#hiltwin

Adelor took the agate bead, and left.

He had hardly listened to the bullshit of a speech that Mangin had given for him, not at all to the ones for the people before him - people, who had once been his friends and who had so cold-heartedly turned their back on him, teaching him involuntarily all those lessons in honesty he treasured so much now - and not at all to the people who were going to follow after him either.

All those who were apparently so much worse than him, all those who were apparently so much better to him, sorted and graded by the results acquired in tests, which Adelor had always find ridiculously stupid, but which now disgusted him in ways he could not name. Had he once mocked the system but basked in its security, he was now ready to fight it, to give everything up to challenge it. Not for his own sake, no, for just as Hiltwin Schaefer had once said it, no matter how much he’d fuck up, he’d always stay one of the 10% of privileged people in this society, but for all those he loved, and all those who hated him anyway.

He’d fight. He’d return and fight. But now he had to leave. And so he did.

Adelor walked down the side-aisle, without meaning to draw attention to himself, without meaning to be dramatic, just wanting to leave, walked past Mangin, walked past Merle Gaunt and Maya Rosalind, walked past his own brother. He did not walk past his mother but past his father in the audience and the few friends who had bothered to come, walked all the way to the back of the Main Hall, leaving everything behind. 

His bags were packed. Two bags. Not an empty one like the last time he had left here, not six, over-charged bags like the last time he had come here. Just two. One to carry over his shoulders, another one, a little larger, to carry in his hands. Did it matter what was in there? No shoes, no robes, no books or magical utensils. Just a few clothes, just a bit of money, and a pouch with all his treasures. No, it did not matter what in those bags was, not to anyone but him at least because no one but him knew he was leaving. 

Only Tyl Herrlich and Irimin Von Sachs knew where he was going, and only Geba Frankenthal and Onna Fuchs knew when he was going. Tonight. Right after holding his diploma in his hands, not even waiting before the falling of the night, not waiting for his father to congratulate him, not waiting for his brother to step off that stage. 

Or that was the plan. Adelor stalled by the door.

A plan of learning how to live, of learning how to be. Far away from where people knew his name, far away from people who knew his name. Lore Von Fern, he had decided to call himself, and while it appeared a silly name for German tongues, the French Muggles who he had chosen to live with would not know how to read the secret woven into it. It was a good plan. Even if everything would eventually catch up with him, this small life built on lies would give him enough time and space to learn how to be honest. To fully be honest, himself, and alive, with nothing keeping him from it.

“Adelger Graf.” 

Adelor turned. The stage was far away and brightly illuminated. He could hardly see his brother’s eyes, but knew that his own were perfectly invisible in the darkness he stood in. How strange. So many years had been spent chasing the same light Adelger stood in, and now? “Goodbye, Brudertier.” he whispered, “I see you soon.” 

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

Merle Gaunt. I-, We’re in Water together. We could stargaze and at the same time-, um-, revise for classes.

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

I mean-, I mean if I could go with them one by one it would be-... But at the same time, all of them together? That sounds dangerous. I guess I’d choose Falka, Kaethe, Hiltwin, Geba and Edkar, my fr-, the people from Haus Bronze. I think we could have fun together. We could go anywhere and it would be fun. Maybe bring some lunch and look for waterfalls in the ravines. No-, no cities. Something where it’s only us. That-, that would be fun, yes.

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

Exams passed, Ceremony over, Adelor and Hiltwin were taking a well deserved break by the Riverarm. Adelor had crossed his arms behind his back and thrown his legs over Hiltwin’s, as though to make the silence not a silence of loneliness. 

Adelor loved moments like these. Being someone who needed other people around him, and yet also being someone who needed  silence from time to time, the comfortable peace in afternoons like this were the best way for him to recharge his energies. Nothing was better to feel more rested. 

“Excuse me?”

Thus, to be interrupted and woken from this beautiful state of half-dozing, was the least pleasant thing imaginable. Especially when it was by his own brother.

“Ger?” 

