First was the hand on my arm. Second was something vaguely on my back. At least, I thought it was, I turned around, too tired to be fierce about it and thanked my lucky stars I hadn’t been. Looking a little pale and somehow smaller than usual, Buki stood in front of me, with a quilt over her shoulders, her hat missing. It somehow seemed surreal to see her without it.
I took the opportunity to check my back and sure enough, she’d... huh. Some things never changed, huh? I took the charm off and I stared hard at it before I met her eyes.
“I'm still not ghost-free, huh?“
“Not ghosts, Shimizu-dono, but an ominous presence nonetheless. You are very clearly possessed by something. I cannot fathom what made you extend a hand to me, a cursed being. A moment of madness? It is a strange affair. Besides...“
“I fear that your kindness will lead to misfortune. Particularly if you tangle with me. I must ask you take care and keep a good distance.“
To be honest, I was surprised she was out and about. I got the impression Kumatani was the type to fret over someone more and she didn’t look a 100% to me.
“You should go back and rest. You look like shit.”
“W-why I never! I am as upright as a daisy! You would gainsay this?”
I still need a thesaurus when speaking to her. Even when she’s not feeling well. Ahh, my head hurts.
“How come Kumatani let you come out?”
Speaking about him like that made him kinda seem like a mom. I didn’t realize that until the words left my mouth. Buki wrung her hands together as she considered her answer.
“... True. He also bestowed upon me terrible kindness. Such eyes burned right into my flesh! Because it has been me and Panayomogi-sama for so long... I felt threatened! But even if he forgets his manners, I do not. I owe you a debt and this gnawed at me. So, I made a plea to Kumatani-dono. A brief trip is all. He could count the minutes, should he like! But, to Shimizu-dono, I had to go.“
“... You didn’t have to, I mean. I’m not going anywhere.”
I hope I’m not, anyway.
“Perhaps not. But what if the world ended tomorrow? What if, by chance, I said your first name and allowed Panayomogi-sama access into your soul? You would perish! And the chance would pass. Dramatic, I know, but this is why I had to rush to your side.“
So, wait... if she uses my first name I’ll be cursed too? Is that part of the Panayomogi mythos or something? I still don’t get everything about Buki or her weird dark god but... I guess at least certain pieces are coming together? In any case, I should try and bear in mind what I can for the future.
“Well. I’m here. I’m hoping that doesn’t change.“
“I also...”
The words tumbled out of her mouth quickly before she put an end to them with a shake of her head.
“Three souls lost is already too many... but while we remain on this dark ground... I fear for the future. Furthermore, I have brought Panayomogi-sama here. That was careless of me...“
“You say that, but you must’ve lived with people you cared about before. I mean... you can’t just act like this is your fault. You didn’t tell people to kill each other, right?“
“No! No, no, I wouldn’t! Perish the thought!“
“Then it’s fine, right? Trust me, you didn’t make this happen or anything.“
She stands there, silent for a few seconds before whipping out another charm and sticking it directly on my face. I really should begin to see this coming. How many of those does she have, anyway...?
“You truly are very cursed, Shimizu-dono. I implore you to keep that to yourself! You stay for my ceremony and hear me out... you do not turn your head away when I am weak and disgusting... and now this? To ignore Panayomogi-sama but pay me mind... it’s dangerous! It’s a buffoon’s gambit.“
Was I really being that kind to her? I kinda thought my actions were pretty normal. But maybe normal things felt special to people who hadn’t ever had them.
“I’m not cursed, I’m normal. And I’m not afraid of some curse, hell, I have enough things to be worried about without a dark god entering the picture.“
“Which is why! You need to watch your sweet talking!”
“... I’m sorry, sweet talking?”
“You know what it is! I won’t hear it! If I am not careful, I will cost you your life. If you value that, keep your distance. And... and I, too, will try to meditate to calm myself.”
Why was she so sure she’d be responsible for hurting me? Like Mikiro and what he’d said, I had to assume something big had happened to her.
“Look, I know you’re afraid. But getting along just makes sense. If we work together, we’ll get out of this easier.”
“I do not know whether... you can trust me or not. Can you say for sure I’d speed up your plans of escape? There is a very good chance I would hinder them.”
“Because you’re cursed. Right?”
She gives me a slow nod.
“I don’t expect you to take my word for it. So it’s enough if you keep your distance.”
That didn’t strike me as right. Buki hadn’t really done anything wrong yet. Rather than judge people on what I heard, I’d always just judged them on what I saw. And yeah, she was kinda out there but she wasn’t a bad person. No one to avoid, anyway. And if I was tolerating people like Shiratori, there was no reason not to tolerate her, too. Everything about her came from some really dark unknown place. Like... everything about her would just make sense if I knew a little more about her.
“When you collapsed... Kumatani said you were under a lot of stress. At the time I figured he was just being Captain Obvious but... he said, even before all this shit happened, you were under pressure. That’s why your body rejected the food. So is it really okay for you to be out here? I don’t know much about it but... you should probably rest up.“
“...“
She searched her person for something until she found... oh come on, is that another charm? I took on a defensive stance but she didn’t seem to have any intention of hitting me with it.
“Open your hands, Shimizu-dono.”
I kinda felt like I was being pranked but it also kinda felt like a jerk move to just leave a sick girl hanging like that so I did as she requested. She put the charm gently in my hands and then pressed her hands together, as if in prayer.
“That’s a protection charm. Panayomogi-sama targets those close to me. He is able to infect people with his darkness should I allow him to. If I break my rules. Those people will be driven mad by misfortune. I cannot... protect people from him when he like that. But I can do this much. Your ‘worry’ I believe is routine behaviour... so I understand this is the right thing to do. Normally people give up, though. I worry you will not. This ‘stress’, as you name it, is... mine to bear. And it would not change, whether this happened or not. So put it out of your mind. Worry not, I will recover and... for your discretion, I am grateful.“
She bows her head and then trots back indoors. Her steps seem a little shaky at times but she seems to be fine enough. I looked at the charm she’d given me and decide to pocket it. I’d thrown all the others away, I mean, they were slapped onto me and I was annoyed. But this one felt like more of a gift.
At this time the sun was going down and the whole outside coated in a kinda orange glow. I sat down and took in the sun for a bit.
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A low humming made me vaguely aware of where I was. I snapped out of my stupor soon after. The elevator continued a gentle descent. I did, too, sinking from standing to sitting in a few seconds. Everything after the murder seemed inconsequential but I mentally smacked myself for being so lax. If I didn’t focus, everything I’d checked out and everything I’d heard would just become a blur. I took the moment to just ease up; remember what I could, and think on it for a few seconds.
Think... commit to memory and... try and find a solution.
I’d never been the detective type - hell, I’d hardly touched a book but if there was ever a time to start, I figured this’d be it.
So... the structure of this building... was more complicated than I thought. That’s the initial take away, I guess. It was like two buildings combined into one. I wondered if there was a name for that. The whole thing was a part of the same structure. I’d seen it from the outside, after all. But I didn’t realize parts would connect like this.
The elevator that took us down to that trial room also took us down to some other floor. A little higher than the trial room, I think. And that opened up to a corridor that led to the right... to this other structure. Other part of the building. Common theory is that this is where we did a bunch of work. Outside of the classroom, I guess. Since it was designed as a free school, I suppose whenever anyone wanted to train in the arts or get some exercise they came over here.
Let’s see...
The clinic was one of the first places I checked. Pretty standard, but if Kumatani’s warning’s anything to go by, there’s some stuff in there that shouldn’t be messed with. Maybe he’s being cautious - doesn’t want people mixing the wrong stuff together. Or maybe it’s something more obvious, like poison or something. Either way, I might check it out later. He expressly doesn’t want me to and... it kinda sucks to potentially disappoint him. I mean, I’m not a fan of how, like... adult he is, sometimes. Like he’s better than us and more mature or something. But he’s not a bad person and he’s helped a lot, too. It’s a weird thing, I guess.
