#guiltyfemcel

You remember the day Joost had pulled you home, eagerly showing you every room in his house and making you promise you would treat it as your own. Yet all the places Joost had tugged you into with a big smile were all places you felt like an outsider. A week ago you felt wrong even sliding into the inviting warmth of his bed, and in a way you were right, it brought on thoughts you weren’t ready to come to terms with. You figured you had the time to work through them but as your phone buzzed in your hand and his face flashed on the screen you realized it was much worse than you thought.

A couple of weeks ago you would’ve never felt so frenzied at the thought of a simple text from a friend. But here you were, feet cemented in place as the implication of his words rattled in your brain.

“Got time to talk?” He said, “Yeah sure ofc!” you responded a little too quickly. But then he surprised you, threw you off when he said “can we call?”. You and Joost weren’t strangers to a phone call, many times had he called you slurring his words after a night out. Shouting into the microphone about how they played a song you would’ve loved, crooning as he told you he tried your favorite drink and it was ass. This had gone both ways of course, you calling him and saying something so embarrassing he would repeat it back to you for months.

But now you hesitated, knees shaking as the phone rumbled in your hand. You weren’t the biggest fan of phone calls, but this sinking feeling wasn’t just from the echo of the ringtone of the air. For some odd reason you felt as soon as the call went through, Joost would hear a change in your voice. He would somehow sense an extra sweetness in your voice, honeyed words birthed from lingering thoughts through the weeks. You also knew though, if you didn’t answer he would definitely know something was wrong, a shift in the dynamic or the sharp silence between you.

You wished you could freeze time, weigh the options as the phone settled in your hand. But you knew time was fleeting, each ring a clump of sand sliding through the bend of an hour glass, each second giving him more of an excuse to ask you what took so long. So you held your breath and pressed against the smooth glass, hoping your hand was steady enough you wouldn't press the wrong button, and waited as the call sprung to life.

His name taunted you on the screen as there was a bloated pause, it lasted so long you had to check to make sure your volume wasn’t muted. Joost broke the silence first.

“Uh, helloo?” He sounded almost timid through the static of the voice call.

“Oh! Uh yeah, hi!” You cringed at how fast you responded. “um, how are you, everything good?” You slapped a hand over your face. Jesus, this isn’t a work call.

You heard his laugh ring through the speaker, thanking god for the fact he chose to do a voice call, glad he wasn’t able to see the goofy face it caused to form. You heard him take a breath and a creak from a chair. Suddenly feeling foolish letting yourself think it would be any different this time, anxiety almost melting away just hearing his voice. You almost forgot how genuinely comforting his company could be.

“God, you don’t have to be so proper with me. Has it been that long!” You could hear the smile on his face, could almost picture him slouched in his chair. Lackadaisically poured into the cushioning with his hand engulfing the phone against his ear.

“Sorryy, who is this again?” You tried to stifle the giggle bubbling through, failing when his shrill laugh ripped through the phone. Your eyes fell to Onion, who still sat in front of you. His ear perked at the sound of Joost’s voice, tail knocking into the chair behind him as it shook.

“Y’know Onions right here with me, he perked up when he heard your voice…” Your voice trailed off as you scratched the fluffy dog, cooing ‘aint that right, boy’ when he leaned into the touch.

“…That's why you called, right?”

“Uhh, yeah! Just homesick I guess.” There was a pause before he spoke, like he had to hold himself back from saying something.

“Well he’s been showing me around lately, he brought me to some interesting stuff actually.” You stepped closer to the record player, leaning down to look at the hanging picture.

“Yeah…? like what?” Joost’s voice was softer now, tentative like he was waiting on the edge of his seat for what you would say next. A part of you wanted to avoid talk of the pictures you had seen displayed in his house, scared bringing it up would reveal how deeply it had affected you. Like the sickly reverence would seep through the cracks and right into his hands, slipping through the gaps in his fingers and staining every thing between you. Yet you couldn’t stop yourself from speaking once you heard his voice, It was impossible for you to speak to him and not start spilling your guts.

“Well, when I woke up Onion was sitting by your record player in the corner here. You’ve got a cute little setup going.” Despite the thumping in your heart your voice sounded smooth. You leaned closer to the display, reaching out to brush your fingertips against the satiny finish of the picture.

“The music was actually blasting, I’m surprised I even noticed these little decorations you got here. Do you always leave your records under the needle?” You tried to be discreet about bringing up the picture, sandwiching what you really wanted to say between fluff. You painted a lighthearted facade despite the way your cheeks burned when you saw it.

“No, not always, but I like to listen before I set off. I’ll usually play it as I write, I’ll sit in the chair right where it’s loudest and write out what I’m thinking or how I feel. That's where my best work comes to me and Onion’s probably leaving fur all over.”

His voice worked like medicine for you, targeting spots of stress and melting them away like streams in the rain. Listening to him speak so tenderly about the intricate simplicities of his life made you feel closer to him.

“I bet you’ve seen the picture too huh?” His voice rumbled through the strange feeling bubbled up in your throat, you’re not sure exactly where this was leading even though you’re the one who brought it into conversation.

“Yeah, it’s cute! when was this again…?” Ok. very nonchalant. Casual, even.

“Oh don’t act like you don’t remember! That was that good bar a couple streets down. When a bunch of people canceled and then out of the last two, one got really drunk and had to be carried home by the other. We were the last ones left.”

The moment of reminiscing made your heart swell, the static speaker did nothing to hide the sweetness in his voice as he recounted the moments.

“Oh I remember, I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t expect to see it taped here.”

“Well… why not?” He smoothly responded.

“Oh umm…” You actually hadn’t thought that far ahead. It really shouldn’t be that weird, he had plenty of pictures littered around his house like stars, lighting up the wallpaper in every direction. There was no real excuse for you to be feeling any more special than his other friends. But you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a difference between how you were displayed. Maybe it was wishful thinking, the quiet hope that as he hung up your pictures he used more love and care than he did for anyone else. Why else would you be found everywhere he was bound to spend a moment in.

