#heartbreakfeels

When you closed your eyes during the night, getting into your daily sleeping position, you can still feel the way his breath would hit just before he leaned into kiss you; his lips on your lips and neck. When you opened your eyes afterwards, the thought of him smacks you straight right in your head. Your thoughts got so loud that you couldn’t sleep at night. And you thought to yourself, how could such a quiet and silent room gives you such loud and crazy thoughts. The gusts of heartbreak inevitably come.

You don’t know how to move on at all. It makes you feel so sad. It is the kind of sadness that consumes your body, leaving you unable to function or keep a solid thought. It makes you tired. Really tired, yet you can’t sleep and when you fall asleep, your aching sadness follows you into your dreams. Sometimes in the morning, you wake up in the morning on opposite sides of the bed, and the heartbreak is apparent.

You will find your eyes soaked in tears and when you think about it again, you just couldn’t stop crying. You regret, regret every single thing that could have done to save that relationship and blamed yourself most of the times even when it’s not your fault.

You fought with every urge cells inside of you to not call or text him, because you know in the end of the day the results will never be the one you want. He would have scolded you with nasty words, and you wondered what happened to all the promises made when you guys were together? But, well, lies are needed be to sugarcoat and that’s why we called it the honeymoon period.

You fought with every urge cells inside of you to not stalk him anymore. But, well, not anymore, he hates me so much that he blocked me everywhere on social media. Literally shutting me down from knowing any single thing about him.

You often wondered why is it called heartbreak because in actuality every part of your body is broken. It makes you feel so lost, and the only colors that are available in your vision are only black, white and grey.

You need him in your life, so much. But there’s a fine line between need and want. You need him, and he don’t even want you anymore.

You might have mustered up the courage and asked him why, and all he tells you is because he doesn’t want to hurt you anymore. But don’t you know? Your departure is hurting me more than anything else in the world. He let go of you; let you fall from the edge of the mountain. With your heart in his hand, he let you go. He is not afraid of losing you forever.

And so you plead, plead him to stay. You would do anything, ANYTHING, to make this work. You will wait for him to be ready again. You don’t care. You don’t care about his education level, his family background, or if he drives. You just want him to be by your side and hold you every night.

You’re hopeful, and you hate it. You hate to admit to yourself that you hope they’ll change their mind. In the eyes of your friends, this makes you even more pathetic. They all pity you, and you feel it. You fall apart. You feel so alone that you don’t even want to get out of bed. You don’t want to go out. You don’t want to meet other people. You can’t imagine ever loving someone else. You remember all those times they told you that they loved you, and you cry even more. You feel defeated. You hold onto your hope like it’s a dying candle in the darkness.

You tried making it work. You sent him lots of messages, telling him how you actually feel but it turns out annoying him more but you know if you don’t do it, you don’t tell him what you feel, it is gonna be your biggest regret.