Kaia’s POV

The dial tone wasn’t unfamiliar when it came to my relationship with Jude. Over the past few years, phone calls between us have been the main way of communicating with my best friend. With him away in either Germany or Spain, or with myself at my home in London, or away on a film set somewhere, phone calls or long text threads were the best I could get. 

But this call was different. Jude was finally back home in England. Not for long, just for a week or so during the winter break in the Spanish season. It just so happened that I had made the journey up from Surrey to be home with my family for Christmas, so it was only a matter of time before I picked up my phone, ready to call him. 

“Hello?” I heard at the other end of the line when Jude picked up. “Who’s this? The number kinda looked like this girl who last spoke to me about three weeks ago, but, you know, I could be mistaken.”

“Jude,” I say, deadpan. “I swear to God, the day you answer a phone call in a somewhat normal way, that’s when I’ll know the aliens have invaded.”

“I find offence in the fact that’s not the first time you’ve referred to aliens when talking about me,” his smirk was obvious through the way he spoke, it’s not like I’d never heard him speak that way before. “Anyway, stranger, what’s up? Miss my pretty face?”

“Always. But no, I need you to come over,” I stand up from where I was lying on my bed and walk over to my desk, taking a seat on the chair in front of it. 

“You need me to, huh? You should’ve said, Baby, I’d have been over already.” 

“Jesus,” I pinch the bridge of my nose, slumping further back into the chair in feigned annoyance. 

“My name’s Jude, actually, but close enough.”

“Please, Jude. I need to tell you something,” I twist my body, swinging the desk chair side to side a little, nerves creeping up to my heart, which is pounding in my chest. 

“God, I love it when you beg,” Jude whispers, voice a little more serious than it had been before. “Sorry, uhm, I’ll be over in ten. See you soon, Darling.”

****

*knock knock knock*

“FBI, open up!” Jude yells, in the worst American accent I might’ve ever heard (and I’ve been an actor my whole life so I’ve heard some terrible ones), from the other side of my door. He swings the door open, and his beaming face is the first thing I see when he’s revealed. 

I furrow my brows, staring at him with a disappointed look on my face for a few seconds. “Remind me, Jude, why the fuck are we friends?”

Jude places his hand against his chest, mouth open in fake, way too dramatic, offence. “Because we love each other, duh? Did you like it, though? It’s like that show you like, Criminal Brains or whatever it’s called.” He throws himself onto the bed beside me, landing on his stomach, before pushing up onto his forearms, leaning in towards me with only one thing on his mind.

“No,” I whisper, my hand gently placed on his collarbone as I push him back. “I need to talk to you first.”

“Oh,” Jude says with a nod. He grabs one of the many pillows on my bed and tucks it under his head, getting into a more comfortable position so he can look at me properly. Before Jude speaks, I see a look pass across his face, one that I can read instantly. “It’s serious enough that you don’t want to kiss me? Okay,” he drags out the vowels, chocolate brown eyes landing on mine, and at that moment I can do nothing but stare into them. 

My eyes flutter away from his, too scared to look at him during what I’m about to tell him, the weight of his gaze upon me enough to knock my mind off balance. 

“We can’t do this anymore,” I say softly, lips barely moving, but they fall loud and clear upon Jude’s ears. 

“We can’t do what anymore?” He knows. I knew he’d know what I would tell him when I refused to kiss him. But that’s what Jude is like, he is always going to give me space to tell him in my own time. He knows that’s how I want this to go. 

“Whatever we’ve been doing for the past however many years,” it’s then when I look at him, the image of his face etched into my brain of what I imagined he looked like in the moment, and I wasn’t wrong. 

Jude shakes his head, breaking eye contact, his jaw tight, before looking right back at me. “Why?”

“I have a boyfriend.” Silence washes over the room. Only sounds of our breathing can be heard and the ruffling of the bedding when I shift my body towards Jude. “We, uhm, we met on set a few months back and we hit it off, so… yeah. We’re now together.”

I give Jude a tight-lipped smile. He nods slowly in response, eyes wandering around my room. “I’m happy for you.” There it is. Four simple words, but they’re exactly what I expected him to say. He is so predictable. 

“So,” Jude slaps his thighs as he moves to sit up, almost falling backwards due to the lack of support from the mattress underneath him, but his strong core just about manages to complete the manoeuvre. “What’s your mom cooking?”

“A roast, but ab-”

“A roast? Oh, get in, I fucking love your mom’s roasts. Don’t tell my mom but, if I’m being completely honest, I prefer your mom’s Yorkshire puddings,” he smiles, but I can tell in the way he’s moving, his body language, the way his eyes can’t hold contact with mine for longer than three seconds, that he’s trying to distract himself from everything that’s going through his mind. “Mine does do better roast potatoes, though. They’re crispier.” 

“Jude,” I say sharply, placing a hand on his thigh in an attempt to bring him back to reality a little, as I stare at his heaving chest. “Slow the fuck down, yeah?” My stare is wide and long as my hand moves up and down his thigh, the only thing separating our skin are his grey sweatpants. “Take a breath, next time.”

He nods, his hand instinctually moving to grasp mine, giving it a gentle squeeze before letting it go, knowing that if he held on any longer he wouldn’t want to let go at all. “Quick question,” his eyes meet mine. “Why are we having a roast when you’re coming round mine for Christmas dinner in three days?”

I shrug. “Think of it as a pre-roast. You know how my mum gets when she’s not hosting, she can’t sit still to save her life, the roast dinner is just a product of that.”

“Cool,” Jude nods. “Two roast dinners in a week is a lot better than all the nutritional shit I have to eat throughout the season, anyway.”

I let out a quiet laugh, pulling my hand out from underneath his. “Anyway,” I take a deep breath. “As I was trying to say, about the dinner, Noah, my boyfriend, is coming over to eat with us.”

“Okay,” Jude’s voice fades out as he says, a confused look on his face.

“I mean,” I tell him. “It’s up to you, you can stay and meet him if you want, I don’t mind. Like I understand if you don’t want to, but, like I said, it’s completely up to you.”

Jude scoffs. “And like I said, I want that roast dinner. Of course, I’m staying.”

