#hellion.

The best part of waking up is screaming what the fuck

i’m matt and you probably know me as the vox for avenged sevenfold (that one band your parents slap their own ass to), or that time i was kicking your ass in video games. i was once a playable character in call of duty which is my claim to fame. i have two kids who are basically miniature clones of myself and i cannot wait for them to cause as much chaos as i did.

I have so much to say but you’re so far away

hey buddy, 

i feel like i haven’t visited you in awhile and i’m sorry. this is probably my 4,152nd apology for that alone. my life got busy, but i always come back to you. tonight i left one of your favorite drinks out on the porch just in case you came by in the night. maybe you’ll knock and i’ll let you in like old times. you’ll come inside and sit in your chair i always keep something in so nobody else sits in it. i even taught my kids not to touch it.  

do you remember our first headlining show? we were so goddamned nervous and you came up and whispered in my ear to just follow your lead? we were on fire and i guess that’s how this whole thing started.  i remember my heart being so fucking full and i was so happy. I turned around to look at you and you gave me..the biggest fucking smile and you mouthed “holy fuck” at me and i grinned so much my face hurt.

i still follow you now, you know. i follow your lead. i remember how much you didn’t give a fuck how weird you were and how much it inspired me to just be…me. i ask myself what you’d do all the time.

this was supposed to be your 40th birthday, and somewhere in the universe i know it is. you’re living out in the woods being the weird cryptid you always wanted to be, chasing thousands of the longest necked ducks you can find. i like to think that we’re there, too, and you know cash and river and all of the struggles we’ve been through since you left here. 

sometimes if there’s a big storm i’ll tell my kids that you’re up there playing the drums as loud as you possibly can and disturbing every angel in heaven with them. they laugh and ask me about you and i tell them that you were the coolest dude i ever knew, and one of my best friends. 

today i want to celebrate you as you were. every inside joke, every laugh that was loud enough to shake the walls of the tour bus, every time i looked at you in disbelief when you opened up your mouth to sing and i’d ask you why the fuck i was the lead singer of the group anyway. you just laughed and told me because i was a badass, crazy fucker and that was where i needed to be. 

i thank the universe every single day that i got to know you for as long as i did.