#hod1

It had always occurred to me that a certain beginning could be someone's end. What didn't cross my mind was that it could possibly happen to me. That a single line printed on a paper could contribute to such a drastic change in my life.

"Somebody tell me this isn't real." I demanded from no one in particular and let my frustration drip from every word I had spoken. I shuddered.

As I stood in front of the college's bulletin board, my eyes were glued to the white large spread of paper tucked on it. My name was printed in big bold font and I could not think of a reason why I, of all people, was chosen to participate in this particular search.

192. WARD, CERA D.

I shook my head as I squeezed in the tight crowd of girls gathered around the board. I badly wanted to get away from the piece of paper which held my future. Not.

I could sense that these girls were hoping to see their names were on the list. And I was hoping for the opposite. I wouldn't have objected with my name being posted there if they had done it the right way. It would have been fair to these aspiring ladies to get a chance to prove themselves before taking their right to participate. They could have snagged my place if we competed for it. I could tell that I was by far the underdog among us all.

If given the chance, I would gladly give up my spot and let another girl fill it. The sad part though was I couldn't. Everything printed on that paper was absolute. The principal said so herself.

That old woman should know what human rights is. She had always been that way. She would make decisions which would either result to another person's decision being compromised or there wouldn't be any decision on the other's part at all. Like now.

I do understand that Monroe High School wasn't what you would consider well-known despite the fact that it was inside a city and that this whole search was an opportunity a class D school wouldn't let slip. But it didn't mean that they could just boss us around and make us do things which were against our will. We entered this school expecting to learn and to be normal students who dreaded school days as they come. But we didn't get to be normal. We only get to dread.

With the way the principal handled our school, we looked like puppets who followed everything she mandates us. It wasn't fair.

But then again, life is unfair. No matter how much I hated someone telling me that, the fact still remains that it was true.

It was so fucking true that I could see it written across the principal's face whenever I see her. She was the living proof of it.

I dragged myself down the hallway, pissed off and annoyed. I did it again. I had managed to make my day bad though it hadn't even started. It was a something that grew in me unnoticed. If Holly hadn't pointed it out that I had a habit of pissing myself off, I wouldn't have known. I just thought I was thinking. Then I'd get annoyed at what I had in mind. I thought it was normal. For me at least.

After forever, I got to my locker and the crowded hallway didn't help. It was hard enough to literally will myself to move but bumping into students every second made it harder. The metalic lock felt cold on my hands as I fumbled on the number scrolls to get the right combination.

I pressed the button on the side after I finally got the right code. It clicked and I unhooked it, opening the door as wide as it could get.

I started to dig in my backpack which I hung to my neighbor locker's lock hook. I threw everything unneeded inside the small space that couldn't even contain all of my books when weekends come.

"Ces! Have you seen the bulletin board?" My best friend, Holly, approached me as I stuffed my things in my locker.

I pursed my lips and pretended I didn't hear her and kept on stuffing things which didn't really need to be put in.

"Earth to Cera!" Holly called impatiently.

Her thin lips coated with a glittery pink gloss were pressed in a thin line when I looked at her. I creased my brows and asked her innocently, "How long have you been there?"

"Uhh. Since the beginning of the world? I can't believe you didn't hear a thing I said!" She threw her hands in the air and leaned back on her locker which was a door away from mine.

Oh believe me I did.

