#healingprism

I have dropped Miku from AURP.

Im not going to stop roleplaying her, its just an independent blog now. If you are part of the group, I would love it if you read this.

This is poorly written, gomen.. I am just having trouble putting my thoughts into words.

AURP has given me more opportunities then I could count! I have been part of this group ever since it first started around April 2012 ( it was either late April or Early may I dont remember asdf). I have played Tohru Honda, Karuta Roromiya, Misaki Ayzuwa, and Hatsune Miku. But anyway..

The family has grown so much, and im happy because of that! But little by little I drifted farther away from everyone. Theres things like chat rooms and skype calls, but my anxiety got the best of me and I really did not take part. I felt like I couldent keep up and such. Also, im aware of all the rules the group has - they are very good rules. But whenever I saw that I had an ask, I got terrified because I thought I might have done something against the rules. I have this bad habit of reblogging ALLOT of Miku all at one time, so I got busted for that allot hehe. But I kept asking myself.. why am I afraid? Why does it make me want to cry when I get in trouble? This is for fun right, then why is it becoming so stressful?

This is my problem. The group gives me anxiety. Erm, its kind of complicated and this is so poorly written I will try my best to explain it im sorry. There is just so much pressure on me to follow the rules and make lengthy paragraphs and tag everything and dont reblog OOC and dont reblog too much IC. Also the thought that I was missing out on so much, how many people am I really close to in this group? Would anyone even care if I was gone? And this gave me STRESS STRESS STRESS! ANXIETY! 

When I realized this was my problem, I was not sure what to do. At first, leaving the group was out of the question for me. I have been a part of it for so long.. but then things in my real life started falling apart also. More anxiety, pressure, stress. As a result of all of this I have to go see a therapist ( gives me more anxiety wow im a mess.).

So at the end of the day, its better I leave. I know my leaving wont effect most people, and thats fine. But there are some of you in the group that I have bonded with ( Mako-mun, Shinichi-mun, and Katara-Mun are the ones I talked to most)and I just want to say thank you and I really do love you. I hope you will still talk and roleplay with me even though I left the group.

And im not blaming the stress and anxiety on anyone, its all me. But this is how I feel. Im sorry this is poorly written... I am upset that it has to be this way. I hope to see the family grow and thrive even more, and maybe one day I will become part of it once more..