“Right then, I get up from my bed, stretching and letting out a yawn, catching Jude looking at the sliver of my belly that appears when I raise my hands over my head. “We best get downstairs and set the table, because we both know that sister of mine won’t have done it.” 

****

“You do know you have legs, right?” I say to my fifteen-year-old sister, Olivia, as soon as I enter the dining room only to find that the table hadn’t already been set like I had previously hoped. 

My sister only lets out a grunt and shrugs at my words. 

“You alright, Liv?” Jude grabs the coasters, placing one in front of each chair, making sure to count one extra than usual for Noah.

Olivia gives Jude the same grunt as the one that she gave me. 

“Remember when we were like that?” I nudge Jude with my elbow, setting up everyone’s cutlery. 

“What, when we hated everyone and everything that wasn’t on our phones? Yeah, that was rough,” a reminiscent look passes across Jude’s face before I slap him in the tummy with the placemats. 

“Come on, slacker, you going to put them down before I whack you round the head with them, or what?” I giggle, making my way into the kitchen to see if my mum needs any help. 

I see Jude smile at me over my shoulder as he watches me walk away. “You alright, Mum? Need help with anything?”

“No, I’m alright, thanks, Love. You go and sit down, I’ll bring the food through in a bit,” she flashes a smile at me before opening the oven up, and checking on the beef and potatoes. 

I turn on my heel, walking back into the dining room, when my little brother appears at the doorway. “Judey!” he yells as soon as he spots my best friend. 

My youngest sibling, Leo, runs at Jude, causing him to stop everything he’s doing before he leans down to pick up the little boy. 

“Hello, little man, how are you doing?” Jude squeezes him as tight as he can. In the time that Jude and Leo had known each other, which was the entirety of Leo’s seven years on the planet, they had built up an amazing relationship. Leo considered Jude to be one of his best friends and even went as far as saying that Jude loved him more than me. If he only knew. 

“I’m not too good,” I watch as Leo pouts up at Jude after he’s placed him back on the ground. 

“Why not, Kid?” Jude’s brows furrow, continuing his work setting the table while also giving the small boy as much attention as he can. 

“I’ve been doing my homework all day because Mummy said I had to and if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to play Roblox later.” 

“Well, we can’t be having that, can we?” Jude smiles when Leo shakes his head and lets out a heavy sigh. “So, did you get it all done?”

“I did,” Leo nods, a proud smile on his face. 

“Good kid,” Jude ruffles his hair before he spots me, leaning against the doorframe, watching their interaction. 

“Go and take a seat, Leo,” soft thuds against the floor can be heard as he runs to his chair next to his older sister. “Mum says dinner will be ready soon.”

I sit down in my usual spot, with Jude going to take the seat right next to me before changing his mind and walking around the table to sit in the seat directly across from me instead. 

Jude and I engage in barely thirty seconds of conversation before it’s broken up by the sound of the doorbell ringing. I feel my expression change immediately, to one full of nerves. Jude notices that immediately, watching me in anticipation as I get up from my seat. 

“That’ll be him,” I say, leaving no room for Jude to reply because I’m out of the room in seconds, making my way towards the door. 

“Hey, Babe,” Noah says in his thick American accent as soon as I open the door. 

I move to the side, signalling for him to come in. “Hi,” I say, my words a lot more muted than the bubbly voice that he’s used to. 

Noah shrugs his coat off as he steps inside and I grab it from him, turning to hang it on one of the hooks beside the door. He leans down, pressing a quick kiss on my lips. “You okay?” His brows furrow together as he analyses my face. 

“Yeah,” I nod, smiling up at him. “There’s someone here I’d like you to meet,” I tell him, leading him into the dining room after about a minute of being gone. 

As soon as Noah and I enter the room, I notice Jude look Noah up and down the moment his eyes land on him. He takes in his outfit, his tanned skin and his blonde hair. I can practically see the moment where he acknowledges that he’s not my type, no that that matters, he doesn’t know my type to be anything other than himself. 

“Noah,” I turn to him, a slight smile on my face. “You’ve already met my brother and sister,” I can feel Jude watching me as I point at the kids beside him. I can also see his face change slightly, most likely to show his disdain at the fact that I let Noah into my house before ever telling him about our relationship. “And this,” My gaze falls upon Jude, prompting Noah to look at him for the first time this evening. “Is Jude. My best friend.”

Taglist: @eunoiasgoal @4evermyownmuse

➤ CHAPTERS

I'm aiming for my update schedule being every Saturday at 7pm GMT, but this may be subject to change. If l can't update on a certain Monday, I'll put a post under the discussion tag.

PART ONE

Chapter One | Kaia tells Jude about her new beau, throwing yet another spanner in the works of their already complicated relationship.

Chapter Two | Surprisingly, Jude and Noah seem to be getting on well, until Noah does something to get in Kaia's bad book.

Chapter Three | Kaia heads up to Sunderland to spend Christmas with Jude and his family, giving her some much needed time away from her boyfriend, where she can either continue to spend time thinking about her problems, or accept the much needed distraction.

Chapter Four | Kaia heads to Hull with Jude to watch Jobe play, and it doesn't take long for them to slip back into old habits. Habits that could land the two of them in a lot of trouble.

Chapter Five | After an eventful Christmas, Kaia is finally back home in London. Thinking a lot about her relationship, she decides to give Noah a call hoping they can resolve things. But just as she's about to press 'call', an old friend of her's takes shows up at her door.

Chapter Six | Kaia drops Jude off at the airport, but not before they reminisce about their past.

Chapter Seven | Kaia meets up with one of her best friends, Skye, who she turns to whenever she'd in need of some pretty serious advice.

Chapter Eight | Kaia patches things up with Noah.

Chapter Nine | No matter how hard she tries, Kaia can't find the strength to keep Jude away, even when they're almost 1,000 miles apart.

Kaia’s POV

“And this is Jude. My best friend.” Silence hangs in the air for a short while after the introductions. My stomach is tied in a knot while I watch Jude take in my new boyfriend. If it were a stranger perceiving Jude, they’d probably say he’s happy to meet him and that he’s happy for his friend. But I’m not a stranger. His body language, the slight strain in his jaw from the way he’s gritting his teeth and the way his eyes quickly flash to mine tells me everything I need to know.

