#heero

Finally breaking the WIP curse. Every time I say “WIP” it somehow never happens... but this time it’s actually done.

( PS. You can check out the older WIPs, lineart versions, and some zoomed-in detail shots I liked over on my profile. )

Thank you so much for all the kind feedback, likes, and reposts on the previous posts. I really appreciate it.

Hey. Today’s post is gonna be a bit more serious than usual.

I’ve been gone for a long while. I barely post, and I actually dropped the WIP for this piece back in February, I think? Normally I leave my works unfinished until they rot in some dusty corner of my iPad, so I doubt anyone expected me to actually finish this one but— ta-da~ here it is. It’s actually been done for a while now. I just only recently gathered the energy to post it.

You know, these past 4–5 months have been insanely rough for me.

I got diagnosed with a chronic illness that affects my heart, and it’s been absolute hell. Monthly blood tests, X-rays, hospitals over and over again. Around the same time, my family — who’s relatively well-off — found out that an employee who had worked with us for 12 years betrayed us and stole a massive amount of money. My parents have been fighting nonstop because of my dad’s health issues and other stuff too, throwing around divorce talks every other week. (Not that I care, honestly.) Then my puppy — the one I love to death — got mauled by a hunting dog and almost didn’t survive. Recovery took forever, and one of his back legs is permanently disabled now.

But the absolute peak of this cursed circus was this: I accidentally deleted over 600 brushes from my iPad.

Can you imagine that?? Years of collecting. Years of money spent. Gone because of one stupid misclick. I was so angry at myself I genuinely wanted to snap my own hands off for making such a dumb mistake.

But... eventually, I calmed down. Not easily. Not quickly. But I did. I picked through whatever scraps I had left and tried drawing with the few brushes that survived. And somehow, it became that first Wufei piece. I remember staring at it and thinking:

“...Holy shit. I still got it.”

Even with barely anything left. Maybe this was some kind of test from the universe or whatever. So I started drawing seriously again...

And then guess what happened next?

About a month ago, I posted an adoptable sale on Facebook, and out of nowhere my account got suspended. The worst part? It dragged my Instagram down with it too.

I barely even use Facebook. Instagram was my main platform. So yeah. I was completely screwed.

I sent appeals. Waited forever. And in the end, Facebook permanently banned both my FB and IG accounts. How cool.

Just like that, I lost over 500 artworks and 6 years worth of memories, posts, friends, followers — not a huge audience, but they meant a lot to me. And starting over from zero feels genuinely overwhelming.

I’m usually not someone who cries, but yeah... this time I did end up quietly sobbing.

At some point I started wondering why life seems so desperate to make me quit drawing.

Everyone around me seems to be moving forward with their lives just fine, while I feel like I’m carrying around some cursed aura that ruins everything I touch. Nothing ever works out properly for me. And honestly? I’m angry. Angry at all of it.

As you can probably tell, the Wufei and Trowa pieces turned out pretty good. Back then I still had my social media accounts, and I had just gone to see GW in theaters, so my motivation was still alive.

But the Quatre, Duo, and Heero drawings... those were made after the permanent ban. That’s probably why they feel weaker. I’m sorry if I disappointed anyone who was waiting for them. If your favorite character didn’t come out as good as you hoped. Even I can tell they lost some kind of spark. Some soul. Some emotion.

So yeah. This artwork is basically built from my blood, sweat, ruined health, stress, grief, pain, and every catastrophic bullshit disaster life has thrown at me lately. I hope you like it. Because honestly, I’m not very proud of it. I’m cruel to myself like that. (Asian behavior.)

Funny, right? I normally never write captions this long. And no, I’m not posting this for sympathy or encouragement. I just wanted to publicly curse my unbelievably shitty life for once because absolutely nothing has gone the way I wanted. At this point I genuinely wonder who I murdered in my past life to deserve this kind of karma.

Also, to my guardian angel: Are you an intern or something, you useless bastard?

Maybe I will quit drawing. This could’ve been the last piece I ever made. Not because I wanted to stop, but because I was exhausted. Burned out. I wanted to spite life itself. If everything has to be this difficult, then maybe I should just stop caring too.

Just kidding. You think I’m gonna fold that easily? Hell no. Even if all I have left is charcoal and a stone tablet, I’ll still draw. This is my comeback.

I might disappear again for a while, but I’ll return with even more Gundam Wing fanart — and better than before.

May 23rd is my birthday. This godforsaken birthday. In this godforsaken month. In this godforsaken year. I hate it. It’s genuinely traumatic.

Another year older, and the only thing I’ve successfully accumulated in life is an archive full of Gundam Wing fanart. Fantastic. Honestly, I’m not sure my future descendants will appreciate inheriting that. They’ll probably just sell my gunpla or something.

Anyway. I should go now. I hope the life of whoever’s reading this is brighter than mine.

Relena : Jokes on you, I am into that shit.

Mobile Suit Gundam Wing (1995)