'Tranquil Flame' is one of my main two OC stories. It follows the story of Red and Rein, on their attempt to reach a place they call 'Utopia'; a place where the end of the rainbow lies, which they believe it's the place where they can have a different and better life from their previous home.
A short summary of Tranquil Flame:
On a certain earth, Human coexists with another race called 'Therian', a humanoid race that can shapeshift into an animal. There has been an ongoing feud between Human and Therian, which makes them unable to live in peace together. However, as the society advances, some people make efforts to establish a harmony between the two races. While it is somewhat successful, some countries still struggle to intergrate the two races into a united society.
Red is a young boy from a small village in Ertose, Ezmunch. Ezmunch is notorious for a country with high racism especially to Therian Wolf, that it even segregates Therian Wolf people within a large forest named Dusk Forest. Despite the racism problem, Red manages to befriend a Therian Wolf boy named Rein in the past. However, they have not seen each other for years after an accident involving Red's brother, Snow. Until one day, Rein shows up in front of Red's house during a Werewolves Siege.
As both have turned into teenagers, Red initially doesn't recognize Rein. Rein reminds him of their childhood promise of going on an adventure together. Pondering on his current family situation where his father has fallen so low with his gambling addiction and Red wishes to get a better life for Snow's sake, Red agrees to leave with Rein. However, as they run away on a whim, Red and Rein don't have a specific place to go at first. When they find out the world outside Ezmunch, they become determined to just collect as much money as possible, then live together on a place where Human and Therian can peacefully coexist; and when that day comes, Red wants to take Snow from their old house and makes him live together on their 'Utopia'.
This story is BL, focusing on Red and Rein's relationship as their feeling blooms into something stronger. They also meet new friends as they get into different places. More info about the characters is below the cut.
Red is the main character of the story. As he had lost his mother at the age of 7 after she gave birth to his brother, Red was forced to mature too early. Red was the one who took care of house chores and the mother role in their house, even to the point that he became the mother figure for his brother. As a result, Red didn't have time to properly socialize with children of his age. Shouldered by the responsibilities he was not supposed to handle, Red became cold and rigid to the point that he couldn't even smile. He takes everything seriously and doesn't tolerate fooling around, or even entertain the idea of having fun. Red is also stubborn and not easily swayed, so he always goes through with his mind. Taking care of his brother for his whole childhood also caused Red to develop a protective streak to people he considers close. Red doesn't talk a lot, but is surprisingly quick to anger. Despite being rather quiet, Red is very sharp-tongued and is not afraid to voice his opinion, no matter how harsh it is. After staying with Rein and meeting a lot of new people, Red has learned to loosen up and let his emotions show more.
Rein is one of the sons of the esteemed Olbrich Family, whose father was the current village chief on the beginning of the story. Growing up with a strange yet not fully understood power which makes him insanely strong (physically), Rein was forced to keep his emotions in check because his parents were afraid if Rein got sufficiently angry he could wreak havoc to his surroundings. As a result, Rein became passive and obedient yet eager to please others. Rein is not quite intelligent, and combined with his placid nature he was often bullied during his childhood. Rein never fought back because he was forbidden to raise his fist. Due to this, other children thought he was a wimp for never fighting back.
At some point, he met Red when the two accidentally bumped on each other in Dusk Forest. The two eventually became friends, although they separated ways before reuniting in their teenage years. Wishing for a world where he can have a peaceful life and accepted by others, Rein risked himself to get out of Dusk Forest and lived among humans. Rein is very patient and loves to meet new people, although due to his upbringing Rein never really talks about himself and what's on his mind. Despite living while hiding his real identity as a Therian is tough, Rein believes he can get through everything as long as he is together with Red.
• Kiriko
Species: Human
DoB: May 25
Height: 164 cm
Age: 15 (first arc)
Fav. food: Miso soup
Least fav. food: Wasabi
Family: Father
Kiriko is a human girl whom Red and Rein met when they arrived at Karmost, Ezmunch's neighboring country. Because she has been living her whole life as a sheltered daughter of a rich and famous scientist, Kiriko was excited to meet new friends and offered them a job on her house. Kiriko was a child genius who had helped with her father's inventions since she was little, and she is an expert in creating robots. However as she grew up, her father started to take more unethical experiments and forced Kiriko to be his accomplice. He put Kiriko under constant fear to make her obedient. Kiriko is not allowed to go outside without her father permission. As a result, she spends a lot of time indoor and working with her machines or computer programs. Even though Kiriko likes to tinker with machines, she really concerns about her looks. On the rare time when her father allows her to step outside, Kiriko likes to go shopping, trying new clothes, and going to beauty salon. Kiriko maintains a cheerful face and optimistic views on life despite she has her life under absolute control of her father and being constantly pressured. Kiriko admires Red and Rein for being able to run away from their place, and wants to follow their path. She believes someday, she can eventually get her freedom and lives on her own accord without needing to obey other people. That's why she endures everything and resolves to never give up.
• Marie
Species: Human
DoB: July 7
Height: 173 cm
Age: 18 (second arc)
Fav. food: Gratin
Least fav. food: Pineapple
Family: None
Marie is a quirky girl with strange powers inside her, which make her a bit unstable although she is mostly fine when Red and Rein know her. She lost her family when she was 2 years old due to an unknown accident, and subsequently taken under her aunt's care. However, Marie turned out to be a creepy child who had a terrifying obsession to dismember animals and harmed other children, so her aunt locked her in the attic. During her isolation, Marie went almost insane due to the lack of social interaction and the voices inside her head, made by the 'entities' that give her power. One day, her aunt's son, Oz, suddenly opened the attic door despite being forbidden to do so. Oz wasn't afraid of Marie and was willing to be her friend. Touched with Oz's kindness, Marie is willing to devote her whole life for Oz even though she hates the whole world for making her suffer.
