It’s not what I’d like to be doing, but it’s good money and prestigious, so there’s that.

Anyway, just sharing my news :)

In this episode we have one scene with Billy. It’s the scene; the one where we get some insight into why he is the way that he is. And before I even begin I want to share something, this scene means a great deal to me because I have been in Billy’s place. Truthfully, this is where a lot of the attachment to the character stemmed from and I took it personally when I first started seeing all the hate the character gets because that was me (and then I started getting personal hate for loving the character and that was a whole other shitshow). And I just felt I needed to share that before I get started on this scene. 

So at the beginning we see Billy getting ready for his date (and being fucking adorable). While this is happening, his step-mom Susan notices that Max is missing and informs Neil, Billy’s dad. Who demands that Billy stop what he’s doing and open his door.

“What’s wrong?” Billy asks.

“Why don’t you tell us?” Neil asks (like a prick, I mean, how is Billy supposed to know?).

“Because I don’t know” The parents then inform Billy that Max is missing. When Neil asks Billy where Max is and he replies “I don’t know” his voice gets quieter and he looks away. Almost as if he knows he’s going to be hurt for Max’s running off. Billy then replies that she’s probably fine and might have gone to the arcade.

Neil then reminds Billy that he was supposed to watch Max, to which he replies, “I know, dad, I was. It’s just that you guys were three hours late and...well, I have a date.” So, Mr. ‘respect and responsibility’ was three hours late. Just thought I’d point that out.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Billy says.

“So that’s why you’ve been staring at yourself in the mirror like some faggot instead of watching your sister?” Neil seems to be provoking a fight here. Billy apologized and Neil is purposely ignoring that and putting Billy down and stooping to calling him a slur. Of course, then Billy gets frustrated and reminds his dad that he has been looking after Max all week even though she’s old enough to be responsible for herself. He finishes by saying Max is not his sister and this pushes Neil over the edge. He slams his son into the shelf and I wince knowing what it feels like to be hurled into furniture.

“What did we talk about?” Neil asks Billy, his hands still gripping his son’s jacket. When Billy is silent Neil hits his son in the fucking face and repeats the question.

“Respect and responsibility,” Billy answers.

“That’s right. Now, apologize to Susan.”  This is interesting, because Billy already apologized for not keeping a closer eye on Max. This apology must be for his “she’s not my sister” comment.

“I’m sorry, Susan.” Then after Billy apologizes and after Billy has been shoved into the shelf and hit in the face, Susan says,

“It’s okay, Neil, really.” I’m really trying not to hate her. Susan may be a victim, herself. Maybe Neil is abusive towards her, too? But I really doubt it. Max told Lucas last episode that her mom and Neil wanted a fresh start together. And we’ve seen no evidence that either Susan or Max are being abused in any way. The evidence seems to show that either she simply does not care about Billy (he’s not her birth son like Max is her birth daughter so...), or she is too much of a coward to stand up to her husband and protect her step-son. Either way, I despise her and have nothing nice to say about her.

“Nothing about his behavior is okay! But he’s gonna make up for it. He’s going to call whatever whore he’s seeing tonight and cancel their date. And then he’s gonna go find his sister, like the good, kind, respecting brother that he is. Isn’t that right, Billy?” Again, Neil is purposely tearing his son down with his words. He calls his date a whore, and because we don’t know who this date is I assume he is insinuating that his son would have to pay for a date because no one would want him. A further verbally abusive hit.

“Isn’t that right?!” Neil yells into his son’s face.

“Yes, sir.” Billy manages softly. We see tears welling up in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you.” Neil says quietly and then gives Billy a look that I just want to smack off his face.

“Yes. Sir.” Billy repeats loudly.

“Find Max.” Neil says, turning to leave. The threat of something more violent if Billy doesn’t come back with Max is obvious to me from Neil’s tone and the background sound as he turns away from Billy.

After the parents leave, Billy lets the tears fall and covers his face as he begins to cry. And this is where my heart breaks into pieces.

I know what it’s like to be hit, to be called names, to be shoved into furniture. To be told you aren’t and never will be good enough. And it hurts to see this happen to a character who has absolutely no support - no friends, no family who care about him, no one at all. 

And this is what abuse does to people. We have anger issues and we lash out and we struggle to grab hold of any tiny thing we can control. We build up walls and facades and we slowly self-destruct.

I have been there. And on my bad days, I still struggle with all of this. And my heart just goes out to him and every person like him because I understand.

Dustin Henderson appreciation post.