Hazel sat in the empty prison cell of a small waiting room as he anticipated a verdict that would change his life irreparably. And irreparable it was, as it was explained to him that she didnāt make it. The dose was too high? Or maybe there were other, stronger drugs mixed in? They wouldnāt know until her labs came back. That was just the risk of doing illegal drugs, you could never be sure what was in them, a Russian roulette with every injection. And this time she lost. Everyone lost.
He only prayed that it was painless, they use opioids as pain medication right? He forced himself to believe she didnāt suffer and remembered the relief in her eyes when she saw him in some of her last moments. Now, he has to pick up the pieces. And some of those pieces were Atom and GG bursting through the door to find out what the hell was going on. There was no one else to tell them.
@danger-tits-lute
Fate was truly cruel to the man. The woman he loved, gone in a blink of an eye, his whole world shattered in an instant when the Doctor broke him the news. His ears shut off after the moment heās informed of her passing, his head swam, light headed, taking a seat as everything became so muffled around him. A touch to his shoulder goes unnoticed, unfelt as he stares into his hands as if they were sullied with her blood.
He should have gotten her help, real help, not trying to play hero and pretend that what she was going through could be handled by someone with no experience. Tears streamed from his eyes as he asked himself in his head, what was the last thing he said to her? What was the last thing she heard? What was her last thought? Did she see him? Was she in pain? How could he have been so stupid! She was so important to him, so incredible, so beautiful and had so much to say and doā¦. But she was gone.
What were his last words to her?
Hazel would have to live his life experiencing new things and questioning if Lute would have liked it, what she would say, what she would want to do.
What was the last thing he said to her?
āIā¦Itās all my-ā
Then the doors opened to the waiting room and two men walk in, frantic.
āWhere is she? Whatās going on??ā
āHazel! What the fuck happened?? Whereās Lute??ā
Hazel looked up to the two of them and realizedā¦ Theyāve known her for so much longer than he has. He should haveā¦ involved them, not kept it a secretā¦ why the fuck did he keep it to himself???
āLuteā¦. Lute had been struggling forā¦ a long timeā¦ā
āThe fuck does that mean??ā
Hazel shakingly stands, hands at his sides, he couldnāt meet their gaze as more tears slipped down his eyes slowly. A true waterfall of slow tears as he spoke āSheāsā¦ Sheās gone. I thought I could help her, I thought that maybe, given timeā¦ā
Smack!!
Suddenly Hazel was punched, he stumbles back and everyone in the room now looked to the group, some nurses whispering among themselves, probably to start calling security. But when Hazel looked up, the culprit of who threw the punch was his band leader himself.
āYouā¦ You fucking asshole!ā GG grabbed Hazel by his collar, pulling him up. āWhat did you keep from us?! Why?! What makes you the authority over her?! You didnāt even know her for more than a year! She was our friend! Our family!!! You had no right! No right at all!ā GGās cheeks were damp with tears, his teeth clenched down tight, pained angry whines coming from his throat as the woman who was the closest person he had to a sister was gone and he didnāt even have a chance to stop it.
Hazel bit back anger but some slipped out as he grabbed the manās wrist, tight. āIf you would have let her just play her fucking music then sheād still be alive!ā He snaps. āBut your reputation and control made you blind to how much pain she was in!! I was trying to help while you made the problem so much worse with your selfishness!ā
GG let Hazel go, hands falling to his sides, but Hazel wasnāt done. āShe was passionate about the music she made and you took it for granted, used her for some quick and easy music so you could get ahead of what? Your other best friend that you have some silly rivalry with? If you took a minute to grow the fuck up then maybe sheād still-ā
āALRIGHT!ā
GG yelled, unable to take a deep breath, huddling in a seat and covering his ears, rocking slowly. āPleaseā¦ Iāmā¦. Iām sorry. I didnāt knowā¦ I would have let her if I knewā¦ I would haveā¦ fuckā¦ Luteā¦ā he sobbed in his seat.
Atom moves and puts a hand on GGās shoulder, he too was to blame. He looked to Hazel, his eyes filling with tears. āā¦I guess Iām next huh? Yea. I know weāve been growing apart, I justā¦ had my own shit going on. But if you would have told usā¦.. what the fuck Hazel?? What were you thinking?ā His tone is awfully quiet for the normally loud lead guitarist but the was a new growing void within him, all the years spent with Lute, all the holidays, her smile, her kindness. How could he not feel defeated? Like a failure. What was he gonna tell his dadā¦?
