#help it

This porcelain dog. Life-sized (?) Looked more dehydrated irl

Why do you hate Phèdre?

Side effect of studying it in school and it always being lauded as one of the best plays in French literature - it's great! I do think we could bear with giving some more attention to some of the more obscure ones.

Also, some of the quotes are carved into my brain and I'm not a particular fan of them so I'd like them to leave but my brain has said nope. (I'd much rather have Paradise Lost quotes in it at the moment, considering that's the topic of the essay I need to write, but my brain pulled a reverse Phèdre here.)

ㅤ

What if you were a robot—a robot created to be emotionless, without feelings or thoughts of your own, created only to serve your master. Your master created you to fill a specific hole in his heart as much as he created you as a bodyguard and foot soldier. And yet, what if you began to feel and think anyways? What if you learned to protect, first, to hate, second, and finally to care. You want your master to be safe, but is it only because you are programmed to protect? You want him to be happy, but you were not programmed for this, were you? You've begun to feel malfunction when your master smiles, is there something wrong with you?

And what if Alpha Grim Sonic, despite not understanding any of this progression, accepted it? What if he accepted that they want Nine to be happy, they want to protect him, that they feel the urge to enact revenge upon his enemies, that they want to be close to him?

And what if Nine, the fox who keeps two robots as his most constant company, only said "Alpha Grim Sonic? No, no. I like keeping him around, but he cannot feel. He can't talk back. He can't want. I programmed him to be without these things, to be no more than a mindless slave. He can no more care for me than he can speak." Nine believes it's impossible because it shouldn't be possible, because it's hard to accept that a being created only to follow his orders could have feeling for him, much less of their own will. And since Nine refuses to read into the signs he can see and Alpha Grim Sonic refuses to cross any potential boundaries or confess, they merely care for each other, believing that anything they could possibly wish deep down is impossible.

But...perhaps when Chaos Sonic isn't around, when Nine misses Sonic or just merely needs physical comfort, he orders Alpha Grim Sonic to stay with him, to hug him. And Alpha Grim Sonic obeys, perhaps with a twinge of joy in his nonexistent heart that he can help his master this way, and that he is allowed to be so intimate with him.

ㅤ

What if you were a robot—a robot created as a copy of someone else? From the beginning you were granted thoughts, feelings, goals, a personality. From the moment you were given life, these goals and certain feelings were affected by the goals of your creators.

And yet...

"Do I hate the original because I was made to? Are my feelings, thoughts, memories, and goals my own?" The robot doesn't trouble himself with these. They simply live freely, acting as they wish.

What if you were a robot, you died, and you were resurrected by someone else? What if this person who resurrected you carried a great longing coupled by a great loneliness within him? What if you were brought back to life merely to fit the missing hole of a certain person in that person's heart, and what if this irrevocably changed you to your core?

You are still you. Despite having been granted life and motivation originally by those with a specific goal, you are still you. You seem largely the same in personality, in goals, and yet...

Without a choice, you've shifted. You've been brought back as someone's companion, and so you are reprogrammed to care about them, to protect them, to follow their orders.

But you were only created to be a friend, right? Perhaps he did not expect making him the center of your world would change you in such a way.

You always hated the original, but now this hate carries a different weight. Now you don't just wish to replace him (out with last decade's model in with the new), but you want to replace him. You hate him for how he made your one and only best friend (your master, your necromancer) feel—for how he treated him. Deep down, you're angry and jealous that your master still cares for the original so, even when he denies it, especially after hearing your best friend's recounting of his experiences and betrayals. You want to replace the original in reality, you want to replace the original in your master's heart and life, and you yearn to treat him better than anyone ever could. You're glad you can be his bodyguard, his companion, that he does not protest when you call him your best friend, but you want other things with him too. Inexplicably, you want to be close to him always, you want to keep away anything that would hurt him, you want him to succeed in his goals, you want him to be happy

And, deep down, you want for him to value you just as much as you value him.

What if you were a robot, brought back to life to keep someone company, practically reprogrammed to care for him like you haven't cared for anyone, and you didn't care? You know things turned out this way because of the alterations to your programming, and yet you care and feel so much that nothing else matters. Maybe you were meant to just fill the hole someone else left, but those feelings (whatever they are) grew stronger and changed and evolved naturally.

Perhaps, Chaos Sonic thinks, he's better off having been brought back as Nine's friend, because (all the frustration and jealousy aside) he likes this life. He likes having such a dear friend, and a master who cares whether he lives or dies. It makes him feel something at the prospect of making his best friend the happiest fox alive.

And yet, what if Nine, the very fox who ressurected him, only thought "Chaos Sonic? No, no. I like having him around. I like that he can imitate a caring friend and comforting presence. But none of this is real. If he cares for me, if he has any feelings, it's because I made it so. He only cares for me because he's slave to his programming, and I made myself his master and friend by force. It would be...wrong to indulge in such care and feelings, pretending that I haven't forced him to become like this." He doesn't believe that Chaos Sonic having feelings is impossible, but he doesn't believe that the robot would have turned out this way if he hadn't forced it. He'd feel wrong reading into these things as real, because he'd forced Chaos Sonic's role upon him out of selfishness. Whatever Chaos Sonic wants or feels regardless him, Nine doesn't believe these are real. He doesn't believe Chaos Sonic would have chosen him or developed feelings without his (Nine's) own meddling.

But that's what's funny. If Nine ever accepts his feelings, he thinks he's loving an unwilling participant, forced to want him. Whether Chaos Sonic realizes anything regarding the nature of his feelings towards Nine or not, Chaos Sonic is perfectly aware of what Nine did to him, and he doesn’t care. And what Nine doesn't see is that even if his meddling was the catalyst, the truth is that Chaos Sonic's feelings and goals and wishes grew beyond simply being a companion, bodyguard, and subordinate to Nine. There is no longer any clear boundary between what is fabricated and what is real.

Maybe Chaos Sonic is different than Alpha Grim. Maybe he does admit to his own feelings of jealousy and is willing to push futher than the other robot. Maybe where Alpha Grim Sonic accepts his fate as long as it continues to be at Nine's side, Chaos Sonic allows himself to want more than that. Maybe Chaos Sonic does commit himself to proving to Nine and his dense ass self to proving that his feelings and wishes and goals are real.

He will take what he can get greedily (Nine's attention, any intimacy, any iota of care), and selfishly strive for the future where Nine only looks at him.

And maybe Nine decides that taking advantage of the fact that he practically programmed these two robots to care as much as serve is fine sometimes, so long as he can admit to himself that they really have no choice. Funny that he doesn't realize how much doing so gives them exactly things they desire or didn't know they did.

ㅤ

I went fishing last weekend, I normally don't take pictures etc and keep my phone away from the water. But my sister called me so was on speaker and the phone was out of it's save pocket. Then I caught a fish.

While talking to my sister I unhooked the fish and got distracted when throwing it back by the phone slipping and falling off my chair. It would have been completely fine if I just let if fall in the grass next to me. But noooo, I just had to catch it. Then I gently placed the fish in the chair next to me a throw the phone into the water. I'm sad.

oh my god did.. did you have insurance. i dont know what to say

He really is too good for this world. Like he doesn't have to do this. Not really. Especially since he has his contract with Alfa Romeo sorted out already. He basically has nothing left to lose and yet......