panel. in manga art, panels refers to the frame that wraps around one moment in time.
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an original Haikyu AU pairing Udai Tenma (the og little giant
warning!!: containing some manga content.
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A coincidence to be thanked for... or is it more to be cursed at? Along the way, Udai only thought about that.
It was not that he regretted that of all the things that could have happened to him he had to meet Tsubasa. It was precisely because it was Tsubasa of all people that Udai wavered between cursing or thanking this coincidence. Really, of all the things that could have happened, why did it have to be another encounter with her? Of all people, why her?
But even so, there he was, and ended up following Tsubasa in her lunch.
When she asked about lunch, Udai honestly said that he had already had his lunch. But even after that, Tsubasa still asked him to join her. She said it was to repay him for the other day.
What made Udai so pissed off about it, was that he didn’t refuse the offer at all. A part of him was reluctant to leave, greedy to grasp this opportunity, greedy that he would have time to be with her again even if it was just to be there.
In this panel, fate, in all its cruelty, has drawn little lines to bring to life a new story between him and Tsubasa, the last thing he wanted to happen.
Of all things, does he, who once deliberately walked away from the panel where they used to be connected, deserve to be here?
Even if fate eventually let Tsubasa decide, Udai hoped that this time, she would be the one to walk away.
Damn. Even nine years couldn’t change anything about how comfortably warm it was when he was around her. It felt safe, soothing. Cruel.
“Udai-san, you will order dessert, right?”
Udai only answers with a hum.
“The Hokkaido cheesecake here is famous for being very good. How about that? Is that enough?”
The glimpse of what he was looking at was his first love. Sasaki Tsubasa, whom he remembered as the girl who completed the story of each panel in his youth with her presence. She was the one who brought an unforgettable blush of pink into the panels of his youth that had been dulled with dreary, static colors.
Sasaki Tsubasa, who nine years ago looked like a typical high schooler, now looks like a well-developed adult woman. She was beautiful, seemed competent in her work that he forgot to ask before. Then like any other mature woman, she wore just enough makeup with colors that only added to her beauty like magic, high heels that had a unique beat every time she walked. In truth, the high school girl of his first love had completely disappeared from what he could catch of her. But from her eyes, her voice, the atmosphere she brought with her, it was all Sasaki Tsubasa, his first love.
Sitting before her, it was like waiting for a big wave that carried all the memories of his youth to wash him away. The very first encounter, the confession, the first date, the first kiss, all the things that Udai first tasted in a dozen years of being a whole human being, were spent with Tsubasa. It was also about the first big mistake he made, the first regret, the first heartbreak. This very woman before him had it all packed with her.
Facing her, Udai felt helpless amidst the rushing of emotion that filled all his senses.
He shouldn’t have come back, he repeated mentally many times.
He doesn’t deserve to come back, he repeated.
His reverie was over and the world returned to what was before him.
“— are you going to be quiet-for-some-time-before-you-finally-speak too this time?”
Her eyes were on him, looking at him kindly. Still like the old days, she still feels so near, really. Udai almost forgot that she was waiting for her answer.
“Are you really okay with the dessert we ordered earlier?”
“You just answered it so casually when I told you the menu… like you somehow didn’t even mean answering the question. It made me think that maybe I was too pushy that you didn’t have time to decide or even consider.”
Finally, Tsubasa was convinced and stopped.
Udai actually wasn’t so sure that he was good enough at small talk. However, Tsubasa had insinuated it. Throwing a sign that he should talk. At the very least, asking something about the weather perhaps?
“It’s pretty sunny today, don’t you think?”
Tsubasa’s gaze still trapped him, leading him further into the abyss of awkwardness. For real, what’s the point of saying clichéd things about the weather? What century is this?
To his surprise, a smile spread across Tsubasa’s face. Amusing. This time, it was Tsubasa who had the nerve to answer. Then she looked out the window to make sure.
“Sunny and hot,” she added.
They were seated at a table in a row near the transparent window that gave them closer access to the streets surrounding the restaurant.
Udai caught a faint smile that she rolled back before Tsubasa turned back to him. “But the summer is coming to an end.”
That smile was different from what he saw after she returned. Maybe it was just in his head, but there was something there that he shouldn’t have caught.
“You’re still so picky about the seasons?”
Tsubasa’s question was followed by a huffing laugh. Amusing. Like mocking, but a little more polite than that.
“I thought, as years passed, you might have matured a bit.”