Jude extends his hand in Noah’s direction. “Hey,” he says while Noah’s hand also leaves the side of his body, grasping Jude’s. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” Noah says, quieter than how Jude said it, nerves an obvious thing he’s feeling. The last time Noah came over, and met my family, I knew he had been really nervous, and rightly so because he knows how much my family means to me. But, when it comes to Jude, I had spoken about him so much, about how we had known each other our whole lives, grown up together. Noah knew that Jude meant just as much to me as my family did. However, there was something else about Jude that didn’t threaten Noah, I don’t think (it had threatened other guys in the past), but there was the small fact of Jude being the man in my life. Jude was Noah’s competition, even though I’d told him he had nothing to worry about in the romantic department, and he believed me, Jude’s status in my life was something for Noah, or any other person who wanted to be with me forever, to reach for.

“Oh, hi, Noah,” my mum walks into the room, carrying two plates of food. “Right, these two are for you,” she nods her head at me and Noah so I promptly take my seat across from Jude, as Noah moves to sit right beside me. “Jude, William will be in in a second with your dinner. He’s currently making sure you both get a couple of extra Yorkshire puddings,” Mum flashes Jude a smile. If there was one thing my dad and Jude had in common it was how much they loved my mum’s Yorkshire puddings. Actually, I’m convinced they are the reason my dad decided to marry my mum in the first place. 

“You know me so well,” Jude says and it’s then that I see Jude’s first genuine smile since Noah walked through the door. But it’s no surprise because Jude has always been like another son to my mum, he always has a smile for her.

****

 “So, Jude,” Dad says when we’re all finally seated and eating. “Are you enjoying it in Madrid?”

“Yeah,” Jude brings his hand up to cover his mouth, pausing his speech while he finishes his food. “It’s great, barely any rain, and the football’s obviously amazing.”

“You know,” it’s my turn to speak now. “These two,” I wave my fork between my parents. “Literally never shut up talking about you. “Like God, forbid we ever see someone we know when they’re out in town because they’ll get a good old rant about how well you’re doing and how proud they are of you. No, but, honestly, I’m starting to think they’re prouder of you than they are of me,” I let out a laugh, everything I said in jest.

“Oh, don’t be silly. But, of course, we’re proud of you, Jude, you know you’re a part of this family,” Mum says. It had always been inevitable that Jude would be part of our family. My mum had been best friends with Jude’s mum, Denise, for years before they even considered having children. So when they did eventually have kids, they became like bonus children for both of them. 

I felt, though, when Mum mentioned that Jude was a part of our family, an awkwardness coming from beside me in Noah’s chair. And although I knew Jude appreciated the comment, and knew that he loved my family just as much as they loved him, I could also tell that he was sensing the same thing I was when I caught his eye.

“So, uhm, Noah,” Jude said, clearing his throat, right before taking a sip of his drink, his attention shifting to the man next to you. “How long are you in England for?”

“Oh, erm, I fly back tomorrow,” Noah nodded, shooting a tight-lipped smile Jude’s way. 

Jude nods. “So, did you like working with our Kai, then?”

“Kai?” Noah furrows his brow, turning towards me and tilting his head to the side in question.

“Yeah,” I sigh. “He’s always been the only one to call me that.” I shrug. My whole life everyone had just opted to use my full name, apart from Jude, who had insisted on calling me Kai pretty much since the moment he could talk. “It annoys me when anyone else calls me that.”

“Oh,” Noah squints his eyes, puzzled, but turns back to just nonetheless. “But to answer your question, Jude, it was great working with her.” 

“Look at that,” Jude points a Noah, but shifts his gaze back to me. “You come with rave reviews and everything.”

I laugh, but Noah’s the one to speak. “I feel like everything I saw about her before we worked together was a rave review, you don’t get called one of the best actors of our generation without doing anything great, do you?”

“Well, I could give her a few reviews just based on her personality, and, let me tell you, not many of them are that great,” Jude smirks are you, bringing his arms up to his chest when I reach over the table to smack him. 

“Oi, watch it,” I can’t help but smile at the pair of them as I slump back in my chair. Watching the two of them interact settled my nerves a little. It was almost a given that anyone I invited into my life had to like Jude. Whether it was a boyfriend or a new friend, my loyalty would always be to Jude over anyone, probably until the day that I got married, so it was better to just make sure that they liked him. Why would I want to know someone who disliked my best friend, someone I’d loved my whole life, anyway?

While Jude and Noah got to talking about everything acting and Jude’s football career, I chose to speak to my parents about my next job, which was starting in February, and my summer plans that would follow. Jude overheard the last part of my conversation, “Are you coming to the Euros? You’ll have wrapped by then, yeah?”

This year’s Euros would be Jude’s third international tournament, and seeing as though I had proudly supported him at the last two, I didn’t see why I wouldn’t be going to this one, too. 

“Well, that depends,” I placed my knife and fork together on my plate, signifying that I was done. “Are you going to get me free tickets?” I raise my eyebrows at him. 

“I’ve already added your name to the family and friends list for tickets, don’t you worry,” Jude tried to wink at me but instead ended up doing a confused blink, to which I let out a giggle. “I can also get tickets for you four as well,” Jude nods towards the rest of my family. “You won’t be in the friends and family section, but I can see what I can do.”

“Thank you for the offer, Jude, darling, but me and Will won’t be able to get any time off work, and these two will still be in school. But we’ll be cheering you on from our living room; there’s no doubt about that. And depending on how well we’re doing, we might book some time off for the final, just in case,” Mum winks at him before pressing a kiss to his temple after she’s gotten up to collect everyone’s plates. 

“Don’t listen to her, Jude,” Olivia spoke for the first time since we sat at the table. “I want a ticket to every game, and I mean every single game. I’d do anything to miss a month of school.”

“Don’t be silly, Olivia, you’ve got your GCSEs,” Dad looks up from his phone where he’s most likely scrolling through Twitter, looking at Sky Sports News or something in that vein.

