It was all a lot, all at once.Ā
The party was supposed to be fun. Hal had begged Ben to come, to have a good time, that they could do it, despite the shit they had gotten themselves in to. They were both so battle hardened, so ready to fight. Hal didnāt think Ben understood that he didnāt have any fight left in him. There was nothing he could do about what had happened between himself and Bea. If only he could make Ben understandā
But how could he? When he didnāt understand this thing with Bea himself? One day Bea isāwellāBea. The next day sheās sucking on his neck and heās losing himself in her in a way he hadnāt thought was possible. He hates himself so acutely for that mistake, though heās always loved her. Heās always known, too. How could they fit together in the grand cosmic scheme of the universe? His soul was fractured and he was hardened by war (the war) and the things he had seen as a doctor. All of the softness had been sucked out of him.
This stupid party was disgustingly extravagant. Heās standing on the sidelines, nursing a vodka cran, scanning the crowd for a glimpse of her. He knows he shouldnāt be, but Ben brought a date, the stupid asshole, and he knew that Bea would be upset. How could she not? Her whole life sheād been told that she should fall in love with Ben. How could he blame her for that? Or hold it against her.Ā
When he finally sees her, his heart squeezes. She looks beautiful, head to toe radiant. He makes his excuses to the current rich bitch heās chatting up and winds his way through the crowd. It takes him a minute ofĀ āexcuse me, loveā andĀ āpardon, taā to get to her.Ā āBeatrice,ā he breathes,Ā āyou made it.āĀ