Simply put, Udai did not like summer very much. The only thing he liked about summer was that during that time, they would get a holiday. And Tsubasa remembered that. Oh, he forgot to add one thing. Eight years ago, he loved his summer and everything that revolved around it.
“Well... summer is… hot.”
Tsubasa stormed off after that, “That goes without saying! Where is there a cold summer?”
There is. Sometime during the summer of eight years ago, when you were there. At least, even though it wasn’t cold, with you around, things became a little more refreshing. “Right.”
Tsubasa sighed, her smile staying. Amused at the fact that Udai still didn’t get along with summer. Deep down inside however, in a part of him that he was trying to avoid, Udai wished that the reason her smile still remained was because he was still the same.
“What about you, Sasaki?”
In the past, he could just casually call her given name. Tsubasa.
Now... well... It’s the little things like this that give connection its essence. That, one day when you’re parting ways, you’ll go back to the time when everything was back to scratch, and that all the time that was drained away back then, can never come back no matter how desperately you reach for it. That, from the pain it brings when you look back, will make you realize that in the future where you stand, it will never again involve the person you used to always involve in the first place.
In the panel where her world evolved, Tsubasa no longer involves Udai like she used to. And Udai, in a different panel where his world runs, had long ago deliberately closed off the path to involving her as well.
It was all his fault, he knew. Just like he knew that Tsubasa liked summer, unlike him.
“Do you still like summer?”
“Sure.” Her answer came smoothly without losing a single beat. Her smile was still, her gaze steady.
In contrast to Udai, Tsubasa loved the summer. Udai still remembered why. She liked summer because the days would last longer than in the other seasons, the sky would look bluer, brighter than usual, and she said, the scent of the earth would be more sniffable — that was surely an odd one. Udai couldn’t remember if he had any memory of Tsubasa being so melancholy about such things, but she did.
Udai also remembers the winter being her least favorite season. The reason was simple: it was cold. Well... you don’t get warm winters anywhere in the world. He still remembered about Tsubasa who didn’t like her hands getting cold, didn’t like padding, and especially about her always losing her hot pack almost every five minutes. Seriously, though. Udai had to stop thinking before he fell into a forbidden desire and said something nonsense.
Soon after that he changed the subject. This time, however, he started over quite nicely.
“You work around here?”
He didn’t know if it was just in his mind, but for a moment, Tsubasa looked lost. Her answer was also a little off, a nod. However, she soon smiled. An answer followed shortly after,“Yes.”
Udai nodded his head. “Close around?”
“Ten minutes by walking.”
“I often have lunch here.”
Exactly what she wanted to ask.
“Are you stopping by the Weekly Shonen office?” Tsubasa asked back.
“Oh? Yes.” Udai nodded.
Humming, Tsubasa added a new question, “Dropping off the latest volume’s manuscript?” She quickly continued after that, “Or perhaps something else?”
“The first one. Yes. I have a little business related to manuscripts and publishing.”
Tsubasa responded with a hum while nodding slightly.
Seconds rolled by, slowly but surely. Between them, silence slowly settled in. However, Udai did not let it linger too long as he continued their little question and answer session.
“Are you on your lunch break?”
Stupid. Of course She is. What do you think she was doing here?
“As you can see,” Tsubasa smiled as she replied. “I guess you’re not too familiar with the strict schedules and rules of office workers like me.”
Tsubasa chuckled, “You work and rest on your own accord, right? Even if for example you’re in a high demand zone this month, and the sketching of the latest volume of your manga is only given a month or two, you still have a higher level of flexibility in your working hours. You don’t have to deal with anything about long and hectic working hours or relatively little break time. You can rest all day or work all night to your heart’s content—”
Udai raised his eyebrows when Tsubasa suddenly stopped midway.
“Ah? Sorry! I didn’t mean to say anything about your work. I’ve talked too much.”
Confused, Udai quickly searched for something to say in response. “U-uh? No. It’s alright. It’s not that you said anything disrespectful about my work here.”
“I said everything as if I understood everything.” Tsubasa sighed, almost wincing. “Sorry for being rude.”
The atmosphere returned to silence. The awkwardness returned between them. After seconds spent wondering what to talk to Tsubasa about next, the atmosphere was thawed by something Tsubasa said.
“You... haven’t asked about my work, Udai-san.”
He remembered that he had never asked her anything about her work. But it wasn’t because he forgot or didn’t want to know about it, but rather realized that it was something too silly to ask, not to mention rude.