After having a falling out with her aunt, Marie left her aunt's house with Oz following her. Marie kept her distance from other people because Oz told her so. As a result, both of them became outcasts. Marie worked on a slaughterhouse sometime after because she felt that it can 'sate' her sadistic urge to dismember and harm others. While working there, at some point she got to know Red and Rein. Despite her best efforts to avoid them, she eventually became their friend. Marie has a huge influence on Red's sense of humor and tendencies to prank others, because Marie herself is a prankster. When she has her sound mind, Marie is quite perceptive to her surroundings. Marie doesn't like to be ordered by other people and has a very high sense of individuality, so she always acts on her own. She is very hard to read and be understood.
• Oz
Species: Half-Therian
DoB: September 6
Height: 175 cm
Age: 17 (second arc)
Fav. food: Potato
Least fav. food: Pineapple
Family: Father, mother, younger sister
Oz is Marie's cousin. Lived with overbearing, perfectionist mother who is also a devout religious, Oz never grew a spine to stand for himself. The first time Oz went against his mother was when he unlocked the attic door and found Marie, and decided to be her friend. Despite his mother's objection, she eventually relented because Marie never harmed him. Because Oz hung out with Marie too much, he also became friendless. Oz really likes Marie and wants to stay by her side no matter what, to the point that he even decided to follow Marie when she left his house. He also befriends Red and Rein first before they become Marie's friends. Oz is cautious, diligent, and likes to plan things thoroughly. Oz is easily intimidated and sort of a doormat due to his upbringing, however he is aware about this shortcoming. As a result, he likes to write his personal opinions on his journal. Often, his writings sound very harsh and judgmental. Being raised in an overly religious environment also makes Oz hard to accept views outside of what he believes, although he sometimes tries to compromise if it's concerning his friends. Like Marie, Oz is also quite perceptive, although he never voices out his opinions.
• Iris
Species: Human
DoB: September 28
Height: 158 cm
Age: 15 (third arc); 18 (ending)
Fav. food: Stir-fried noodle
Least fav. food: Tomato
Family: Father, Mother
Iris is the daughter of a famous baker in Glessa, Bredynn. She became acquainted with Red and Rein after her father hired them to work on his bakery. While normally sweet and demure, Iris is also kinda selfish and wants things to go her way, and sometimes is prone to impulsive anger when she is upset about something. Despite having such a bad attitude, Iris actually lives quite normally and not an outcast or loner like other characters mentioned before. She is also diligent and is willing to improve on skills she is lacking. While Iris has a good relationship with Red and considers him like her brother, Iris hates Rein because she is jealous that he is popular and well-liked by people. Rein being her partner with delivery jobs doesn't help her case, and as a result Iris is very mean to him. Iris also vents her anger and frustration to Rein, unaware that her action has bad consequences. Deep down, Iris suffers from inferiority-superiority complex and believes she is inadequate to inherit her family's bakery because she can't bake well. Iris also has survivor guilt because she outlives her siblings who died after a werewolf attack. As a result, Iris is very racist to werewolf and really hates them. Ironically, Iris doesn't know that Rein is a werewolf, although she is still not amicable to him for a whole different reason.
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Well, from where we should start? Maybe I should start from introducing myself.
My name is Axel. I was born as Axel Olbrich, on a certain sunny day in a refreshing spring. Spring is the season of beginning, and so was my birth. My parents expected my birth so much, I was a new beginning to their life. We finally became a small family with my existence.
I am a Therian Wolf. Basically, I am a part of the race that can shapeshift into an animal, and my animal is wolf. We were known as a proud race who loved battles and world conquests, and we used to be the strongest Therian race to ever exist in the past. A lot of other races, Therian and Human alike, eyed us with hatred and jealousy. Well... it was a long gone story now. In the present day, being a Therian Wolf means my race is basically on the lowest rank of discrimination.
When I was younger, my homeland used to segregate our settlements from the others, especially humans. We lived behind the thick, impassable walls made of living trees we call Dusk Forest. I too, was born behind that wall. I did not know how was the world beyond the endless sea of trees. However, it did not matter for me. As long as I had my parents, I did not mind to live my whole life here.
It was my simple and happy days.
As a mean to prevent any unnecessary bloodshed between people who were separated by the living wall, a semi-military force called 'Forest Rangers' was created by the Therian Wolf. My parents were also part of them, and despite their young age they were quite accomplished. The forest was indeed thick and bewildering, but sometimes adults could traverse it with no problem if they need to. It was rare for them to do so, though, and I never saw any human for a good while of my life. It was the reason why Forest Rangers existed.
Well... Maybe, I did see humans before. I just tried so hard to forget that memory.
My mother was Hilda Olbrich, born Hilda Esser. She was one of the elite members of Forest Rangers, and probably the only female there. I called her Mama. Mama was a tall woman, she was almost as tall as Papa. Mama had short and unkempt blonde hair, parted to the right side of her face. Her body was quite muscular. She was very rough, brutish, insanely strong... but she was also gentle and loving, especially to me. I love Mama so much, and she loves me too. I inherited her looks and I am basically her if she is a man, and I suppose that is one of the blessings I feel so grateful of.
But as the famous saying goes... every good thing in this world never lasts forever. Sometimes, they went away too quickly. It also happened to Mama.
It was a certain day when I was three years old. Mama was swamped with paperworks, and she did not want to do it in our house.