“That’s exactly why I want to go, Dad. So Jude, can you get me tickets?” She turns her body fully towards him, exaggeratedly fluttering her eyelashes at him. 

“You know, Liv, as much as I’d like you there, you really should listen to your dad. Even I had to do my GCSEs,” Jude tells her. 

Olivia scoffs, stands from her chair, and in doing so nearly knocks the thing over.  “God, why’s it only Kaia that ever gets to do fun things?”

She’s halfway up to her room before I get to properly reply but it doesn’t stop me from calling her a sore loser. “Perks of being your biggest fan, I guess,” I shrug at Jude, a small smirk on my lips. “Oh, hey, speaking of the Euros, it completely slipped my mind that you’re working in Germany at the same time, aren’t you, Noah?” I turn to look at him. 

“Oh, yeah, I’m shooting that show in Berlin,” Noah nods. 

“So you’ll be able to go to a few games, then?” My dad looks up from his phone, dragged out of his trance and into the conversation. 

“Maybe,” Noah says. “Not sure how much free time I’ll have, but hopefully I’ll be able to get to a couple.”

“If Kaia has anything to do with it, you’ll be going to every single one that’s played in Berlin,” Noah laughs, nodding as he admits defeat, knowing my father is very much correct. It’s a habit of mine to drag people to football matches, even if they’re not the slightest bit interested. 

While my dad and Noah talk some more about his job in Berlin, I notice Jude shuffling around in his seat out of the corner of my eye. I could just take it as him being uncomfortable after being sat down for almost an hour, but the way he’s looking at my dad and Noah through his lashes, his chin practically against his chest, tells me otherwise. 

“Right, why don’t you kids go hang out upstairs or something while I help clean up this mess?” Dad moves to grab the remaining glasses that are left on the table while Jude, Noah and I get up to go upstairs. 

When in my bedroom, Jude immediately goes to sit at my desk, and I can tell that he’s preparing himself for a potentially awkward situation. His hand rests on the wooden surface, tapping away and I know it’s only a matter of time before he pulls a pen out of the pot so he can fiddle with it. 

I go to flop on my bed, grabbing my childhood teddy that I bring up to rest on my chest. Noah claims his spot beside me, in a much more graceful manner. 

“So,” I say, breaking the silence before it could take over the room. “You wanna watch a film or something?” I look between the two guys in my room, a questioning look on my face.

“Um, yeah, sure,” Jude says. “How about w-”

“Stop right there,” I say, sitting up abruptly. “Before you even ask, no I’m not sitting through Pulp Fiction again. Like yeah, Uma Thurman’s hot as fuck, but she’s also only in it for like ten minutes, so what’s the point?”

“Whoah, I wasn’t even about to say that, dickhead,” Jude annoyingly shakes his head at me while he tosses a rubber in my direction, narrowly missing my head. “I was actually going to suggest that Noah picked what we watched, so, you know, it could save the arguing, and then you started yelling at me anyway.” 

“Oh, okay, good idea,” I turn towards Noah. “Is there anything you’d like to watch, Noah?”

“Hmm, that’s a hard choice,” Noah says, a deep-thinking expression on his face. “I think I’d like to watch Pulp Fiction.”

Jude burst out laughing and I feel my face drop in agony at the thought of watching it again. I’m genuinely about two seconds away from punching my boyfriend right across the face.

“Oh, Kai, you should see your face. Nice one, Noah,” Jude’s holding his stomach at this point. 

“What?” Noah says when Jude calms himself down. “I’ve never seen it.”

That’s the moment both Jude and I stop what we’re doing, turning to face Noah with, what I can only imagine are, the most shocked expressions the two of us could muster. 

I let out a laugh of disbelief before finding the words. “You what?”

“Did I hear you right?” Jude pipes up as well. 

I’ve never seen Pulp Fiction,” Noah repeats, causing me to lay back down, simply staring at the ceiling while I try and get over my shock. 

“An actor who’s never seen Pulp Fiction, well I never.” I raise a finger in the air when I’ve had about ten seconds to process the mindblowing news. “You know what I think we have to do, Jude?” I sit up on my elbows so I can look at him properly. “Pop his Pulp Fiction cherry.”

Jude nods as soon as the suggestion leaves my mouth. “It’s only right.”

“Pulp Fiction it is then,” I’m just about to get up from my bed to grab the DVD, when the door of my bedroom bursts open, with a boisterous seven-year-old on the other side.

Leo immediately rushes over to the side of the bed Noah is at. “Hi, Noah, would you like to come and play Roblox with me?”

The look on Leo’s face is adorable. His big, brown eyes look at my boyfriend with so much adoration, even though he’s only met him once before. But Noah doesn’t seem to like Leo as much as the young boy likes him. 

“Oh, I- uhm,” Noah, fidgets, barely making eye contact with him, while I watch on with furrowed brows. “I don’t know how.”

“Well, that’s fine, I can teach you,” Leo bounces in excitement on the balls of his feet. There’s nothing in the world that makes him happier than when he’s playing Roblox.

“Well, I don’t really want to,” Noah says bluntly, leading to Leo’s face dropping, a little pout forming on his lips. 

“Oh, okay,” Leo says sadly and I can tell by the sound of his voice that he’s getting choked up. 

He’s about the leave the room when Jude stands up and walks over to him. Getting on one knee in front of him, he places his hands on the small boy’s shoulders. “Hey, I’ll come and play with you, yeah? we can play that one we were playing last time that you kept beating me at.” Jude picks Leo up, throwing him over his shoulder, causing him to giggle louder than ever. It’s a giggle that can be heard all the way down the hall until they get to Leo’s bedroom. 

My room is silent for a while, allowing me quite a bit of time to think about what I just witnessed. The only thing I can think about, though, is that I didn’t say or do anything while Leo was in the room with me. I should’ve done something to make sure he didn’t get upset, not even a little bit. 

After a little more time, I say, “What the fuck was that?” I turn to Noah, who has barely moved since Jude and Leo left the room. 

“I don’t know, he says, eyes failing to meet mine. 

“That’s not good enough, Noah, you almost made him cry because you didn’t want to play with him. He’d be really upset if it wasn’t for Jude being here,” I let out a sigh. It was bad enough thinking about seeing either of my siblings upset but seeing Leo’s face for that short moment that he thought no one wanted to play with him was heartbreaking. 