“So how is the tour? Where are you headed now?” You asked though you knew the answer already.

“It’s tiring but I swear I wouldn’t ask for anything more. Tonight is Austria, then Prague. The traveling is a lot but god it’s so worth it to hear the people. It’s unreal and… hard to explain.”

Hard to explain, he says, you fight not to overthink the little phrases but you fail that battle quickly. Does he mean that he finds it hard or that you would struggle to understand? Sometimes you felt this distance between you was far greater than the miles on the road. As if each ticket pushed you farther from him, into a world of flashing lights and outstretched hands. You feared being left behind more than anything, scared of freezing as a picture in a frame while he went out and changed lives.

“Yeah, I guess I'm not one to be in the spotlight…” A simple statement that felt more like you were bearing your heart to him. There was a part of you that wished he would deny your deprecation, say you two were more alike than you thought. It never came.

“It’s so different up there. Like, I could be full of anxiety all night, scared I'm gonna let everyone down or fail to live up to their expectations. But as soon as I hear the first beats of music or feel the anticipation of the crowd it just… melts away, like it was never there. You might not get it but…”

Your brain shut off at those words.

You might not get it

The end of his sentence dissolved into the air, the words bouncing off the walls of your brain. They hurt more than they really should. Though you knew he meant no harm, it still sunk deep into your skin and embedded itself like a tick.

“Yeah, I guess… I might not.” Unspoken emotion seeped out of every word.

“Thats okay, like I said, it’s just different.” He seemed so dismissive from across the borders, so… indifferent.

Before you could continue to spiral into your own head, you heard the softest scratching at the door. You asked Joost to hold on as you pattered towards the door, as the whining grew louder you knew exactly what was waiting for you on the other side.

“Y’know, I don't think I’ve ever met a dog so clingy!” You chuckled as a black and white fluffy mass poured into the room, tail hitting the door as he looked up at you. His body could barely contain the excitement from the anticipation of an incoming pet, hips swaying viciously as he tried to sit and be good. You tilted your outstretched hand upward and he exploded in affectionate energy. Unable to decide if he wants to lick your hand or roll over for belly rubs, he ends up contorting half way until you lean down to give him your full attention.

“Oh I bet I can guess who that is, I can hear his tail slapping the ground.” Joost stated through the phone, The canine's tail hitting the ground so hard you were surprised there wasn’t a dent in the floor.

“You think he’ll recognize my voice?” Joost continued. “Max! It’s me! remember?” Max barely looked up, too enthralled with the way you scratched his sweet spot. His foot thumped like a bunny as you made cooing noises at him.

“To be honest, I don’t think he realizes you’re speaking” You watched as he flopped over in ecstasy, switching to rubbing the soft fur on his underbelly. When you pulled away, Max looked up at you with the biggest brown eyes as if to say “thank you!”.

“You should’ve seen him when I first got him, he’d flinch if I brushed up against him while walking past. It was so heartbreaking, until one day he just… stopped, I guess he realized his past life was in the past.” You walked back towards Onion, still sat in the chair, as Joost recounted his first memories with Max. You sat in the space beside the small dog, Max followed your every move. He followed you across the room and planted himself at your feet, tilting his head as you looked down at him with a smile.

When you first met Max you were enamored, he seemed to battle between two versions of himself. One side wanted to run from you, the fear of you hurting him as the wind in his sail. The other side was drawn towards you, seeing you as a fresh source of affection and ear scratches. He alternated between the two frequently, chasing you down for attention and promptly scurrying away when he felt you moved too quickly. This pattern repeated and repeated, until Joost couldn’t bear to watch anymore.

Back when Joost was still walking you through the care process, when he was still home, he was rambling on about serving sizes and grooming days when your eyes drifted to the tuft of fur peaking around the corner. When you made eye contact with Max he perked up, tail wagging viciously as Joost droned on in the background. You looked away quickly in an attempt to gain his trust. You tried to refocus your attention on Joost, nodding and watching his plush lips form daily tasks and tips, but your head snapped away when you heard the clack of claws stalking closer.

Max had inched closer, head bowed as you locked eyes with him. You wanted so badly to earn his trust, turning your body towards him as you sat at Joost’s kitchen table. But as soon as the chair squeaked under your weight Max flinched hard and scuttled away.

“You’re not listening, are you?” Joost’s dissatisfied voice cut right through your thoughts.

“What? Nooo! I heard you…” If your tone of voice didn't tip you off, he would definitely notice the hurt in your eyes as Max slinked out the room.

“So what did I say?” He tipped his head as he questioned you.

“Uhhh…” You truly tried your hardest to recall anything he’s said in the past five minutes, you ultimately failed.

“Listen if you really want to get on Max’s good side, I can just show you.” He swept his hands against his dark wash jeans, seemingly tired of explaining, and pushed himself out of his chair. Before you could defend yourself he was crossing across the room to reach into a cabinet above the counter.

“I had to put them up here because Abba figured out how to open the cabinets.” Joost pulled out a small plastic bag half full with soft bone shaped chews.

“Is bribery really gonna work?” You felt skeptical as he shoved the bag into your chest, a meaty scent hitting your nose immediately.

“This is just the bait.” His long legs take him across the room, you watch as he pulls open the kitchen door and disappears through the frame. You can hear him calling out from the other room so you scuttle towards the door with a vice grip on the treats, bumping into Joost as he stands on the other side. Your face warms rapidly as you push yourself off the plush fabric of the back of his sweatshirt, realizing he’s calling Max and not you. Joost turns to look at you with a cheeky smirk gracing his lips. You can see the snarky comment bubble into his throat, but it fizzes away when the soft tap of paws hit the hardwood.

