#headfucked

I’m actually having a shite day mentally. Not sure why?? Like, nothing bad has happened to trigger it or anything. Just, been having a rolling anxiety attack and been crying all day. Which is tiresome AF!! Keep feeling like, I’m just... Useless? Pointless existance and I dunno why I even care and I KNOW that’s not true. I have great people around that care about me but my brain is rude. A friend sent me pictures of her dogs, (she didn’t know I had a bad day she’s just lovely like that) and I started bawling even more. Because she’s so sweet. And I needed sweet.

Basically I have been having a very shit time lately, trying to do stuff have been.... Near impossible. Anxiety have been high and I’ve been having small panic attacks near every day, which while frustrating and making it hard to do the words thing is in no way dangerous. I’m NOT going to do anything stupid, it just makes focus super hard. Then my aunt, a lady I adore,  had a kind of bad heart attack. This did nothing to help my brain find it’s happy place. THANKFULLY, I have amazing friends, who through means of talking to me, and just sending me funny and cute things, are doing a LOT to help me.

SO WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?

It means, for now, replies will be at an insane low reply speed. If I can make any at all, it will be maybe one or two most likely, before my brain gets fried.

Got tagged by @myrrdesketchbook Okay, let’s see... Uh, trying to think of interesting facts is, kinda hard. :P

1.

I tend to really tease the ones I like. Teasing is a second nature to me and if I am relaxed enough to tease you in some way, calling you silly names or whatever, it’s a sign that I like talking to you. I mostly just ignore and stop talking to anyone I dislike. Or don’t like enough.

2.

I have had, so many different pets in my life. My parents were hard believers in the idea that it helps you become a better person if you learn to take responsibility for another life. I kinda miss having pets as I don’t currently have any.

3. 

I am not, a terribly sane person always. I’ve had depression longer than I can remember, I’m an anxious wreck, and have autism. It’s annoying, and makes me highly antisocial sometimes. But is more or less manageable. But seriously, if I talk to you? I REALLY like doing that, because I tend to be terrified to talk to people. It’s painfully hard to do so sometimes.

4.

I don’t really drink, and have never been proper drunk. Only tipsy. This has nothing to do with religion, morals, or some “my body is a temple” crap. There’s just not a lot of alcohol that I like enough to get drunk of it. And I apparently, despite my non-drinking habits, have a pretty good tolerance for it. Last time I tried getting drunk I had a glass of whiskey, five large beerglass sized mixed drink things, one x-zider, and two shots of something baileys like. I got tipsy. But not drunk.

5. (this is bloody hard! I am not terribly interesting.)

I love hugging people, some people. I get freaked out by people I’m not comfortable with, but if we’re close, I want all the hugs, and patting people on the head, and just, non-sexual touching. Platonic snuggling for everyone! (I’m terrible at telling people that though.)

6.

I don’t have any memory for peoples faces, or names. Leading to much confusion for me. Nicknames though, stick WAYY easier. So I tend to call people by nicknames from a very early start, because otherwise I’ll be going. “Heyyy, you... Person.”

7.

I absolutely love the sound of thunder, it makes me feel oddly safe. I think it’s because of my parents as, when my sister and I were younger, they sometimes would take us out in the car and chase the storm. It was a lot of fun.

8.

I love movies, and thrive in watching the worst ones with company. Guessing the plot, making fun of the mistakes, and if it’s horror? Playing the Death Game. Who will die, in what order, and in what way? It’s kinda dark I guess? But really fun.

9. (ohthankgodI’mgettingclose!)

When I’m having a shitty day, I sometimes like to sneak online and drop anons in peoples inboxes and wait to see their reactions. It can be anything from jokes, to flirts, to randomly telling people to have a good day and that somebody loves them. Watching people be happy, makes my day so much better. But I don’t have the nerve to do it as me, because then I get anxious thinking they might take it as me sucking up to them, that I want something from them in return. But as an anon? There’s no way for them to do anything back, they can just accept it. And it makes me feeling like it’s so much more sincere. (Which I know not everyone agrees on, but hey, I’m weird. I know that. :P )

10.

I have a cult, it’s called the Black Chicken Cult. We follow the giant Black Chicken. It has a legitimate following. (of like 5 people not including me) The rules are as follows. 1. Do not believe in it, because it’s dumb af. 2. Be nice, because nice is always better. There is no punishment for being not nice, but I will be disappointed in you. 3. That’s it. That’s all the rules to follow to become a member. Feel free to apply for membership. :)

11.

Now, anyone that has EVER talked to me knows this. But I am, and shall forever remain, a nerd. I love roleplaying, I love videogames, I don’t give a fuck about console or pc or whatever, gimme a game I’ll be a happy nerd. I love comics and manga. I love geeking out over nerdy things. If you ever want to start a conversation with me but don’t know how? Talk nerdy to me, tell me about your characters, the latest game you played, a movie you want to see. I will be happy to talk about it. And I will forever defend every persons right to be as much of a goofy nerd as they bloody well want to. I am 30, and will be a nerd ti’l I die. My dad’s 58, and will remain a nerd ti’l he dies, most likely. You are never too old, or too young, to enjoy the hell out of whatever geeky thing you like.

AND I AM DOOONE!!

HAH!

Only Åírös is an American electronic dance music producer who takes his influences from metal, classical, jazz, pop, hiphop, house and more besides. His new track Headfucked leans heavy on pop sensibilities and is an absolute banger. (more…)