"Axel, let's get a walk!" she excitedly invited me. I gladly accepted with a big smile on my face and took her hand. I did not forget to bring my beloved ball along. We hummed a song together, striding along the path leading to the forest. I could smell the fresh air. The clear blue sky with white, thin cotton-like clouds scattered and the green foliage of the forest were above us. I looked up on the sky, as if I wanted to fly. I released Mama's hand and started to run, letting out small giggles. Mama was laughing behind me, and she finally sat under a tree.
"Mama will work here. Don't play too far, okay?" she said. Mama pulled her files of papers and started to read them.
"Okay!" I responded with a big nod. I started to play with my ball, kicking and throwing it around. I did not realize that my ball started to get further and further, until Mama was completely out of sight. I was too busy chasing it so I did not realize. When I came to my sense, I saw some men looming over me. They did not have ears and tail like me or Mama.
"A werewolf!" one of them exclaimed. I looked at their face with curious eyes.
"Hello!" I tried to greet them and gave them a warm smile. They did not look at me with the same feeling, however.
"Tch, what is it? A bait?"
"It's just a kid, he probably can't harm us."
"I'm sure it's a bait! Those piece of shit, scumbag werewolves! They think they can fool us again?"
One of them grabbed my arm and squeezed it tightly, almost as if he was trying to crush my arm. I winced in pain. "Mi-Mister! It hurts..." I weakly cried.
"Hurry, call the others! We must kill this mutt, here and now!" the man who grabbed my arm yelled. Some of the men left in a hurry. Even though I did not understand, I knew they did not have good intention. However, I did not cry because I was too confused with what happened. I did not struggle too, so I guess that was why the remaining men did not harm me. Sooner than I expected, more men came. They brough sharp weapons, blunt weapons, and even torches.
"Kill him! Kill him!" they angrily rushed to me. One of them almost swinged their weapon, until a hand punched that person away and he fell flat on the ground.
"AXEL!!!" it was Mama's voice.
"STAY AWAY FROM MY SON!!! GRAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Mama roared. She kicked and punched the angry mobs who tried to kill me. It was amazing, she could stand her ground despite being outnumbered and all her opponents were men. Maybe when we said Therian Wolf were used to be the strongest race, it was not an empty brag.
"Mama...?!" I confusedly called her. I wondered if Mama heard me.
"Axel! Axel stay close to Mama, okay! Let's get away from hereー" Mama tried to reach me, but it was too late.
Kshluk!
Mama's eyes widened. A dagger penetrated into her flesh, followed by a loud woman's scream.
"AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!"
It rung so loudly in my ears. In her last desperation, Mama still valiantly fight back and punched the men who stood in our way. Mama carried me and hurriedly ran back to the forest. Mama panted so heavily, but she kept running and running. She knew at this point, she could not win anyway.
"Mama, my ball!" I yelled.
"We'll buy a new one later, Axel!" Mama replied in the middle of her heavy panting. We probably got away pretty far already, so Mama dropped me. Her whole body was shaking, her face was pale. Mama was sweating a lot.
"Axel... Let's rest here. Mama is tired..." she said. I looked at Mama without saying anything, but I proceeded to follow her sitting under a tree. I blankly stared at her, until she started to shiver uncontrollably and puked.
I started to sense something was wrong with her, so I stood up. Why did she puke? Did she not eat the same meal like me? I was okay, though. Did she eat something when I was not looking? Mama's skin started to look bluish. Mama turned her head and looked at me for a moment. Then, she gave me a warm smile and gently patted me on the head.
"Axel, Mama is tired..." she said with a weak voice. "Let Mama rest a bit, okay?" she continued.
"Okay, Mama." I replied.
I sat next to her, while Mama slowly closed her eyes. I could see her body briefly jerked, until she stopped moving completely. I hummed the song we used to sing together and looked up on the sky. The clear blue sky I saw earlier was a bit darker with thick, black clouds scattered now. A murder of crows also flew above me in circles, as if it was telling a bad omen.
"Mama?" I called her quietly, not sure whether to wake her up. I saw Mama closed her eyes, as if she was sleeping. I reached her cheek, and it was cold.
Mama is cold, I thought. I took off my small jacket and covered her shoulder with it.
"There... Mama will get warmer." I muttered. Mama did not like her naps getting disturbed, so I tried so hard to put it gently. I sang again and looked at the sky once more. It started to get darker, the sun was setting. Would Papa get angry if we got home late? I wanted to wake mama up, but I was too afraid to do so. I held her hand then. It was cold too, so I gripped it tightly.
Maybe, I could make her warmer.
Soon, I heard some footsteps coming closer. There were two rangers approaching us.
"Oh, it was Axel." one of them laughed at me. "Hello, Axel!" they greeted.
"Hello, Mister!" I greeted them back with a smile.
"Oh, is that Mrs. Hilda?" the other ranger looked at Mama, but his expression suddenly changed. It was like a grave shock, as if he wanted to say something but words could not escape his mouth.
"A-Axel..." he tried to call me. "Your mother...?"
I smiled innocently while letting out a small laugh. "Mama said she is tired, so she is sleeping!" I tried to explain. The two rangers did not seem to be satisfied with my answer, and in turn looked at us in horror.
"And this is... your jacket?" they asked me again.
"Yes!" I exclaimed loudly with a big nod. "Mama is cold, so I'm trying to make her warm!"
The two rangers were shocked speechless with my answer. We fell into a silence for a moment. One of the rangers sighed, and spoke to his comrade. "Please, bring Axel home and tell Mr. Siegfried. I will contact the others."
The other ranger hung his head and stood up. His face looked gloomy, but after he took a deep breath he gave me a smile. "Let's go, Axel."
"But Mama?" I looked back at Mama.
"It's okay, my friend will be with her." he lifted my body and carried me. "It will get dark soon, so stay with me."