“Oh! He's coming. Here, hand me those.” You held out the plastic bag to him, he didn’t spare you a glance as he reached out in your direction. Joost’s hand engulfed yours around the pouch, your heart felt strange as his warmth encapsulated your hand. The soft brush sent electricity through your fingertips. Your gaze traced his arm up to his turned face, blue eyes turned away from yours as he focused on the dog across the room. You silently admired the focus pulling his blond brows taught but quickly willed your brain to concentrate on the task at hand.

Max’s ears perked at the sound of crinkling plastic, instantly intrigued by the prospect of a mouth watering treat. You watched his brown eyes dance from you to Joost's outstretched hand, trusting Joost enough to take a cautious step forward but not enough to close the distance between you. Max sat again before he called to him again, his dark tail swishing timidly against the tile floor as he cocked his head to the side.

“C’monnn, I know you want it.” His voice leaped in pitch as he tantalizingly waved the treat. It always made you smile to watch him interact with his dogs, the tenderness always made sure to peek through, it was evident how much time he spent to learn each individual personality and quirks. You watched as Max’s front paws shuffled closer, fighting against staying a safe distance between you and grabbing what was rightfully his.

Joost dropped to one knee, blue eyes locking with yours as he motioned for you to follow his lead. You sank down beside him, meeting his soft smile with a timid one of your own. You convinced yourself the tenderness in his eyes was a product of Max’s proximity, once again retreating from his gaze with a turn of your head. Max had decided he had enough, willpower melting away as he lunged forward for the tantalizing treat. He snapped his teeth around the soft bone, drool flying as he swallowed it nearly whole. Joost swiftly pulled out another one as Max swallowed thickly, but before he could pounce he shoved it into your hands.

You held the small treat between you, watched as Max realized the betrayal at hand. He looked at you, looked at the treat between your fingers, then at the empty space in Joost’s still outstretched hand. The air was heavy as you watched the gears in his head turn. Eventually he made a move forward, you stayed still as if a single movement would send him running for the hills. Timidly, Max moved towards you. Tail wagging as his defenses started to melt away. He gently pulled the treat from your fingers, dribbling drool on you in the meantime. You glanced back at Joost and he threw you an overzealous thumbs up, eyes crinkled shut from the wide smile stretching his lips.

“Why don't you try giving him a quick pet?” Joost watched as Max seemed to grow tender around you. You reached a tentative hand towards Max, who was partially distracted by the mouthwatering taste on his tongue, and brushed your finger tips against the top of his silky forehead. The loud smacking stopped as he realized what exactly he was feeling. You paused with him until Joost grabbed your elbow and guided your hand to scratch behind his ear, Max paused again at this but this time he leaned into it, head angled to the side as you applied more pressure. Almost instantly he forgot he didn't trust you, one leg thumping as you hit the perfect spot behind his ear.

“See? She's not so nasty, is she?” Joost's voice rang low beside you, His eyes on Max as he bared his stomach to your massaging hands. You don't think you've ever seen his eyes so bright as they are the moment Max finally warms up to you. The way Joost looked down at you and him in pure affection had been ingrained into your memory and played repeatedly and in moments like now, you couldn't help but to wonder if Max had only trusted you because he trusted Joost.

Since then Max had trusted you with anything, as long as you kept a steady supply of pets coming his way. But you never shook the thought of Joost whenever Max would plop over to bare his warm tummy to you. He flopped out in front of you as you padded from the bedroom towards the bathroom, ear still pressed against the smooth glass of your phone. Even as you made your way to the kitchen Max was close behind, eyes on your every move as you caught up with Joost. He spoke on about the beautiful things he had seen in every city, the people he met along the way and how he’s never seen so many people happy to see just him. At first, the sound of him speaking so fondly of the experience had brought you contentment, but the more he spoke the more you replayed what he said earlier.

You might not get it

Even though you knew he didn't mean it, you couldn't help but to wonder if what he said was a subconscious confession. You drifted around the kitchen and listened to him talk about the sweet life and the spotlight, swallowing down bile whenever Joost would mention the amount of people crowding outside the doors. He rambled on as your responses grew more dry, “mhm” as he recounted how many pictures he posed for, “wow…” when he told you about how the green room was filled to the brim with snacks. You looked down at Max as Joost carried on, lost in his giant brown eyes that were focused on only you.

It felt wrong to wish that Joost would focus on you like Max would, But that didn't stop you from fantasizing about him looking up at you like Max did. When you moved Max was with you, when you spoke he held onto every word. Even now as Joost spoke to you, you felt yourself zoning out at the thought of being his first priority, above the fans and the fame. Thinking of having him to yourself, the life you could live with just him and his little fur family. Your daydreams were harshly cut short by reality. You knew this little fantasy of yours was unrealistic and unfair. To try to put yourself in front of his livelihood, the one thing he spent so long striving to build. Maybe it was best for you if you stayed in the past chapter of his life, having one part of him was better than having nothing, right? It's not as if you could ever keep up with his demanding life anyway.

A heavy sigh split your lips, anxiety from a somber epiphany emerging through you like the carbonization in a shaken soda. You closed your eyes, shielding yourself from the hopeful gaze of Max as you reeled from a thought you weren't quite prepared for.

“Umm… You okay?” Joost rang again from the other side. You stammered as you were brought back to earth, realizing you hadn't said anything in too long.

“Uh, yeah!” you couldn't sound less convincing if you tried.

“Well I was just saying, I really miss you…”

Your heart skipped a beat, usually you would've loved to hear such charming words from him, but right now you felt so full of conflicting emotions that your brain short-circuited. the attempt to both be a good friend and to protect yourself from the fiery emotions bursting from your heart. You had to be honest with yourself, even if there were… feelings brewing for him, you could never keep up with his demanding lifestyle. You would fade out, become another face in the endless sea of fans, just a warm body he would have to come back to after seeing the world.

“Hey, are you still there?” His voice sounded pensive.

“Yeah, I'm still here…" Right where you left me.

