I've been gone for a little while but...
So I've been gone for a little while...lots has happened...I graduated from university and lots of other things. I've been trying to get my life together but it's not really been going to plan so far. Trying to find a job and trying to move back to Manchester is actually stress central. I've only just managed to win my parents (or should I say mum) over, in regards to getting a job I'll probably despise for a little while as I try and look for something more career based. I won them over and with a little help I should be there by the end of February..although it's constant battle to get there and its always getting postponed. I think the worst part of having to get up a leave to start a new chapter is how uncertain things are. Although I love spontaneity, I hate uncertainty. And for me there's so much that's uncertain. And it floods over me at night and I'll think up the most stupid scenarios, and its exhausts me. I feel, sometimes I work so hard to include people in my life and the plans in which I make..and yet there's this thought I have of being left behind because I can't keep up. Once I get a job that I'm qualified in, the person I work so hard for will be ready to move on again....Maybe travels...Maybe a new job prospect that allows them to see a place they've never visited. And I want them so much to be happy, and I want them to go wherever life takes them, and I want them to experience everything the world has to give. But...I also feel selfish for not wanting to be left three paces behind. Because somehow I'm not sure, no matter how much I include people in my plans that I'm included in theirs. I dont blame them, that's the life I want to lead eventually I suppose...Maybe I have to learn to let go and get a grip of my emotions and thoughts before I can get there though. I know no one reads this...but that's not a bad thing really. It allows me to vent my insecurities without even wanting someone to read.