The ranger started to walk away, and Mama became farther and farther. I could not stop looking at Mama until she was out of my sight. I hoped Mama did not get angry with the other ranger, but she really napped for too long.
The ranger who was with me finally spoke, after walking for a while. "Axel... What happened earlier?" he asked.
"Oh... I was playing with my ball. Mama was reading papers." I replied.
"And then?"
"I chased my ball until I saw some men without ears and tail. They did not seem to like me, so, umm..." I tried to put what I saw into words. "They brought... knife? Fire? And, umm... Something you use to hit ball..."
The ranger stopped walking, and stood frozen while hearing my answer. He was really dumbfounded.
"Oh, they also said 'kill him, kill him'... What is 'kill'?" I asked the ranger. The ranger didn't answer, but he hugged me and stroked my head as if he was trying to comfort me.
"Sorry, Axel..." he said that instead.
I did not understand why he apologized.
Soon, we arrived at my house. The ranger knocked the door, and Papa opened it.
"Oh, Axel!" he was so delighted to see me, but his smile soon went away when he noticed someone was missing. "...Where's Hilda?" Papa asked.
"Umm... Sir... Mrs. Hilda is..." the ranger looked unsure about what to say. Papa started to look alerted. He pushed the ranger out of his way and ran from our house.
"Papa!" I tried to call him and struggled from the ranger's hold. The man dropped me, but he held my hand so I could not chase him.
"What's wrong? What's wrong?" soon, my neighbors gathered. A neighboring lady now was holding me. Amidst the hustle and bustle, I could hear some words although I did not understand what that meant.
Hilda died.
Papa came home crying, which was an extremely rare sight. People around me were also crying. Why? Why they suddenly felt sad? I saw Mama in a pretty, white dress, being put inside a box. Mama was still sleeping. I stared at her face. Why did not she wake up? Mama would hate it, that kind of dress must be uncomfortable for her to wear. Furthermore, I never saw Mama in a dress.
Papa was still sobbing, his face was covered by his big, calloused hands. I did not understand, why Papa cried so much? Papa was usually alright when Mama was sleeping. Mama would wake up tomorrow morning, right?
Right?
"Axel!" the lady from earlier pulled me away from the Box where Mama slept inside. I glanced at that lady's face, her eyes were also wet.
"Axel... You don't feel sad?" she asked me.
"Why?" I smiled to that lady. "Mama said she is tired, and she needs a rest. She will wake up when she is not tired anymore. Maybe tomorrow morning!" I continued.
The lady bursted into tears when she heard my answer, along with other adults around who heard what I said. I felt like maybe they wanted to say something to me, but they couldn't bring themselves to do so.
Soon, the top of the box was covered.
Would Mama still be able to breathe?
After that, some men carried the box outside. Out of curiosity, I followed them. I tried to got close to Papa, although he dismissed me. He did not look at me even once, he was busy crying while some of his subordinates calmed him down. I did not know where did they bring Mama to, but it was a place with a lot of stones. The stones all looked the same. There was a large hole on the ground. The box was lowered. Mama was there, inside of the box. My eyes widened. What did they do to Mama?
"Mama...!" I tried to reach the box.
"Axel! Don't!!" a man grabbed me and held me back. Maybe he was a ranger like Papa and Mama.
"But Mama...!"
My jaw dropped when they covered the hole with the soil around it.
"Mister! What if Mama wake up!" I tried to struggle from the man's hold. I wanted to stop the men who buried Mama, but I could not escape his hold.
The man did not say anything for a while, until he finally spoke in a low voice. "Your Mama... Will not wake up, Axel..."
I looked back at him. "Umm, not tomorrow?" I asked in disbelief.
"Yeah... yeah. Not... Not tomorrow." he replied hesitantly. I stood up in a daze. Maybe he was right. Sometimes, Mama needed to sleep a lot when she was so tired. Maybe this was also one of those times.
"Okay..." I stopped struggling. "Then I'll wait until Mama wake up."
The man did not reply to me anymore, but I could see a single tear fell from his eye.
I did not cry at all even until the burial was over, because I believed Mama would wake up someday.
* * *
After that fateful day, Papa changed. Papa smoked a lot, he often locked him inside his room. Papa kept himself busy with his job and did not allow me to leave our house. I did not have anything to do, so I only waited for Papa to come home in front of our door. But, Papa still did not look at me. He acted as if I was not there. Papa always refused to play with me. Maybe he was tired, so I tried to understand.
It was lonely, though.
"Mister Kitty, play with me~" I said to a ginger tabby cat who often visited me. I swung the cattails in front of it.
"Meooww~" the cat flopped on its back, trying to catch the toy. He looked rough and dirty, well he was a stray cat. But, Mister Kitty was very friendly to me. After a while, Mister Kitty got bored with the toy and just sat next to me while licking his paw. I gave him some pats.
"Axel, why don't you play with other kids?" Mister Kitty asked me. As a Therian, I can understand animal speak which is a good thing.
"Umm... I don't have friends..." I replied.
"Poor little thing." Mister Kitty licked my hand. "Then it can't be helped, huh? I'll be your friend."
I laughed at him. "Sure thing! I love being with Mister Kitty, too!"
At least, with Mister Kitty around, I was not that lonely.
Some neighbors sometimes would stop by and asked me, "Why don't you play with other children, Axel?"
I shook my head. "Papa said I couldn't leave our house..."
"You can play on my house," said my next door neighbor lady. "I also have a son around your age."
"No... thank you..." I shook my head again while giving a sheepish smile. "Papa will get angry if I disobey him."
"Ah, then... I'll try to ask my son if he wanted to play with you, okay? Wait!" she hurriedly went back to her house. I only blankly stared at her. Not too long after, I could hear her son yelled from their house.