“I’m not good with kids, okay?” I have no idea what to do with them,” Noah says, raising his voice a little.

“Then just let him down easily, then, there was no need to be rude. He’s seven, Noah. He only wanted to play with you, you’re never going to get good with kids if you’re never willing to spend even ten minutes with one,” I scowl at him, mad with him for what he did to my little brother. “You know, it’s probably better if we call it a night, I’m quite tired.”

Noah nods. “Okay,” he gets up from the bed. “I’ll see you after Christmas, I suppose,” he leans down to press a kiss to my lips, which I accept, kissing back gently, but he knows that I’m still pissed off at him and that I’m probably going to be like that for a while longer. I shift my body to get off the bed. “It’s fine, I’ll let myself out.”

“Okay,” you nod. “Night. Merry Christmas.”

“Yeah, Merry Christmas,” he says, closing the door behind him on his way out. 

I fall back onto the bed, once again finding peace against my duvet, a sigh falling from my lips being the last thing I remember before I slip into a deep sleep. 

****

Jude: You okay Sleeping Beauty?

Kaia: God when did I fall asleep? Kaia: Also why are you still up? It’s 3 am.

Jude: About 7:30ish. Jude: And I’m not tired but I also wanted to make sure you were okay.

Kaia: I’m doing fine. Kaia: Just shocked me a little that’s all. Kaia: Was Leo okay when you were playing with him?

Jude: Yeah but he did ask why Noah didn’t want to play with him so I just told him that he knew I wanted to play with him instead. Jude: But what he did was really fucked up.

Kaia: I know. Kaia: I'm glad he’s not really upset about it though. Kaia: And thank you for saying what you did. I think I’m still going to take him out for ice cream or something tomorrow tho just to make sure he’s okay.

Jude: No problem and yeah that’ll be good for him. Jude: So did he just leave?

Kaia: no I said it’d probably be best if we called it a night. Kaia: I made it clear that I was pissed at him so that’s why I think he was so fine with leaving early.

Jude: You did the right thing he can’t talk to a kid like that without knowing that he did was wrong. Jude: Anyway I’m off to bed. See you on Christmas day. x

Kaia: Yep, goodnight. x

Taglist: @eunoiasgoal @4evermyownmuse

Kaia’s POV

I groan the second I’m awoken by my alarm, 05:45 it reads. Rolling onto my back, I try my best to keep my eyes open as I stare blankly at the ceiling. My head aches a little, and I still don’t know why I insist on staying up late on Christmas Eve drinking every year. I push myself out of bed, no matter how much my body hates me for it. A chill immediately passes over my whole body, so I quickly grab the hoodie that’s flung over the back of my desk chair. It once belonged to Jude, I think.

The moment I leave my room I’m met with my little brother, Leo, who throws himself at me, wrapping his arms around my waist, gripping me tightly. “Merry Christmas, Kaia!” He beams up at me, a small gap where his two front teeth should be after they fell out just over a week ago. 

“Merry Christmas, Darling. Are you excited to see what Santa’s brought you?” I cup his cheeks in my hands, leaning down to kiss his forehead. 

“Yes, yes, yes!” He bounces, grabbing my hand, and dragging me down the hall towards the stairs. Only a seven-year-old would have this much energy before six in the morning. I knock on Olivia’s door when we pass it, yelling at her to get her lazy arse out of bed before I get pulled down the stairs and into the living room. 

My parents are already awake, as they always are at this time, making sure the magic of Christmas is kept alive for Leo’s sake. 

“Merry Christmas, My Loves,” Mum says as soon as we walk through the door. 

“Merry Christmas, Mummy,” Leo yells, running over to her and Dad, giving them both quick hugs before he gets distracted by all his presents. “Santa came! Look, Kaia,” he turns towards me, pointing at a pile of presents next to his. “He brought some for you, too!”

I smile at Leo, watching as he bounces in anticipation of opening his gifts right before approaching my parents. “Merry Christmas, Mum,” I lean down and kiss her on the cheek before moving onto my dad. “Merry Christmas, Dad.”

“Where’s that sister or yours,” Mum asks me as I sit next to Leo in front of my presents. “I’m telling you, the day she’s on time for something will be when we also win the lottery.” 

“Who won the lottery?” Olivia says, finally joining us. 

“No one, Darling,” Dad says. “Hurry up and open your presents before Leo bursts.”

Olivia sleepily drops herself to the floor next to me, giving me the side eye as she pulls one of her gifts onto her lap. “Yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas, everyone.”

****

“Have you got your gifts for everyone, Kaia?” I hear Mum yell up the stairs as I finally get my foot into my boot after a little struggle. 

“Yeah,” I yell back as best I can while trying to balance myself on one foot. I hop to keep my balance as I do up the zip, letting out a deep sigh when I turn to look at myself in the mirror. Adjusting my black skirt, I check my tights a fifth time for ladders. 

“Right,” I breathe out, turning to my bed. “I’ve got their presents, spare clothes, toothbrush,” I draw out the ‘sh’ while I think. “No, I’ll get that on my way out.” 

I whip my jacket from the back of my desk chair, pulling it over my green jumper before I grab everything from my bed and turn to leave. “Oop,” I hum, turning on my heel as I remember my teddy on my bed. “Can’t forget you, can we, Ted,” I say to it, leaning down awkwardly to grasp him between two of my fingers. 

“You can get in the car if you’re ready?” Dad says as soon as I reach the bottom of the stairs. 

“Yeah,” I breathe out just as Leo rushes past me, almost tripping me up in the process. “Thanks.” 

Shoving my things into the partially full boot, I head round to the left side of the car. I climb in, taking my favourite seat at the very back of the seven-seater that my parents bought purely to stop arguments between me and my siblings. 

I’m almost fully settled with my headphones on and my Kindle in hand when my phone buzzes against my leg. 

Jude: Merry Christmas, Dickhead. 

A smile crosses my lips as I roll my eyes before responding. 

Kaia: I hope Santa had you on his Naughty List if you think it’s okay to speak to people like that.