You made a shoddy excuse about having to leave, hanging up before you could let him convince you to stay. Joost promised to call you again tomorrow, swore he would make enough time in the day. Typically your heart would beat heavily against your ribcage at that, but now you wondered if it was still beating at all. You must've had whiplash with how quickly you could build yourself up and back down again, it was almost funny how as the call went on you went from so delighted to a moping mess. You felt bad for turning so sour on Joost but you felt so betrayed by the picture of him you had painted in your mind. You couldn't help but get lost in the whirlwind of your mind, both indulging in the illusion of affection and punishing yourself for doing so.

After what seemed like forever you plopped down on his couch, having done as many chores to clear your mind as you could without collapsing. Of course the patter of paws was not far behind and soon there was an assortment of warm fur covering every plush surface around you. Abba laid across your feet and let out a heavy sigh, you pushed out a heavy sigh to match him. Max was the first to bombard you with energy, tail wagging as he looked up at you expectantly. You reached down solemnly and watched as he tenderly leaned into your touch. Looking at his tufts of soft fur and soft round eyes only reminded you of how you treated Joost earlier. Your heart wrenched and guilt bubbled in your chest, yet Max only looked at you with a tilted head and an open heart, trusting you to the fullest.

You felt yourself needing to talk about what happened despite the embarrassment you felt talking to Onion, the thoughts nearly bursted out of you as you now looked at Max. You let out another heavy sigh and spoke with hesitation.

“Max, can I be honest?’ The words were only met with a deep silence.

“I just have been feeling… well, so shitty.” You leaned down towards him, as much as you could with Abba restraining you.

“It's just that, Joost has been as good as he could be, making time for me even if he's busy, yet I punish him for emotions he doesn't even know I'm feeling.” You smoothed a hand from the smooth coat around the top of his head to the stubbly tufts at the bottom of his chin.

“I mean it's strange, I have intrusive thoughts that materialize so fast, by the time I realize it's not right I've already acted and the moment already feels so far in the past. I'm just reeling all the time, like, as soon as I feel somewhat stable, like how I felt before I met you, I guess… something that should be small offsets me like a nuke.”

You felt so confused and upset you actually felt tears well up in your eyes which only led you to feel frustrated and more confused.

“I just don't understand why I have to be so self destructive. Like none of this would be happening if I wasn't acting so weird. Joost trusted me enough to stay here and watch over you and I paid him back by lashing out and being cold, but why?”

A part of you knew exactly why, most of you knew exactly why, but the fear inside you was far more stubborn than any other part.

“Max, I think I'm scared of admitting something to myself.” As if Max could tell how choked up you were feeling, he pushed himself impossibly closer into your touch, whimpering as you furrowed your brow in uneasiness.

“Dont look so nervous, it's just-” You look across the room at where Onion is laying in his little plush bed. You felt foolish for what you were about to say, but feeling foolish hasn't exactly stopped you yet.

“Well before, when I was talking to Onion, I brought up how I don't feel like a good friend.” You trailed off briefly, thinking how you felt almost jealous of all the people who get to see him, all the attention Joost movies to his fans. To be put in the forefront of his mind so frequently was something you wanted for yourself, all for yourself.

You felt differently than you should when you saw your pictures hung around his house, not to mention how you felt watching those edits…

“But I think it's not being a good friend I'm looking for…” You feel the warm fur of Abbas underbelly against your feet. Mayo yawns in the corner, head resting on the back of another dog. Max looks up at you as you reach down to scratch behind his ear, he closes his eyes and thumps one leg softly as a hopelessly sweet smile on your face as you looked down at him.

“Max, I think I fell in love with Joost.”

Cars pass by outside the warm home, street lights flood through the cracks of the blinds. The street is quiet barring a quiet drip of rain sliding through the gutters. The hushed energy mirrored your surroundings, soft breaths and huffs surrounded you. The only thing that didn't match the atmosphere was the pounding of your heart. Even just saying what you had been avoiding for so long had your chest feeling like it was bound by a burning wire. Before you could notice you felt the same heat coating your face, hot trails of tears slid down your warm cheeks and you could only laugh at how insane you felt.

“I mean- how stupid could I be? Falling in love with him is-” You pause like saying it physically hurts you, saying it out loud makes it so much more real than you were ready to make it.

“Its just so stupid of me…’ You've finally run out of words, the only thing running through your mind was a hurricane of emotions. Your body shook as you laughed through the tears, which turned to soft sobs as you sat in the deafening silence of the room.

“How could I? Have I just set a bomb in our friendship?" You're not sure if you're asking Max or yourself, though at this point it doesn't matter, you've already convinced yourself the answer is yes. You let out a deep shaky sigh.

“Joost said he missed me on the phone today, and all I did was give him the cold shoulder. I regret it so much, how is it fair that he treats me the same as always and I start acting differently in retaliation?” You rubbed your hands roughly across your face, hoping to wipe away your feeling but all you did was make your hand slick with tears.

“Maybe it will be okay.” A lie. “I can still love him, right? I just have to be careful of how strong that love goes.” You sniffled softly, by now Abba had turned to look at you, your huffs alerting him that something was wrong.

“I can do that, stay just close enough that I have him but not close enough to fall.” Max looked at you blankly, like he didn't believe it was possible.

“What other option do I have? Even if I told him how I feel, it's not like he would feel the same way…” Another empty look from Max, you were unsure how a dog could look so emotive (you pretended like you weren't imposing your own thoughts unto him).

“Joost seems like he would want someone who would be able to keep up with his lifestyle and I just… I can't, I'm not that type of person.” He couldn't love me back, It hurt too much to even say.

“Either way, he's not here so I still have time to get myself in check, I'll pretend for as long as I have to! Promise they'll be giving me an oscar for my performance, i swear! It'll say ‘best leading best friend!”

This worked well for a little while, meaning the time between your goal of becoming a top actor and the seconds before Joost's number flashing on your screen the next morning. You slid your thumb across the screen as you took a deep breath, telling yourself to remember what you said and putting on your best acting face.

