A while ago I got to thinking about him seriously. What's his backstory? And most importantly, why is he the only ghost who never touches the ground?
With the exception of one episode—Prisoners of Love, when he was shown sitting at a cafeteria table in Walker's prison—he's always floating. I wonder why this is.
Box Ghost first showed up in 1x03 One of a Kind, at a dock.
He's dressed like a fisherman: bib overalls, rubber gloves, boots, a type of beanie that is specifically described as a fisherman beanie.
B▋▋▋▋ H▋▋▋▋▋▋'s 10 Years Later concept art, and Box Ghost's upgrade in The Ultimate Enemy, kind of gives that same marine-centric impression. Hook hand, patch eye, sailor tattoo, etc.
But he's the Box Ghost, not the Fisherman Ghost. Boxes are his thing. How did that happen?
I have a theory.
Box Ghost was former fisherman who found a job as a dock worker. It wasn't the best, and it didn't pay much. Maybe he started complaining on his lunch breaks, and someone overheard him. Someone who had connections to the mob.
So Pre-Box Ghost gets involved with the local mafia. They pay him to handle special shipments and strange boxes and keep his mouth shut. It's a substantial pay raise.
Until one day. One of the boxes break open. Maybe it's something horrible, something that makes him want to get out of this business and go back to good, honest work. Maybe it's something that tempts him. Money, gold, things that he can pawn for more cash than what the mob is paying him. So he starts skimming a little off the top of every shipment.
Whatever the situation, the mob bosses catch wind of what's going on and stage a "friendly severance meeting". And they double-cross him (of course). They tie him up, throw him in a crate, carry him out to sea, and dump him over the side. Their last words to him are a curse that would follow him into eternity:
"You'll never touch solid ground again, pal."
So Box Ghost died in a box. But because it was wood, it floated. And that's why Box Ghost never touches the ground.
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I asked myself, What am I doing here? Why am I here, now, of all places, at this point?
And I replied, Because this is your path.
To what?
Nothing. Or anything. The meaning is yours.
(I thought about that for a while.)
How does that make you feel? I asked
I don't like it, I said
Why not?
Because so much depends on me.
And are you not strong?
(I thought again.) I am.
Then you will find your way, I answered. But keep walking.
Danny slid a folded piece of paper across the table.
“It’s a PTA reminder,” he explained, even though Vlad was already reading it. “Wednesday, next week.”
“The ninth? I’m afraid that won’t do. The new furniture will be delivered that afternoon and I must be present when the movers arrive.”
“We—you’re getting new furniture?”
“Yes. I’ve been meaning to do some minor remodeling and decorating since last year but never could seem to find the time. The party is as good an excuse as any.”
Danny’s frown deepened. “What party?”
Vlad peered over the top of the paper. “Your sixteenth birthday party.”
Vlad broke the seal on a bottle of Spätburgunder. “Nothing is worse than being powerless.” A grunt, followed by the pleasing pop of a cork. He poured half a glass for himself and a small measure for Danny.
“You trying to turn me into an alcoholic or something?” Danny joked.
“You’ve gone toe to toe with Pariah Dark and lived to tell about it. I trust you’re mature enough to handle a little wine.”
“I’d classify Pariah Dark as a strong spirit, but that’s just me.”
Vlad let out an unexpected burst of laughter. A few strands of gray hair fell free from behind his ear. “Good one.” He lifted his head, eyes twinkling. “I’ve missed those puns of yours, Danny. More than I can say.”
Danny’s smiled wavered at the tender tone in those last five words. “Well, here’s hoping I make you regret it.” He raised his glass, and Vlad returned the gesture.
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[Nsfw] was thinking of Vlad again and thinking about how i don't see a lot of characters that are simultaneously a sadist dom, a service top, and a pillow princess
really speaks to the complexity of the writing when the writers have no idea they're about to hit fan-thirst paydirt, if you ask me
He's a top, he's a bottom, he's a hero, he's a problem
He is cringe but also suave, American and sometimes Slav
Evil creep who's so endearing, traumatized but persevering
He's so ugly and so hot, we all want what Vladdie's got
After Danny starts growing body hair Vlad shaves him while he's asleep.
He can just phase the hairs off, too. Easier and less likely to wake Danny.
Of course now I can't help but imagine Vlad sipping coffee at the table and Danny bursts into the kitchen, still wearing his pajamas, fuming.
"What have you done to me?!"
Vlad blinks serenely at Danny over the top of his newspaper. "Last night or...?"
Danny's face goes scarlet. He grasps each side of his button down shirt and rips it open.
His hairless chest gleams in the early morning light.
"Look at me. I'm SHINY."
Vlad lowers his paper, one eyebrow arched with interest. "Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Fenton?"
A vein throbs in Danny's temple. "Do you know how long it took me to grow those chest hairs?"
"There were only three. Hardly worth a tantrum."
"It's not just them! Every single hair below my nose is gone!" Danny lifts his arm to show off his smooth pits.
