#headwrapvibes

It is the second day of June and the sixth month of the year and I was inspired to reflect on my year, by a dear friend. I started the new year in Paris, the city of love and indeed I was surrounded by just that. It was a nice getaway from the hustle, bustle and stress of London, so when the opportunity came I took it (thanks to another dear friend).

The irony though, is that my year technically started in September when I began to experience the lessons I have come to learn now.

Do What you love

September last year, I was going back into school after taking time off the previous year to focus on my health as i’d just recovered from a bout with pneumonia. It was pretty, it wasn't easy, but it sure was an eventful time. The main challenges i’d faced were struggling with school(being hospitalised) and generally feeling helpless. Used to always being the “mother” in the group looking after others, it was a time where I really got to learn who was there and I appreciate them for it. It was also a time for me to decide what was important to me and what wasn’t.

With limited mobility and under watchful eyes, I couldn't use my computer and was put to sleep by 10pm every night, I spent the time I was awake on doing what stressed me the least and thinking positively. I vowed to always do what makes me happy.

Trust your instincts

I am someone who has never doubted themselves, but 2016 for me came with a lot of self doubt and feeling extremely low. Emotionally, I had a lot on and I was also holding onto things. This was because I was not surrounded by people I trusted wholly. Not that I had anything against them, I just did not trust them fully due to instances where their actions had caught my eye in alarm. Long story short, I should have trusted my instincts and ended those relationships because they only went on do hurt me.

Not everyone needs you

I learnt that not everyone I lend support to, is in need of said support. I also learnt that was because I gave people the type of support I feel I would need in their shoes. But the truth is, you can never be in anyone else’s shoes but yours. Yes, its good to be supportive but not everyone needs everything you pour out. So feeling indebted to people cannot be measured on how much they gave you or vice versa.This was an especially tough lesson because I almost began to question if I was a good person because that means to be there for people in any way possible. I concluded that yes, I am a good person, but too much of anything is also bad. Now, I ask people what they need and try to just hear without acting too soon, I also encourage them to let me know if there is anyway I can help, as opposed to coming up with an elaborate plan of action on their behalf without them asking, perhaps they only needed a shoulder to cry on.

Focus on you

This was the best lesson to learn, although also the most painful because it came from rejection. Disappointment is a terrible feeling that you can stay drowning in if you rely on people. Especially in my field. Going back into uni and work again, I was determined to focus on myself and push myself like I pushed others in the past. Towards to end of 2016, disappointments and plans falling through, left me annoyed and quite frankly angry with everyone I had been dealing with. The anger was only making me more angry because I did not like how I was interacting, it was irrational.  I decided to let go and countered my anger with self love. I decided to turn every “sorry” into a “thank you”.

Don’t over stay your welcome

Things take time but they also end in time. Learning to love and let go was the cherry on the cake for me because it symbolised walking away from a troublesome few years. I felt like a chapter was finally closed and I had a hold on my life again. The peace you feel when you let people go as much as they want to leave is inexplicable. This is how I illustrated it in real life: To celebrate my birthday, I had an open door party. This is when the home is open for invited guests for as long as you want, mine was 4 days. There was no start time, there was a party all round, anyone could come at anytime. 2am or 2pm, its up to you, i’d be their come celebrate with me when you can. This was the best birthday party i’d ever had, I saw different groups of friends at different times, people met new people throughout the 4 day period and it was super chilled. Nobody felt obligated to make a specific time or leave at a specific time.

Do what is necessary to do what you love

Do the necessary, is a lesson I wish I learnt a little earlier? Its all well and good to do what you love, but the more I focus on Muketeinc as a business endeavour and platform, I learn the importance of setting up a solid foundation for whatever it is you are doing. For me, this translates to university and why I chose to go. Each time I'm faced with a challenge or question why I need uni to what I'm already doing, I  look at the bigger picture and it reminds that university is a foundation I decided to lay. The stronger it ism the stronger I am, thus higher education in the arts is right for me. It's not like you have to justify these things, but I find its important to remind ones self constantly of our purpose, knowing why we do what we do allows us to strive for the best at whatever it is we do.

Life’s full of mistakes

Mistakes fuels solutions, so don't be afraid to make mistakes. I learnt that I do well to manage pressure, a discovery possible only under or after extremely stressful situations. I learnt I could handle crisis through dealing with others and that was as much of a benefit to me as whatever benefit I rendered.

There is always a solution

Lastly, there’s a solution to every problem. Your problems are never bigger than you, you are stronger than you think. I started this blog because I wanted to encourage myself and also others who may relate to what I have or am going through. I don't write to be some self help guru, I just write that maybe someone is reading between the lines and seeing the lessons I have learnt, avoiding similar mistakes.