He told you about his last concert in Austria, how he was getting ready to start heading towards Prague. You nodded along like he could see you as he complained about having to stay on the road so long. The bus hummed as he wished he could stay in each place, that being trapped on the bus was almost as bad as watching all the cities blur in the window. He even spoke about how Apson was getting on him for his ‘lack of promotion’, even putting on a facetious voice as he recounted their conversation.

“He said I'm not doing enough marketing, can you believe that?” Joost sounded so perturbed, you could almost see the way his hands gestured in dramatic anguish.

“Well… yes.”

“What! Oh not you too…”

“I mean honestly i've seen more content from your fans-” He cut you off with an exasperated groan.

“Jesus, you sound just like him.”

“Well maybe it's because we’re both right...” You stifled a laugh as you heard another, more dramatic groan from the other line.

Talking to him like this again made your heart fill with a warm heat, you couldn't wipe the endeared smile off your face if you tried. You stifled what you said to Max, choking down girlish giggles as you exchanged banter through the phone. You twirled a strand of hair as you responded to his questions of your day, telling him how working from home is much harder when Max keeps shoving his big head in front of your laptop. Joost laughed when you complained about Abba slobbering all over your slippers whenever you slept in for even ten minutes, how yesterday was the first day in a week you woke up with bone dry slippers.

You talked and talked about everything and nothing until Joost had to leave, lobbing promises of calling you again when he had a spare second. You waved a dismissive hand even though you knew he couldn't see, but even after the goodbyes there was a long silence on the other end, like he didn't want to hang up just yet.

“Before you go Joost, I just wanted to, well…” Words started spilling out of you before you could stop them or even think about what you were saying.

“I just wanted to apologise if I was being weird on the phone the other day. I'm not feeling like myself, that's all.”

“It's okay, I figured it was just nothing I guess…” So he had noticed.

“Yeah, it was nothing. Good luck at your concert, superstar.”

Joost Let out a soft squeaky chuckle at the nickname before the line when cold and dead. You had convinced yourself your acting was top notch until you felt the emptiness fill the room. Joost had noticed you were acting weird, he could've spent the day feeling like he did something wrong or making excuses for you when he did nothing wrong. The thought of him being distracted from your selfishness, balancing tour life and your sensitive outbursts made guilt fill your throat like bile. Nevertheless you swallowed it down, taking a deep breath and smoothing a hand over your face roughly.

The day dragged on like any other, with you pretending he wasn't consuming every corner of your mind by floating through your day to day chores.

You tried to scroll through social media as a way to distract yourself but of course Joost was every other post on your feed. Not even a simple cat video could play without an edit of Joost playing right after. After the fifth time you saw his face you loudly groaned and threw your phone across the room, watching as it bounced off of the couch and onto the floor. You pushed yourself off the plush cushions of the couch, despite having just sat down, and stumbled towards the kitchen.

The fridge hummed as you tugged it open, a soft light illuminating your features and cooling your fingertips as you poked around. Its contents were… honestly bleak, you took note of what you needed and decided to go to the store tomorrow, opting to get ahead of work while you ordered in tonight. So back to the couch you stalked, setting up your laptop and hoping the dogs wouldn't get into any trouble as you tried to get ahead in your work. Though, of course that wasn't the case.

Max immediately took your concentrated face as a cue to shove his face into your typing hands, whining and licking at your fingers as they tried to type through the chaos. You pushed him away once, twice before he even turned away from you but he decided even your shoving hands was enough affection.

“Max please, what could you possibly want from me.” Saying his name was a mistake you didn't account for, he only took it as affirmation that you would give him more attention that you couldn't spare. Though his back was turned to you his head tilted at the sound of his name, you passively scratched his head then tried to get back to your work. You focused strongly for about five minutes before he came back to beg at your feet. You tried to distract him by tossing a ball but that only excited Mayo, causing him to chase the bounding toy across the room and leave Max at your feet. You sighed, looking down at his big brown eyes and roused fur from when you haphazardly pet him, his tail wagged like even just your eyes on him raised his heart rate.

“Max, you are equally cute and distracting…” you were sure he would've barked a “thank you!” at you if he could, instead opting to wag his tail harder and place his head against your knee. Slobber soaked into your pants as you tried to ignore him once again, you only made it a couple more minutes before your mind started to wander once more. You had to be honest with yourself, less than half of your attention was on your work anyway. So, with an exasperated sigh, you stilled the hands that danced around your keyboard and flopped back into the feathery cushions of the couch. You relinquished any form of productivity, reaching for your phone with a troubled sigh, you started to judge your options. You scrolled and passed up options of fast food and places that had traumatized you with the worst cases of food poisoning and decided on your safest bet.

You took the time to look around the room you had been inhabiting for what felt like so long. For someone who spent so little time here, Joost knew exactly how to make it feel like his. You envied the scattered trinkets and plastered pictures, he made your home look like a hospital waiting room in comparison. You could hear him now, “You should never compare.” He would say, “If living in an Ikea display house makes you happy then whatever!” And he would laugh, and you would laugh with him.

Looking back, it was frustrating to think of how easy it was to fall for him, Joost was so naturally charismatic and kind. There wasn't a single moment where you felt he was inauthentic, or put up a front. It was a constant fact that you could be yourself when he was around and it must've led you to let your guard down. The bastard.

You almost hated how he had ripped your walls down without you noticing. When you had first moved you had never felt so alone and afraid, new faces at every corner you turned and new experiences to go with them. It was overwhelming and it terrified you.Yet when he swooped in it was like meeting an old friend, like someone you had known much longer than you lived. He felt so familiar and the instant sense of normalcy didn't go unappreciated on your part. It made you wonder how long ago you really fell for him. How long since this feeling has been sitting dormant inside you, swelling and intensifying slowly. Surging so timidly that it had burst before you even knew it and now you were here, failing to scoop the remnants back where they belong. You wanted so badly for things to go back to how they were, but you weren't sure it was possible.

