[grant] i'm still something of a hopeless romantic, though, to be honest, so even though things are alright, i have those moments where i'm like, "man, i miss being someone's person." and admittedly, i do also regret not giving my number to a certain someone. i'm not sure i'd meet anyone that interesting again.

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september 2, 2022 10:20 p.m. myshuno international airport

in a strange sort of way, grant is grateful it's this specific flight that is taking him home. a pilot in uniform walking through the cabin invites attention. when he commutes, eyes tend to draw his direction—some nervous, some curious, all conveying this unspoken thought: "you're meant to be up front behind an impenetrable door, not back here." he doesn't mind the looks; every now and then they lead to real conversations, people capitalizing on a rare opportunity to have a captive audience with someone in a career most know little of or, alternatively, fear. it's just that tonight, he's not so sure how much energy he has left to be "on." as much as he adores his job—again, he's too appreciative of it to complain—it has been a long week. between bits and pieces of flight attendant drama, days upon days of terrible weather in disparate parts of the country, nettlesome maintenance problems in multiple planes, and overly soft hotel beds continuing their habit of hurting his back, he is ready to just sit down for an hour, do nothing, then drive to his own house and sleep in his own bed. and that's what everyone else on board wants; to go wherever they're trying to be, then go to sleep.

the last two open seats are indeed all the way at the back. a girl occupies the window seat, a blue baseball cap obscuring her face as she fixes her gaze out the open window at the sea of lights streaming across the airport grounds. grant unlatches the bin above him and shoves his suitcases in the remaining space. either his shadow in the aisle or the sound of him opening and closing the bin stirs her attention; she doesn't look up, but he knows she knows he's there.

"sorry. you had this whole row to yourself, and then i showed up." he can't help it; it's an innate reflex, prattling to diffuse any tension. realistically, the faceless girl does not care one bit that he'll be sitting opposite her in the aisle seat, but still. grant is grant, and there's a brief moment where he convinces himself he's intruding on someone else. "i pinky promise i'll sit on the end and be very quiet."

"oh, haha, it's o—"

the click of his seatbelt overlaps the exact moment the stranger stops short of a full sentence.

"uh. grant? is that you?"

is he still wearing his badge? normally, he takes it off as soon as he's off the clock. no, he had taken it off, and then he'd put it away in his jacket pocket after the pilots kindly refused to check it. even if she were reading it, the badge reads joseph grant o'sullivan, and she'd have no way to know he prefers grant over joseph by written word alone. no, no, it sounds like she recognizes him.

in another odd beat of synchronicity, he turns to face her and try to place her face and voice to a name and a memory just as she says something else, something that hits him like a ton of bricks.

"what's with us and public transportation?" her next words are in korean and half-buried in a fit of giggles. "really, what the hell?"

"yunha? yunha."

it's her.

it's definitely her.

the universe is either a magician or a 3d printer. he'd thought of her earlier—momentarily, when hannah inquired about his love life—and now she's here, materialized next to him. yunha, the girl he'd met a year ago in a seoul karaoke lounge, the girl who lingers sometimes in the back of his mind, the girl he's wished for months he'd been braver with. yunha, right there, an arm's reach away, taking stock of him and blushing a shade of red so distinct and vibrant it glows like a supernova in the black of the night.

his face is probably doing the same, if the white hot tingle in his cheeks is any indication.

grant tries to express anything halfway intelligent, but the only thing that cobbles together in his mind is: i like your hair. but telling someone he's only seen once before and long ago that a bob is charming on her is arguably not the smoothest move.

"hi," he finally manages. an otherwise bland greeting is also not smooth, but it is, if nothing else, not overly blubbering or sentimental…or embarrassing.

she's still bright red. yunha cups a hand over her mouth and waves with the other. "hi."

a peaceful silence falls between them for a few moments. grant's brain diverts away from anxiously trying to make conversation, and the pair sit gazing at each other, sitting with the reality of their chance encounter. mathematics was always one of grant's strong suits, but decoding the numerical odds of encountering yunha right here right now would take him forever to figure out.

was all the bad luck this week leading up to this? was this meant to happen?

no. that's silly. there's no such thing as predestination. probably.