We’ll see.
The swimming pool and gym seemed kinda standard although there were some rooms and cupboards I didn’t check out. Tiny things, really, but hey, maybe there’d be something of note there. Something I missed. Every time I consider I’ve missed something I feel sick to my stomach. Like, if I miss even just a little thing, maybe it’ll cost me big time. It’s not like me to be so paranoid. I guess I’m used to worrying but the consequences just... didn’t matter at the time. So it was just easy to move on with it.
But this isn’t normal. And I have to keep telling myself it’s real. If I forget what happened or blank on details, it might cost me my life.
Details... yeah, what else was there?
Sound-proofed rooms... if I’m right, two of them. The music room was definitely sound-proofed. And given the racket Chiffon made and the lack of reaction we got... I think... the AV Room’s probably also soundproof. Just like the rooms we stay at. Maybe it’s a good idea to peek inside those rooms every now and again, just to be sure. The idea of someone screaming and no one hearing... that kinda freaks me out.
Speaking of the AV Room... there was a lot to process there, huh.
Shiratori’s apparently gonna keep an eye on us all. It’s a stupid, stupid, bad idea but that’s nothing new for him. I’m hoping someone that isn’t me provides a better argument than I would. But it’s a really bad move. Nobody likes feeling like they’re being watched all the time. Nobody likes that, but... they especially don’t like it if they know it’s happening.
My eyes move across the elevator as it dings and I pass through the corridor. I keep searching for those cameras. I wonder if I’m looking right into the eyes of someone else far away when I see one. The grand hall feels grander when I step into it - probably because no one else is there. I remember Patchnuki falling down and... all of those voices back then. It’d been a few days ago, but somehow the way I was remembering it, felt like a lifetime ago.
Sure enough, I think there were cameras. They were just hard to see. Kasahara’s theory was that... we were being watched, even now, by those cameras. Because there were cameras in that very AV Room. If I analyzed it, I think... without all the murder and all that... maybe that made sense. Because, the students were supposed to be using a bunch of these rooms, right? Still, why were all these computers and monitors in the AV Room? Were students supposed to be using those?
I felt the more I thought about it, the more my brain hurt. I just couldn’t figure it out.
‘There wasn’t just one mastermind’. I ran those words through my head. The first motive had provided us clues. That meant we were being toyed with, for whatever reason. Rather than being pissed about it, I was more pissed at myself for not being able to figure it out. And Anzai’s clue matched with mine. Not only were multiple people in on this, they were among us. That meant you could throw out a common enemy.
There was a lot to chew on and a lot I still didn’t understand. Chiffon had brought more questions than answers. We still didn’t even know where she came from. Maybe she was just being dumb about it, but I kinda believed her - that she really couldn’t find the place she woke up. It made me think about our memory loss, too. If... we did somehow contribute to this... mastermind this as a group... did we even remember doing that?
We’d probablt lost months of our lives here. Maybe even years. I had no way of knowing. I found myself mulling over Yuunagi’s words, too. Is it possible we’d lost little moment of happiness?
Was there a time when we were all happier and better off as people?
Even Hanji? Wakatsuki?
Something buzzed in my brain. A face. Daisy’s? ... I wasn’t sure. I was tired and my leg hurt and honestly I was done with the day. I wasn’t sure how many hours had passed even in this day. I should watch out for that, I guess. Time is... more important than I thought. If I’ve already lost a whole bunch of time, I should make sure the time I have now counts. Maybe I’ll alllow myself to think a bunch today. That’s fine. I’ll just make sure I bounce back and do something worthwhile tomorrow. That’s a fair trade-off... should be, anyway.
Rather than hang around in the house, I thought I’d get some fresh air and I pushed the doors open. It was funny; you could go outside like this but you sill felt trapped. But the fresh air did help. I passed look over to the bunker we all woke up in. Right before I woke up, I thought I remembered Hanji pushing me... given what he said, maybe I hadn’t just dreamed that. Well. I’d thought enough for one day. I opted to just enjoy what I could of the day so I could prepare for tomorrow.
Something disturbed that, though, or someone... someone who grabbed my arm. They must’ve been real quiet, I almost didn’t notice them.
The door shut with a snap when Chiffon left but as soon as I followed her out I didn’t detect any real grumpiness. Well, I mean, nothing out of the ordinary, anyway. It was weird to consider that: ordinary.
There was nothing ordinary about Chiffon, really. Her appearance, her memory loss... hell, even her actions were a little out there. But the way she spoke, it was pretty... direct. And simple. That made figuring her out a little easier, at least. I thought so, anyway.
Still, she had to reign it in at least a little. There was direct and then there was just asshole. It was a fine line I had to try and walk myself.
“What’s with you, mouthing off like that?“
Chiffon didn’t even look my way but she didn’t seem upset; just... pensive, I guess. Being ignored still irks me, though.
“Hey. Don’t blank me.”
She pauses, takes a deep breath and...
Let out a huge scream. No, more of a shout. But more than that, what the hell?! Just when I thought she was easy to figure out she pulled something like this. I was too surprised to really react until she was finished.
“What the... HELL... is your problem?”
I was wincing plenty at her racket but I really shriveled at the thought of that AV Room door snapping open and either seeing an enraged Kasahara or Shiratori. To my surprise, that door never opened, though. I definitely thought I heard something from the Arts Room though. Poor Nagase probably never saw that coming.
Chiffon just stared at me, as if that never even happened, meeting my eyes with a calm I wouldn’t expect. I mean, I probably looked pretty furious right now.
“I wanted...”
“To hear my voice echo.”
I was completely at a loss.
“Are you serious? Is this seriously happening?”
“That’s what I want to know! I have to do these things, you know. I need proof that I’m here! And that you’re not all just robots sent here to terrorize the last human or something.”
I heard a door from way down the hall open; given the rooms available, I was guessing it was the clinic. No need to pay it too much attention.
“If you’re the last human, maybe we’re better off with the drones.“
“Sounds exactly like what a robot would say...”
A loud cough interrupted us and I cast my eyes to the approaching figure of Kumatani. Ah, well... yeah. Okay, it made sense the clinic wasn’t soundproofed and this little idiot had just screamed her head off. He gave us both disapproving looks; you could feel the scolding before any words even exited his mouth.
“Look, I’m all for people taking their minds off of things, but... please be a little more mindful about what you do and where. What if someone thought the worst? You could give someone a heart attack. That’s no joke.“
“Mindful of what? It’s not a library.”
The poor guy looks like he’s really trying to phrase this delicately.
“Yes, well... there’s been a recent incident and people are on edge. Furthermore, I have a patient. So, please.”
“... Incident... huh?“
“You mean the murder. You don’t need to worry about that. If anyone here wants to kill anyone else, it won’t be because I shouted.”
The heaviest sigh I’ve probably ever heard exits Kumatani’s mouth ahd he smothers his stressed face in a hand.
“Can I count on you to handle this, Shimizu-kun? I can’t leave the room unattended for too long.“
“Oh. Uh, yeah, sure.”
He gives me a nod and then trudges back. I hadn’t paid it much attention before but he looked really tired. Everything had just happened all at once and now on top of that he was looking after someone. Yeah, I guess... that wasn’t easy.
“What’s he mean ‘handle this’? Like I’m a parcel.“
“Nah, you’re decidedly worse than a parcel. Last time I checked, those don’t just break out into screamo arias when they feel like it.“
“An aria, you say...“
She’s stroking her chin and suddenly I know exactly where this is going.
“Don’t! No! No opera crap in the damn passage, geez. Are you crazy?”