"Oh, dear. Looks like you might be the latest victim of the Twink Ghost."
"The what?"
"Twink Ghost. Serial hair remover. Twinkifies every spectral male entity he can find. It's his obsession. Would you like some breakfast?"
"You're telling me the Twink Ghost—which sounds totally made-up, by the way—somehow got through your security system last night and removed my pubes while I was sleeping next to you?"
Danny throws his hands into the air and lets out a frustrated snarl.
"Tut tut, little badger, it's too early to start your day off enraged. Would you like some French toast and—"
"I'm going to the Ghost Zone!" Danny stabs an angry finger at Vlad, his left eye twitching. "And if I find out there's no such thing as a Twink Ghost, I'm going to come back here and kick your ass."
"Daniel, please," Vlad titters, "it's much too early to be tempting me with such"—he shivers—"delightful promises."
Uttering one last exasperated scream, Danny spins on his heel and stomps toward the basement with vengeance boiling in his heart.
Vlad raises his newspaper once more, hiding his triumphant smile.
Only one person in this relationship is allowed to be hairy, and that person is him. 🪒👻
I wonder if Danny could bribe Technus into doing something about the nano bots in Jazz’s bloodstream.
Seriously, I love this so much. You could build an entire episode around it. Nano My Business or something like that, and takes place after Masters of All Time but before Kindred Spirits. (Episode pitch below cut)
Danny notices Jazz has been behaving a bit weird lately. He puts it down to her working too hard studying for her college entrance exams, but when she passes through some kind of electromagnetic field (perhaps generated by the latest malfunctioning Fenton ghost device), she collapses and goes into a coma.
At the hospital, the doctors can't find anything wrong with her. Danny just knows it's something ghost-related (insert macguffin here?) but he can't talk to his parents about it because it'd mean revealing his secret identity. (He considers it seriously, though, because he's so worried about Jazz.) But he knows who might be able to help him.
Danny, Sam and Tucker steal the Specter Speeder and crash a Superbowl party being held at Vlad's Wisconsin castle. Vlad isn't pleased, but Danny doesn't care.
"You owe me and my parents for finding the cure to your ecto-acne," he reminds him, and Vlad grudgingly agrees to visit Jazz in the hospital and covertly scan her with some of his own ghost gadgets or maybe the macguffin mentioned previously.
Eventually they discover that the nanobots, without any programming to guide them, have gone rogue and are attacking Jazz's body. She's going to die if they don't do something.
"Unfortunately, you destroyed my controller, Daniel," Vlad tells him bluntly, "otherwise I would have been able to initiate the self-destruct sequence and dissolve them. I'm afraid there's nothing we can do for her now. Pity. She was a brilliant girl, so much like your mother."
Danny's eyes go green. Cue the first onscreen, purely human fistfight between Danny Fenton and Vlad Masters, though really it's just Danny leaping on Vlad in a blind rage and punching him repeatedly while Vlad tries to shield himself. Tucker and Sam manage to drag Danny off of him and restrain him.
"This is all your fault!" Danny screams through his tears, but he knows in his heart Vlad is right. If he hadn't destroyed the controller, they wouldn't be here watching his sister get slowly poisoned by nanobots.
Tucker is the one who poses the million-dollar hypothesis: "Wait, these nanobots just need a new program to overwrite them, right? Something that'll take control of them?"
Three pairs of eyes stare him.
"Don't we know a ghost who regularly takes over technology and reprogams it to do what he wants?"
All four of them start at each other for a beat, then start scrambling for the Specter Speeder.
Once more, Danny and Vlad are forced to team up and work toward a common goal. It's a race against time to find Technus in the Ghost Zone and convince/bribe/threaten him into doing what they want—if it can even be done.
But of course they succeed. At the last minute, Technus removes the nanobots (maybe they all flock to him like a trillion little baby chicks and, charmed, he absorbs them), and Jazz is now safe. Danny traps Technus in a Fenton Flash Drive™ per their arrangement but promises to let him out to have fun in a little while. Jazz wakes up, hugs ensue, Maddie runs to her daughter weeping with joy, Jack tackles Vlad, thanking him for his unwavering support during this difficult time, and Vlad wiggles his way out of Jack's embrace and flees the hospital as fast as he can. Danny, Jazz, Sam and Tucker share a few closing words, then iris out.
Psych!
Back in Wisconsin, Vlad returns to his Superbowl party but finds a strange flash drive in his pocket. Curiosity wins over common sense, and he plugs it into his laptop.
"Holy hectobytes!" Technus shrieks in his Gilbert Gottfried voice. "The ghost boy wasn't kidding! Just look at this spiffy new playground!"
Technus is unleashed through the WiFi, to Vlad's abject horror, and takes over every TV screen, radio, and electronic device in his castle—including his home network and private server. The party descends into screaming chaos, champagne pyramids crashing over, cheese logs going airborne, just million-dollar mayhem. Green and gold pandemonium.
The camera settles on Vlad's tired face. "I should have seen that one coming."