"i didn't know you were…" yunha's hand slips from her face and suddenly gestures at his uniform. she stops short of finishing her sentence again, this time interrupted by dissonant bark-like squeaking noises echoing through the cabin from underneath the plane as it pulls away from the gate. grant wouldn't have registered the sound at all, were it not for it making yunha's entire body shudder. "shit. i don't like flying. usually, i knock myself out with medicines, but i didn't bring any."

"it's okay. i think most people are like that. i mean, regarding the flying bit. i can't speak to the commonality of using benadryl or whatever else puts someone to sleep." never mind, he is going to have one of those conversations. that, too, is okay; grant is pleased to make an exception tonight. "that noise is totally normal, though. it's a good thing. it's supposed to happen. you're hearing a pump equalizing pressure between the different hydraulic systems, and we like that. that's what we want. we like functional hydraulics."

she nods the entire time he's whipping up the simplest explanation he can come up with, but the abject fear of being on a moving airplane doesn't quite leave her face. she's quiet for a good while again afterwards, lips sealed shut as if to hide how her teeth are— certainly—chattering. she does, though, keep her body angled towards grant; there's a glint in her wavering gaze that tells him, "you know what you're talking about, and you're the only one keeping me sane right now."

later, the chime signaling the plane's arrival at one-zero-thousand feet and the resultant movement of flight attendants down the aisles at last seem to make her relax a bit. they are, like the sound of the hydraulic systems working, signals that mean relatively nothing to him either—not unless he's flying, then it's his responsibility to send those "all clear, go ahead with service" messages to the cabin crew—but to yunha, they're an immediate reminder that she is not actively dying in a fiery crash. he doesn't press her on what she's afraid of, but he assumes like most other nervous fliers, she anticipates just about every moment of the flight as a precursor of her doom.

a flight attendant hands them both cups of water upon walking by, and swallowing the entire cup's worth in no more than five seconds tops steels yunha's resolve to talk again, apparently.

"so, you're…" she's staring at him, and seems focused to his clothing.

"i am," grant replies coolly, assuming she's resuming her previous statement, "i kind of was not when we met before, but that's a whole thing. that's a long story."

"and you're here because?"

"i'm just going home. i work in chicago, but i live in detroit. what are you, uh," he says, dancing around asking point blank why she's not thousands of miles away in her native country where he'd seen her last.

yunha's hands finds its way to her mouth again. underneath her delicate fingers, she's blushing again. "you live—oh. funny. haha. i also live there."

"you—you what?"

"i moved there last march."

march. march? right. he'd met her in september, so…

"my aunt owns a restaurant," yunha continues, "she offered me a job and some room at her house last year."

she's been here next to him all this time?

"what restaurant?"

she quirks an eyebrow skeptically. "i doubt you ever went there. it's in the suburbs."

"try me. i live out in the suburbs."

"boseong. i'm sure you can guess what kind of food we sell."

if he weren't propped up by a seat, grant might have already melted into the floor.

"you've got to be kidding me. i have been there so many times."

yunha gives him a curious yet knowing smirk. "what days?"

"always on the weekend because i go with my friends, and that's when they're free. do you perhaps remember the guy i was hanging out with at the karaoke place?" grant suddenly feels the need to chug his cup of water, too. all this time… "um, so, he knows the owners, who are, i guess, apparently your aunt and uncle. their son was his college roommate. they're friends."

"ethan is your friend's friend?"

at that realization, they both can't help but laugh uncontrollably.

"so, are you off on the weekends? you are, aren't you? holy shit. that's why i've evidently never seen you around."

yunha flutters her lashes sheepishly.

"oh my god. yunha, am i hallucinating?"

yunha is the restaurant owner's niece. the single niece henry's mother mentioned. the cousin ethan has discussed in passing multiple times; the cousin ethan said had recently moved in to work at the restaurant but had gone back to korea for a visit; the cousin who is into music controls the playlist at the restaurant.

that cousin was yunha all along, and somehow it checks out in hindsight.

"so, we're not hallucinating. are we just stupid?" he asks, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"we are so stupid."

open-minded, remember? your motto. open yourself to this.