#hiatusing

think im gonna take a break from this site until i get my brain things in order. twitter, too. find me on dreamwidth if you want me 

ngl sometimes being nonwhite in fandom spaces is kind of a drag

basically it's scary how much i can deteriorate in such a short amount of time i haven't had therapy for bare weeks bc he was sick last week and it was my birthday the week before and easter the week before and obviously it's not ideal but i can't rely on therapy forever anyway my anxiety and paranoia has got really bad, i'm anxious all the time, sweating more, i can hear people talking about me and i don't know if it's real or not and i haven't been getting to sleep depression has also worsened, i guess i don't feel depressed for no reason it's about real things but it's about things i haven't felt depressed about for a while, and i guess i am somewhat suicidal atm too anorexia is ok, physically i have a huge appetite right now but i don't give a shit i eat whatever lol my body image is still ok, there's only one thing i hate about right now and it's my arms anyway it's annoying because it's proved to me that i won't be able to go the summer without therapy because i definitely will relapse if not with anorexia, with depressive episodes and taking of care of myself and i don't want that to happen because i want to sleep lol, visit universities, see wednesday and be with wednesday and enjoy my holiday like everyone else at least pretends to enjoy too it's scary though because great ormond street only go up to age eighteen so if i'm not better this time next year i'll be passed onto adult services and i will literally die anyway writing this has made me feel a bit better and it's 00:46 which is annoying and my sleeping habits and lack of revision and excessive napping really make me sad lol but that's the way the cookie cromblez bye oh yeah like if u read this if and i hope everyone is well

suicidal for no reason?

i just came on here to post that as usual i was wearing a long sleeved top underneath my t-shirt but the particular one i wore today rides up a little bit and my left arm was a tiny bit on show and the girl sitting next to me in psychology touched my arm and ran a finger across one of my scars and i jumped and she jumped and she pulled away and i am very nervous and not ready for that to happen ever again