“I don’t know! Am I? I mean, shouldn’t I have woken up already if this a dream? I don’t think dreams are supposed to last this long but... there are those stories of people who visualize a whole life and then wake up so...“
Despite her words, I’m not sure Chiffon’s doubting this is really happening. I guess, in a way... in her way, she’s blowing off steam. Complaining and trying to find a reason for this. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that reason for her; not sure any of us did.
“If you were really dreaming you would’ve woken up by now. How many times have I yanked your face now? ... Want me to try it again?“
“Bully! Go away!”
She scuttles away and strikes a pose as if she’s hiding herself. Hopefully she knows she’s in plain view.
“I know it’s reality, stupid! But it’s weird, weird, weird! Amnesia’s not something that’s supposed to happen in REAL life! It’s that quaint thing in fiction! That irritating trope you scoff at when you see it on TV... I remember TV, you know! And walking! I just can’t remember anything about me! It’s an affront!“
“I thought if I walked around with you, something would just click or something... but there’s nothing. Nada, zilcho, nothing!“
“... And you still don’t even know where you were when you woke up, huh?”
“Not that it’d help! If I was going to get some special memory flash it would’ve happened already, right? Like, if I look into your eyes, I should remember your stupid face, right?”
As if to prove her point, she stares at me. Normally I’d just look away but I felt like competing with her and glared her down. Well, glared until she huffed and turned away, anyway.
“But I’m blank. Blank as a piece of paper. It’s clear I’m here for a reason, but I’m... I’m impatient! I can’t wait for the important reveals, I want to know who I am now!“
I was in a weird place of understanding her and not, all at once. She hadn’t been a part of this game at first. That’s how it seemed to me. But now she’d been dropped in and she remembered even less than we did.
Still, I kinda wanted to know where she got all that confidence from. If it were me, I’m not sure I’d think of myself as someone so special.
“This... ‘amnesia’, I guess... who knows how it works? I mean, all of us got it so it’s some artificial thing, right? So who knows what triggers what? Haven’t been thinking about it much but it’s fine enough to just go with the flow for now. I mean, we have bigger things to worry about anyway.“
“I never said it was a big deal! It’s just annoying. I’ll be whoever I was in time anyway so it’s not like it matters.”
She quite literally hand-waves it away.
“But it’s not fair that you’re Kaede and I’m Chi... Shi... Shinigami.”
“Don’t think you have to worry about that one being your name.“
I didn’t really have words of consolation; for her or for anyone else. The more problems hit me, the more tempted I became to shrug them off. But I had to try something. If I let myself ignore these things I had a feeling they’d be back to bite me later.
“It’s only been one day. And there’s been a ton of excitement. Maybe you got distracted. Just wander for a bit and see what that does. I mean, maybe you’ll remember stuff when you’re not trying to, you see? Like... unconscious stuff.“
She stared, and then...
“You want me to knock myself out?”
“No, I do not.”
“Haha! I’m not that stupid, stupid Kaede! I know what you’re saying. It can’t be that great of an idea if I didn’t come up with but I guess it’s worth a try. I mean, if nothing else.“
Chiffon’s become so idiotically pathetic that I’m finding my strength leaving me. She leaves so many openings for so many barbs that I’m just overwhelmed and come away feeling bad for her.
“Yep. You’re a genius. Good for you.“
“Hmhm! It IS good, isn’t it? ... Although... hm... what now...? That’s the whole floor, isn’t it?”
I didn’t need to check my ID; I’d seen it quite a few times now and I could confirm there wasn’t any other rooms to check out.
“Seems like. Unless there’s some hidden door I missed.“
“Ooh, a hidden door! Well. You definitely missed that, but it’s fine. We’ll find it later.”
I don’t have the energy to play along. For a while now some stinging pain’s been giving me grief. I’d been ignoring it up until now but it turns out I hadn’t come out as unscathed as I thought from falling down those basement stairs. Hopefully it was just a temporary bruise or something. It was taking up my attention every now and again, though.
“So... what’s the plan now? I guess there’s enough books and stuff if you like that kinda thing, but...“
It wasn’t really the time or the place. Maybe for her it was different though, who could say?
“I have no idea! But that’s fine. I’m sure I’ll work it out walking around. That’s how you get good ideas, right? By not thinking of them! Be-si-des, I have to find a place to stay...“
“Huh...? Wait, weren’t you staying with Yuunagi?“
“You’re so... you’re so... vulgar! My god! You think I’ll impose for that long? That’s so disgraceful!“
“Unless I missed something, you don’t have a room. Or an ID.”
“Bah! It’s not like it has to have my nameplate! I’ll find some other bed! Or couch! Or... table! I’ll sleep in a coffin before I overstay a welcome!“
“Hey, don’t go around saying something so ominous...“
“A place just for me... I could convert any old room into a glamorous bedroom... aha! Aha-ha! Admit it! The Break Room would be perfect, wouldn’t it? It’s where the important people probably used to take it easy and there are a ton of sofas.“
Shit. God, that’s where they wanna set up their party... anywhere but there. I need to re-direct her attention, but where...? I wasn’t picky about where I slept but that didn’t mean she wasn’t.
Quick... god, I gotta say something!
“That room sucks. I mean. It’s connected to that creepy basement.“
“Aww! Are you being concerned about me? I’m not afraid of ghosts or anything like that. Having such a cute weakness is worthless to me!”
“Who said anything about ghosts? There could be rats down there. They could fight you for scraps and stuff.”
That. Sounded so stupid. I wasn’t going to go the afraid of rats angle but this... this was no real substitute.
“... Hm... I don’t want to waste my energy fighting rats...“
Wait, that worked?
“There’s, uh. There’s a lounge in the other building, y’know. You probably still haven’t checked through it much.”
Ahh! Ahhhgh!
What am I saying? That’s even worse! Someone died there!
“Or... y’know... a library. I thought I saw some sofas there.”
I was sure I’d told good lies before; it was only in this moment I was feeling any semblance of intelligence leak out of a crack in my head. Chiffon surveyed me with some suspicion. Yeah, she probably had to be onto me now.
“... Hm. Alright, I understand. You’re saying I shouldn’t settle! The more I think about it, the more foolish I was! Why settle for the first nice room you see when there are bigger and brighter horizons! Right then! A new adventure calls.“
She points her finger at me and I felt so lucky she was this dumb.
... Though after the crap I just said, I wasn’t sure I was one to talk.
“I’m recruiting you as my vassal! Keep your eyes peeled for good rooms and furnishings. I’ll need them.”
Why is everyone in this house recruiting me? Go recruit someone else.
But, whatever, this was easier than risking her ruining the surprise. And my mood was acting up; turns out this stupid leg was hurting more than I thought and I really just wanted to take a break now.
“Yeah, yeah, princess.“
“Princess... good, good! You’re already getting the hang of it! I suppose... I should let you go for now.I don’t want you shadowing my every move after all. So go forth! Go... go do cool things in my name!“
She threw a finger my face before trotting off, looking behind every now and again as if to make sure I’d really go and do those ‘cool things’. I had no intention of it. Though I honestly didn’t know what she meant, anyway. Now that I was alone again, I felt a million thoughts attack me at once.
It was... weird, having this free time, this free space. I felt like there were a million things I wanted to do and say. And yet, I didn’t have a desire to do anything. Like it’d just be easier to sit right here and watch as the hours passed. Between wanting to, needing to and fighting every impulse I had of doing anything at all... it was pretty weird.
The only thing I could compare it to was as if... I was stuck in some crane game. Being yanked one way, being bogged down under everything else. It helped more than I thought having Chiffon around. If nothing else, she was a distraction. And when I was doing pointless crap, I was somehow able to forget everything that happened. I could almost write it off as a joke, as sick as it sounds. But... it was a pill. And after a couple of hours, I found I was the same as always. Weighed down by the same paranoid and pressure I’d been the second I’d seen Anzai’s cold, dead corpse.