Adelger cleared his throat and motioned towards Hiltwin, who had sat up a little. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to Herr Schaefer.” 

Both Hiltwin and Adelor seemed surprised by that, but while Hiltwin’s expression then turned amused and curious, Adelor’s expression turned dark. 

“Sure, I don’t mind.” Hiltwin said and wiggled his legs out from underneath Adelor, who looked even less pleased by that

To be fair, they had known that it was too dangerous to go into the River already. The current was too strong, now that the snow was melting from the mountains and brought tons of water into the valley and the Rhine. But the competition was soon, and what was the worst thing that could happen?

Turned out that the worst that could happen was kind of really not good.

And because they had decided to go without authorisation and supervision, it had been Adelor who had jumped after Hiltwin after the latter had not made it to their side of the River in time and was thus being directly dragged towards the deadly rocks of the Loreley. 

Deadly, for so many people before them. 

How Adelor had managed to get him out? He wasn’t sure. He just knew that he had not been scared, not once, not for himself, not for Hiltwin, and that even with nothing but the thundering sound of water around him he had felt calm and confident. Moments later - he didn’t know how many - they were on the shore, hundreds of meters away from where he had jumped in. 

“Thank you.”

“What the fuck were you thinking?! Do you think this is a game! Waving at us in the middle of the River?! I told you not to stop swimming until you reach the shore!” Adelor’s voice was loud; it always was when he was worried and knew that it was all his fault.

“I’m okay.” Hiltwin reassured him.

Adelor fell silent. “Are you?” he asked, after a moment.

Hiltwin poked his own tummy. “Yeah. Very much alive. See.” 

👙 : seeing Hiltwin in underwear (not for the first time)

💋‍ : Hiltwin kissing Adelor on cheek

Third one will be kept for. One day.

It was the first Rhine Swimming Club competition of the year, and although it was still early Autumn and the great ravines surrounding the Rhine kept most of the harsh wind away, it was not that warm anymore. Adelor was wrapped into a thick scarf as he sat by the side and watched the students come from the castle down to the river. The sun was shining brightly but it barely helped with how cold the tip of his nose and his fingers had become since he had come here two hours ago.

“You look cold.” a terribly familiar voice said and Adelor rolled his eyes as he turned to look at who had spoken.

“Well, how surpris-...” His eyes grew wide as he stared, then quickly turned away again. “Why in Merlin’s name are you not wearing anything?!”

Hiltwin laughed. “I’m not wearing nothing.” He tugged on the hem of his underpants as if to prove it, and although Adelor was careful not to look at it, he couldn’t help be terribly aware of it.

“Yes, well. Why?! How are you not cold?”

Hiltwin shrugged and kept the wide grin on his face. “It’s okay, though. We’ll have to get into the water any second.”

Adelor had seen Hiltwin’s underwear - with Hiltwin in it - quite a few times by now. It was impressive just how well you got to know someone by spending a few weeks in the same room as them. Sometimes it already almost felt like he knew Hiltwin better than he had ever known Adelinde. But that still didn’t help with getting used to the sight of him. Generally speaking, but also specifically speaking about him in nothing but his underwear.

Hiltwin was a cheerful, bright and incredibly funny person and no matter how long the day had been, how many horrible moments it had contained, or how often Adelor had felt his throat close up, Hiltwin always managed to make it better. His presence was like plunging your hands into warm water after taking a long walk outside in the cold. Looking at him when he was undressed, though, brought Adelor usually a very different kind of warmth. Hiltwin’s body was far too well-toned, far too purposefully built to pretend like it wasn’t meant to be looked at, wasn’t made to be touched. And thus-

“Please put something on.” Adelor sighed and took off the scarf he’d been wrapped into, holding it out.

Hiltwin didn’t take it. “I’m fine. And you’re cold.”