It gave you a headache to think about, but you couldn't get yourself to think of anything else. In between the nauseating thoughts of his face you tried to get any form of work done, but every pause, any brief break you took to look away from the screen brought you back to him. You would type a few sentences, click a few links then sit back to think and be brought right back into that sickening feeling. Sucked into memories of the record store and long nights out together.

There was a point where it became too much. Even after eating and working you couldn't get yourself to think of anything else. One last heavy flop into the couch and you were resigning, you decided to start heading to bed. You trudged up the stairs with Onion and Max in your wake, you let the sweet thought of a shower pull you through the halls and into the bathroom. You set the shower to steaming hot, watching yourself fade in the mirror as the room filled with fog. The same pictures littering the glass, some even curling from the moisture sitting heavy in the air. The older pictures showed signs of damage, the ink around the corners bleeding and warping into each other. You noticed though, your picture had been covered in layers of clear tape, a handmade defence against the elements.

Stepping into the smooth porcelain tub you let the heat flow over you. Fragrant soap filled the warm air as you lathered it between your loofah. A deep sigh left your lips as you washed away the day.

Steam rolled out as you stepped out of the bathroom, the shower working wonders for your mood. Your skin glistened from your skin care and Joost's room now smelt like your lotion. You flopped on the bed with the biggest sigh and for once in your day felt content. Tugging the weighty duvet over yourself and letting the warm blanket over you you finally laid your head against the pillows and let your eyes flutter closed as you waited for the sweet peaceful embrace of sleep.

Except, it never came. You tossed and turned, tangling yourself between the sheets like an alligators death roll. You tried relaxing your body, focusing on releasing tension in each muscle from your toes to your finger tips, but the tension in your head was much more stubborn than any muscle. You even tried counting sheep, but you only got distracted after imagining so many pure white pelts. You resigned to doing the only thing you hadn't tried yet, shining a blistering light in your eyes and scrolling away until you couldn't anymore.

The night rolled endlessly on, your phone worked too well to distract you, quickly causing you to put sleep last on the list. You slid your finger against your phone, flipping through videos faster than you can watch them. Your eyes felt sore from the light, with a sigh you set your phone against your heart. You let the warmth spread through your chest as some video murmured in the background. The heat was strangely calming, a random video playing acting as white noise as you finally drifted softly. Your hand vibrated softly You hummed at the sensation before it vibrated again and you realized what was really happening. Pulling the phone back off your chest you checked your notifications.

It's Joost.

He's asking if you're awake and have time to call again, how polite! You waited before you clicked on the message, an exact and agonizing two minutes, How nonchalant…

You picked up the phone and were met with his grumbly voice, the faint hum and occasional thump of the tour bus as a backdrop. Your tired eyes fluttered shut as you spoke.

“Hey superstar, whatcha’ you up to?’ Your voice was just as grumbly as his, you wondered if he matched your faint smile.

“Nothing much, I was just thinking…” He trailed off shortly, sorting through the whirlwind of words he wanted to say.

“Ive been having such an… just unbelievable time here, I've dreamed about this for so long, y'know? But sometimes I just feel a little guilty ‘cause like…” He paused for so long you thought you had lost connection, you almost spoke into the phone but he finally spoke up.

“I just wish I could share this with the people I love, I feel selfish for wanting more but sometimes I just…”

“I don't think it's selfish at all Joost, I think It's charming that you could think of others while everyone's focused on you.” He sighed from the other side of Europe. You pictured him sprawled in his cramped tour bed, whispering as to not wake anybody in earshot.

“I know I know, but that's not what I was trying to say.” You heard Joost let out a humourless laugh, the sound of him scratching his light scruff faintly. Sleep eked out from his voice with every syllable, you felt it start to take hold of you, too. Your jaw stretched as you yawned heavily, you weren't sure how much longer you could stay awake.

“Just say what you're thinking, Joost.”

“I was just trying to say… I really wish you were here with me.”

You woke up laying on your dead phone with the sun peeking through the blinds. With a heavy groan you poured out of bed, judging by the lack of alarm and heat of your phone you must've fallen asleep mid call with Joost. You plugged in your phone and headed downstairs to pour the dogs breakfast. As you sectioned out food you thought of what you remembered from your call last night. In your sleepy state you recalled Joost's words, wishing you could be with him to experience the light of touring he was experiencing. The last thing you remember is the smile that graced your lips as he mumbled against your ear. It was hard not to think deeply into what he said. You wondered if he had said the same things to his other friends, if Joost had called them first and that's why he had been up so late after such a long day. But you relished in the possibility that he had saved those words especially for you.

You thought about his tour, what a big accomplishment in his career this truly is, and how even as he stepped further and further into it he still took the time to look back for you. You decided today, after the dogs have been tired out and taken on their walks, you would go out and get the best post tour gift you could find. As the day went on you thought about the stores you could stop into to get a gift for him. Maybe you could find a nice new pair of sunglasses for him, the ones he always looked at in the window when you would stroll by together. Maybe you could check the bookstore and see if there was something he might like, maybe The Little Prince or the collection of poems he would always glance at. Would it be too personal to get him something like that? Maybe just a card and a note would be good but that felt too… impersonal.

You let out a hearty huff, overthinking as you did your daily chores, mind wandering as you washed the dishes, sun gliding across the sky as you swept the floor. The time to go approached quickly, with you still fussing on what gift would be proportional to going on such a big trip. You decided to visit every store you had planned too, no amount of effort would be too much for Joost.