Jude: Santa brought me loads of presents. thank you very much.  Jude: He loves me so much that I can get away with the odd swear word. Yk seeing as though I’m a grown-up and all that.

Kaia: Hm. Strange how you don’t act like one, though.

Jude: You love the way I act. Jude: That’s why you’re on your way to see me rn. 

Kaia: We’ve not set off yet actually.

Jude: Same difference. Jude: See you in a few hours? 

Kaia: I thought we’d already established that.

Jude: Have I ever told you that you’re the worst person I know?

Kaia: No. I usually get rave reviews from you.  Kaia: Anyway, we’re about to set off so please don’t disturb me bc this is the only peace and quiet I’m going to be getting all day. See you in a bit. 

I shut off my phone just as my dad climbs into the car. 

“Everyone in?” He says checking his mirrors. I give him a thumbs up and I catch his smile at me in the rearview mirror. “Off to Sunderland, it is, then.”

****

“Honey, I’m home!” I shout as soon as I enter to door to the Bellinghams’ place, leaving the rest of my family to collect everything from the car. 

“Honey?” Jobe says as he stands on the bottom step looking at me with a puzzled expression. “I think you’ve got the wrong brother.”

“Jobe!” I beam at him. It’s been months since I last saw him and I’ve missed him more than anyone could possibly imagine. Knowing him his whole life has made him like another brother to me, I’d literally do anything for him, at this point. “I’d love to give you a hug and a kiss, but could you please help me with all my stuff first, my arms are killing me?”

“Of course, I can, Your Royal Highness,” he grabs the bag hanging from my shoulder. “I’m guessing this one’s to go into Jude’s room, yeah?” 

“Mhm. Thanks, Jobe. You’re a star,” I say after him as I watch him start to climb the stairs, following the noise of the voices that have been following me my whole life. 

“Merry Christmas,” I say enthusiastically when I enter their living room. There’s only Jude and Mark on the sofa with Denise most likely in the kitchen creating the amazing aroma of a Christmas dinner. The TV’s playing A Muppet’s Christmas Carol, which is serving as background noise while the two men talk. “I come bearing gifts!”

“Dad, call the police. Someone’s intruding,” Jude says flatly, only turning round to glance at me shortly before putting his attention back on his phone. 

“Kaia, love,” Marks says, getting up from his seat to take my bags out of my hands to place them by the tree. “Merry Christmas.”

“Thanks, Mark,” I smile at him. “Shame you didn’t teach your son manners, though.”

Jude scoffs as he stands from his seat. “Please, I’m the politest person you know.” He smiles down at me once he’s standing right in front of me before he wraps me up in a warm hug. He pulls me tight against his body squeezing me a few times before he lets go. “Merry Christmas, Dickhead.” 

“Merry Christmas to you, too, you silly twat.” I reach up and ruffle his hair for all of half a second before he quickly grabs my wrist, pulling my hand away from his head. 

“Oi, I spend a lot of time on my hair so I won’t have you messing it up, thank you very much,” he frowns at me, leaning down to try and fix his hair in the reflection of a picture frame sitting on a nearby cabinet. 

“Really?” I question, furrowing my brows at him as I take in the appearance of his hair. “Doesn’t look like it.” 

“What do you mean?” He flicks his head around, eyes meeting mine. “I look well fit today.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Hun,” I say patting his shoulder before I walk back into the hallway, remembering that I have yet to take my boots off. 

“What the hell are those?” Jude says after following you. 

“Apparently a Time Machine back to 2016,” I snark back. 

“Haha. Very funny. I meant those on your feet,” he points down at the floor. 

I follow when his finger is pointing, and my eyes land on my bright green Grinch socks. “Oh, those. Yeah, these are my Grinch socks. You like them?”

Jude stares down at them for a short while before meeting your eyes. “Yeah,” he nods slowly. “Definitely not hideous or anything.”

“Oh, come off it,” I say, turning away from him and walking towards the kitchen. “They’re not hideous.”

“Kaia!” Denise says as soon as I enter the room. “Merry Christmas, my darling.” She pulls me into a hug, gently kissing me on my cheek. “Where’s your mum?”

“In the living room, I think.” She nods in my direction, looking over the food once again before turning back towards me and Jude, who had also made his way into the kitchen. 

“Do you two mind watching the food for a sec while I go and say hello?” Denise looks between the both of us, waiting for us to nod our heads before leaving the room to say hello to my parents and siblings. 

“So,” Jude says, dragging out the ‘o’ while he takes a lid off a pan to check the vegetables, throwing his head back dramatically when a gust of steam hits him in the face, eliciting a laugh out of me. “That wasn’t funny. It almost burnt my eyes out.

“Please, your eyes are fine, it’s only a bit of steam,” I smile, watching as he uses the sleeve of his sweater to wipe his eyes. “What were you going to say?”

“What,” Jude says, squinting in my direction. 

“You were going to say something just before your eyes nearly died. What were you going to say.”

He hesitates while he recalls what he was going to say. “Oh, yeah,” he nods once. “I was going to ask you how it’s going with the boyfriend.”

Jude pulls somewhat of a funny face when he mentions ‘the boyfriend’, but it’s nothing I can be bothered dealing with, especially not right now.

“No, no. No boyfriend talk today. I don’t want any talk of anything that makes me sad, angry, or just outright pisses me off today. It’s Christmas, I want to be happy today,” I tell him, leaning my body against the kitchen counter. 

“Fair enough,” Jude mirrors what I’m doing at the other side of the stove. After a short while of glances between me and all the pans, he speaks once again. “I’m glad you're here.”

“Me too,” I flash him a genuine smile. 

“I don’t like that we don’t get as much time together anymore. We used to see each other all the time, and now it feels as though we’re lucky if get to see each other five times a year,” Jude says.

“I know,” I give him a tight-lipped smile. “Shit, innit, growing up. First I lose Santa and then I lose you.”

Jude laughs. “Do you cry as much about losing me as you did when you found out Santa didn’t exist?” He smirks, reminding you once again that there isn’t a thing he doesn’t know about you. 

