#helladesna

An exhausted L was sleeping peacefully on his bed (a bed he and Light used to share a long time ago), a complete first for Light to witness. After L and the Task Force discussed the apparently real “13-day” rule, time got a hold of them and they had to get back home. Although he was allowed to leave, Light convinced his father to stay and help L with the rest of the investigation, despite the obvious disappointment on L and Soichiro’s faces. Once he dealt with that, L and Light tried to find a way to test the rule, which Light debunked L’s theories several times. L didn’t stay for long since he decided to take a nap. A nap that he wasn’t going to wake up from soon later on.

Light still remembered those restless nights where L stayed up almost all night working on his laptop, the typing of his fingers keeping Light’s eyes wide open. He also remembered how coldly he responded when Light complained about it. “If Light-kun wishes to sleep, then he should sleep. If you are really that tired, then it should be easy for you to fall asleep.”

Those nights were even worse with those damned handcuffs jangling with his movements.

And despite that, Light ended up caring for L; way more than he wanted admit. In fact, he fell in love with the detective. He wasn’t still sure why or how it happened—his memories of him being well, memoryless, were very fuzzy. He wanted to slap himself for it; the plan was to trick everyone from discovering his identity as Kira, not to also fall in love with his enemy.

He hated him, oh how he hated him for changing his feelings that way. How dare he do whatever he did to make him fall in love with L. None of this was fair.

A deep sigh erupted from the sleeping detective and Light tried to control the urge to punch him for interrupting his thoughts. Light inspected him carefully. L was curled up in a fetal position, his thumb near his mouth. What used to be just deep, dark circles, they now looked purple, as if someone had punched him brutally. The case must have gotten to him. It was a sad thing really: Here was The World’s Greatest Detective looking so utterly pathetic like a crushed insect. But he won’t be for long, Light thought, his days are numbered.

All he needed was his real name and he was out of the way. If everything went as planned, L will be dead before he uncovered the truth.

It really is a shame, isn’t it, L? We don’t have to do this. Why don’t you just surrender to me and accept that I am the justice the world needs? Then again, it is more fun this way.

“Light-kun.    .    .”

His thoughts were interrupted once again. He observed the apparent sleeping detective shifting his movements, whispers and small shudders filling out the room as L rapidly made his movements frequent.

Light felt a shiver of disgust pass through him, already having an idea of what L could have been dreaming about.

“Light-kun.    .    .”

Ah, there it was again.

“Light-kun.    .     .”

He wanted him to say it once more. Somehow it was turning him on how L was whispering his name, as if it was the most important word that has ever existed. Say it again, L. It’s good to know that you want me so desperately.

“Light-kun.    .    .” L whispered again, as his arms reached out to hold whatever was in front of him, probably the Light that was in his dreams.

Light leaned in closer to L and trailed his hand delicately across his cheek. “Yes, Ryuzaki?” He said softly.

But what L did wasn’t what he expected. Suddenly, L joined his hands slightly, and his wrists were moving uncontrollably. As he did so, his fingers trembled as he was applying pressure to whatever was in front of him.

“Light-kun,” L muttered in his slumber. “I’m sorry things have to end this way. Since there is no evidence, it’s the least I can do to defeat Kira once and for all.” And then he shook his hands with so much force.

Light was appalled to what he was witnessing. L was dreaming about choking him to death!

He wanted to wake him up, to slap him for dreaming of him that way. Something. And yet, he stayed, wondering what he was going to do next.

L continued to shake his hands for a full minute until he abruptly loosened the force of his hands, and a sob escaped from his mouth.

“No. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this.”

Hmm? Light raised an eyebrow. What was he planning now?

“I wish things were easier for us,” L said evenly. “I don’t want to kill you.”

“Why not?” Light couldn’t help but ask.

“Because this isn’t fair. I should get the evidence first, and then send you to your execution. I don’t want to be the one to kill you.” He said it so easily, as it were just a small nuisance for him.

Light felt disappointment. So he doesn’t feel the same way about me. He knew it was too good to be true. Of course L wouldn’t want him; he was focused on his goal. Unlike me, he thought bitterly. He did the right thing to do and I didn’t.  I shouldn’t have allowed myself to care for him.  It’s like I told myself before, falling for someone is for idiots. Maybe after he’s dead, my feelings will go away, that’s all I hope.

And yet, Light circled his arms around the sleepy detective and held him against him. Maybe he imagined it, but L sighed contentedly as his head landed on his chest. Light reached for his hair and passed a hand thoroughly, massaging the scalp every now and then. Light was aware of his breathing against him, aware that this might be the last time he will hold him like this. The only person who wants to give him this much affection is the same person who wishes his death. Now, wasn’t that a shame?

L slowly opened his eyes and noticed the body close to him. He thought he was still dreaming, Light wouldn’t hold him like this, it’s not like he wanted to. And yet, here he was doing exactly that. Do you care about me the same way I care about you, Light, or this just another game of yours? There was only one way to find out.

L suddenly pulled away from Light and gave him a hard kiss on the mouth. He didn’t have much experienced with kissing, but that was the only affection he could come out with.

A surprised Light kept his eyes wide open at the sudden change of events and when he relaxed and closed his eyes, he kissed L back with the same intensity. If I die in the next few days, I want this to be my fondest memory of you, L thought. As they pulled apart, they were both left breathless.

“Ryuzaki?”

“Shhh,” L shushed with another kiss and this time there was nothing else to say. Light let L get on top of him, and the need to feel skin-to-skin contact was the only thing they wanted to do.