"No, I don't wanna play with Axel!"
"But why? He doesn't have a friend, you know?"
"He is boring! I don't like him!"
I sighed. I knew it. I did not know why other children did not like me that much. I stared on my feet. It did not matter, anyway. I had Mister Kitty. I still had a friend.
But, that day was weird. Mister Kitty came to me with bloodied head and limping feet. I was very shocked when I saw him on that state.
"Mister Kitty!" I quickly ran to him. "Mister Kitty, what's wrong???" I asked. I squatted and tried to touch him very gently, afraid that my touch could hurt him.
"Someone hit me, Axel." he huddled closer to me and purred. I did not know what to do, so I sat on the ground while staying close to him.
"Mister Kitty..." my voice was shaken. I was on the verge of tears when I saw my only friend was badly battered like that.
"It's okay. Don't cry, boy."
Sadly, I could not stay with Mister Kitty. When Papa came home, I needed to go inside. The next day, Mister Kitty was not around my house anymore.
I waited. Maybe Mister Kitty would come later. Soon, I heard two neighborhood ladies talking to each other.
"Last night, I saw an orange cat on my backyard. It was dying and really made my daughter shocked." one of them said.
"Oh, poor thing... Did you managed to save it?"
"No... It died. We ended up burying it there."
My eyes widened. Where did I hear those words before?
Hilda died.
It... could not be Mister Kitty, right? There were a lot of orange cats around. I shook my head, trying to not think too much about what they said. Mister Kitty was probably resting and would come later.
Later.
One day. Two days. Three days.
A week. Two weeks.
Mister Kitty did not come for two weeks. I was starting to feel uneasy and upset. Where was Mister Kitty? Had his wound healed already?
I remembered the neighbor from that day, I knew her house. For the first time after a long while, I stepped out of my house alone. I ran to her house and sneaked to her backyard. I gasped when I arrived there, I saw something. It was a small mound of soil. It looked like... the place where Mama was buried, just much smaller. I fell on the ground, sitting, and my jaw dropped.
"Mister... Kitty...?"
I see. Mister Kitty was also tired. Mister Kitty was not going to wake up anytime soon. For the time being, I should leave him alone, then.
"Good night, Mister Kitty..."
* * *
After I did not see Mister Kitty anymore, my days became bleaker. I was only sitting in front of my door, staring blankly to the hustling road without doing anything while waiting for Papa to come home. Sometimes I would read some books, but even that went boring so quickly. I wonder if there was something I could do.
One day, Papa came home earlier than usual. He looked like he was in a hurry.
"Axel, pack your stuff." he also spoke to me. How unusual.
"Eh? Why?" I followed him inside.
"We're going to move." Papa replied.
"Move? Where?" I asked again.
"Doesn't matter, just pack your stuff." he said without looking at me, busy with looking for something.
"But, this house...?"
"That's for Papa to think."
"But, how about Mama? What if Mama wake up and we're not hereー"
"JUST!!! PACK YOUR STUFF!!!" Papa yelled on the top of his lungs straight to my face.
"...!!!" I gasped and was frozen in shock. Papa never yelled that loudly to me, but it seemed like he did not care. Papa left me alone when I was still standing motionlessly. After a while, I could let the shock sink in and then ran to my room. I did not know what to pack, so I took all of my toys. When I was busy collecting my toys, Papa came in.
"Done packing?" he asked. He frowned when he saw me and my toys, and clicked his tongue. Papa removed all of my toys from the box and replaced them with my clothes. "We can't bring them." he said, as he stuffed my clothes inside the box.
"But I... want to bring them..." I tried to talk back, now in a lower voice.
"We can buy them again." Papa replied dismissively. I could only see Papa packing up my stuff in silence. I looked at my bookshelf. Ah, right. My books. I took every single of them and approached Papa.
"Papa, I want to bring my books." I said to him.
"No." Papa answered without looking at me.
"Please, Papa? It doesn't take a lot of space like my toys?"
Papa sighed, and took a brief glance at me. He was just finished with packing my clothes.
"Fine, just five. Put it with my books." he said shortly before he left my room.
"Really! Yaaayy!!! Okay, one..."
I counted to five for the books I wanted to bring. It was hard to choose, because I love my books. But eventually, I could decide. I excitedly came to Papa's room and showed him the books I wanted to bring.
"Papa! These are the booksー"
Without saying anything, Papa took the books from my hands and put it in a bag along with his books. "Now, bath. We will leave soon."
I complied with what he said. He was right, as soon as I was finished with dressing up we really left our house. Papa brought me to his office, although he told me to wait on the entrance.
"Hi, Axel!" the officer in duty greeted me.
"Hello, Mister!" I greeted back with a huge smile.
"Where are you going?" he asked.
"Papa said we are moving away."
"Really?" he seemed surprised. "Then, good luck with your new place! Have a safe trip~" the officer continued with a heartfelt laugh. I could not help but also laughed together with him.
Soon after Papa was finished with his business, we took a bus. It had been a long time since I rode a bus. I was excited to see the scenery from beyond the glass window. Then, I quietly stole a glance on Papa.
Papa was looking away. He looked lost in thought, but he did not look at me.
Papa never looked at me anymore ever since that day.
It was on a certain winter day, just a few days after new year, when a new life came to this small house I used to love.
"Waaah... Waaahhh..."
"It's a boy, Grace!"
"A baby boy! Really?!"
A pair of warm hands handled me. My cries were accepted by laughters and happiness. My existence was something my parents, Alan and Grace Collins, expected so much. My grandmother was also there. Tears of joy were also running on her cheeks since I was also her first grandson. My mother didn't go to a hospital during her labor. It still went well though, thanks to the competent local midwife who helped her.