“Of course I don't, that was a really tough time for me. I lost Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy all in one day, I was fuming. At least I know you’re somewhere in the world, you’d never make me forget that.”

“But you were sobbing. I remember when I came over later that day for dinner and you were still crying, we all thought a family member had died or something,” Jude says, laughing at the old memory. 

“It was the closest I’d been to real loss at that point in my life, I had more than a right to be upset. It hurts knowing that your mum and dad have lied to you your whole life,” I say seriously. 

“Do you think you’d cry that much if you lost me?” The joking tone that was in his voice before is gone, instead replaced with something much more serious as he stares into my eyes. 

“You know the answer to that,” I say, staring back at him just as hard. “I don’t know how to live a life without you in it, I’ve never had to before.”

“Well, that’s not entirely true,” Jude mentions. “You’re four months older than me, you survived those without me just fine.”

“Only because I can’t remember it. For everything I can remember you’ve been there, that’s all that matters.”

Our words hang in the air for a while as we both continue doing the job we’ve been tasked with. I wonder, though, still even after all this time, why, every single time I’m in his presence, does Jude make me feel like nothing else. He brings out a side to me and makes me think thoughts, that no one in the world could even torture out of me. On the surface, everyone who knows us, including our parents and our closest friends, thinks that we’re just friends, the best of friends no less, but just friends. We’ve managed to keep every tiny detail about us that makes us so incredibly… fucked up, for lack of a better term, under wraps for years. 

There’s something about that, though, the deepest, darkest parts of yourself only being shared with one other person, you can end up feeling incredibly lonely. 

“Right, you two,” Denise says as soon as she enters the kitchen again. “Go and sit down at the table, dinner will be ready in about ten minutes and I can’t have you both bothering me while I plate it up.”

“Rude,” Jude whispers under his breath so only I can hear it as we head towards the dining room, smiling at me when I take my seat next to him. Right where I always will be. 

****

“I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to eat another thing ever again,” I groan, flopping backwards onto Jude’s bed, my hands caressing my tummy. 

“Say that when you’re eating dessert later,” Jude scoffs from where he’s standing next to his wardrobe. 

“No,” I push up onto my elbows. “I mean it. I’m not going to be able to eat it, I think I’m going to be full for the rest of my life.” I wince in pain as I sit up, the food in my stomach causing an ache. “You know, I really could do with some comfy clothes. The waistband on this skirt is digging into me and making me feel sick.”

I wiggle my eyebrows, to the best of my ability, at Jude while he stands there shaking his head at me. “You could just ask for half my wardrobe if you want it. There’s no use trying to hide what you want from me. Well, as long as you ask nicely.”

“Jude,” I say, giving him a big smile. “May I borrow some of your most comfortable clothes, please?”

“Borrow? I’ll be lucky if I ever see them again,” he tells you, digging through his drawers in hopes of finding some of his old sweats to give you. 

“It’s only because I end up loving your clothes more than you do, I’ll be wearing these practically every day until they wear thin,” I tell him, standing up as I undress. 

I pull my jumper over my head, throwing it to the other side of the room, aiming for his wash basket but I miss miserably. Jude turns back towards me when I pull down my skirt and tights. He looks startled, like a deer caught in headlights.

“Oh, uhm, sorry,” he stumbles over his words, eyes glancing everywhere but my body, not knowing where to place them until he settles on turning his body to the side slightly, averting his eyes completely. 

“What?” I say, continuing to remove my clothes until I’m standing there only in my underwear. “It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

“Oh, I know. But you have a boyfriend,” Jude mentions, turning his body back towards yours as if there’s a magnetic force drawing you his way, his eyes settled firmly on the floor in front of him.

“Never stopped you before,” I walk over to him, grabbing the clothes from his hands. “Thanks for these, by the way.”

“You’re welcome,” he gives me a tight-lipped smile, nodding once before his eyes land on my body again, raking over my half-dressed form just long enough to make goosebumps rise on my skin. 

I pull on the all-black sweater and sweatpants, pulling the string tightly around my waist, my best efforts to keep them up as they sit loosely around my waist. After leaning down to grab my fluffy Grinch socks from the floor, I jump back up onto his bed, patting the spot beside me. “Come on, I got presents to give you. They’re in that bag over there, can you grab it for me?”

Jude gulps before moving across his room to grab my bag, bringing it over to me before he takes his seat on the left side of the bed. 

I rifle through the bag, moving past everyone else’s presents, that I’ll hand out later, to find Jude’s. “Right,” I say, pulling out a small box that’s wrapped in dark blue wrapping paper before pulling out two bigger presents. “Here they are. I want you to open this one first.” I hand him the middle-sized present shifting my body around a little further to have a good view when he opens it. 

“Okay,” Jude beams down at the gift, quickly unwrapping the gift only for his face to fall when he realises what I’ve gotten him. “You’ve got to be kidding me?”

“What? I thought you’d really like them,” I say, feigning sadness when I’m trying my hardest not to burst out laughing. 

“Remember when I told you your socks were hideous earlier? What about that made you think I’d like some for myself?” He says holding up a pair of bright green Grinch socks, just like the ones you’ve currently got on your feet. 

“Yeah, but,” I stick out my leg, showing off my own pair of socks. “We can match.”

“Kai,” Jude says, raising his eyebrows at you. “I love very much, and I appreciate everything that you buy me, but I am not wearing these.”

“Oh, yes you are. I spent good money on those, a whole three pounds in Primark,” I smile while Jude laughs.

“Okay, since you had to take out a bank loan to afford them practically, I’ll wear them, but only during our movie night because if Jobe sees me in these I’ll never hear the end of it,” he says. I whisper a little ‘yes’ before handing him the second present, the biggest of them all.

“This one next!”

I watch intently as he opens his next present, actually caring about his reaction to this one. My smile grows watching him realise what I’ve gotten him. “Is this a projector?”

Jude turns to me with a massive smile on his face, his eyes wide when they trace over the box, taking in all the features. 

“Mhm,” I nod. “It syncs up to both your Playstation and the DVD player I got you a few years back. There’s also an app that you can download on it that allows you to watch something with someone else.”

“You have one as well?” He asks.

