#heartsofcourage

My Tumblr Crushes:

heartsofcourage

harrypotterdailly

sherlockfalls

ninerose

violincameos

ireneadler

parallel-outlines

dontbeangrylove

My wait continued now as an in-patient with friends and loved one visiting and messaging support. I accepted that I was better positioned to get the care I sought and endure living in suspense in the hospital because I clearly wasn’t going to get it while waiting at home. Thus on the third day of admission, the night nurse entered my still-darkened room whispering admonishment not to drink or eat for I was scheduled for the heart catheter lab as the first procedure that day. 

Still too early to text my husband of the news, I instead messaged my daughter and sister the news. I felt relief and reluctance and also an apprehension that I felt was entirely normal for someone in my position. Most importantly, I felt myself surrender to whatever awaited me, be it good news or other. With three hours between now and the scheduled procedure, i slipped in ear-buds and meditated. 

I saw my loves, my life and my heart spill out before me. Follies, weaknesses, passions, amores, mis-steps and tedious journeys. Days of light and nights of fear.  No judgement, no right or wrongs, just as they were.