"Oh... Alan, look! He is so cute... Our son! This is our son!" Mom sounded so happy. She kept caressing my face as she held me close. Dad also smiled non-stop. He couldn't hide his happiness too. Well, I heard Dad wasn't a really expressive man. But, the day of my birth was one of the days when he smiled a lot.
"Yes... What should we name him?" Dad asked.
"Didn't you prepare a name, already?" Mom asked him back.
"Well, uhm... In case, you want to name him something else..." he retorted poorly. Mom laughed.
"What do you mean? Of course I want him to be named with the name you give!" she continued with a small chuckle.
"O-okay... Ahem." Dad cleared his throat, acting a bit nervously.
"Flynn. It is the name I prepared."
"Flynn?!" Mom responded in awe. "That's a beautiful name!"
"I think so too." Granny chimed in.
"Alright then, my son." Dad caressed my head gently. "From now on, you will be Flynn."
"Welcome to this world, my dear."
* * *
I don't think there is anything remarkable about me growing up. I grew up normally, just like other boys. It's just... I guess, Mom kinda... loved me excessively. I didn't feel annoyed with her attention. It was just how she was. Mom was an energetic, perky woman who never ran out of energy. She would tag me in everything she did. She would brag about how much she loved me to everyone she came across. Mom also had an affinity with animals. When she had no one to talk... she would talk to those animals. Strangely, they seemed to understand her. Maybe my mother was weird, but she was loved by everyone. Dad also loved her very, very much.
I guess Mom kinda spoiled me, but somehow it didn't turn me into a brat. Somehow, I think I was kinda exasperated with how my mom acted too... but, maybe, I was a bit different. As a toddler, I was very quiet. It was not like I have speech problem. I was normal. I simply didn't like talking, because Mom used to do it all the time. Well, since it didn't really hinder me, my parents let it be. I still could play with other kids just fine. I was only very quiet.
What else was there...? Hmm... I think, most adult said I was intelligent. I could count when I was barely one year old. I also had good comprehension. I could read before I turned four. I was quite complacent, placid, and easy to deal with. Somehow, other children listened to me too. I was an only child, but my presence was like their older brother. Although, we were on the same age. I was closer to Mom, but Dad also cared to me despite being busy with his job. I learned a lot about being disciplined and responsible from Dad, because Mom was very carefree. Dad said a man should keep his words and being faithful. They also should be strong so they could protect their family. Everytime Dad told me that, he would hold my small hand. We walked together around the village while watching the sunset. I knew he was tired from his job. But, he was always so happy to see me as if his fatigue was gone just from seeing my face.
Despite that, I also had my shortcomings. I was very, very bad with arts and crafts. My drawing was so bad. My friends would laugh at that, and I always went home crying. Dad also tried to teach me how to make simple wooden handicrafts. Yet, I always butchered them so badly. I was also short and small. And my face was rather... cute. Uhm, maybe it still IS, but it's not something I like to admit, okay? If my hair grew a bit longer than usual, I would be mistaken as a girl. That's why I always cut it very short. Just like how Dad had his haircut.
I never get bullied due to my stature, thankfully. I guess that's because my friends respected me. It's like how they would respect their older brother. Back then, I didn't have a lot of birthday parties. But when my parents held one for me, my friends would always come. We had so much fun when the days were simpler.
* * *
Aside from my parents, I was also close to my grandmother. Granny cherished me so much, because I was her only grandchild. Twice a week, I would visit her with Mom. Granny lived on the neighboring village, separated from mine by a bridge. I loved walking to her place. I loved to see the scenery; the blue sky, the white clouds, the clear water of the river, the gentle breeze, the humming voice of Mom who was always singing everytime we walked there. When we arrived, Granny would welcome me so warmly, hugged me and sometimes even carried me. She would make me cookies and warm milk. Then she chatted with my mom until the sun set while letting me sit on her lap. Sometimes, Granny cooked something during my visit. I would help her in the kitchen along with my mother. Mom and Granny were good cooks. I was quite fascinated with helping them in the kitchen. Despite people saying that cooking is not a 'manly' thing to do, I didn't care. I liked being in the kitchen. Sometimes I would try to cook on my own, with Granny and Mom watching over me.
Granny was a tailor. Apparently she was quite fashionable during her youth too. Granny made a lot of clothes for me, but there was something that stuck with me even until I grew into an adult. At one point, I was so offended with someone who mistook me as a girl. I asked Mom for a haircut afterwards. I got too upset that I asked for a buzzcut to the barber... which, frankly, made me looked even weirder. Back on the village, my friends laughed at my almost bald head and called me 'matchstick'. I refused to go out of my house. During my visit to Granny's house, I was visibly upset and even quieter than usual. Granny only laughed and patted my head. She went inside her room, and brought something when she was back. It was a bright red hood.
"Here, Flynn. You can wear this." said Granny. "You can cover your head until your hair grows back." she continued.
"...isn't this for girls?" I asked while staring on the hood she put on my lap.
"Well, it was mine!" Granny laughed. "You don't need to wear it all the time, though. You can stop once you get your hair back."
I kept staring on the hood. I was reluctant to wear it, even though it was Granny's. Wouldn't it make me looks like a girl even more?
"There, there, Flynn... It's okay." Mom patted my back.
"It's okay if you don't want to wear it, but won't you try it first? Let's see whether it suits you or not." she continued, while giving me a big smile. I couldn't say no to Mom's smile. I wore the hood, and covered my head with it.
"Ohhhh.... Mom, look! Flynn is so cute! Sooooo cuutteeeeee!!!" Mom gushed over me and pulled me in a hug, while squishing my cheeks and rubbing my head. "Flynn, how could you be this cute! Waaaahhhh..."