My feet began moving, taking me in a direction even I wasn’t sure of yet. But moving... I guess that, as simple as it was, made me feel a little better.
I’d already chatted a bit to Nagase but I wanted to keep that up and see where it’d take me. I mean, she wanted to get used to me too, right? So I suppose this selfishness of mine kinda helped us both. I dunno; maybe I was just justifying it. I tried my best to have a gentle approach but, uh.
“Yo, Nagase.”
No dice.
She stepped back, a little flustered but offered me a small wave anyway. I could tell she really was making an effort. Looked like even small things like looking at someone and greeting them was hard for her.
This situation must’ve been murder for her even before the uh...
Well, the murder.
“Oh, erm... hi again, Shimizu-san. Was there something else... or... something on my face... or?“
“No, no, just... felt our conversation kinda cut short.”
“Oh! Oh, did it? When do conversations, um, when do they usually end? ... I’m not sure.”
“I’m... not sure either. But hey, if you’re busy...”
“No, no, it’s fine. Let’s do it! Talking, that is.”
...
Now that I’d said that, I had nothing to say.
“So... you and Yuunagi -- you’re good friends. Seems it, anyway.“
“Well... I admire her. And, um, she’s good to me. Yuu-chan can take charge in a way that I can’t and er, well... she can act when I can’t, too. It’s like, she says the things I want to before I can. And the way she says it, too...”
“You’re a writer though, right? I’m sure you can say stuff in cool ways, too.“
I felt that was a wrong thing to say and two seconds after my stupid mouth spat it out, I recalled the whole ‘stole book ideas’ thing and kicked myself. I clenched my eyes in some kinda dismay.
“... I guess... but... it never really turns out that in real life. Even when I want to, I just... can’t.“
“Can’t what?“
Whoa, when did you pop up? Last time I’d see Chiffon she’d been running her nose through those how-to books.
“Oh! Um, you know. It’s nothing.“
“Hmm. You’re giving up.“
“Hey!”
“Well, I’m not wrong, am I? Someone who says they can’t means they won’t. I’m not going to stop someone from kneecapping themself.”
Nagase laughs weakly. She seems to shake off the comment better than I’d expected but can’t quite smile the full way.
“I... you know... I think... telling someone who’s tried their hardest to just try is... it’s cruel.“
“So? If you’re not rooting for yourself, who will? I mean, it’s not like you’ll get anywhere making excuses. All you’re doing is making yourself feel better in advance when nothing happens.”
“... Maybe... that’s so... but, that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up. I admire Yuu-chan, and I admire the others, too. It’ll probably take me a little longer, but, um, I thnk I’ll... I’ll arrive at the place I wanna be. So... so you’re, um, wrong about that. And about me.”
I sighed with some relief. Despite what others might say, or hell, despite how she seems, I get the feeling Nagase’s tougher than she looks. Chiffon continues to look on with some... disinterest? No, I guess she’s just looking at her in that usual high-and-mighty way.
I take the opportunity to yank on her ponytail. There was something missing from this conversation, after all.
“Hey! That hurts!”
“It barely hurts; trust me, I know my strength. Apologize.”
“Huh? For what?!”
“S-Shimizu-san, you really don’t need to...!”
“Apologize, you public nuisance.“
“Did you bleach your brain when you dyed your hair?”
“It’s fine, really! W-we shouldn’t fight!”
I rest my arm on Chiffon’s head and lean, ignoring her yelps.
“You’re getting it all wrong, Nagase. Fighting’s good - I mean, a little anyway. Keeping this stuff pent up’s gonna make it explode later. I mean, you get angry all the time during a day, right? If your coffee’s gone cold or you drop something. Treating this situation with soft gloves might just make it worse. Hell, the more normal we try and make this, the better off we might be. So it’s okay to say you’ve had enough or you’re tired.“
Not that I really considered it a fight. Chiffon was a tiny annoying little weasel with no manners and even when she got offended I felt more like that was par for the course than any big blow out.
To my surprise, Nagase seemed taken aback and then genuinely a little happy for a second there.
“Th... that’s... those are pretty cool words, Shimizu-san! Hmm... that’s kinda... you’re not wrong, are you...? When I write, there’s always a tense atmosphere. Everyone’s always accusing everybody... because, everybody’s always got something to hide... so of course it all goes out of control. I mean, it’s more exciting that way.“
Those words make her think a little more but I can’t tell if she’s depressed about something or if she’s just thinking super hard.
“Somehow... you remind me of someone. But I can’t think of who... it’s... the strangest feeling. Deja vu? Hmm. Ugh... I hate deja vu... it sounds like such a trope...”
“Haha, well... who knows? I know you don’t meet a lot of people but it could’ve been anyone.“
“I guess... “
The strange look of concern doesn’t leave her face.
“But, you know... it would be nice, wouldn’t it? To just be honest. I’m sure that’s what Shiratori-san wants, too. It’s nice, but...“
“Hey, no, that’s not what I said. I said normal, y’know, normal. Do you usually go around telling strangers your phone number and biggest phobia? Look, I... I’m not an expert. So don’t look at me like one. But, it’s... fine to have stuff to hide. I mean, everyone’s got their baggage. And their reasons. But it should also be fine to just... accept that and work together anyway. You said so before, right? There are more important things out there than your secret.”
Nagase moved to nod her head but stopped, surprisingly, looking me dead in the eye.
“... You really... don’t think less of me? Despite that...?“
“I don’t. I’m not much of a book person but... doesn’t it still take talent to write the thing? It’s not like you took 5,000 of someone else’s written pages and sent them out under your name, right? Besides. Apparently we had a wrangler killing people. And a lawyer. So god knows what anyone’s up to. Yeah, you know, at this rate, as long as you haven’t killed anyone, we’re good. Have you killed anyone?”
“I haven’t! I haven’t! I swear on my hamster!”
“Then we’re good.”
“Well I’m not good! Get off of me!”
I glanced down at Chiffon.
“You gonna apologize?”
“I’m sorry you’re such a loser! Happy now?”
I look to Nagase.
“What do you reckon, Nagase?”
“Hmm. W-well I’ll let bygones be bygones! I mean. Well... I’m sure it’s erm, it’s hard for her, too. The whole... this whole mansion thing.“
Nagase was probably too nice but that was obvious. I let Chiffon go and she immediately pulls a face at me and dashes for the door.
“Loser! I got to the door before you! Stupid! Stupid, stuuupid ramen!”
“You’re literally just throwing out foods now.”
I shake my head. Well. I’m not sure I got to know Nagase better or if we even talked about anything relevant but I had to think these small steps were important. Still, I didn’t want Chiffon trouncing off in a mood so I opted to follow her, giving one last wave to Nagase who honestly did seem to be in some higher spirits. That was good.
Vague fragments of Mikiro’s song bounce around in my head. Maybe it’s because I’d never listened to anything he’d written before. Like no other song had, actually. Super High School Level students probably had some magnetic quality to the stuff they did. I guess thinking about it that way, it’s easy to see why it was so memorable.
Since the Arts Room was so close, it took no time at all to find the door and let myself in. Chiffon was quick to follow, so caught up in following my pace that she wasn’t able to babble as much as she usually did.
The second I opened the door, the various smells of paints and supplies hit me all at once. I couldn’t help but cough. Probably wasn’t even that strong in there; I was just unused to it. There were a variety of easels and canvases in the way; the room was pretty small and because it was so crowded, I ended up having to push things aside to get around.
I actually couldn’t see Nagase until I cleared the path a little. Well, it didn’t help that she was sitting on the floor for whatever reason.