“Yeah,” I say. “Ordered one originally just for myself, but then thought you’d probably like one, too.”

“I love it,” Jude exclaims. “Thank you. Will it just project onto my wall or do I have to get a screen?”

“It can work on your wall, but when I was researching it, it said that it works better on a screen so I’ve already ordered you one. It should be arriving at your place in Madrid just after you get back.”

Jude nods, turning to place the box down on the floor before turning back towards me. He leans in, pressing a soft kiss on my cheek. “Thank you,” he whispers against my skin, leaving another kiss in his word’s wake before sitting up straight again.

“Final one,” I say enthusiastically, handing him the gift. 

“Is this one the most special?” Jude looks up at me, giving me a little smirk. “It’s in a fancy box and everything.”

“Open it and see.”

He does just that, lifting the lid off the box slowly, glancing up at me every so often in anticipation. I watch him intently as he pulls back the tissue paper, slowly revealing his gift. The gold keyring glistens under the light of his bedroom when Jude pulls it out of the box. Hanging off the ring, there’s a small infinity symbol alongside a larger dogtag-shaped charm, inscribed with a very special message. 

“Read it,” I say quietly, motioning to the bigger charm. 

“‘I’m always with you. Play your heart out. Love your Kai x’”, Jude reads the words written in the metal. “Wait,” he says, bringing the keyring closer to his face so he can get a clearer look at the words. “Isn’t this what that note said? The one you left in my bag the day before I went to my first-ever away game because you couldn’t come with me? And it’s in your handwriting.”

Jude looks at me, eyes a little glassy, watching me as I nod. “Yep,” I tell him. “Thought that since it’s been three years since I was able to cheer you on regularly, I’d give you something that you can take with you everywhere, something that will always make you think of me.”

Jude nods, looking back down at the keyring before he encloses it completely in his large hand. “I love it,” he smiles at me. “Thank you so much. I’m gonna see if there’s a little pocket in my match bag that I can put this in. It means a lot it really does, Kai.”

He leans towards me, engulfing me in his arms. The embrace is one full of warmth as he pulls my body flush against his. “I always feel so bad having to watch you on the TV all the time, never getting the time to come and see you as much as I’d like, so it gives me peace of mind that now you’ll always have something with you to look at if you need a little bit of extra support,” I pull back from the hug, looking into his eyes once again. “I promise, though, I am going to try and come and see you more next year.”

“Are you telling me that’s one of your New Year’s resolutions?” Jude asks, turning to place his gifts on his nightstand before he turns back towards me with a small smirk on his face. 

“I suppose,” I shrug one shoulder. 

“Well, I look forward to seeing you once, then,” Jude smiles cheekily. 

“Hey,” I say, leaning over to lightly hit him. “Not fair.”

“What? I’ve known you for over twenty years and you’ve never kept a New Year’s resolution.”

“My other New Year’s resolution is to keep any and all New Year’s resolutions, actually,” I said snarkily. “You might just have to send me a text every now and then reminding me that you exist. I tend to forget.”

“Oh, I know you fucking do,” Jude laughs, launching his body towards me as he rugby tackles me backwards, my body bouncing off the mattress before getting crushed under his weight. 

“Hey!” I proclaim, trying my best to get out a laugh, but instead, it just comes out at a strained wheeze. “I can’t breathe.” 

I tap him on the arm until he pulls back a little. “Oh, you can’t, can you?” He smirks down at me, and I know exactly what he’s about to do. Before I can offer a protest, Jude’s hands come down, attacking my stomach in vigorous tickles. 

I burst out in a fit of laughter, trying my best to roll out from under him, but he’s straddling my hips, keeping my body tucked firmly underneath him. Despite the protests, Jude only pulls away when his mum walks into the room. Denise stops in her tracks, a stunned expression on her face. “You know what? I’m not even going to ask. Dessert’s ready whenever you want to come down for it.”

“Okay,” Jude responds and with him distracted it gives me time to finally push him off my body so I can shuffle off the bed. 

“Right, then,” I say, grabbing his hands to pull him off the bed with me. “Let’s go get some pudding.”

****

Later that night, once everyone has eaten themselves silly, Jude and I are tucked up in bed facing each other just before we finally head to sleep. 

“Did you like your gifts?” Jude asks, moving the covers away from my face so he can get a better look at me. 

“Yeah, I did,” I nod. Jude had gotten me the last few films I needed to complete my Alfred Hitchcock collection, and the most gorgeous leather jacket I’ve ever seen, one that I know I’ll end up wearing every day for the foreseeable future. “Did you like yours?”

“Mhm,” he nods. “I love the keyring so much, it’s such a thoughtful gift, I can’t wait to keep it with me.” 

“Good. It took your mum a while to find the original note so I could take it to the shop and get it engraved, but I’m so glad she did because I think it looks so much better with it in my handwriting rather than some generic font.”

“Yeah, it does. And I can’t even believe she found it, I had no clue that I still had it.”

“I was kind of annoyed that you hadn’t taken it with you to Dortmund. I thought we were better friends than that,” I say a wry smile on my face. 

“Knowing you I’m surprised that you haven’t pinned me down and tattooed it onto me by now,” he laughs.

“Oh, that’s such a good idea,” I smack my palm against my forehead. “Why the hell didn’t I think of that? God, I’d love to see you get a tattoo. You’d be squirming in that chair.”

“Excuse me, I have an incredibly high pain tolerance, thank you very much,” he pulls back, offended. 

“Jude,” I sigh. “You came with me to get my first tattoo and you literally winced more than me. If you can’t handle the pain when the needle isn’t even touching you, how can you handle it when you’re actually getting ink embedded into your skin?”

“That was sympathy pain,” he tries to defend himself. “You know, because I love you so much.”

“Yeah, right,” I say before right before letting out a large yawn. “I think I’m gonna have to go to bed, I need to be energised for Jobe’s game tomorrow.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jude says, rolling over to switch off his lamp before he rolls back over to place a kiss on my cheek. “Goodnight, love.” 

“Night, Darling,” I whisper, shuffling into Jude’s side, bringing his arm towards me, cuddling into his warmth. 

Taglist: @eunoiasgoal @4evermyownmuse