“You are my sunshine” // (▰˘◡˘▰)
@hellcorrupted / meme / accepting
fingers glide across his cheek, tracing his jawline as his head rests in her lap. each move that she makes is just another tremble that shakes throughout her, and radiates the fear and despair that GROWS inside and clings to her bones. oceanic eyes gaze downwards to him, taking in hardened features and memorizing those gorgeous, emerald eyes that she quite secretly loved to stare into. a smile curls onto her lips, but it, too, even wavers as a light stream of tears begin to fall down her face.
“ you’re going to be alright, okay? i promise you’ll be okay. it’s just … it’s just a bit of blood. i mean, it’s not even that much and … and it’s just you’ll be fine. “
she dares to look, dares to let her eyes fall upon his FATAL wound. it digs deep into his side, slicing through skin and causing blood oh, so much blood to pool everywhere around him, and her. his hands are tainted with it too, made impure by his own DNA. she is covered in it as well, one palm resting gently over his own to help press for pressure. he grows too weak for him to hold it himself. and she only wants to help. no, she wants to do more than help … she wants to switch their places, have him cradle her weakening body until the light fades from her instead of this. the mere thought of losing him could shatter her into thousands of non-replaceable pieces, and if the thought of that did that to her, then what would him dying actually do to her? she can already feel the LOSS festering deep inside, but it remains covered by denial. sometimes denial is the only thing someone has got to keep them sane.
“ hey, did i ever tell you how SAFE it felt when you first held my hand? even though i teased you about being afraid of the dark or something, i was actually thinking about how right your fingers felt intertwined with mine, and how warm inside it made me feel. did i also mention the first time you wrapped your arms around me was the first time i remembered what home felt like? because it’s true; you’re like home. “
her voice is filled with an array of cracks, words barely making it above a whisper as she combs her fingers through his hair, lips quivering along with her words. she chews on the inside of her cheek as she pulls him closer to her, sheltering him away from the world, letting them exist in their own small world against the real one. both her soiled hands come now to delicately hold his face, caressing his features because she could remember him telling her how much it relaxed him to do that. as she does, a choked out sob emits from her, as she deflates and crumbles, eyes blurring with tears, unable to gaze upon him, yet she goes on speaking, pausing for every time she needs to collapse on the inside and out.
“ and did you know that i see every good and bad thing in you and i am in love with you despite it, in spite of it, and because of it. and that seeing you every morning when i wake up is the BEST part of my day, and how you are one of the greatest things to ever happen to me, even if i’ve ever said otherwise. you were by my side when i needed a friend, and you’ve made me laugh, and you’ve made me so much happier than i have been in such a long time and i want you to know that because you deserve to know. you … you deserve so much better than this and i’m so sorry that this is my fault. “
cassandra falls to pieces again, resting her head onto his chest so the soothing sound of his fading heartbeat could reassure her of his life … that he was grasping to every word she said and that he still, for the time being, was her home. the torment simply lurks within, gradually erupting as she holds herself together by thin strings. the beat of his heart is the only thing causing her comfort, and that will surely not last much longer. mentally, she can see the darkness of isolation calling for her, and she knows it will soon swallow her whole the second he is gone. she fears for it, yet longs to not feel this death. she lifts herself up slowly, an unseen weight crushing her down but she rises nonetheless, just so she can see those beautiful eyes filled with fading light one last time. her hand rests over where his heart should be and she smiles at him, only for him, a smile he could only have the privilege of seeing; it was a smile made just for him. all smiles fade and falter though and with the feeling of his heart no longer beating under her fingertips, it fades and her heart dies with his.
his name falls loosely from her lips, soft and quiet the first time before she SCREAMS his name, cries and pleads for him to STAY and WAKE up eliciting from her in loud whimpers. her eyes search for the LIGHT in his own but they’re vacant like she’s beginning to feel. there is no more amenity around her the EMPTINESS is clawing at her skin and taking every piece of her down and under. tears well in her hues, only to shed and fall onto him like raindrops from the sky. she sits, hunched over nothing but his body, with the sense of hollowness and loss becoming so STRONG that she can barely function without everything being trembles and tears. the tightening in her throat suffocates her and the only thing she can breathe out into the void of all love is simply the first I’M SORRY out of many.