After what I’d witnessed earlier I wasn’t actually sure how to approach her. Nagase was pretty anxious without the added stress and I wasn’t the most sensitive person in the world. But I wanted to try and say something before Chiffon did; she was still behind me, tripping over this or that. So I guess I had time on my side, at least.
“Uhm... Nagase. Hey.”
I cringed at how false I sounded.
As I predicted, Nagase basically jumped out of her skin. It felt weird; I was on eggshells every time I talked to her but I still ended up messing it up somehow. Maybe I oughta read a book on it or something.
Her eyes kept going all over the place, as if she was looking for something or someone.
“Uh... uhm... er... y-you... are weather. Yes! Hello! It’s... a nice one!“
Oh, ouch. The awkward’s making it hard to breathe over here.
“Look, I’ll be real. If I’m bothering you, it’s okay to just say so, y’know? If you don’t make it clear, I won’t know. And this is... a weird place for all us to be. I get that.”
“No! No, no, no, no! Oh, um! Oh gosh, how to say...!”
The way she spoke so loudly all of a sudden had me reeling but it seemed like she wasn’t bothered. Considering all the death and the whole Shiratori thing I thought she’d be in tears. She twiddled her thumbs for a bit before continuing on.
“I want... to... I want to... um... I-I’d like to try and do better. I’m... I’ve... said... and acted things... I’m not proud of. And I think... I’m thinking, if I wallow, that’s um, that’s going to... it’ll hurt us all. If I really make an effort to get along... and be normal, then...!“
“I’m gonna stop you there. Listen, forcin’ yourself’s only gonna stress you out, right? Nobody wants you getting an ulcer over acting out of character.”
“N-no, but... but listen. Yuu-chan told me something... and I felt it click in my head somehow. Yuu-chan said, ‘talking to this many people is a miracle’. She said that... maybe ‘we knew each other’ before this. And... considering what Hanji-san... said...”
She paled at the mere mention of him. Given what he did... what he’d said... and how he died... I could hardly blame her. She shook her head, desperate to get back on track.
“I want to believe we were friends. So, although I’m like this, please give me your patience. I, um... I wanted to also... thank you... on another note... ‘cause you... helped a lot. In the... you know.“
In the trial, I’d guess.
“You did, too. Without you, I’d have probably been lost. I didn’t have much evidence directly tying it to him.“
“We can’t... let that happen again.“
“Murder... in fiction is one thing. B-but it’s... it shouldn’t be like that in real life. And dying like that, there’s... there’s absolutely no ‘justice’ in that.”
There were a lot of reasons to hope it never happened again. It was wrong on every level. Yesterday’d been so wild I was almost tempted to write it off as a dream... but I knew how dangerous that’d be. And on a maybe less relevant note... I didn’t want to risk messing something that important up again. That ‘trial’...
Even I know it didn’t go so well. You’re supposed to work it out so easily - they do it on TV like that. But it ended up so messily and... I kept thinking about it. How unfinished the whole thing felt.
The easy thing to hope is that it’d just never happen again. But an awful gut feeling kept me wary.
“Nobody wants to die and nobody wants to get killed. Should be obvious. I’m hoping people take what they saw to heart and gets smart about it. Everyone wants to get out but we’re better off working on our own terms; not his.“
“... Oh... it’s a he?”
I shrug.
“It’s a whatever. Who cares?“
She seems to warm up and a little and laugh.
“I get that you’re doing your brand new you thing but... are you really gonna be okay? I mean, I’m not the softest guy around, sure, but there’s more than me to worry about. Rie, n’ Kasahara n’... Shiratori.“
Her face falls on the mention of the lats name on my list.
“You... overheard.”
“Wha-? No, I just...”
This wasn’t working.
“... Yeah. Sorry.”
“I think... Shiratori-san... needs to, um... it’s like, he needs to think things over for a bit. I... I’m hurt, of course, it’s still... but. But, him being like that, um, it’s not just trouble for me. It hurts everyone when he acts like that. Controlling things with your moral compass... how can I put this? It’s... it’s arrogant. To think that your right and wrong are the rights and wrongs of the world. And enforcing that without asking, it’s... well... if you ask me, of course it’ll end up badly.“
Yuunagi had a similar way of thinking. I mean, I guess I did too but I thought about it more basically than that. I just kinda thought he was an ass.
“So, uh... you’re gonna be okay, then?“
“T-that’s... that’s a little hard. I’ll probably cry a little and I’ll... always worry what people think but... I’m gonna try and fix that. I want to believe our survival here is a little more important than, er... something like that... in the past. You know? I mean! Not that it’s not valid! I mean, if it weren’t me, I mean, if I weren’t me, I might be like... hmm, but like... you know... the timing... i-it’s hard to say. I don’t know, I just hope it’ll go well.”
I guess that’s enough for now. Hope is all a lot of us have to go on right now. At least, until something switches it up. It feels like we’ve been talking for a good few minutes now and the refreshing silence was now beginning to gnaw at me. Alright. Where was she?
I turned around to look for her and... to my surprise, I had completely lost track of Chiffon. Uh. Oops?
Turns out she’d wandered off to a whiteboard and was looking at it pretty intently. I excused myself from Nagase but she followed behind, albeit at a distance.
“What the hell are you doing back here?”
The serious expression on her face kinda through me for a loop. Had she actually found something? I looked at the whiteboard and all I saw were some ground rules and scribbles. There was a lot to see but most of it’d been erased. There were just smears of red and blue, where words probably used to be. Seems like it’d seen a lot of use.
“I’m looking for... proof of myself.“
She seemed a little irritated.
“Because! It’s strange, right? Admit it: it’s strange! I’m here and nobody knows anything about me! Even if I don’t remember anything, you lot should, shouldn’t you?“
“It’s not like we knew much about each other either, y’know. We’re workin’ this out as we go.”
“I’m being excluded! There should be exciting clues to who I am everywhere! Why can’t I find them? ... Ah... no, could it be...?”
You’re an idiot?
“Aha! Hahaha! Of course. You’re supposed to find them for me!“
“I’m what now?”
“It’s not much of a revelation if the revelator finds it out, right?”
I can feel my shoulders sag at a weight I can’t quite explain but it’s definitely linked to this chick. She just seems so overwhelmingly proud of everything she says. Nagase seems amused, at least.
“You’re always in such good spirits.“
Oh right, she stayed with Yuunagi and Nagase, didn’t she? Guess she’d be more familiar with Chiffon than I am.
“A good spirit is key to a good body and mind. Now then! Make my mind sharper yet by telling me about this room!”
“Go look yourself.”
She stared at me with the audacity of a guilt-free puppy that’s just chewed through your shoes.
“It’s fine! I, er, okay, um, I know it sounds dull but when I get to like, you know, introduce people to, uh, to things. It’s great! Mm. Yeah. Super great.”
It sounds sarcastic but coming out of Nagase’s sincere mouth I figured she was just flubbing her words.
She ushers Chiffon over and sweeps an arm across the room. The room was... small, well, it was probably more average but it just felt smaller due to all the crap lying around. A big table took up a huge bit of space too and to go with the painting supplies, there were chalkboards and whiteboards and even some statues. Whether someone had crafted ‘em or someone had just left ‘em here, I had no idea.
“This is the Arts Room. Since the place was a free school, you could come in here at any time and practice your craft.“
“Like magic?“
“... Um, no. Um, more like, you know... whoosh ... and splat... clay, paints... pen...cils... anyway, art.”
Chiffon nodded but I wondered about what that gesture even meant for her.