“Joost… Joost? You good bruh?” A voice broke Jost out of his stupor. He had been sitting hunched, staring at the glowing screen of his phone. He had been stuck, stunlocked into this haze since he had called you that night. Joost had been so vulnerable, so honest with himself and you, Yet you had said almost nothing back. “I miss you” He was being so honest, hoping you would look past the ambiguity and see how bad he was really yearning. But that would simply be too easy for him, you responded with “Of course Joost, i miss you too.” Saying his name in that sultry sleepy voice you had, making his head spin and his heart drop at the same damn time. The bitter cherry on top is when he tried to push further, to tell you he didn't wish for anyone else to be here with him, you had already slipped into slumber, soft snores echoing from his headphones. Joost said it anyway, spoke his feelings into the empty night so it could disappear into the sky like a shooting star. Then he fell asleep, cheeks blushed after having confessed that he couldn't have wished for anyone else. That he knew now that the amount of space you took up in his mind was far greater than any tour or music or person could compete with.

“Dude seriously, are you good? You've been like this all day man…” Joost barely looked up from his phone, sparing a swift glance before forcing out a “Yeah, im all good man” And sending whoever on their way, He didn't even catch their face.

What Joost really wanted to do was call you again, explain that what he meant was much more than he said. It bothered him that you were so far away from him, thinking he was just being friendly. He had worked himself up so much to even be able to say that much and for it to be shrugged off like that, nah he wasn't having it. Joost stuffed his phone into his pocket, slid a large hand across his face and scratching the light scruff at his chin.

See, he didn't want to come off too strong, couldn't just call you up and drop a bomb on you. “Oh yeah by the way, on the phone the other day when i said that thing what i really ment was its torture to not see your face for so long! Unless you were letting me down easy then just ignore me!” Stupid. And that little thought haunted him, maybe you knew exactly what he meant and felt too awkward to tell him that you didn't feel the same.

Even so, Joost had to know. He couldn't sit in a limbo state without being sure he had made it known how he truly felt. The only thing he truly feared was destroying the relationship he already had with you, but he had remembered what Tantu had said to him not too long ago.

“You can’t control how they feel about you, only how you respond.”

Those words had been the reason he had even thought to do this. Nevermind the fact Tantu never knew what Joost was really talking about, back when he was feeling anxious on the bus. And nevermind that fact it had taken him so long to build up the courage, even avoiding you for days to see if what he was experiencing was as long lasting as it felt. It was the worst few days of his tour. Usually when there were issues he could be sure to come to you. But you didn't, and he couldn't blame you. He could almost see you from across Europe telling yourself he was busy, that he didn't have the time to spend on you. But he did, and instead he spent it doing a stupid experiment that had stupid results that he would’ve known without the heartache.

He promised himself, sooner or later, that he would tell you how he really felt. No more hiding, no more beating around the bush, and no more pretending he couldn't stop thinking of you. And so Joost spent the rest of the day with you on his mind, in the background as he did soundchecks and run-throughs, in the forefront as he waited for fans to pour into the arena. He used you to get through the day, to build up adrenaline and to cool himself down after everything he's gone through.Thats exactly how he knew what he felt for you was really true.

A light bell rang as the storefront door closed behind you, hands disappointedly empty as you stepped out of the bookstore. Having browsed several stores and come up with nothing, your spirit had been effectively broken. The books Joost would've liked had been bought out, the clerk said there wouldn't be another shipment for a while. He must've seen the way your heart sank because he tossed a sulky “sorry” your way as you slinked out of the store. Now you were wandering around empty handed, racking your brain for alternatives to get him before the night grew too old. You only had one more idea you could try, but if it turned out like any of the many others you tried you would have to run home with your tail between your legs.

You stopped outside the record shop, taking a deep breath and smoothing a hand over your heart before you pushed through the threshold. A familiar face stood behind the counter as your nose was hit with a light papery musk and the sound of a faint record spinning. She didn't bother looking up before responding to the light ring of the bell hung above the door.

“Hello, welcome in! Just letting you know we’re gonna be closing- Oh I didnt realize it was you my love!” The older woman waved a hand at you as she threw you a sweet smile.

“Oh I'm sorry, are you closing soon? I can come back tomorrow-”

“Oh for you my love we can stay open as long as you need! Please, don't feel the need to rush, I miss seeing your face anyway!” You watched as she pulled a box of records from behind the counter, the word “returns” scrawled across the worn cardboard. She moved from behind the counter and you turned to walk through the aisles Joost would've started in before you overstayed your warm welcome.

“It feels so long since you last visited, where is that boyfriend of yours, huh?” Your polite smile dropped as the words were fully processed.

“Oh uhh ha.. We're not… He’s not my…” You could only laugh nervously at the thought that this woman thought you and Joost had been involved. How long

“Hes not? Well, are you sure?” She trailed off before mumbling under her breath “I mean, I've seen the way he looks at you, I'm not blind.” When the silence grew between you she continued to speak, her lighthearted tone returning to her voice.

“I'm sorry sweetheart, It’s just I’ve never seen you two separated before, I didn't mean to make any assumptions.”

“Oh it's ok! He's on a work trip right now, I'm actually here looking for something to give him when he gets back.” You scanned through the records with a soft smile, the thought of making Joost happy as soon as he got back playing through your head like a dream.

“Oh how sweet, what a good girlfriend you are!” You rolled your eyes and laughed softly, knowing by now you couldn't change her mind even if you tried your hardest. You decided instead to focus on your goal of number one best friend, following Joost's trail through the store that you've watched him trace so many times. The farther you went the more you grew more defeated as you tracked through the aisles. The more you looked the less you found, duplicates of records he had already had, albums he had ranted about hating to you, even the one album you two had made a joke of months ago still sat there mocking you. The cashier must've seen how your shoulders dropped further and further because she beckoned you over to where she was standing.

“Now, why have you got such a sad look on your face? Not finding what ur looking for?” you were surprised by how well she could read you, more surprised how honest you wanted to be with her.

“Yeah, it's just… I've been all over town and I haven't found anything he might like. Searched all his favorite shops and even some he had mentioned in passing and still nothing.” You started to fiddle with the trinkets by the checkout. Nonsensical stuff placed there to hike up the prices, keychains of popular records and figurines of famous singers. There was even a little stitch keychain that caught your eye, you twirled it between your fingers before the cashier spoke up again.