Hazel moved and leaned his forehead against the wall nearby. Justā¦ trying to breathe, wishing he could hear her voice one last time, that this was all a prank and sheād walk out to see them and laugh that they were being so dramatic butā¦ that wouldnāt happen. Heā¦ wonāt ever get to hear her voice again. Wonāt even get to hear her singā¦ They all failed her, she was in need of so much help and none of them took the right road to heal herā¦
All they could do now is justā¦ Stand and wait in silence.
Eventually GG left with Atom to go call his dead. It left Hazel alone. Sitting in a chair within the waiting room trying to Remember everything about her so he wouldnāt forget. Her laugh, her smile, her favorite food, artist, composer, coffeeā¦ anything he could cling on to so he would never forget the one girl heās loved with all his heart.
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She closed the sliding glass door quickly to keep the bitter cold out while he put their cups in the sink. It made her so unbelievably happy that he trusted her not just on the balcony with him, but near it while heās across her apartment.
Shivering, she removed her hat and stood next to the small radiator that was supposedly meant to heat her entire apartment. Maybe it was the cold, because it wasnāt really that late, but she was pooped and she removed one hand to cover a yawn.
āI think Iām ready for bed. You can stay up if you want, it wonāt bother me.ā
She grabbed herself some pajamas and hurried into bed to cuddle under her fluffy duvet for warmth.
@danger-tits-lute (cont hot cocoa)
Their hot cocoa was just some store bought bullshit but itās not about the drink that makes the moment but who heās with and after they had their fill and also grew tired of the cold, Hazel opted to come in first with their drinks. Itās been some time and the trust that had been broken awhile ago had been mended quite a deal as he barely thought about her doing something to herself. He trusted her word awhile back that she did in fact want to live and it was just the withdrawals making her act crazy.
Of course, Hazel didnāt do well with the cold. He was lanky, thin, always needed some form of layers on him to keep warm, especially in winter. Taking off his sweater and hat after he got in, he soon watched her come back inside, warm up by the pathetic radiator and after changing, hurried under her blankets like she was about to freeze to death.
Hazel simply grinned, putting the cups away and walking over to her bed, taking a seat on the side of it he thought for a moment before working up the courage to ask whatās always been allowed āDo you mind if Iā¦ get under the sheets too?ā Itās cold. Thereās a noticeable thick blush on his cheeks as he looks away for a moment and waits for her answer.
She had been doing well lately, which was a relief for him as he felt like he had taken control of a lot of her life. Having to be there every step she took, being sure she wouldnāt run off somewhere and get into something that would set her back. Hazel almost forgot about taking care of himself as when he looked in the mirror before his shower he could tell his eye bags were heavier than usual, his hair greasy and the stubble on his jaw just a bit longer than how he liked it.
With Lute playing her guitar, he took the opportunity to do a little self care, as long as she kept playing, he didnāt have to worry about her. Good.
The shower was needed, warm water over his skin after who knows how long since last heās showered. A silent groan or two of muscles relaxing and being massaged by the shower head and finally scrubbing his hair the way he liked it.
Once all finished, he decided on leaving his shirt off. Luteās place was uncomfortably hot at times due to its small space and the heat they both naturally emitted. It wasnāt like she hasnāt seen him shirtless before, theyāve practiced and played with him shirtless and no one batted an eye.
Though to his surprise, when he opened the door, he found Lute staring at him. For some reason, he felt shy about it but on the other hand he enjoyed the attention from her. Even after she apologized. āItās no problemā¦ā he said, moving to sit on the bed near her like he does every day. But today was different, how? He didnāt know. But what leaves him next was a question he didnāt know would lead into events he never thought possible as he looked at her and asked slowly.
āDo you feel itās a bit hot in here?ā A genuine question, as his skin felt like it was burning up but certainly not in a way that was typical for atmospheric heatā¦
It was like a weird dream he couldnāt wake up from, Hazel looked all around him and understood where he was. A highschool, one he didnāt know of course but judging by the size of the school and the perceived age of the children that attended it, that fact was clear to him.
What he didnāt know until wondering into the bathroom, was that he was back to looking like a teenager himself. Thisā¦ was a dream right? Why was everything so clear? How did he end up here and where exactly was here? He took deep breaths, trying to dodge adults in the halls, knowing that he would be shoved into a classroom and sent to the office if caught. Then what does he say? He doesnāt attend this school! Theyāll justā¦ kick him out.
The boy shakes his head, his hair was well treated, he wore expensive clothing that was tailored to his body which made him stick out like a sore thumb in this public school.
