#himebpd

Can i be vulnerable and say that I hate myself and my mental illnesses, I pushed my boyfriend away and now all i can think is that there might be another woman or another man, and i'm so terrified, what if i'm right? why did i have to do all that shit. I fucking hate myself i fucked everything up and now i don't know what to do? what if i cant fix anything? what if what if what if, that's all that's in my head, i'm so terrified what if i lose him? what if he leaves me what if there's another person getting all his love and attention right now? why do i have to think like this, why did i have to do all that? just kill me at this point.