( four word sentences. ) || accepting
shallow breaths and tender smiles haunt features TOO PALE ; he is whispering, but it’s all INCOHERENT. coughs interrupt his train of thought, so strong that his body starts to TREMBLE and he WHEEZES another breath. who is grasping his body ? who is carrying him toward the endless forests of purgatory to be judged ?
he recalls a time when they were LAUGHING. it was new years ; he was DRUNK and so was jonathan, the man so TIPSY, he fell onto the carpet with a loud THUD and giggled about the RAIN that fell onto the roof of his apartment. arthur followed suit, a MESS upon the floor, his head on his partner’s shoulder. it wasn’t until later that they fell quiet, listening to each drop hit the shingles, or slip onto the few windows decorating the walls. their breaths mingled, heartbeats mimicking the rhythm of life that laid beside the other. arthur leans in for a small KISS ; jonathan does not disappoint.
“ —– do you think there’s someone up there watching us ? ” so out of the blue. he wants to believe in FAITH, but neither of them quite remembers.
there was no need for it when they were together. jonathan was all he BELIEVED in, all he NEEDED. even when they FOUGHT ( when they broke each other’s HEARTS, when they tore each other’s LIVES apart and sobbed about MISFORTUNE ), when they GAVE UP ( finding other people to fill the hole that was missing, lying to each other about not HURTING when they were apart ), arthur found no SOLACE in the IMAGINARY. in the UNTOUCHABLE. he looked to jonathan and he was EVERYTHING he ever wanted ; real comfort, real care, even when everything HURT. someone he can see and touch and TASTE on his tongue —– someone to make him feel ALIVE. his partner was his GOD, and he would worship him if he had to. he was all he needed in this life. all he’d ever look for in the NEXT.
however, things changed. he was FADING, fading fast under the dwindling stars. his blood ran COLD ( out and onto the floor ), his fingers NUMB ( clenched around a familiar jacket, touching at the NECK, frozen ). he thinks he hears a voice ( ‘ just stay with me ’ ), but it sounds too much like HOME and he becomes SCARED. he doesn’t want to be ALONE again. he doesn’t want to leave his whole world BEHIND. what if jo gets lonely ? what if he misses him ? what if arthur isn’t there to protect him next time ?
he’s never PRAYED in his entire life, but if there was ever a better time than this —–
( please don’t leave him alone. please stay with him for me. please guide him to happiness again. please. please love him for all the years that i will not be able to. please take care of his family, of his future. please. tell him i’m SORRY. tell him i love him. tell him i love him ).
weak fingers poke at his soulmate’s chest, gently resting over the heart. everything feels heavy. everything feels cold and damp and dark. “ i’ll —– i’ll stay in h-here. i’ll stay in here. ”