“There are a lot of supplies for it, too. Clay moulds, sponges, duct tape, paints, inks... there’s even safety equipment. Like an apron or some masks. I mean, I’d guess some artsy people get, you know, like, um... super into it. I guess. I know when I’m writing I lose my every sense...“
As Nagase talked, I listened with some vague interest, but I couldn’t help but be drawn to the same whiteboard Chiffon was drawn to. I’d been trying to pick out words on it for a while now, the erased ones, but it was no easy feat. Still, I swore I could see some. Greetings, project details and... names. Kotobuki. Seiyama... and... Anzai. I thought I read those names. But maybe it was some kinda confirmation bias. Like... I wanted to see those names.
I shrug and turn back to Nagase and Chiffon who are still moving around the room.
“These are... naked men.“
Nagase almost stumbles over when Chiffon says that, pointing at some of the busts.
“I mean. I... y-you can’t really see the lower half, so... a-anyway, th-that’s art. It’s just. Artistic!”
“Hmm.“
I get the impression she’s not impressed and Nagase’s face continues to redden as she reaches for her glasses. As I glance around, I can see there are pieces on the wall, some scenery sketches and paintings but no one I recognize.. and no names are on them, either. A red clock’s in this room, too, just ticking away. There’s a window too, so you can let in a breeze. I opt to take a peek out of it.
... Hm. Yep. That sure is sky.
Seems like you could jump to the ground floor but you’d probably risk breaking your whole damn leg.
... Well, maybe I could manage it, though.
I glance back to see Nagase seemingly finish up her tour.
“... And you can find some tutorials and guides in here. I think it’s... nice. Like, you could learn to start drawing anytime. So! What do you think?”
“... Art seems like a hassle.“
I guess we can cross Super High School Level Artist off her list, too. With that small tour done, I was guessing we were done in here. Well, unless I wanted to talk to Nagase a bit more, anyway.
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It only happened in the space of a few seconds but it still hit me hard. The raised voices and blood-red atmosphere. I wasn’t sure which side I was on, if any and.. in that case, what I should do. I wasn’t sure who I liked. And who I trusted. It was easy to say ‘I don’t want anyone else to die’ but... someone else would, right? If people didn’t stomp out the flames.
That’s what Kumatani and Shiratori were trying to do, huh. But even that kinda thing backfires sometimes. Nobody likes being told what to do. It was a mess any way you looked at it.
“--de. Kaede!”
“Don’t yank on me! I can hear you fine.”
I did actually zone out for a bit there but I wasn’t about to say that. Chiffon pointed avidly at the door Shiratori went through earlier.
“Where’s that?”
“Uhh... according to this... that’s the AV Room.”
“Hmph... a map... how nice... you people and your maps.“
She’s bitter, huh.
“Yeah. Bet you’re grateful I’m humouring you now, huh?“
“Bah! You’re not special! Don’t get ahead of yourself!“
I feel some people’d get real charmed by those words. ‘She’s so embarrassed and she’s hiding it’ or some shit. But really, she’s just an arrogant twerp. She’s... still. Just an arrogant twerp.
“AV Room... that means... computers! Ah! Aha, genius! Let’s go, Kao! I can google myself and find out who I am!”
She’s said my name twice now and she’s either back to forgetting or has found some new joy in pissing me off.
“Congrats! You’re gonna get the reveal you’re a dress best paired with cashmere.“
Chiffon takes a moment to ponder my words before realizing she, in fact, can’t remember her name. God, what an idiot.
“Gah! Hurry up and remember my name, idiot!“
“You’re the idiot who doesn’t remember, idiot.”
She stomps, opting for pettiness over a comeback and finds her spite come back in full force as she dashes for the door and runs through it. I just shrug and let it happen, entering after her.
The room was kinda dim, mostly lit by the rows of computers. Looked like there were about eighteen seperate desks and chairs... and some more monitors and stuff up ahead, including one huge screen that helped light up the whole room. I’d guess this room’d be a lot darker if that thing got turned off. There were some similar but smaller ones on the walls, too. God, there were just... so many monitors... you felt like you were being watched by all of them.
There was a kinda constant dull humming of machinery and a warmth that came with this much stuff being turned on.
Still, it was naive of me to think I could spend a minute in here without being accosted by--
“Kaede Shimizu-kun!”
Hi, Shiratori.
“Listen up! This room contains a great many electronics! Don’t distract anyone using them and be careful where you walk! You could unplug something. No running in here - that goes without saying!“
“And yet here you are saying it.”
I had no intention of running in a room like this but anytime he spoke up about anything like this I felt really contrary.
“Sh-shut up! I’m being thorough! Consider it a warning!“
“Who would run in a crappy room like this anyway? Only nerds and computer geeks would be caught dead in here anyway.”
“Dead?! Don’t say something so ominous! Take that back, Nanashi-kun!”
She jumps at his voice but... well, to Chiffon’s credit, doesn’t seem like she backs down easy.
“Who’re you calling nameless? Aren’t you supposed to be a civil servant? Why don’t you try some manners?”
I’m actually kinda surprised she’s going toe to toe with him, not backing away from his glare despite the obvious height difference.
“An unidentified person with unknown intentions is suspicious! I have every right to treat you as a potential threat!“
“How am I suspicious?! I’m a petite, beautiful highschool girl -- the picture of glamour and grace. And if you don’t agree, that’s on you! Maybe you should detain yourself and think on your own actions, cretin-who-makes-girls-cry.“
“Now you listen here--”
Snap!
That... sounded like a book, I think. My eyes glide to the source and I find Kasahara, barely illuminated by one of the computer screens. I’d say she looked pissed but she always kinda did.
“If you want to mewl and argue, do it outside. Some of us are attempting real work here.“
“A... ah, yes... my apologies! Yes, there’s... still much to do here. You two! I’ll have my eye on you!”
Guess Chiffon’s on his hit list now, too. I can’t say I’m surprised, she just came out of nowhere. Of course she seems suspicious. And she really can’t help herself from picking fights. She glared in Kasahara’s direction, ready to start something and I just couldn’t be bothered to be there for that. I put a hand on her shoulder, in case she goes marching off again.
“I don’t care if you pick a stupid fight, just don’t drag me into it. You can go argue with a wall later after your tour.”
“Don’t be stupid, walls don’t talk back.”
“And yet I’m sure you’d find a way.”
She stomps over my foot and sticks out her tongue at me. I’d be more pissed but she was so weak I barely noticed it. Whatever, just let her be petty. In a perfect world, she’ll wear herself out arguing with Shiratori and they’ll both be out of my hair.
The room had a lot of stuff I figured was interesting to somebody... all the tech just looked like some kinda computer to me and I couldn’t tell if they were all the same or not. Shiratori was by one of the many desks and Kasahara was up near the front. If I was being honest here, they were both kinda a pain to talk to. But I guess I wasn’t much of a picnic either. And if I wanted to know anything about this room and the crap in it, I oughta at least trying talking to one of ‘em.
As soon as I resurfaced I was greeted by Yuunagi’s merry laughter. I made sure to glare at her but I wasn’t as embarrassed as I thought I’d be thankfully. Seemed like Chiffon’s bitter mumbling took up most of the attention, anyway. She squeezed out her ponytail as if she’d been soaked through and gave her feet a good stomp.
“Bah! I feel like I swallowed a cobweb!”
“Th-that’s why you gotta be careful...”
“At least we have a swimming pool now. It... kinda evens out?”
You sound so unsure, Yuunagi...
“The only thing to do is sate my sense of adventure! It’s the only thing that’ll ease this indignation.”
“Kaede!”
She’s... she actually remembered it. I’m in awe. My voice kinda comes out a little dazed.
“Uh... yeah?“
“We’re going! You’re attending, right? To the first floor!”
There were rooms I wanted to check, too so there was no real reason to say no. If I ran about a bit more, I might shake off some of this dust too. It’s not like I wanted to stay this messy either.
