#hannah.markahn

[hannah 💋]'s message arrived! (48)

hey, guys

friday was a shock, huh? i've known for a while, but it was still… something

god, i don’t even know how to begin this.

i've had my notes app open since friday, typing and deleting things over and over again because it feels like no words can properly express what this feeling is, so forgive me if this sounds… messy

i wanted to come on here and comfort you guys sooner, but i have to admit there was a selfish part of me that thought i don’t need to come on here and talk to you because i'm hurting, too.

but that isn’t fair to you who was given no warning to the situation

these past few nights, i've staying up pretty late, thinking to myself.

i thought maybe i should have tried harder to convince him to stay. i thought there could have been something i could have done to get him to extend even just a little bit.

i was angry with him, you know? i thought, he’s my leader, my brother, and one of the 2 people who knows exactly what i'm going through. we built this little support system, him, donghyuck oppa, and i. so why was he leaving us?

but, once again, that was just me being selfish.

mark oppa’s spent more than half his life dedicating himself to nct and to sm, switching constantly between dream, 127, u, and even superm, then he debuted solo.

he's been such a vital part of every project he’s worked on that i'm pretty sure he’s the reason behind all of its success.

i can confidently say that he’s the strongest person i know, being able to give 200% of himself to each and every thing he does.

so he deserves to choose what he wants to do next, you know?

out of every single person on this earth, oppa may be one of the most hard working ones, so he should be able to pick the path he’ll continue on.

sometimes i forget that we’re adults now. in my head, i’m still thirteen, he’s still fourteen, and it was just yesterday he had convinced me to dance freestyle with him within the first ten minutes of meeting each other for the first time.

he’s always been like that. someone dependable. someone warm. someone who takes the lead. someone who helps others, whether he knows it or not.

that never changed, but i watched him as we got older. i saw him be at his happiest, fall in love, get confused, burn out, lose his spark, and push through everything with a smile on his face.

now he’s discovered what he wants for himself.

and I’m happy for him. I genuinely am happy for him.

and I hope everyone is, too.

trust me, this wasn’t an easy decision to make. he spoke with each member of dream and 127. then again in groups as dream, and as 127.

i watched him come home everyday when he was still contemplating it. it weighed on him a lot, there was only one other time where i had seen him that weary.

but, he came to this decision, and i honestly can say that i'm relieved for him now.

after getting my initial anger and selfishness out of the way, i realized that this would be good for him. i trust that he knows what he needs best out of anyone.

but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s been with us for over a decade, okay?

nct’s mark will live on through the music he’s created and the memories he’s made.

and, as the letters nct stays behind and cheers him on, mark will continue to move forward and go off on his own adventure with this past decade tucked in a jacket pocket close to his heart.

as for Mark oppa…

i've already sent him my own personal letter, and i talked to him quite a lot these past few days

we want you to know that, above anything else, before he is my leader, my rap mentor and my favorite senior in the industry, he is my brother.

that’s something that will never change, as he’s told me many times.

so this isn’t the last you’ll see of him, i promise.

we may not be performing together, but you can be sure that I’ll still be bothering him with trivial matters

like not having a good place to eat

or accidentally slamming my forehead into the cupboards that he won’t be reminding me to close anymore.

so don’t worry, okay? cry.

you can cry.

this all came so suddenly for you, and i'm sorry for that. let it all out now.

but remember, this will be good for him, okay? and he won’t just disappear.

he’s healthy, on his way to reaching the vision of himself he wants, and that’s what matters.

please shine a lot of love on him and on NCT Dream and 127 as well.

and kindly give us some time.

mark oppa, as we all know, was a pivotal part of nct’s sound. we’re still learning to adjust to what it would be like without him.

but we’re all working hard to show you the best versions of ourselves that we can.

we’re going to make it up to you.

i promise.

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