"Grace, calm down!" Granny only laughed at my mother's antics. "Let Flynn go, will you?"
"No!!!"
I started to lose my breath in Mom's hug.
"Flynn can't breathe, dear. Let him go." Granny repeated again.
"Oh, really? Oh noooo...! Sorry, my baby boy!" Mom finally released me, but she was still pinching and squishing my cheeks.
"M-mom..." I weakly groaned. Sometimes, Mom was just too much.
"What is it?" Mom answered nonchalantly. I only let out a big sigh.
"Grace... You're annoying him." Granny also let out an exasperated sigh, although she chuckled afterwards. "Your son is not a doll, you know?"
"Sorry, Mom... He is just too cute..." finally Mom let go of her hands, although it was obvious that she held back so hard.
"I know." Granny gently smiled to me and patted my head. "It suits you, darling." she continued, while still looking at me with her warm gaze.
I blankly stared at Granny. I could heard Mom still gushing next to me. "He can wear it everyday!" Mom exclaimed.
"Don't force your son." responded Granny.
I heard them continue to bicker, although I didn't really care about what were talking about. After that, I started to wear the hood Granny gave me. Everyone's reaction was like Mom's. They all said I was cute. It was really grating on my nerves. But, I guess it was better than being called 'matchstick'. I started to get used with it, until I was very famous with my red hood. Some people even ended up calling me, "Hey, Little Red!" due to my hood.
The Little Red Riding Hood was a boy, though.
* * *
At least, that was my life until I turned seven. One day, my mom glomped at me after she came out of the bathroom. She seemed happier than usual.
"Flynn, my hooneeeeyyyyy!!!" she hugged me so tightly. "You will be a big brother!" she excitedly exclaimed.
"...?!" I stood frozen after hearing what she said. Soon after, Dad came and gently laughed at us.
"It means your mom is pregnant." he said.
"Oh...?"
"Come on, Flynn! Be more excited!" Mom released her hug, then proceed to shake my body.
"W-what??" I only stared blankly at Mom, trying to process the information.
"Flynn! We gonna have another child! And you will have one baby sibling!" once again, Mom shook my body back and forth while yelling loudly. Honestly, I was dizzy from what she did to me.
"Calm down, calm down." Dad held Mom back. "Flynn, your mom is pregnant. You will have a younger sibling soon." finally, Dad spoke in a comprehensible manner.
"Tomorrow?" I asked him.
"...in nine months." he replied.
"That's not soon."
"Well? Pregnancy lasts nine months. If three weeks, that's chicken egg."
"Oh."
I had nothing to say any further, so I only stared at my parents. What should I do? I never expected a sibling. I lived my life as an only child for so long. Will I be a good big brother? What should I do as a big brother? I was lost in thoughts while my parents were talking to each other. Then, I inadvertently opened my mouth.
"Is it a brother or sister?"
"Oh... we don't know about that yet." Mom quickly replied. "We'll see when the baby is born, okay! It's a surprise!"
Without hesitating, I continued. "I want a brother." I said.
"Why?" asked Mom, a bit surprised.
"A sister is also not bad, though..." Dad muttered.
"It's easier to share my stuff if it's a brother." I replied to Mom.
"Aww... Flynn!!! I'm sooooo touched...!" Mom hugged me again. I was too late to react...
"You will be a good big brother! I'm sure of it! You already think of your baby brother even before he was born..." and Mom rambled again. I sighed without listening to what she said, and resigned to her bear hug.
Day by day after that, the three of us were really anticipating the baby's birth. Dad kept buying baby stuff and toys. Oftentimes, he would bring me along. He said maybe I knew which things were better for my sibling later. In short, he was bringing me along to choose what toys to buy. Even if I didn't show it on my face, I was also excited. I couldn't wait to play with my baby brother... or maybe baby sister. I wanted it to be brother though. I hope it would be a brother for real. Dad patted my head when he saw me hugging the toys we bought tightly.
"Do you know how is it to be a good big brother?" asked Dad. I shook my head while staring on his face.
"Well... A good big brother will protect his younger sibling." he explained. "You will keep him out of harm, you will share what you have with him, you will comfort him when he is scared and crying..."
I listened to what Dad said closely. He really explained everything in details. A moment later, I asked him back.
"Where did you know all of those, Dad? You were an only child."
Dad stopped his walk, seemingly taken aback with what I said. He looked dumbfounded at me.
"Well... I told you, didn't I? About what a man should do."
I didn't say anything, only looking at his face with a piercing stare.
"A man should protect his family. When Dad is not around, the responsibility will fall on the oldest son's shoulder." he continued. I still didn't answer, but what he said sounded heavy.
"Are you ready for that?" Dad asked me again.
"...I don't know..." I answered hesitantly.
Dad let out a short chuckle. He bent down and patted my shoulder.
"... You must be ready, whether you want it or not."
* * *
At that time, I didn't really take what my father said to me seriously. I took it with a stride. But, looking back, maybe it was my last memory where I think about him fondly.
On a certain evening of a summer day, my parents were visiting Granny without me. I didn't mind as I was doing my own business. But, as the sun set, I heard a noisy crowd outside my house.
"Grace! Grace... hang in there!"
That was Dad's voice. Brought by curiosity, I walked to the front door and opened it. Dad was carrying Mom, her beautiful yellow dress was stained by blood. A lot of adults around them were panicking while trying to support my parents. For the first time in my life, I felt a chill down my spine.
"...Mom!" I cried.
"Flynn!" it was my father who responded. "Move! Give way! Oh, Grace... Grace, it's okay, we're home!"
I obeyed what Dad said. Soon after, they brought Mom to her room.