Udai wanted to know about her job like how she knew that he was a manga artist from one of the best-selling manga series. He wanted to know what office work she was referring to, like how she knew that if he came to the Weekly Shonen office, it meant that he had some business related to manuscripts and publishing. He wanted to know what time she worked and what time she would end, like how she knew that he had much more flexible working hours than she did. He wanted to know all that, so he was showered with guilt for being too inquisitive.
What was more surprising, however, was that Tsubasa suggested that he ask. It was as if she was giving him a way to satisfy all the questions piling up in his head.
“O-oh... well... Um... Yeah.”
“You should have asked that from the start. There was no need to be reluctant.”
Tsubasa paused, chuckling slightly, “Your face says it all.”
Everything? Even about the way I was overwhelmed when you were there and smiling like that, Tsubasa? Lie to me, please lie to me. Don’t let my hopes grow bigger for something I shouldn’t wish for. This is a catastrophe, especially for Tsubasa. Of all the people she should not have invited into her world, Udai should have been the first one she should have avoided. Of all the people who didn’t deserve half of her time, it was Udai who had the opportunity to sit with her today. He should really stop. You should stop before I break your heart again.
Their talk was interrupted by the lunch that had joined them on the table. For a moment, their worlds were distracted by the smell of the menu. Tsubasa ordered the main course, while Udai got the dessert that Tsubasa recommended. The Hokkaido Cheesecake.
For a moment, he wondered if all stores that served this menu really baked the cheesecake in a water bath or if there was another way to replace that process while maintaining the quality of the taste?
It was a silly pondering that would lead him nowhere. Not to find new inspiration for his manga, nor to take him away from the awkwardness that clung in between to fill the space between him and Tsubasa.
“Have… a… good meal.”
Really, everything was still the same.
The way she enjoyed her food, her little habits, everything seemed to be something pulled from every shard of his memory of her.
“Too bad you already had lunch before,” Tsubasa said between pauses, drawing Udai’s gaze back to her, “otherwise, you could try this menu for lunch. They sell this very well every day. It’s very delicious.”
But perhaps, Udai would prefer it this way.
“Next time, I guess,” Tsubasa said, not quietly and not reluctantly. But Udai didn’t miss how her fingers gripped the spoon a little tighter. Her smile came, a friendly greeting before what she was about to say followed. “You can invite someone to come here and make sure to order this.”
Subconsciously, Udai chuckled. “If I had time for something like that.”
Catching a gyoza with her chopsticks, Tsubasa muttered, “Right?”
Then, Tsubasa continued, “But you know... rather than about having or not having time, you can spare a little of your time, right?”
Udai stopped. No, the world stopped. Or, no, he stopped. His gaze was fixed on Tsubasa who slowly widened her eyes. Just as Udai was stunned by her words, it was either he was delusional or, Tsubasa looked more surprised than anyone else.
“Ah- I didn’t mean to—”
“Really, I’m really sorry.”
There you go. Sasaki Tsubasa was still Sasaki Tsubasa at the end of the day. She looked down, her palms closing in front of her furrowed brow.
Tsubasa sighed and immediately raised her head. “The weather must have made me think of all sorts of things. Again, sorry for being presumptuous.”
“Hm. It doesn’t matter. After all, some of what you said is true. But in my case, not only do I have no time, I also don’t have a special person that I have to set aside time for in particular.”
Udai did not know that she would say that much before she finally reached the end of her sentence.
Awkwardness crawled over every inch of his skin. Quickly wanting to get out of the awkward embrace before it clung even tighter, Udai racked his brain for something better to talk about. Staying there was not going to get him anywhere.
“Speaking of the work,” in a split-second pause, his brain spun faster to think of how to phrase the question a little more politely, “about your work…”
Udai echoed Tsubasa’s nod, automatically following along as if it had been programmed.
“Ah, yes. I work for a startup company that specializes in IT,” Tsubasa then mentioned the name of the company.
“Ah? It’s that one, huh?”
“Right,” Tsubasa smiled.
“Ah, right. If I’m not mistaken, I saw the company building with their logo around here.”
“You know about our company?”
“Well… Yes, it was the talk of the town in the newspapers and on television.”
“Right?” Tsubasa’s smile expanded, sweet and pleasant.
Distracting himself from Tsubasa’s smile—as well as from the tightness in his chest—Udai quickly changed the subject, “How long have you been in Tokyo?”
“Almost three years.”