Chiffon lead the charge this time which Hirotsugu seemed particularly relieved about. I followed but I managed to give them both a thumbs-up before I slipped out of the door.
“Good luck!”
And it was back into the hall. God, this damn hall was so long. Halls were long, stairs were long... this free school mansion house was such torture. I doubt that was in Patchnuki’s plans but, man, it did add to the stress. Just a little. We were continuing on our merry way until we heard voices near the stairs.
“Wait! Wait right there!“
That was... Shiratori’s voice. His voice was so booming Chiffon stopped in place. She actually seemed a little intimidated.
“Nagase-kun, I’m telling you to stop right there!“
I hear him descend the stairs in a hurry. His voice is so loud it’s basically impossible not to hear him. If you’re around the area, I guess, anyway. I’m really not sure whether to interrupt it so I just kinda loiter upstairs.
“I... um... don’t want... I... I’m sorry. But... don’t...I d-don’t want to see your face right now.“
He seemed shellshocked but really... nothing seems to stop that guy.
“You have to at least hear me out! It’s important!“
Nagase stops in place but doesn’t bother facing him. Now that she’s actually staying it seems like he’s unsure of what to do next.
“Th... that... while I still believe everything being in the open is better... I have to admit the way I’ve... I could’ve breached things in a finer way. That was my bad! I apologize profusely!"
The quiet that stretched made me skin kinda tingle. I’ve always felt there are good silences and bad ones and this was... definitely not a good one.
“I’m... I’m, um... sorry, too...“
“B-because I’m not, uh... I’m... it’s like... I don’t think I can forgive you so easily...”
She looks really uncomfortable to be there and I’m beginning to feel bad even hearing it. But turning away now just feels weird. And I’m nosy.
“You didn’t... uh, um... I’m not sure how to put this but it’s not like... you really lost anything, right? I mean, you know, credibility! Faith. That kinda... floaty thing. But... ‘you don’t deserve to be here’. ‘You cheated’. Those are things, um... I think... I’m sure, that uh, some people might be thinking. B-because I... stole. Because of what you said.“
“I think it’s... easy to say things are better in the open, but, um... is that really true? I definitely think that sometimes you don’t have to know the full story. Because, um, if anything, doesn’t think make me more of a target?”
“It doesn’t! Don’t be ridiculous! Nagase-kun, nobody else will die! I’m going to see to that. And you got here on your own talent, surely! I refuse to believe you don’t belong here! ”
“B-but you can’t, right? You couldn’t get people to go to your meeting thingy... so, I’m... the thinking is that... you can’t stop this either. And... and... and... and it’s my life! It’s not really your business! W-when you act like you’re helping all you do is drive us further apart.”
“And I’m... and I’m scared to be around someone like that. Someone who can callously just... out someone’s secret like that... I’m scared of you, S-Shiratori-san.”
“There’s... there’s no need for that. If it’d help, I can tell you my own secret! If... if it’d get you to trust me, then--!”
“Sorry... I’m so sorry... I just... I just don’t think... it doesn’t work like that, Shiratori-san... you don’t... ’get’ people to trust. I think... um... I think you trust people to trust. I-it’s not really your choice... you have to believe in them... and... in wanting to expose everyone’s secrets, I think, um... all that really did was... like... it showed that you really don’t trust anyone, right? S... so I can’t... you can’t want trust if you won’t trust yourself...”
“Yuu-chan didn’t... judge me at all. She didn’t ask... she said... ‘Chi-chan must’ve had her reasons’. And it... and it made me so happy.“
“Forgive me for, um... for like... this part, but... aren’t you only here because you were told to reflect on it? Yuu-chan and K-Kumatani-san gave you, they like, you know, they were on your case. So you went and did this, but... if you’re only reflecting because they told you to, I don’t really think it’s reflecting.”
“No, but! Look -- listen! We’re strong enough to support each other! I believe in us! Definitely, definitely, definitely! But you have to be willing to give us a shot! I had every intention of telling everyone my secret as well. I just ... needed some good will first. If we all shared what was on our minds, what we kept hidden, we could allay our own fears! Fear is what causes accidents! If we believe in each other, nobody else needs to get hurt! I’m sure of it! I know I... I go too far sometimes! But I’m trying to make amends. Nagase-kun, please! Believe me, I’m trying.”
“B-but! But Shiratori-san, it’s... I’m sorry... I’m sorry! I’ll try but I need some space. And... and I still think... you need to think this through a little more. Because nobody will ever follow the lead of someone who won’t respect others. T-that’s the truth. In reality and fiction. Don’t... don’t push this. Please... don’t make me doubt you more than I do...”
Nagase’s inward body language said a lot. Through the whole conversation, she’d barely made eye contact. She... really was scared and I wasn’t sure I could blame her. It’d happened so fast and... people had died so soon after I hadn’t really considered her feelings and that made me feel like a real shitty person. To have a secret like that just blurted out... I hadn’t put much thought into it but I’m sure others had.
‘She doesn’t deserve to be here’... I couldn’t guarantee that thought hadn’t passed through someone’s head even if it hadn’t crossed mine.
With one last muttered sorry, Nagase inched away from Shiratori before sprinting away, best she could. Shiratori made a vague effort to stop her but his energy seemed to die on him half-way.
“Why... why can’t I do this right?! I’m trying to help! I’m really trying to help!”
His head kinda drops and he sighs deeply before checking something on his ID and entering a door himself. If I checked my own ID, it seemed like... Nagase had escaped to the Arts Room and Shiratori had entered the AV Room. I sighed too. That drama froze up all my joints somehow... and I wasn’t even a part of it. Seemed like it wasn’t just me who ended up affected, too.
“Th... that was tense! You people are so roundabout!“
“You’re a people too, y’know.”
“Fufu! I’m above you guys, though. Even those weird killing rules don’t apply to me. I wouldn’t demean myself to do such things even if they did.“
Her face actually becomes... dare I say it, thoughtful.
“Hmph. You trip up then wallow and regret all the time. Isn’t that tiring? Idiot Red’s an idiot. If it means something to you, stand with pride and state your case!"
“Don’t think it’s always that simple. I mean, not like you’re getting a warm welcome here from everyone.“
“So? If I cared about your opinions, I’d make concessions. But I don’t; you’re all strangers. If you don’t like me as I am, I’m not going to stretch myself into a shape you like for no reason! And if I did care, I wouldn’t stop until I was forgiven. Living with such heavy regrets sounds so tiring. Lamenting over poor results because it failed once? Such arrogance and cheek! I’d have someone beg 100 times over for wronging me. You all do things in such a confusing fashion - perhaps you’d be happier if you just spat it out directly. Honestly, I can’t figure you elaborate people out.”
“... Directly, huh... sounds... difficult but it’s not like I’m against it.“
Wait, did she just call herself simple?
No, but more seriously... I kinda wanted that too - simplicity. But it’s not that easy... I don’t think so, anyway. I mean, even if you didn’t want to regret something, life could mess you up good and proper and make you. It’s not like you always have a choice. And it’s not like these things are always so clear in the moment.
“Phew! What a topic! It gives me goosebumps - hate it! Hey. I’m bored! Let’s check a door.“
On the bright side, she’s never down for too long. It’s fine. I wanted to take my mind off it, too. All this house gave me was shitty feelings and deep things to think about and I wanted no part of either. It was... a lot easier before this. I could just switch off my mind and go wherever I wanted.
I could escape.
This house was a trap in a lot of ways, I guess. I could feel the atmosphere strangle me sometimes. Try and drown me in its nothing. So I had to keep moving. And trying.
As I toured the Break Room, I couldn’t help but be a little amazed by the size of it all. There were at least four round tables and matching fold-up chairs for each one... and a stack of unused chairs on top of that, should they be needed. The huge sofa, the TV, the vending machines... even a counter with a microwave and coffee-maker. And then... there was something else. A kinda drab door by itself.