Itās as he was walking that he ran into someone, smashing almost face first into them if not for a minor height difference. Hazel was a late bloomer making him so very small amongst his peers. āS-Sorry.ā He looks down at the girl he ran into. So small, wearing equally as nice clothing as he did and he offered a hand. āExcuse me. Butā¦ do you know where I am?ā
"Ugh. You're no fun. Maybe I should ask your Not Girlfriend instead. What is she doing here anyway? You work 9-3 right? You don't get off for another 4 hours." -coworker Alice
That resting bitch face of his is beginning to be a lot less of just resting. His version of fun didnāt revolve around coworkers with the acidity level of water as a IQ score. āI donāt know. Iām taking my break early.ā And just like that, his cap is off and heās out on his break, approaching Lute who was sitting there minding her own business.
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Lute was in the shower as Hazel sat at his desk, working on some bass tabs of his own design. It took her quite a while to wash and dry all her long, thick hair so he didnāt notice she had reached into her bag when she was done. It was nice to stay at his place every once in a while, if offered her a change of scenery, she felt closer to him somehow, and she thought it was healthy for him to be surrounded by his own stuff.
Her arms surrounded him from behind as she places carefully aimed kisses on his neck and liftedā¦ a VHS tape in between his eyes and the tab sheets.
āGuess what Neo found me.ā It was the movie Ghostbusters in its original 80ās viewing format, perfect for his crummy trash TV. āWanna take a break?ā
@danger-tits-lute (band au)
There will come a day when Hazel doesnāt look like he hadnāt slept longer than two hours a week and when that day comes he fears that others would grow concerned about him since his staple look as the deep bags under his eyes and the distant stares he gives when in the group but not in the conversation. Today wasnāt that day, even though he looked tired, the way he played the bass and jotted down notes here and there was where his energy shined.
However, he stops once he feels Luteās arms suddenly wrap around his shoulders from behind. The way his head tilts to the side to give her more room to grant him light affectionate kisses to his neck had his eyes close slowly and a content, audible breath leave his lips only to open his eyes to see what it was she had.
āWhereād she find this?ā He asked in mild surprise, taking the VHS tape from her slowly and inspecting it like it was a fake, flipping up the flap on the front of the tape to see the almost black film on the inside before letting it close.
Itās the that he says something very rarely heard in their lifetime as he leans back against her and reads the title. āThe āhell is a ghostbuster?ā
Waking up and not feeling her next to him will forever cause him a minute level of discomfort and that fear rose up in his chest as he turned and grasped for her only to find an empty side of the bed. Not hearing the shower, he looked first to her desk, where he usually found her in the mornings, endlessly working before he woke up. But it wasnāt morning. He realized just how dark it was by the glow of her computer lighting up her disheveled form, guitar in lap.
This concerned him as he groggily watched her click, strum, click click, strum, shake her leg, tap her fingers, click, frustratedly rest her head in her hand with her pick jutting out between her fingers like a cigarette. She refused to go out and smoke when he wasnāt present. He wasnāt sure if it was out of care for him or if she just didnāt trust herself. But one thing was obvious.
She was having one hell of a craving.
He wondered how in all her frantic attempts to focus did she not wake him up and his eyes caught a folded sock stuck into her bridge to dampen the sound. Sheās so smartā¦ and beautiful even hunched in her desk chair, with her hair in a messy bun, pencil sticking out of it.
A shaky breath came from her silhouette as she tried again only to make a pained noise and put her head in her hands once more. She was doing a good job of handling this one by herself but enough was enough.
@danger-tits-lute (band AU to Hazel)
A silent hum of his lips is what brings his mind to reality, the first thing he feels is the expensive and familiar thread count of the soft sheets he laid on, the next is the discomforting empty space next to him that Lute was supposed to occupy. Even when she gets sober, Hazel doubted that the feeling of empty dread filling his veins and demanding his eyes to snap open would ever go away after all this.
The sound of sheets first fill the room which reaches his ears as he sits up quickly, a surprised, worried breath leaving his lips as the next sound quickly invades his ears of the silent strumming of strings, clicking of a pen and frustrated noises coming from the musically gifted meistro.
A deep inhale. Breathe Hazel. Sheās fine. He needed to calm his nerves down, the counting of clicks from her pen for a few seconds as the weight of sleep began to slowly leave him along with the high of anxiety and concern.
Bare feet plant themselves on warm carpet below him, he knows sheās going through a hell of a time and possibly didnāt want to wake him so he could get some rest. But she wasnāt looking good, shaking, clicking, strumming, rocking. How much longer till she cracked?
Hazel moves behind her, arms reaching down to encircle her neck loosely, resting on her shoulders gently as he leaned down and plants a kiss to her cheek. Distractions. Itās the best he could give right now while his brain was filled with the fog of sleep.
āHeyā¦ā He whispered in her ear, eyes looking towards the desk, her fingers then her guitar. Slowly his arms unwound themselves from around her neck so palms could smooth over bare shoulders only obscured by tank top straps as rough hands from so many years of plucking metal strings traveled up the sides of her neck soothingly.