Tsubasa hummed. “Um… Udai-san, I’ve been meaning to say this for a while,”
Udai paused, both eyebrows raised in anticipation of Tsubasa’s words, “Hm?”
“When I first met you…” Udai almost mistakenly thought Tsubasa was talking about the past if she didn’t immediately continue, “the other day on the mall, I barely recognized you.”
“You know, your hair…”
Subconsciously, Udai immediately touched his hair when Tsubasa said that.
“They’re long,” Tsubasa continued, but now with a smile that followed right before she ended with, “very long.”
Suddenly, Udai was very worried about how he would look. Would he look like a beggar rather than the manga artist that he is, or would he look pathetic or weird with long hair. Tsubasa’s smile was sweet and pleasant, but it also brought out the nervousness in him. Was that pleasant smile really pleasant or pleasant in another sense…
Subconsciously, Udai had brought his hand to tidy up his hair a little. Nothing significant, just tucking the strands that almost covered his frame behind his ears.
He swore it was just a little, until he finally realized that he was paying too much attention to his appearance when, before him, Tsubasa was taking point about that. Something in her eyes quickly went away after he peeked there, quickly replaced with the sparkle of a pleasant smile that came as soon as she returned.
“I’ve noticed your hair since our first encounter,” Tsubasa continued, “but it seemed rude to say anything about it then. And I also wondered, even though summer is almost over, if you were okay with your hair being long— which of course you don’t have to think about.”
Tsubasa refocused on her lunch.
“Ah right, your friend the other day,”
Although of all the things he wanted to talk about, this was the last one, Udai had run out of topics.
Tsubasa looked back at him, a look of confusion.
“Your coworker,” Udai continued, followed by an understanding response from Tsubasa.
“Ah! Yes. Hatakeyama.” Tsubasa nodded, distractedly looking at Udai.
“You guys didn’t have lunch together?”
“No.” Tsubasa immediately followed with something that made Udai regret asking. “We usually have lunch together, but today he has some business with the deputy. It might take a while for him to join me.”
Ten, no, a thousand times better if he didn’t ask.
“Hatakeyama,” Tsubasa continued, “he’s been at the company longer than I have. He had been working for almost a year when I joined. In a way, I’m basically his Kohai.”
Udai forced himself to smile, echoing Tsubasa’s smile that came afterward.
“Could it be because of that? Sometimes he really treats me like his subordinate and is all bossy, so annoying! Sometimes, he acts like a dictator too. But in his work, Hatakeyama is very reliable.” At the end of her sentence while expressing Hatakeyama, Tsubasa smiled. Udai knew that he had lost every right to feel uncomfortable when Tsubasa said something about another man, but it still felt unpleasant.
“Hatakeyama is truly a reliable Senpai—”
The world stopped right there.
Udai had noticed that before, about how in between the main course that she ordered were small pieces of octopus. He still remembered everything about Tsubasa, including that she had a severe octopus allergy. He also remembers that despite having a severe octopus allergy, Tsubasa sometimes forgets that she can’t eat octopus.
Now, she almost caught a small piece of octopus meat with her chopsticks. But with Udai there, who was quite thorough about it all, Tsubasa stopped.
Udai was holding her arm, gently gripping it to stop her.
“Octopus,” he muttered, “you... have allergy.”
“You should have picked all the octopus aside before eating.”
For a moment, there was silence. Their hands were still touching each other. Only then, when Tsubasa said something, did Udai finally, immediately pull away, chest heavy.
Tsubasa’s gaze turned to her lunch. She sighed, “I almost got into big trouble,” she muttered, still inaudible, “you idiot!”
Then there was silence again. Udai and Tsubasa were both still working to process what was happening. Between the two of them, however, Udai was diligently outlining what had happened.
First, their hands touched at the most unexpected time. Her skin was soft and slightly moist, lotioned. Udai wondered if the scent of her lotion today would be the same as it was nine years ago—
Secondly, about the octopus that was always there while she was having her lunch like this, would Hatakeyama get rid of it all for her before she ate? He seemed to be so diligent to ruin his own mood.
Thirdly, it was either he was hallucinating or Tsubasa didn’t want to pull away. As his world came to a halt, he wondered if the same thing was happening to Tsubasa... or if she was really reluctant to break away—
“Thank you for paying attention,”
It took Udai longer to take that one in. Her words were ambiguous.
“though I’m usually confident enough to eat by myself because I can handle things like this... well... maybe I forgot that I should have taken out all the octopus pieces first before eating.”
