#hazel ship

ever since you said out my name i haven't heard it sound the same ever since you stepped into the light i'd let you ruin the rest of my life...

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                                            Hazel & Grant

Hazel laid the crisp white envelope along the tombstone, smiling softly to Liam as she stood from the crouched position. He was a teenager now, just graduated high school and she couldn’t believe how the time went by. The boy put his own letter down, needing a few more minutes there before they headed back to the car. Liam’s had been all about his senior year of school but Hazel’s had been a bit different.

Grant,        I know it’s been twelve years, but god it still feels like yesterday. It’s still that real, still that painful that you aren’t here. That you’ve missed so much. This letter will be short though, since you already know what it’s about. Gunner made it till the day after Liam graduated. It was like he knew, had to wait to see our son through that milestone before we let him go. He was in pain and trying to hide it from us but we knew it was time. It was fitting really, and he went so peacefully. We did it at home in his bed and I know he ran right over that rainbow bridge to you. Sometimes I think he missed you more than Liam and I do. I hope the both of you are smiling down on us, proud that we can still have our good days even with the both of you gone now. 

It would have been different, if Grant had passed when Liam was still an infant, unaware of the world around him, which human was who in his life. But he’d been old enough to remember him, to miss him. To cry nightly for his daddy to put him to bed. To throw a tantrum when he was angry at Hazel parenting him and wanted daddy instead. Old enough to understand that his dad wasn’t coming back from his time away. It had been a particularly hard day today, Liam just having a hard day all around from the time he woke up until now, bed time. ‘Liam honey, please...’ Hazel sighed, defeated as the five year old cried something fierce in her arms. ‘I know, I know you miss daddy, Mommy misses him too.’ She says softly, holding the little boy close in her arms as she paced his bedroom. Gunner pacing along next to her. The lab was glued to both of them since Grant’s passing. ‘You do?’ Liam asked, like he couldn’t quite comprehend it, rubbing at his tear stained eyes and looking at his mother. ‘Course I do, he made me really happy, and I don’t get to see him anymore and that makes me sad, just like it makes you sad.’ Liam nodded at that. There were still times she’d catch the little boy staring out the front door with Gunner like he was waiting for Grant to magically appear. ‘But he loved you so much baby, you mad him happy.’ She told him as she brushed some of his shaggy brown hair from his face. Spitting image of his father, so much so that it hurt at times. ‘I did?’ He was in the questioning phase again, and Hazel was more than happy to answer any of them if it meant he wasn’t crying anymore. She couldn’t handle it both of them being in so much pain. ‘You did, since the day you were born. You were his world. You two were best friends remember?’ and Liam nodded again.  ‘So we just have to try and remember the good things. He’ll always be with you right here,’ and she pointed a finger right at his heart.

It shouldn’t have ever come as any sort of surprise. That Grant could have met his end on a job. But maybe it was a surprise because he’d always been careful, always come home. “Hazel, I’m sorry. Truly I am.’ Emrys had expressed, that look of sadness, concern shadowing his features. At first she just sat there, stared at her cousin like she couldn’t believe the words that were coming from his mouth and then slowly, in sank in. He was gone. The love of her life, the father of her son, was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. First it was her breathing, hitched and erratic that gave any indication that she was feeling something. ‘Please tell me you’re lying-’  A quiet plea but she knew he’d never lie to her about this, not when she had a toddler who was waiting for daddy to come home too. ‘Emrys please..’ She begged again but her cousin just hung his head. ‘Fuck!’ she shouted, fist slamming down on the arm of the chair she was sitting in, and that’s when the tears came. The chest pain that felt like she quite literally was dying. A set of arms around her that she recognized as Eden’s to try and comfort her. Now was the time to get those harsh curses out, to scream and cry away from her son because she needed to strong for him. Hazel’s not sure how long she sat there, but the tears never stopped, the repeated murmuring of no, or this can’t be happening falling from her lips every few minutes. It simply...wasn’t fair.