Breathe in deep. Hold in the tears. And just pray you'll forget they ever existed soon enough. It's the only way.
i just wish i could erase everything. every memory i have ever had with you and all of the others. i felt so hurt and left alone. deserted like there was something wrong with me. i felt like how i did when i used to be bullied when i was younger. in grade school. i thought, i really did, that i can always count on you. i protected and loved you like my other half. and now what. i feel so stupid. this shouldn't even affect me anymore since it was from such a long time ago, but when i really think about it. it wasn't really that long ago now was it? nope, apparently not, since i feel this way. i just want to erase everything, erase you and the memories and the pain you've caused. i felt so unimportant and worthless. from my own best friend who i shared everything with. I'm only so thankful that there are people i have come across who are just so incredibly loving. i think i may even hate you for making me feel the way i did, but hate is apparently a really big word so i was told. I'm not going to lie maybe I'm jealous for you still being happy when i feel like you should be miserable, just because that was how you made me feel. i hate that i do that, i hate that i wish others are miserable because thats how they made me feel. i shouldn't do that.
to be honest, i don't want to "wish you all the best" . i should, to be a good person but sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself and be okay with it. no, i wish you the worst. in life and in everything you come across. i hope you feel every pain that i had to.
but the lord tell's me that i shouldn't act that way, because he will take care of it. of everything. of you. and me. so in that case, the lord has given me the strength to look past you, and move to better things. bigger, better, amazing, joyful, and most of all happier things. happier than i ever was when i was with you. i will be successful and i will thank you in the end for giving me that drive for success. but know that i am not doing it because of you, but for ME. to show myself that i AM someone worth loving unconditionally and never ever to be forgotten.Β