Udai only gave a short response.
“I’m surprised you could see that it was octopus.”
“Well... I just looked pretty well.”
“I thought you’d actually have problems with your eyesight because... you know what I mean... your job requires you to be awake in front of a computer for long periods of time— ah! But of course not always, right?”
“Hm. But you’re right about the staying-awake-in-front-of-the-computer-for-a-long-period-of-time part.”
Udai shrugged, “Maybe... just not yet?”
Tsubasa frowned, her laughter following. Udai couldn’t help but smile, not when before him, Tsubasa was laughing so pleasantly.
“Please... are you really looking forward to when your eyesight gets bad because of your job?”
“Ah— of course not with the looking forward part. That would be a bit inconvenient.”
“Right?” Tsubasa sighed, “You always talk carelessly, Udai-san.”
Udai just laughed softly under his breath.
Tsubasa returned with a faint smile in her words after that, “I’m surprised you still remember.”
This meeting had been disastrous.
Udai’s smile faded. The amusing curve lost its glow, replaced with a pain laced with awkwardness.
Being there would not be good for him. If he stayed there, Udai would fall into a pit of hope. However, suddenly leaving would certainly not be polite. Perhaps, stepping away for a while would do.
Udai mustered the courage—and honestly, the will—to excuse himself. “Excuse me a moment,” his hand awkwardly gestured in whatever direction was behind him, “I— the toilet.”
Tsubasa nodded. “Hm. You may go.” In fact, there was another smile after that.
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By the time he reached the restroom, the roar of water rushing from the faucet couldn’t even distract Udai’s world from his fast-roaming mind processing everything that was happening.
Truly, this encounter was a catastrophe.
Udai had no intention of thinking of Tsubasa as a catastrophe in his terms, however, her being there right now threatened to make him greedy and of all things, that was the worst that could happen.
Has it been eight years? Since the last time he saw Tsubasa, since the last time their panels connected almost as if they were melting into each other. Since then, since the moment Udai had decided to be the first to walk away and move on to a new panel without taking his feelings for Tsubasa, it was over. As for the two of them, they had already lost.
Rather than keeping Sasaki Tsubasa who had been like the sun against his eternal winter, Udai decided to elevate his ego. He was too proud to turn back, to simply admit that he was wrong. Or... to admit that he couldn’t if she wasn’t around.
At times like this, when time seemed to stand still on his watch, Udai couldn’t help thinking that if only he had stopped that day... but, for now, it was too late.
Staring at his reflection in the mirror, Udai returned to the flashing of memories that passed quickly.
“If I keep thinking back like this, and the same thing happens to her, what makes me think that she was alright?”
He had decided that his greed should not go beyond this. And at the very least, after this, he should apologize for everything and then disappear.
Udai washed his hands, washed his face and shifted his gaze to his reflection in the mirror. He was silent for a long time, wandering back to what Tsubasa had said earlier. Something about his long hair.
With his hands still wet, Udai smoothed his hair a little. At the very least, if he was prepared with a meaningless apology, he should at least try to look a little better, right?
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Returning, Udai stopped at the end of a table when he saw a familiar man join Tsubasa. Hatakeyama Jiro.
Hatakeyama Jiro. Itachiyama High graduate. Tsubasa’s coworker who had been working for almost a year when Tsubasa joined the company. And lastly, Hatakeyama is a reliable Senpai, she said. Oh, that last one is very helpful.
From where he stood, Udai, who was watching the interaction between those two, underlined a few things about Hatakeyama Jiro from his perspective: Unlike him who came in with a t-shirt and disheveled hair, Hatakeyama Jiro was neat in a shirt and a fine necktie even though their blazers were both black. His hair was neat, showing the dignity of a senior office worker.
He looked like a very dependable man.
Although Tsubasa found him annoying at times, he was warm to her. From the last time, the way he spoke to Tsubasa showed how familiar he was in Tsubasa’s terms.
Tsubasa smiled happily at something he said, then their hands met for a playful high five. Not to mention afterwards their fingers intertwined to celebrate whatever it was. Maybe it was just as he thought.
For a moment, Udai thought about leaving. He thought, even if he left after that, Tsubasa would no longer look for him if her lover was right there. But... he didn’t want to leave.
Was he greedy if he wanted to be there to share that smile? Even if this was the last time, was he too greedy?
Udai finally had an excuse to come back because he forgot his bag. Hopefully that would be a reasonable excuse.
