#hgjf

i tHINK most of the time people only talk to me cos i guilt them into it???  like they only want to chat with me on twitter or in asks or in texts or skype when i message them first and then they usually stop before me or w/e

and like idk it seems like im always the one like yabba yabba yabba and i cant get anyone to engage so then im just talking about myself and idk

sometimes i think some people are either friends with me out of pity or when i do things for them idk maybe not even then

idk wot

it rly boils down to here

is that im always so lONELY

its always my common refrain.  iM JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO LIKE ME AS MUCH AS I LIKE THEM.  doesnt even have to be romantically i just want a good frienD EVERYONE HAS GOOD FRIENDS THEYRE REALLY CLOSE TO THEY CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING TO EXCEPT ME MAAAN.

and its ok

i know no one cares i prolly wouldnt care either if i followed someone who whines as much as me I WHINE I KNOW BAH its just i needed to spill it out somewhere cos like i literally have no irl friends?

i went with an irl friend from elementary/middle/and high school for the ramin concert and she just ugh.  it was a disaster.  i should have went alone.  it would have been more expensive but goddamn.  or maybe not cos i had to cover a lot of costs on her end.  she just called me an asshole a lot and made fun of my OCD and kept complaining how neurotic i was and kept making as though to tear my phone from my hands cos i was on it a lot.  IM BAD WITH CONVERSING FACE TO FACE and she was literally doing the same thing, which i pointed out and to which she deflected saying she was only doing it cos i was (ok)

i would have taken someone else--only i literally had/have no one else.

i have no one to turn to lmao.  whenever i wish to go to the movies or to some event (like this) im painfully aware of how alone i am.

and my parents dont help at all (tho im certain they think they are helping and trying in their own way, i guess) by pointing out i have no friends and need to make friends and i should have a boyfriend ("or girlfriend" "im not gay!!!" "ok! ok! ok! you need to get out tho")

ugh idk.  wot am i saying here?!?

tl;dr loser has no friends and cries about it cos shes a loser

also i think im just going to let my queue run out and then bugger off tumblr its not getting anything done.  i might come back now and again but its wotever at this point.