“Yes, great observation, now, please. Take it.” Still looking away, Adelor felt the scarf being taken from his gloved hands, and he let out a little sigh of relief. He’d only have to wait just a little longer for Hiltwin to put it around him before he could finally look at him. At least he thought so. But it did not happen like this. Suddenly he felt the warmth of the scarf coming back around his shoulders - only that it was much, much warmer now. “What-,” He blinked as he felt Hiltwin settling down next to him on the shore, so close that if Adelor had brought up the courage to turn his head and look at him, their noses would most likely have bumped into each other.

“It’s okay, I just don’t want you to freeze and drown later on.” Hiltwin explained, still smiling so brightly - despite the shyness in his voice - that even without looking at him, Adelor could feel it radiate happiness. He had brought his arm around Adelor’s shoulder, wrapping one end of the scarf around it, the other end around his own shoulders. Adelor didn’t need to look down to the lack of space between them to understand just why it was so warm now. His eyes were glued to the Rhine before them.

“You’re impossible.” he said, almost in a whisper, almost as though he was scared to breathe.

Hiltwin chuckled. “Yeah.”

There was a moment of silence, then a moment of warmth as lips suddenly pressed a kiss to Adelor’s cheeks. It drew a gasp from him, and before he knew what had happened Hiltwin had drawn back and he had forgotten not to look.

He was looking now; surprised, wide-eyed, and directly into this beautiful set of green eyes right before him.

Hiltwin only looked bashful. “Warmer?” he asked.

The eyes of the sparrow hawk stared ruthlessly through the darkness.

Adelor had never considered getting up at night to seek another person’s bed for warmth and comfort. He doubted that even when he’d been little, his parents and nurse had ever allowed him to leave his bed at night. In his mind, there was no such thing like people sharing a bed for no sensible reason. It simply didn’t exist.

After he had fallen to Haus Silber, there had grown something like a temptation within him, a question wanting to know what would happen if he were to just get up and walk over to his roommate and wake him. Ask him to talk to him, to drink with him, to play some cards or all that other silly stuff they did during the day. He had never yielded to that temptation, but it was there, born, growing.

In Haus Bronze it was all different. Adelor told himself that he loathed the people he shared a cabin with, and even during the day, he tried to stay to himself. The nights were loud, for there wasn’t just one or two people in the same room with you, but five or six, and if you weren’t busy trying to ignore the sounds of the sleepers around you, you were too anxious making any noises yourself to actually fall asleep either. If you wanted to leave your bed, it was because you were frustrated and resigned, knowing that this night would be all too long. If you wanted to leave your bed, it wasn’t because of curiosity, or boredom, or the thrill of breaking the rules. And surely not for warmth and comfort.

At least that was what Adelor loved telling himself. But the eyes of the sparrow hawk stared so ruthlessly indeed.

He got up, quietly, and put on his gloves. They were always on the nightstand next to his bed, much like a short-sighted person always kept their glasses on theirs, and there was a reason to that. A reason, which had Adelor put them on now too, even though he did nothing but cross the room.

Standing by Hiltwin’s bed he hesitated, trying not to think about the fact that he would probably lose in a fist-vs-wing fight against Kevin, unsure of what to do. Should he wake Hiltwin and ask for permission? Should he just snatch the blanket and nestle up underneath of it? Nestle up to Hiltwin? Or should he wake Hiltwin up and ask for a game of cards in bed? Was that weird? Was it too obvious?

After glancing at Kevin a last time and letting out a little sigh, Adelor carefully sat down on the mattress. For a moment his hand hovered over Hiltwin’s shoulder, over his chest, over his waist, then retrieved. He lay down without touching him at all, hugging his arms to his chest as his eyes found the soundless melody of Hiltwin’s face in the darkness. So close.

Reasonably seen, there shouldn’t have been any better sleep now than there had been in his own bed. Hiltwin’s presence should’ve been so much louder, and the worry of waking him up should have been even stronger, and the sparrow hawk should have surely stared just as much. And yet. There was nothing loud and no thoughts of worry in Adelor’s mind, and if he had turned, he would’ve seen that Kevin had closed his eyes.