“Oh? It’s Tsubasa-no-Senpai-san!”
“Oh? Udai-san, You’re back?”
Hatakeyama Jiro’s voice was the first to greet him, then Tsubasa followed. Udai answered them both with a hum.
One other thing he also underlined was that they were sitting separately. At a time like this, he should be sitting on... Hatakeyama Jiro’s side, right?
“Sasaki, move aside.”
“You have no manners, do you? Are you planning to let your Senpai stand there?”
“A-ah... O-oh... Okay.”
Udai knew that Tsubasa moving aside was a sign for him to join her there, but he just didn’t expect that even now, he would have to sit side by side with her. Seriously? He was even convinced to immediately exclude himself from this panel, convinced that he would be the disrupter of Tsubasa and Hatakeyama Jiro’s lunch.
It was quiet after Udai sat down next to Tsubasa until he heard Hatakeyama Jiro say something until after he finished ordering.
“It’s good to see you here again, Udai-san.”
“Did Sasaki force you to join?”
Beside Udai, Tsubasa almost choked at Hatakeyama Jiro’s question.
“You really forced him to join?” Hatakeyama Jiro’s gaze turned to Tsubasa. His hand preceded Udai’s intention to shift the drink to Tsubasa. Despite his words, teasing, his actions spoke of all things considerate. Shifting the drink, handing her a tissue, and something about 'there, there. Drink slowly or you’ll choke again'.
Oh, he regretted coming back.
“— I- invited him to join to pay for the other day, you know! Besides, I didn’t force him to join.”
Tsubasa sighed. She turned to Udai-who was scratching his head about the best way to leave this place right now— and said, “Earlier you asked about Hatakeyama. He made it to join me for lunch, I suppose?”
“Oh? Udai-san asked about me?”
Welcoming Hatakeyama Jiro’s gaze that turned to him, Udai tried to smile despite having to force himself.
“Hm. He just asked why you didn’t come to lunch.” Tsubasa answered on Udai’s behalf, “Then I said you had business.”
Returning from Tsubasa, Hatakeyama Jiro added, “Yes. I had a little business before. Well, this kid is not so reliable—”
“— so I have more responsibility to do this and that.”
“What are you talking about? I’m doing my part just fine!” Tsubasa fumed, almost throwing the chopsticks at Hatakeyama.
Hatakeyama sneered after hearing Tsubasa’s self-defense.
Udai didn’t feel like he belonged here. Rather than witness this lovely interaction between two lovers flirting with each other, he would a thousand times prefer to listen to Akaashi’s thundering critiques in the office. He regretted, truly regretted coming back instead of leaving when he had the chance.
“Say, Udai-san,” Hatakeyama Jiro’s call surprised him.
“Was Sasaki really this annoying back in high school?”
“Ha? Why do you ask such things, Hatakeyama?”
“Say, Udai-san, has she been this childish since then?”
“Ah, right. Udai-san is your Senpai, there’s no way he’ll be able to answer that objectively.”
You’re wrong. I was her boyfriend.
“Ah! You’ve talked way too much!” Tsubasa grumbled, catching a gyoza with her chopsticks and immediately feeding it to Hatakeyama Jiro forcefully.
“H-hey! Can you do it a little nicely?” With his mouth full of gyoza, Hatakeyama Jiro covered his mouth with his hand while grumbling to Tsubasa. “You really don’t have any manners to a Senpai— you could hurt my mouth!”
Still grumbling, Tsubasa muttered, “The gyoza is good. You should try it.”
The other two returned to Udai.
There was silence after Udai’s last words. A statement that answered Hatakeyama Jiro’s previous question. A late answer.
“Also... she is very bright.”
Udai couldn’t dare look at Tsubasa after saying his answer. It was nothing. Just a pure natural urge that came from within him to defend Tsubasa from all those accusations of having been the one who knew Tsubasa so well even if only briefly, the sentence passed his lips. Voiced softly without regret.
Hatakeyama Jiro was there to break the silence with his response. A hum, which was then followed by another questions. “Then, has she always liked reading manga? Like... have you ever caught her spending time reading manga?”
“Yes. Manga. Has she always been a manga maniac—”
“H-hey, Hatakeyama—”
“You know, Udai-san, this kid sometimes steals time to read manga in between her work breaks. She has a stock of manga in her desk drawer to read every break.”
“I don’t know about the details, but, clearly it’s something about Zombies…”
“This is your last warning, Hatakeyama.”
