For a second, Ursula thought her approach to make Phineas tell her the reason of his concerning behaviour might have been successful. Of course, she had been mistaken. Instead, he stood up and began talking to her in that condescending, rude way of his again, reducing her outburst to a clear sign of being hysterical and frivolous. He didnât seem to care she had completely lost it a minute ago.
When he then spat at her that the only reason of him being home was business SHE was keeping him from, her anger flared up again. And something else. Woundedness. A dangerous combination. It took all of Ursulaâs remaining strength to not start to pathetically cry in front of her husband. Her now shaking hand reached for the back of a chair, holding tightly. He walked over to her slowly, finally standing before her now, easily a foot taller than her, looking down on her. One of his favourite tactics. Make her feel small, the weaker sex. She didnât recede an inch but continued glaring at him. She wanted to yell at him, scream out her anger, but what good would it do? Her weak moment minutes ago had done nothing to him. Ursula pursed her lips, holding back her words and emotions at the cost of great strength.
Phineas then voiced his expectations for the evening and the dinner, stressing itâs apparent importance. At the mention of their future at stake, her expression changed. What was that supposed to mean? Furrowing her brows ever so slightly, she looked at him inquiringly, pressing⊠and worried? She noticed his change in tone and expression as well. Of course she did. She was about to risk another try to have him tell her what this was all about, when he abruptly changed the topic.
âI will speak to the girl.â Followed by a row of accusations and questioning her abilities as a mother. It stung.
Again, she wanted to say something. Maybe that if he dared to traumatise Belvina even more, it would have severe consequences.
His next words, however, surprised her. He wanted the children present at dinner? That was highly unusual.
She stared at him, suddenly not knowing what to say, to think or to feel anymore. She simply nodded in defeat.
Without a further word, Phineas turned, cast a counter-spell at the door and exited, once again hiding in his study.
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After Ursula had been able to move again, she immediately felt the need for space and solitude. She really had to check on the children, but trusted in her house elf to look after them for a short period of time. Her steps carried her to the drawing room, where she started pacing restlessly, trying to sort her thoughts. She considered just leaving Phineas. For good. Damned arranged marriage! If she had only known back then! When she had been an obedient girl to her parentsâs will but with a tiny amount of proud anticipation of becoming the future Mrs. Black. She scoffed. If it wasnât for her children, her good name and her fear of becoming an outcast of wizarding society (and the fact she still knew Phineasâs different side and her certain feelings for him deep down) , she would be gone.
She finally managed to sit down on one of the sofas and made herself think through the dinner menu for tonight. Choices of dishes and drinks, the table setting, decorations and the silent question if the Burkes would bring their children as well (their son Herbert was a few years older than Arcturus) distracted her only for a short amount of time. She then occupied herself with her enchanted embroidery for a while but noticed her thoughts going back to Phineasâs remark about their future. At stake? Was that the outcome of his meeting with the minister yesterday? Could that be the reason for his foul mood and malfunctioning synapses?
The sound of her husbandâs heavy footsteps ascending the stairs in the hallway interrupted her thoughts. She listened carefully and internally braced herself for another confrontation with him but he went further up towards the childrenâs rooms, to speak to Belvina, without question. Her motherly instinct told Ursula to follow him so that her presence might soothe him into not speaking too harshly to her.
She was already out of the drawing room, when a thought crossed her mind. When Phineas was upstairs, he wasnât in in his study. It was a rare opportunity. She had to find out the reason for his dreadful behaviour towards her and the children. And if he refused to talk to her⊠There had to be some notes, documents or letters of his business in the ministry somewhere. She didnât think twice and found herself in his (unlocked) study only seconds later. Deep down she knew it was wrong. She was clearly overstepping by intruding into his business sphere, but she didnât care. He certainly didnât care for her personal space either.
There was a single, not yet sealed letter on his desk. Nothing else. She was a bit disappointed by that but decided to get what she could. It might have been irrelevant, but maybe not. Ursula looked over her shoulder to make sure she was alone and then made quick work with her wand to duplicate the letter.
Back in the drawing room, she ordered her house- elf to bring her a strong cup of tea and took the parchment out of itâs envelope.
It was Phineas response to one of those silly student requests (were they truely pestering him even in his absence?)