She ranted about how awesome it was to be part of the draftees for the model search and plus, I was doing it with her. If she only knew how much I wanted to back out from the damn thing, she would surely get disappointed. Though I bet she already had an idea that I didn't want to be in it, she probably didn't know that it was to the point that I considered quitting. "Sorry, I was figuring out how I could stuff everything in my locker I didn't notice you're there," I lied and wanted to smack myself for such a lame excuse. Someone should recommend a good book about excuses to me. "Sure." Sarcasm laced her voice accompanied with an eye roll. We share all our classes and she knew that we only had two books which were thick enough to be considered thick and I usually compile my notes in a single folder which was safely tucked in my backpack. "Yeah. So what were you talking about again?" I said as I slammed my locker door shut and turned the lock back to full zeroes. "I said have you seen the bulletin?" "Oh yeah. What's up with our names listed there? I can't remember ever signing up." I tried to sound nonchalant about it and not to terrorize Holly if I suddenly said that I was freaked out when I saw my name and immediately wanted to quit. She shrugged like it was no biggie, all her excitement from earlier seemed to have left her system, "No idea." My eyebrows knotted in confusion. Wasn't she so hyped about this not five minutes ago? What was with the sudden change of mood? Holly was someone who wouldn't stop talking about something she was clearly looking forward to be doing. And I knew that being part of this search was one of Holly's bucket list. Not entirely to join a search, but to experience being a model. It was weird that she wasn't flipping out. "Can't believe we're put on drafts. I mean, I can't believe my name's there. You won't know how freaked out I was," I said in a sort of freaked out tone. Holly glanced over me and a smile crept on her lips but it seemed that she took my bad freak out as a good freak out thing, "You don't know how freaked out I was, too, when I saw our names!" And Holly kept talking. If I had known that telling her I was freaked out about it would be taken the wrong way, I would have chosen a better word. It turned out that Holly just wanted me to say something about the list because she was mad that I didn't hear her little speech. If she only knew I did, I wouldn't hear the end of it. "Like, oh my gosh. It was so awesome to think that we're gonna be dolled up with fancy clothes!" she gushed. "I can't wait for the first screening!" I'm dreading it. I wanted to say. Just the first screening alone required us to bring a couple of things which I did not possess. We needed to bring one head shot, one full body shot and three sets of clothes which should consist of any but not limited to the following given that a single clothe should be used only once-top, skirt, jeans, dress and shorts. It didn't matter if we used the same footwear over but it had to match the set. Letting out a frustrated groan, I slumped on my seat beside the wall, Holly took the empty one beside me, as we waited for our professor to come. "Seriously Holly, mom shouldn't know this. So don't you dare tell her," I warned. My best friend shouldn't really be trusted when it came to these things because she always spill the juicy details. The best thing I could do was to keep her away from our house as much as possible until the screening was over and I was dismissed from the draftees. But since we had classes together, meaning projects together and studies together, it was kind of next to impossible. "Why?" she inquired, her eyebrow raised . "Just because," I said rolling my eyes. "Because what?" she pressed. "You know my mom Hols. She's nosy and she wanted this for me ever since. She'll probably go all stage mother on me and I don't want that. I don't want to be part of this search and you, of all people, should know that." My best friend stared at me with her pale blue eyes as if I just told her the history of America within one minute. If Holly didn't catch a thing I had said, well sorry, but I wasn't in the mood to play the broken record. "Wow." "Wow what?" "Wow I know now where you got your nosy attitude. I never thought Aunt Celine is like that." Feeling exhausted from Holly's non-sensical response to me, I dropped my head on my desk and ignored her. I was nosy alright? The phrase curiosity killed the cat just took a step beyond real for me. If I wasn't too nosy, my morning would have been okay. Of course that would be before Holly would spill the bad news. But it would have given me a little more time for my good day before it turned bad. My carefree and normal life would be stained by publicities if the stupid search would take me in. Not that I was certain they would since there was only a point five percent chance that I would win, but no one could tell what the agency was looking for. Letting the depressing thought of the search get the best of me, I stared blankly at the board where Mr. Newman scribbled incomprehensible words. I was thankful he didn't catch me with my head bowed low on my desk when he came or it would add to my bitchy day. "This one is pretty nice too," Holly exclaimed excitedly as we scanned through a couple of fashion magazines she brought from home. She lived a few houses down so we dropped by their house to get these. "Ew. That's so gross. Who would wear that? Her boobs are screaming to get out." I scrunched my face in disgust as I stared at the black laced tube dress that my best friend had so weirdly loved. "What? It's not. And your boobs won't bulge here. You have none," she said without a hint that she meant it as a joke. Ouch. It was a stab to my femininity and a deep one. I knew I didn't have it but she didn't have to rub it on my face. Though Holly said that out of innocence and she meant no harm, I still felt pained after the truth was slapped on me. "Thanks Holly. You're a true friend." "I know. There's no one like me." She gave me a toothy smile before burying herself again on one of the magazines. A knock on the door made me look up. It was slightly ajar because mom had managed to grab the handle though both her hands were full, "Thought you'd be hungry. I brought some cookies." Holly stood up enthusiastically and dug on the plate of cookies mom had laid down on my study table. "What are you gonna do with these?" Mom asked as she flipped through the pages. "Wow. These are really nice." My mom, Celine, loved fashion down to its very core. Okay, maybe not. But she loved prepping up. She always had her brunette curls up in an elegant ponytail and do not start me on how she made that. I couldn't just think how a ponytail could look so stunning. Even when at home, mom made sure she was presentable. She wore dresses unless when she was to work on our backyard and lawn. It was disconcerting how we looked alike but we never shared the same love for things. And somehow, I wish I got a little of hers and not only dad's. "Oh. W-we're just checking out what's in," I lied and stood up to grab a piece of cookie. Holly's mouth was stuffed with cookies so she couldn't answer my mom and I was thankful for that. I was pretty sure the moment she talked, she would let my mom in on our little secret. "Really? Since when did you have a thing for dresses?" She raised an eyebrow as she turned her attention to me. "I love dresses. I just don't like wearing them." I took another cookie and stuffed it in my mouth hoping my mom wouldn't see through my lame lie. And she didn't. She just chuckled and browsed the magazine again, feeding her eyes with the most elegant dresses in store now. Before I chilled out, I should have made sure that Holly was, too. Because the moment she was done satisfying herself with the cookies, she dropped down beside my mom on my bed and started to tell her every thing about being on the draft. Mom's eyes widened as she heard my name being one of the girls but there was that gleam of pride on them. I knew she wanted me to act like a girl because I was one but having grown up the way I did, it would be impossible. As my best friend and my mom chatted about the search, I couldn't help but look at them with admiration. They were both so alike. Their love for fashion, or vanity as I preferred it. It struck me how I was with these two awesome ladies for years since childhood but I never got to be like them. I was brought up to be the opposite. "Aww. No need to cry now Aunt C," I heard Holly say in a comforting tone. "Cera may not be the girliest girl but she's growing. See? She'll do this with me. It's a start don't you think?" It pulled me back to my temporary world. "Seriously, Holly?" She turned to me and smiled innocently, "What?" I rolled my eyes and dropped on the floor, sitting indian style. I grabbed one magazine from the stack scattered on the floor and stared at that one particular female model. She had dirty blond hair and hazel eyes, a perfectly angled jaw and full lips. She was pretty. I guess I'd be like you, huh? "Really? That's so nice of you," I heard Holly said. "What's that?" I asked. "Oh. Aunt C said she'd let you use your card to buy dresses." "What?" I turned to mom and narrowed my eyes at her. "You need them and you have none. I'll just tell your dad about it." "But Mom." "No buts," she said with finality. I let out a deep sigh and turned my attention back on the magazine I was holding. There was no use arguing with her. I won't win. And Holly was here. I couldn't win with those two teamed up. Dresses? Fml.