She was annoyed at how very gentle he was, pressing herself closer with aggression and fire backing up each and every move she found the bravery to make. Where he smiled past the kisses she took the affair very seriously, eyes closed and brow furrowed in concentration as her fingers curled around and hence tugged at his shirt trying to get him to move closer to her although the space for such a move did not truly exist. Everything they were here and now intertwined around each other was a testament to what they were apart: he was cheerful in spite of what had happened and she was less than and demanding but still managed to muster a smile.
Reluctance to let go took over her as he pulled away from her kiss, a sudden fear that should her teeth cease grazing his bottom lip in the way they did he would tell her it was a mistake and that she was too bold. Worse yet, he’d tell her she was no Seven. She was guilty of it herself, sizing him up against Ryid even as they kissed but she feared it when it came to listing her against another. He loved Seven and she knew it, despite how she protested the relationship all while it happened he was helpless in her hands and now that he’d tumbled out of her grip he was helpless on the floor and she was down here with him bearing the weight of his standards for her (beautiful, more mature, and most importantly smarter). She was frustrated and scared and his words were a mere buzz to her. With eyes laid intently on his lips she got the jist of what it was he was saying; comforting but not enough.
She’d lost her voice to the nervousness that bubbled in her stomach and made her head fuzzy and light. She’d thought about bypassing what he’d said, ignoring it completely and going back in for more. She’d thought about picking herself up from his lap and leaving to return to the chatty crowd of people who would and had just as soon left him. She’d thought about crying.
“I- ,“ A stuttered response as she tried to compose herself for both their sakes. None of the options that’d crossed her fervent mind seemed enough. She didn’t even know what exactly it was she meant by enough, but none of it was what she wanted to do. Was there anything she wanted? He’d wanted to kiss her. She’d obviously wanted to kiss him when she’d asked but that moment had passed and with something akin to a glare she was staring him down with an ironclad white knuckle grip on his shirt with no wants or to do’s on her mind. She was never one to reflect on what she wanted to do before she did it but he’d left her with nothing but thought as she tried to piece together what it was she needed from him. He’d made a blank slate of her and she wasn’t sure where to go from there.
She could not waste anymore time in this frozen state; staring him down, the only movement managed being the twitch of her brow as she so obviously tried to make sense of the situation at hand. So she did what any reasonable Zero would have done. With the grip she’d secured on his shirt she slammed her weight forward and his weight down pinning him to the floor and throwing on leg, still tingling from where his finger had lingered on her thigh only moments before, over his torso so she might regain control of him, herself, and the situation. Her stare was just as intense as ever, perhaps a touch more scolding now that she was on top of him but still one hand unfurled from the death grip she had on him to slide the back of her hand down his cheek, something that in any other circumstance could be considered lovingly.
“We shouldn’t have.” She said, her control of the language suddenly stronger than it had been post kiss. She’d more or less recovered from her stupor but the panic was still in her eyes as she furiously searched his face for clearly written answers as to why they shouldn’t have done what they had done. Perhaps even that hesitation was too telling, suddenly aware of how intimately he knew her. “...And we’re not gonna.” She was slower to state this fact but still it came out of her mouth. “It...it wasn’t the same. So we can’t.” She could have read off a list of reasons of she so pleased: he was too soft with her, he was too close, it was too much. All were true. But she did not. She did not list his flaws instead her sharp look turned to something soft, looking for hurt in his eyes. “We...shouldn’t have.” It was softer this time, more apologetic. A question.
