#heartrendes

@heartrendes said:​   leaning against the wall in the tomb. the rest of the crows are asleep or otherwise distracted. moving next to him and sitting down. ‘ so your da is here — ‘ she nods. she can’t imagine seeing her parents again. ‘ how was it to see him again ? ’

     HOW TO EXPLAIN the mingling sensation of relief, and shame?  was it possible for those feelings to co - exist?  he wants to be kind, and to give nina good news, to talk about a cheerful and loving reunion amidst all the viciousness they’d been subjected to in these last few weeks.  but she asks so wistfully, jesper can’t help but wonder if it’s his father she’s curious about, or just the existence of a loving parent.

     jesper scoots over to make more room for her on the dry part of the ground, casually looping an arm across her shoulders as he does.  she’s never felt frail to him before — the word just didn’t suit nina — but her run - in with parem has him concerned for her.  as concerned as the others, though nina would have shrugged it off, buried it deep where they couldn’t hound her about it.  

     “ yeah . . . he certainly is, ”  jesper exhales, hard, and waits for the little knot of tension and nausea in his gut to loosen.  he counts down with the exhale, reaching eight seconds and stopping there to hold his breath.  the airlessness doesn’t help, and he wonders if nina can sense his ill ease from so close beside him.  how to explain this?  how to say i wish he wasn’t here without sounding like the worst son in history?

     the treacherous, sharp part of his brain tells him, who’s to say you aren’t already the worst son in history?  you’re certainly trying your hardest to earn that title like this.  

     “ it was nice to see him, nina.  it was.  but not like this, ”  inhaling deeply now, jesper closes his eyes and tilts his head back until it bumps the wall.  “ not in the middle of all this mess.  i had a plan for our next meeting — after we’d gotten our money from this saints damned heist . . . i was going to surprise him at home.  i was going to buy him a house here, in ketterdam, so he could visit whenever he wanted.  i was — going to save the farm, hire people to work the land so he could retire, ”  and . . . none of that happened.  instead colm was greeted by his son’s deceit, and — the universe had a sick sense of humour for this — there was a risk of jesper losing colm in the middle of it all.  

𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 𝐀𝐬𝐤𝐬    |    always accepting

@heartrendes​ asked:  sitting up in their bed with a dramatic sigh. she’s been tossing and turning for a while now. ‘ i can’t sleep — it’s too .. ‘ she doesn’t know which excuse to use this time. it’s mostly because she’s craving parem more than anything.

He had not been sleeping either,  sleep was hard won these days for both of them it seemed.  Nightmares haunted his sleep and Parem haunted hers.    “    Nina...    ”    He reached for her and pulled her back down to him with a gentle sigh.  She did not need to say it out loud,  he recognized it by now,  the shapeless wanting-  the feeling when you stood at the edge of a cliff and wanted to jump.  He couldn’t imagine the willpower it took to resist but he knew if anyone possessed it,  it was Nina.    “    Come back to me röed fetla.    ”    He murmured,  rubbing slow circles into her back and curling his fingers in her hair. 

" you're shivering. here, take my jacket. "    ╲╲ . . .   @heartrendes​

SHE  HADN’T  EVEN  REALIZED  IT      ------but  as  soon  as  nina  calls  attention,    alina  is  extremely  aware  of  the  way  her  whole  body  seems  to  shudder.    goosebumps  have  cropped  up  over  every  inch  of  visible  skin  and  for  a  moment  she  only  stares  at  them,    as  if  their  existence  makes  little  sense.    and  it’s  true    (  even  as  she  accepts  the  proffered  jacket  with  a  small  smile  )    because  she  doesn’t  feel  cold    ---    not  in  the  normal  sense    ---    the  chill  that  has  overtaken  her  body  coming  from  within  rather  than  without.    a  dread  that  settles  in  the  pit  of  her  stomach  and  unfurls  until  alina’s  entire  being  is  frigid  with  it.

                      ❝    thank  you,    ❞        she  offers  once  it’s  clear  that  nina  is  awaiting  a  response.    she  can  see  the  concern  in  her  eyes  and  wishes  she  could  wash  it  away.    but  the  truth  is  that  everything  they’ve  endured  thus  far  is  only  the  beginning.        ❝    do  you  think  i’m  mad  ?    ❞        she  is  not  a  meek  little  girl    (  not  that  alina  ever  had  been  )    no  longer  a  scrawny  orphan  from  keramzin.      but  can  she  even  hope  to  stand  up  to  someone  who  has  been  around  for  centuries?        her  voice  is  low  so  that  the  others  won’t  overhear      ------it  will  do  no  good  for  any  of  them  if  she  starts  a  panic.      ❝    do  you  think  we  have  any  chance  at  all  ?    ❞

MEMES   ›   always  accepting

‘ i was an only child. ‘ she nods. she can’t really put herself in his place when it comes to his brother. ‘ it must’ve been nice though — growing up with someone besides yourself ? ‘ even if they could fight like dogs.

  remus is a cursed being.  a grisha born, but cursed by something far older and darker than he as just a boy.  a tailor was what he’d been born, gifted with the ability to remake himself entirely.  any animal form could he take,  yet it was the wolf that he found himself most at home.  and it was this form he was cursed to take.  and so he had been,  great golden tawny beast with moss green eyes -- loyal to the fjerdan who cared for him.  until his death. 

  he’s followed this woman,  the one his boy loved -- and he’s found her.  because she is something like him.  or something like he’d once been. where life was once within her reach,  he can feel death in her wake.  the wolf stands in her path, bright eyes watching.  observing.  debating.  he reaches for the long dormant magic,  magic that woke only when the boy he’d loved had died. 

   and his body breaks, bones crack, fur splits to make skin, blood to line pale skin where he has opened wounds he does not have energy or power to heal.  but a man kneels before her now,  his voice feels foreign, hoarse and unused for what must be decades now.  

@heartrendes​ said:   ' matthias is snoring, i can't sleep. scoot. ' she mumbles and nods at his bed. ' c'mon, i'm sleepy. '

     HE KNOWS; he can hear it for himself.  to helvar’s credit, he had an oddly tuneful snore — it sounded like a tank tearing across a field of gravel, but his inhales and exhales were comically uniform.  knhhhrrroooooo.... shoo.  over and over.  the sound of it wafted down the hall and into jesper’s room.  he groans as nina commands the space next to him, but isn’t awake enough to protest beyond a weak whine.  

@heartrendes​ said:  ' whats for dinner today ? ' / cook for her jes pls

     HE’S JUST GLAD she has something of an appetite again.  for a while, he’d thought — no, he won’t dwell on it.  no need to conjure up those old, horrible visions of nina in the throes of parem.  jesper faces her with a teasing smile, amused and curious in equal measures, and offers her a hand.