“Hora, something recommended to me, Sasaki.”
“That manga you recommended— was it called Zombie Knight or something else?”
Tsubasa sighed, his eyes glancing at Udai before she said. “You know, we should talk about your timing next time, Hatakeyama.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Hatakeyama-kun, let me introduce you once again to Udai Tenma-san; the creator of Zombie Knight Zomb’ish manga that you were talking about.”
There was silence after Tsubasa introduced Udai to Hatakeyama Jiro once again.
Udai glanced at Tsubasa before he returned to Hatakeyama Jiro, deciding to lower his hand again after raising it awkwardly to greet Hatakeyama Jiro. Waving was certainly not a good choice. His laughter was thin and awkward, almost insincere.
“Ah! So Udai-san is the mangaka of Zombie Knight?”
“So what?” Tsubasa replied, “After this you’re still going to say that manga is only for kids?”
“Hey, come on! That one’s because you’re childish.”
“Ha!? Don’t make so many nonsensical excuses for your insulting statement!”
Hatakeyama Jiro turned to Udai, “Speaking of manga, it’s an honor to know that you’re the very author of Zombie Knight, Udai-san,”
“A-ah... thank you.” Udai said awkwardly.
Hatakeyama Jiro turned back to Tsubasa, “That’s why you’ve been reading Zombie Knight so diligently, apparently.”
“This kid,” Hatakeyama Jiro’s hand pointed at Tsubasa as he turned to the stunned Udai, “she really likes your manga.”
The world stopped once again.
“Not only that she kept it in her drawer, one day, she wouldn’t stop talking about your manga and gave everyone the hassle of having to listen to everything she said. Not to mention how every week she would go to the bookstore just to buy the latest edition— ah, last time you, remember? She also got the latest series of your manga to bring to the office.”
“H-hey! What’s so wrong with that? I have taste, you know! Besides, the story is that good!”
Udai created Zombie Knight Zomb’ish with a little hope that people—anyone—would be able to enjoy the stories and drawings he created with pleasure. Although something about zombies was definitely not something that would make someone read with a beaming face, he still hoped that there were those who looked forward to the manga wholeheartedly.
So far, through the small inspections he had done, seeing the public’s enthusiasm for his manga was something to be proud of. That his hard work was welcomed with open arms by manga readers.
About whoever’s part it was, no matter what age, Tsubasa was the part of it. However, that was before he realized that she was actually one of them. When he finally come to a realization, it only further fed his greed for something he couldn’t reach, shouldn’t.
Crap. Udai would never stop thinking about Tsubasa when he worked on his manga.
This encounter had brought too much catastrophe, truly.
His world was about the woman beside him, his eyes caught her. For a moment, he forgot that there was another pair watching them. His chest was tight. His heart throbbed painfully, desperately wanting to get out and leap into her palm, eager to be held tight like before. He had crossed the line. He was Greedy, too greedy.
In the world that go by on the outside of Udai’s momentarily dead world, realizing that he had been staring for too long, Tsubasa quickly shift her gaze away from Udai. Looking too confused to respond to anything that was going on.
“W-well... it’s not that it’s odd if I’m supporting something that my Senpai’s working hard about, right?” Tsubasa added, feeling uneasy, “After all, it’s written for everyone, all ages and I just like that it’s well-drawn—”
A second later, something happened.
Perhaps because of being too flustered, Tsubasa became nervous and accidentally nudged her glass and ended up spilling the ocha onto Udai’s t-shirt. A white t-shirt.
“Ah! Geez— I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! I really didn’t mean to!”
“There you go,” Hatakeyama Jiro said lazily.
“A-ah, it’s alright, it’s alright.”
Hatakeyama Jiro picked up the tissue box and hand it to Udai.
“Thank you, Hatakeyama-san.” Udai took the tissue and started wiping his t-shirt.
“Ah, what should I do about this? Udai-san, I really didn’t mean it, I’m sorry!”
Udai gave Tsubasa a glance. Compared to this, the fact that you read and liked my manga so much was still ten times more surprising. So, “Ah, it’s okay.”
Hatakeyama Jiro sighed, “That’s you, Sasaki. Always so careless.”
Tsubasa bit her finger, feeling guilty at what she had done to Udai’s T-shirt. Then, she decided to grab a tissue and help a little, but Hatakeyama Jiro held her back.
“You, stay still,” his hand held Tsubasa’s, as the other grabbed the tissue from her hand and helped wipe the remains of the ocha on her table.