“Where’s this lead?”
"O-oh t-th-that. D-do-down th-there’s a k-k-kinda basement I g-g-guess... or cellar. Th-the door’s a little j-ja-jammed so you have t-t-to b-be pa-patient. Th-there’s a ca-ca-card co-coupon me and Ma-Maki-san have b-b-been using t-t-to open it. If you sl-sllide it be-between the frame th-the d-door should ki-ki-kinda cl-cl-cli-click itself open.”
“I see...”
Sure enough, there’s an orange card with some shopping site’s logo on it. I swipe it up and then shove it roughly between the door and frame. I’m not sure what’s blocking it or why this works but as I get close to the handle, it seems to loosen up and allows me to push it open. Chiffon gives me a little applause which, I’ll admit... does... kinda make me feel a little good. But as soon as I take a step, I almost take a tumble.
... Well there goes all that confidence I was building.
“Oh, Kae-kun, you’ll wanna be careful. Those stairs are pretty old and it’s super dark down there. It’s real easy to fall. We lit the candles down there but it’s still pretty hard to see.”
She had said, as I just narrowly avoided falling the whole way down.
“Y... yeah. Got it.“
I tried to sound as dismissive as I could.
“Well? Hurry up then. I wanna see what’s down there.”
“I doubt it’s all that interesting.”
But I was curious too. There was something about attics and cellars that brought out this wonder in me. Like I’d find something real old and super special. Not that I had much experience with it. Hey, maybe I was just more imaginative than I thought.
The stairs made my heart jump all over the place. They didn’t even creak when you stepped on them; they had this damp quality to them and it made me feel like they’d just crumble any second now. And yet, somehow they’re holding up. The smell in here was awful too, like it got flooded and the wood all died or something. I only counted about six steps but each one was a new surprise; some kinda uneven or generally out of place. It made me real careful about where I stood. I was really glad there was some kinda light to guide me down here.
Well, I was glad.
I’d been walking down the stairs pretty okay but everything became a whirl of details out of nowhere and suddenly my head was buzzing. It took me a couple of seconds to realize I’d fallen and hit my head but I couldn’t think of when or how. And that’s when it became obvious to me.
There was a weight on me.
“Owww! Ouch! T-these stairs are a hazard.”
“YOU’RE a hazard! I was doin’ just fine before your clumsy ass followed.“
“Clumsy?! Who?“
“Who else, idiot? Get off me.”
I didn’t even let her try. I kinda just shoved her and got to my feet. If she was hardy enough to run her mouth, she was fine.
“You animal! If that’s how you treat a lady, no wonder you’re such a loser. Lonesome cup noodle. Jerk.”
I cast my attention behind me and she made a comical defensive pose, like a middle-aged man insisting he could do karate.
“You wanna whap me? Huh? Well this time I’m prepared. Go on! Do your worst! I’m ready!”
There was no doubt in mind I could break through her defenses but I was honestly too tired to keep up with her. I must’ve really botched my landing cause my knee was feeling real tender. There was no way I was gonna bring that up, though.
I could see now there were several glass lanterns hanging, with a little candle in each. They helped illuminate some of the room but it was still pretty damn gloomy in here. The room didn’t seem all that big but it was hard to tell in the darkness. I tilted my head back.
“You’re not scared?”
“You think so very highly of yourself.”
“Of the dark.“
Her pose relaxed a little.
“Oh. Well! Be more clear next time! Is there a reason I should be scared?“
I shrug. I actually have no idea. I’m not fond of the dark cause it makes it easier for people to sneak up on you. But it’s not like I’m afraid. I guess I just assumed she’d find it unpleasant.
“If you’re insinuating ghosts and the like... well, why should I care? If they bother me, I’ll bother them right back!"
Part of me had to admire that can-do spirit.
“This is an awful room, though. You oughta be wary or someone else’ll die here.”
“... Someone else?”
“Yes? You forgot Kimono-san and Miss Cowboy so soon? Shame!“
Something clicked in my head. How did she know that?
Wait. The monitors Hanji was talking about. The monitors SHE talked about. Could it be...?
“Wait. Wait, wait, wait, hold up, wait! You... you! Saw everything that happened...?”
I could hardly believe it.
“Of course I did! ... Ma... maybe not everything but I saw enough. You act as if I wanted to see all that.”
“I see... so you saw...”
“... They talked so normally before it happened. She gave Kimono-san some present. It... seemed so normal. I kept wondering what they were saying.“
“After I saw her wrap that thing around her neck... you know... I... it was beastly! Alright? I don’t have to justify it. Of course I didn’t watch after that.”
She folded her arms and huffed.
We still really didn’t know much about that case, I felt. Nagase had saved us but I felt the whole thing felt... unfinished somehow. And it bothered me. Bothered me more than I realized. Every part of me wanted to pick Chiffon’s brain about it but I doubt she knew anything useful. Anything more, anyway.
I think this was already something and I kinda had to wonder who else knew. Still... watching a murder just... play out like that. Unable to do anything. I can’t imagine it. That seemed liked torture. I kept feeling like Chiffon must’ve been through more than I thought. She’d gone silent and I didn’t feel like angling for more so I turned away from her and the subject.
There was more to check out so I examined the room a bit more. There were towering cabinets filled to the brim with old journals, I assumed and a lot of craft supplies like cans and paints and stuff. There were several large boxes filled with glasses and bottles and stuff. A lot of food supplies and... ugh... that smell was all too familiar. The whole cellar had this musty stench about it but the closer I walked to those boxes, the more I could smell the alcohol.
Haha. Just like home.
Great... great. Hopefully nobody would touch these stupid crates. I kicked one back out of habit but it barely moved. Seemed like they were still full and ready to be consumed.
“Is that... are those... fizzy drinks?“
They definitely weren’t.
“That’s obscene! You know that stuff rots your teeth, right? It’s just stuff they sell you to get you hyper and craving more. Barbaric! Let’s make sure nobody else touches that.”
In some roundabout way, it seemed we were in agreement.
“I’m game.“
I picked up one of the books and coughed as a cloud of dust attacked my face. It was just shopping stuff.
“... Doesn’t seem like there’s much down here.“
“Books, big tall cabinets, paint, fizzy drinks and um... candles! That’s what we found.”
I nod.
“Seems like.”
She seemed awful proud of that. I looked around the place and couldn’t help wondering.
“Hey, was this... where you were? When you woke up?”
Seems like she hadn’t even considered that.
“Hmm. It was pitch black so I really don’t know... these lanterns weren’t lit before, correct? According to Pudding.“
“Yuunagi.”
“So, it’s hard to say. I feel like... I’d have more bruises if it was this room! Cause if you kick those crates, it’d hurt a lot! And I definitely wasn’t sitting still.”
Yeah, I had no trouble believing that. But if not this room, then where...? Maybe I was more curious about this then I thought.
“You’re still suspecting me. Right?”
“... Nah, it’s not like that, but... I’m... well, you can’t blame me for being curious, right?“
“I can blame you for what I want. But I suppose I do see your viewpoint...“
She sneezes and then wrinkles her nose.
“Blegh. This place is awful! Awful, awful, awful. I’m leaving. There are still rooms I wanna see on the first floor. This is just some dust trap - it’s totally pointless.”
I didn’t know much about Chiffon but I suppose her not wanting to be in a dirty place like this did make sense. As for me, I didn’t mind much but it’s true that there didn’t seem to be much obviously out of place. Maybe I’d go through the bookshelves again in more detail but... if I was being honest, books really weren’t my thing.
Chiffon made her way back up the stairs, this time with more care. I didn’t even bother following until she was safely up. Yeah, maybe it was petty but I really didn’t wanna risk her falling right into me again.