"Mom...!" I tried to follow them, but a hand stopped me.
"Flynn, let's wait here with me." it was Mrs. Martha, the Village Chief's wife. She was a good friend of Mom.
"What happened to Mom?" I asked her, my voice shaking.
"She got injured... I don't know why." Mrs. Martha gently led me to my living room couch.
"Will Mom and the baby be okay?" I asked her again.
"Let's pray for that, okay." she replied with a gentle smile. People around me were always so kind.
Soon after, Granny arrived. She apparently hurried here when she heard Mom was injured. However, she went straight to my parents' room instead of looking after me. After that, some doctors also came. I grew uneasy when I heard Mom was screaming in pain. Mrs. Martha tried to hold me back, but eventually I was able to escape her. I ran straight to where Mom was. It was so messy, blood everywhere... and something else.
A baby.
I gasped. It still had two months to go, but why was it here? Mom was very pale and looked very weak. I pushed the adults in front of me in order to reach her.
"Mom! Mom...!" I broke in tears while calling her. My mother only looked at me weakly. She was unlike her usual, energetic self.
"Flynn..." she called me back almost inaudibly. I can barely hear her voice. Then, I looked at my father who carried the baby. As I looked at him with wide, crying eyes, Dad sighed and put the baby next to Mom. Dad was also crying too.
"It's... a boy, Grace..." he exclaimed in a shaky, weak voice. It was as if he was holding back his tears.
"A baby boy..." Mom responded, still in a weak voice. "Really...? Haha. Flynn, you must be happy. It's a baby brother..." she tried hard to sound fine and continued what she said.
I stared at the baby in disbelief. He was... very small. He was as large as a plastic bottle. He was so red. He cried, but not so loudly. Or maybe, that's because I couldn't hear it amidst the adults.
Dad wiped his tears and raised his voice again. "What... What should we name him?" he asked.
"...I don't know..." Mom replied while looking at the baby.
"Flynn was from me, so maybe... it's your turn to name him?"
Mom paused for a while, her finger slowly caressing the baby's cheek. "I don't know... I don't... prepare... any name..." Mom's answer sounded so lifeless. It was really different from how she usually sounds. I found it hard to believe that it was Mom talking.
Dad who sat next to me pinched the bridge of his nose. It seemed like he was thinking hard of something. After a while, he spoke again.
"How about... Snow?"
"Snow?" Mom echoed what he said, a bit confused.
"Snow... You like it so much. Also, you look the most beautiful while you were surrounded by snow too..." he tried to explain.
"Oh..." Mom mumbled something. Maybe she pondered the name Dad proposed.
"Snow. Snow... That's a good name. I like it." finally, Mom let out a small, quiet laugh. "Then, you will be called Snow, darling..." she kissed the baby's head as she said this.
Snow.
What a weird name to be given to a baby who was born in summer.
Snow.
He was not supposed to be here now. He was supposed to come two months later.
Snow.
I was born in the winter. I was born surrounded by it. There are a lot of things you can do with snow, even if it freezes your hand. The New Year is also in winter, and I always had a lot of fun around New Year.
Snow.
It was something my mother loved so much. She was really good with ice skating and skiing. Despite the deathly cold, there was something so beautiful with snow. The whiteness that envelopes everything turns it into a wonderland. The gentle snowflakes that fall on the fingertips will soon melt due to the body heat. It is not something that means to last long, but even the short-lived beauty is still a beauty.
Snow...
I am Flynn. I am your big brother.
Welcome to the world, my dear brother. I will be your protector.
"Alan?" Mom's voice brought me back to reality.
"Yes?" Dad responded.
"Quit with that long face. I will be fine." she said again. I could tell she tried hard to sound alright.
As the day got late, everyone started to leave the room. Some of them stayed on our living room, including Granny and Mrs. Martha. I didn't want to leave Mom, so I sat on a chair next to the bed. Sadly, I was still a little child. I eventually fell asleep after I got tired of crying. However, somehow I woke up in the middle of the night. I saw Mom panted heavily, but she managed to regain her composure.
"Alan... I love you..."
Her voice was even weaker than before. I was not fully awake at this time.
"Flynn too... I love you so much..."
Hearing my name, I rubbed my eyes. I saw my mother in the verge of death, still caressing my brother's head.
"And you... My dear... I'm sorry I can't be around longer..." Mom still continued. "I... love you too, Snow..."
I finally sat straight. Mom closed her eyes, her hand limply fell. I couldn't believe what I saw.
"Mom... MOOOMMM....!!! MOM!!!" I frantically shook her body. She was not breathing. Her body was still warm, a bit cold, but still warm. I cried, futilely called her.
"Flynn! Flynn, what's wrong?"
The adults stormed into this room, someone tried to hold my body. My tears broke. I kept calling my mother.
"MOM!!! MOOOOMMM..... MOM!!! MOM... MOM!!!"
I wanted to say, please wake up. You said you will be okay. But, I couldn't say anything except 'Mom'. My screaming awakened my brother. He also cried with me. I stared at him, my body frozen. After some moment, I unconsciously reached for him. To my surprise, his small hand gripped my finger. It was very small. He looked so fragile. He is my brother.
"Snow..."
I got up from my chair, trying to get closer. I put my head next to my brother. I could feel his warmth. Snow was so small. He looked like even the smallest touch could break him. He was just like a snowflake.
"Snow, it's okay... Hic... Don't cry..." I said to him, even if I was crying myself.
"It's okay..." I wiped my tears and put my biggest smile. Then, I said to Snow: "Big brother is here. Everything is gonna be alright."
I am a big brother now. I am your big brother, Snow. I promise I will protect you until my last breath.
