So lately I have been struggling with my faith. I let my pain of doubt of whether I was in God's will, my worry that I wasn't gonna make it through the IB program and the workload was more than I could handle and that I was ever gonna live up to the goals I have (being on the tennis team, being involved at school), doubt that God's patience and love ran out because I fail at time management which causes me to rush into things and lose time of devotion and that I don't think about God at school or try to shine His light, and anxiety over all these things. I let my feelings and thoughts get the best of me and replace my faith in God--lest I had any faith to begin with. I began to think maybe I'm not really a believer, that all my service to God was always in vain and fear because I didn't truly believe, and I always to dwell in the flesh and think about what other people thought of me and seek their praise. I've come to realize it's a pure habit for me to worry about what other people think of me and seek their praise of me. Oh, how prideful. I didn't feel like I was good enough, and my talents and abilities were rubbish compared to everyone's else. I started to lose myself--in the slump of school, service, keeping up with friends, and planning for the future. But what floors my mind..what brings this wretched heart of mine great peace is that God is God and He always will be God. A God of second chances, eternal love, pure justice, holy and righteous character, sovereignty, so constant and faithful to the finish, basically everything I'm not. But through Jesus' sacrifice and the power of the interceding and empowering Holy Spirit, I have a chance to be all that God calls me to be. So I pray to be faithful, to sincerely love others and pour out my life to them, to stop being so self-conscious, to stop complaining and grumbling. God's entrusted me with the great gift of being accepted into IB. Though myself and others see IB as a heavy burden, God is our burden-lifter and He's given me this strength to persevere and a chance to meet new people and show them the kindness of our Savior. I find that Christians today (and I'm definitely like this too) are very forgetful and we fail to grasp the truth. We forget God's great love shown in His great sacrifices and we fail to grasp His grace and we stop relying on Him in fear He won't do anything. How foolish and selfish we are. Praise & honor to an amazing God who satisfies our hearts and completes our joy and motivates our souls to be radical and selfless and all for Him. May I never take my eyes off of Him because if I do, I forget and I fail and I fall short and I believe the promises of sin and Satan. God is good, and He is all I need.