But what made her put down her tea cup a bit too hard, was the content of the letter.
Phineas accused of having an affair? She read out parts of his response loudly only to make way for her irritation.
She stared at one particular paragraph that had earned her full attention immediately:
âObligation and amusement intertwined ⊠at times???!!!â
Part of her wanted to laugh out loud, if the subject hadnât been so tragical. Well, she had got quite the different impression on that one over the last 14 years.
But then she put one and one together and it seemed that she finally had the explanation for all of this misery that was her life right now at hand. His absence. Phineas distancing himself from her and the children. His rude behaviour towards his family, so much worse now than it had ever been. She had to admit she had had her fair share of suspicions and doubts over the years of their marriage. Every wife had. He didnât love her and saw their marriage as a business contract. Of course, it had never been concrete. But putting all the pieces together, apparently, that had recently changed.
Too late she heard Phineasâs footsteps outside, before he opened the door and stood in the room. He must had heard her mumbling about the content of the letter in her fury. And he was not amused by her perusing his personal correspondence.
Ursula tried her best to not appear caught out or, Merlin forbade, as knowing the greater picture now, instead she covered her words in sugary sweet sarcasm. Wasnât he the one having been caught out just yet anyways??? She lied and blamed the stupidity of the house elves for her access to the letter in the first place and made it very clear to him that a married couple shouldnât have any secrets.
Ursula felt like, for once, she was the one having the upper hand. She still hadnât forgotten their heated argument after breakfast and the anger and pain he had inflicted upon her by his behaviour. Her tone was more put together now, but still with a warning undertone when she confronted her husband with his assumed affair and that she blamed it for his absence, both physically and emotionally over the past months, as well as for his behaviour since his arrival. Telling him she wasnât daft and had her suspicions, knowing very well that theirs was an arranged marriage and that he didnât love her. She eventually got up from the sofa and walked over to him, coming to a halt only inches away from him, looking him in the eyes.
She demanded answers.
She didnât get any, but cryptic excuses. There he was lecturing her again, about granting weight to rumors by responding to them instead of practice silence, once again questioning her judgement of things. That, as his wife, she should now better.
He then had the audacity to ask if she believed in those lies.
She was taken aback. A part of her was surprised (and relieved) that, apparently, he didnât continue in the same tone and anger he had displayed during their earlier argument, that he had also calmed down a bit and let this conversation now even happen. He could have just taken the letter out of her hand, sneered at her and shut the door in her face. But there was also that other part of her: suddenly becoming pensive and melancholic. The true weight of the whole situation. And what it possibly meant for her.
She looked at him for a long time, scrutinising as to make sense of it all. Then she opted for honesty. Perhaps that was the key in this matter. She was sure that the affair, true or not, was the cause of all of this.
So Ursula told him: that she didnât believe in the rumor, not truely at least. But that his behaviour had given her great doubt. What it had done to her. That it was a sensitive topic for her. About her fears of loosing everything (and him) (Merlin, she hoped she didnât make herself too vulnerable by admitting that!). That she only wished for him to treat her with the same respect and attentiveness she showed him.
Opening up hadnât been easy. Had it been wise? Ursula instantly felt remorse that she had been weak before him again. Phineas said nothing, just looked at her.
She sighed and straightened her back. Apparently, it was a lost cause. Showing him the cold shoulder hadnât worked. Neither had furious anger or her desperate try to find some evidence in order to call him out. And finally showing her feelings and being honest. He hadnât told her what was bothering him before, and now that she had tried everything, had even taken things in her own hands and had found out something, he wouldnât say a word about it either.
How had they reached this fatal point in their marriage?
Having had used all her resources and failed, Ursula took on the role she was used to again. Being a perfect wife.
âWell, I shouldnât let my female antics get in the way of things, should I? I ought to stay silent and tolerant and trust in my husbandâs abilities to handle the matter, as always. Iâm sure you are terribly busy and I should go to make the orders and oversee the preparations for the dinner tonight. Oh, and perhaps I should take care of Belvina. Put out another fire, as you have said earlier.â
*Ursula wanted to make it past him to the door, leaving him standing there, when she was suddenly stopped in her motions by the grip of his hand on her armâŠ*
@phineasnigellusblack
