Why haven't I been posting?

Oh yeah uh

These are one of the few seriously drawn ones

I’ll likely scatter em time wise for now but just know that this one’s the most recently drawn one

IN CASE ITS HARD TO READ:

BEN: Hey guys look at my dog

Jeff: That is a whole ass motherfuckin’ clown

Alright motherfuckers, here it is, the worst creation I’ve ever made.

The context for this AU is that creepypasta is a huge trigger for me due to abuse I would rather not get into, but due to my abuser’s actions and our mutual interest in creepypasta at the time, it developed into a trigger for me.

And I fucking hated it.

I went on for three whole ass years with it, never able to enjoy the thing I used to love without remembering them. I used to love the stories, not because they were good, I thought they were godawful at times (still do), but I loved the way people would take the same basic plot and put their own little twists to it to make it their own. I used to love seeing how people interpreted the characters, watching how they took little stories with sometimes hardly anything about the characters behind them and fully fleshing them out together into a generally accepted viewpoint, even if the result wasn’t reminiscent of the original, but it was still created out of people having fun. For three years, I never felt fear towards these characters, and in a horrible twist of irony, I felt fear for three more years to follow after leaving the situation I was in.

And despite everything, despite getting panic attacks over these characters, I wanted to go back. I wanted to enjoy it again, without that horrible person, with the knowledge I have now, I wanted to at least be able to look a character like Jeff the Killer dead in the fucking eyes and feel nothing.

So for three years, I worked on it. I worked to get over my trigger all on my own. I did research, I tried whatever I found, mainly exposure therapy. I tried inching closer and closer, trying to get myself more and more comfortable with it. It was slow, and frustrating, and I thought to myself countless times, “This isn’t working, I need something better, but what?”

One day, in the middle of math class, I had a fucking revelation. The trick to overcoming a trigger or fear is to associate it with something good, basically train yourself into thinking it’s a good thing. My main concern was with the characters, I couldn’t even say their names without getting a pang of fear. So, I put my art and comedy skills to good use, by making shitposts.

Now hold on, before you start making a copypasta out of this and start going “oh my fucking god this is the most horrible thing I’ve ever read”, hear me out for a second. You see, shitposts are the most positive thing ever for me, I fucking love shitposts. I love drawing as well, and my immediate coping mechanism with anything is to laugh at it. So, I did what I do best, find the humor in something that was horrible to me.

By now, I had exposed myself enough to act out this idea, and I fucking did it. I drew the stupidest things I could think of with various creepypasta characters, drawing them from pure memory to make them even worse, as well as to get myself more comfortable and not have to risk a panic attack during the shitposts. The first one to ever be drawn was BEN, with the joke that his black eyes and tears of blood were actually just heavy amounts of expensive mascara that ran constantly because it was never waterproof. (or it was just Jeff screaming about how he can’t blink, but I don’t currently have that shitpost on me right now)

And from that, it got worse.

After hearing about the incident with Laughing Jack and his creator, it was deemed he would never be drawn seriously, and would now be deemed Rat Jack since he looked like a weird rat dog bird thing with rabies and hates his creator, runs around on all fours, and bites people so he’s kept on a leash under the watch of BEN because he’s the one of the only people immune to rabies since he’s from a video game.

Jeff has eyedrops, since he can’t blink due to his lack of eyelids, but when he can’t find those he’ll take the nearest water bottle and squirt it directly onto him. He’s also visually impaired due to his lack of eyelids as well, and drinks by deep throating straws.

Slenderman is... a stick figure. However, you never see his face, it’s always obscured by something, kind of like the secretary in The Powerpuff Girls, so all you ever see are little stick legs. His voice is also a high pitched anime girl voice if that’s relevant.

Eyeless Jack is just BEN but with a mask on, everyone knows it, but he denies it constantly.

And there’s way more.

I posted them on my personal instagram, and people absolutely loved it. They were extremely supportive of me, and honestly, it helped a whole lot with lessening the effects of my trigger. So, I decided to post it here, publicly, for more to enjoy.

It took me a whole year to get to this point, and while I still feel fear looking at creepypasta, I’m still making my efforts to go back, starting with making this account. Maybe I’ll still feel fear no matter what I do, or maybe I’ll fully get over it and be able to enjoy it again. Only time will tell. Regardless, I’m still trying my best, and I’ll keep on trying my best.

yes

this is the only time hes ever stood up

IN CASE IT’S HARD TO READ:

BEN: daaamn u look good wit yo gucci stilletos