#hadelis

It is overwhelming for him, sometimes. He has so many memories, too many memories, and they all get tangled often. He often wakes up scared and confused, believing himself to be back in that horrible chapel he grew up in…or he wakes up, believing he is still on the run from the law, all sweaty and anxious…but the worst times are when he wakes up, believing the two of us are much younger, back when we were together the first time. He cringes away from me, crying and begging me not to hurt him.

They call us queer, gay, faggots, all those sorts of words. I used to get angry at them, for being so blatantly rude and accusatory, for making him, my love, flinch…but now I merely smile, because their words are true, and finally, finally, I have learned to accept that.

Sometimes, when I see him walking away, I wonder if he won’t return. I know I cause him trouble, I know I am a lot to handle…I worry that I might be too much for him, and that he will someday give up on me, leaving me, abandoning me at our home to rot. He always comes back though. Always.

He makes a sound, when I touch him one morning. It’s a small sound, so small that I don’t even know if it is real, or just my imagination. However, his flinch, his flinch his very real. The sound, the flinch, they were both a warning. Sometimes, it was best to leave him be, when he was like this. So I do.

You are beautiful, beautiful like the sky. You say you aren’t, though, you deny your beauty…you say you are imperfect. The sky is imperfect too, though, I tell you. The sky is full of stars that glitter beautifully, that fill the night sky with wonder. Stars aren’t like scars you tell me, but I refuse to believe that. I know you are beautiful, I know it with all my heart.

AJ (sebby-writes)

AJ (sebby-writes)