Udai’s hand movements slowed down watching that.
“You might spill the rest later. That would be twice as troublesome.”
Then, he heard Hatakeyama Jiro sigh again, “You’re as clumsy as always, Sasaki. What a mess you’re causing now.”
“Ah~ It was a white T-shirt.”
Hatakeyama Jiro’s words added guilt to Tsubasa’s shoulders, the next second, she began to shower Udai with words of apology until finally Udai was almost impatient when he answered. However, he quickly brushed it off and said, “It’s alright. I’m okay.”
It was nothing compared to what was going on the inside.
Tsubasa felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment as she watched Udai dab at the green tea stain on his shirt with a tissue. She had been so absorbed in her work that she hadn't noticed her ocha was precariously perched on the edge of her desk, and had accidentally knocked it over with her elbow.
Tsubasa hung her head in shame, mortified at her mistake. However, Udai was quick to come to her aid. "It's alright. It was just an accident," he said.
Hatakeyama Jiro, however, had other plans about it, “You should at least do something about it, Sasaki,”
“Well, like for example, you take it home and wash it yourself. It’s only fair,”
“Oh, it’s alright. No need to bother.” Udai cut in immediately. “After all, there aren’t that many stains.”
That’ll be a very bad idea.
“... Very well, I’ll… I’ll do it.”
Udai paused for a moment, almost tempted by the idea. But he quickly shook his head, “No. There’s no need to be bothered about it. This is enough.”
“But as Hatakeyama said before, it’s only fair that I wash your t-shirt after spilling the ocha.”
But Udai shook his head, insisting it wasn’t necessary. Before Tsubasa could argue more, Udai’s phone rang.
The phone was on the table. Udai spent a few moments thinking before taking the call. His hand was careful as he picked up the phone, as if hiding something evident there.
At a glance, he saw Akaashi’s name on the phone screen so he immediately answered the call. Another matter was waiting for him somewhere. That day, Akaashi was his savior. He would thank him later.
That was how Udai had finally been able to exclude himself from that panel, forgetting that he had not been able to offer any apologies.
“Excuse me for a moment, I— toilet.”
After Udai’s back disappeared from her sight, Tsubasa slumped limply in her seat. After quite a while just burying her head in her palms, also cursing herself, she finally lifted her head and straightened up.
Her eyes moved from the pile of small pieces of octopus meat on a small plate to her wrist. Something in her eyes spoke of the intense sadness that was going on inside her chest, like the rain before a storm. The warmth of his touch enveloping her wrist was, inexplicably, colder than the last time she could remember.
But just a little, Tsubasa was happy. At least, Udai still remembered some things about her.
In the middle of her reverie, her phone rang. Hatakeyama Jiro’s name on the screen. “Moshi moshi?”
—--------------------------------------------------------
“Sasaki? Where are you? At the usual restaurant? I’m near, I’ll join you.”
—--------------------------------------------------------
“Eh? Weren’t you going to have lunch with Matsuda?”
—--------------------------------------------------------
“She went to have lunch with her team. She said they are going to talk about the month-end project.”
—--------------------------------------------------------
Tsubasa sighed, “You know, Hatakeyama, about that, you should pay attention to your timing after this.”
—--------------------------------------------------------
“Ha? What are you talking about? Just wait right there, I have good news.”
—--------------------------------------------------------
Perhaps, with Hatakeyama around, the atmosphere between her and Udai would be better. After all, she also wanted to know what good news her coworker had brought after a conversation with their vice director.
Putting away her phone, Tsubasa’s eyes wandered to where she last saw Udai’s back had disappeared. Making sure he hadn’t returned from there or from any other direction, she checked out what she was carrying in her small bag. She pulled out a small mirror and began to tidy up her appearance.
********************************************************
Udai closed the water faucet after drying his hair and face with a tissue. One last check to make sure his appearance was a little better than before, and he confidently walked out of the restroom.
Just before he rejoined Tsubasa, Udai stopped. Then he changed his direction. Instead of joining Tsubasa right away, Udai decided to stop by the cashier.
“Ah,” Udai mentioned the number of the table where they were seated, “If that woman sitting right there orders the lunch menu like she ordered today on the other day, please tell the chef to remove the octopus pieces from the menu. She has a very bad octopus allergy.”
“Ah, alright then. I’ll let the chef know right away.”
Udai and the cashier bowed to each other.