“Well… I have something he might like but you're not gonna find it in those boxes.” Her voice turned to a whisper. Speechless, you watched her move towards the front door, switching the neon sign off and locking the door. If this was some plan to kidnap you, It was working extremely well. She walked right past you to the back of the room, opening the employees office and sliding inside without a word. You stared at the cracked door for a long moment, was putting yourself in such a strange position really worth it?

“Of course I'll need your help to make it. C'mon, what's taking you so long?”

You heard her voice from beyond the threshold and you found yourself pushing past the doors before you could think.

Not long after, the sun had sunk deep into the sky and you found yourself back at the front of the store, thanking the clerk as she unlocked the door for you.

“Seriously, you have no idea what a big help that was, I was starting to lose hope before you swooped in! Now, how much do I owe you?” You clutched the small paper bag containing Joost's gift against your chest.

“Oh please! All I ask is that you listen to this. You and that boy, whatever you want to call him, you remind me of me and my partner when we were younger. Always dancing around each other, acting like we couldn't see what was going on. Now I look back and think how much time we wasted playing coy when we could've just been in love.”

Listening to her be so vulnerable with you made your walls crumble effortlessly, maybe it was from having spent the last hour or so confined in a room with her, or maybe it was the quiet of the night that made you want to be honest with her.

“If I can be frank, I'm just a little scared. I don't want to ruin what we already have, is it really worth it?” you let out a heavy sigh, she was pensive for a moment, looking at you with a knowing sweetness in her eyes.

“Well when I was in your position, It felt like being trapped between a rock and a hard place. The comfort of what we knew was so warm, and the fear of destroying it was so, so cold. But I had to ask myself, could I live the rest of my life knowing I never even tried? Sometimes it's best to be a little selfish and to reach out for what you want most. Plus, he and I were such good friends, would it be so easy to ruin that?” She slapped a supportive hand on your shoulder like she didn't just drop the most insightful words you've heard all year and pulled the door open in one swift motion.

The bell rang softly as you stepped out of the store, you turned back to offer a thank you or anything but nothing came out. She spoke before you did.

“Just ask yourself, are you happy where you are?”

Fur flittered at your feet when you finally got home, you trudged up the stairs and tossed the paper bag containing Joost's gift across the room. You didn't expect to be so drained only to come home with one bag, but in a way you were grateful. If you hadn't gone to the record store so late in the day you would've never gotten to have such a profound conversation, or worse, you never would've gotten Joost's gift. You chalked it up to burnt toast theory and laid the day to rest.

The morning was so young the sky was just a faint dust of blue, night still waving goodbye as the sun began to roll above the horizon. The house was quiet and still, the faint chirp of the birds outside a soft backdrop to your early morning. You brought yourself to flop onto the couch, happy to start the day but far too tired to be in motion so early. Max didn't hesitate to weasel his way close to you, climbing onto the couch and curling up against your chest like a lap dog. You scratched behind his ear and smiled as he completely melted under your touch, it was nice to have a steady, sweet morning with them.

You wondered if Joost had been in your same position. The thought of sharing this moment crossed your mind, curled up beside him on a cool morning and fighting max over who can get the most contact from Joost. A part of you wanted to feel afraid of the daydream, but for once, you didn't. You allowed yourself to relish in the feeling, leaning into the warmth and butterflies instead of swatting them away. Being vulnerable doesn't have to be so scary, you know now that sometimes it can just be.

Max jostled over your chest as you laughed aloud. ”Jesus, what an epiphany, huh?” Max only wagged his tail as he watched you drag your hand across your face and sigh heavily. This time though, there was a smile plastered across your face. No fear, no acting, and no more hiding.

Your gushy thoughts were cut off when you felt your phone vibrate against your chest, you swiped it open to see a notification from Instagram. Joost’s name was all you saw before you tapped your thumb against the stream.

Joost was laying back in his tour bus, the same early sun shining behind him as he read from the chat as it flew across the screen. His voice was low, still laced with sleep in a way that made your heart ache. Joost's words fell onto deaf ears as you watched the screen, His blue eyes framed with yesterday's dark makeup, grumbly voice already sounding jovial despite the early morning. You watched with a smile as he said good morning to everyone watching, raving about being on tour and the mixture of bliss and exhaustion. You pretended he was talking to you and only you.

With a full heart, you looked on as Apson popped on the screen. Laughing along like you were there when Joost posed into the camera, having to stifle garish giggles when Apson scolded him for his lack of album promotion. You were briefly tempted to click a little button and see if Joost would let you join the live, but the thought of all those eyes on you stops you. You were happy to watch from your warm couch in the arms of Max and the company of all the others. It was nice to see his face and how laid back and happy the tour was, you thought of all the stories he'd have to tell you when he finally got back.

Eventually the screen went black and the comments stilled, you set your phone back against your chest and sighed deeply. You could only think of how his tour had made you feel a little closer to him, even though you were so far apart. Your phone felt warm against your heart, you relished in the feeling until you felt it rumbling against your ribcage. You lifted the screen and were met with the blushing picture of Joost you had set as his picture, this time, you didn't wait to answer.

This call was different in a few ways, you were actually met with his face for once. Both of you laying back as the morning sun grew higher in the sky, you could see the faintest blush against his cheeks as the call blipped to life. But also he started the call in a new way, in a way that had your expression reacting before you could stifle it, voice still gruff from the early morning and the strain of performance and he spoke to you.

“Good morning, beautiful”

•*⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧ *•*⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧*•

•ᴥ︎• a/n2: constructive criticism always appreciated lmk if this was too much. i fear i get lost in the little details too much </3

Hamzah’s voice cut through the colorful cacophony of sound in your shared living room. The room was dressed up with streamers and balloons, almost every surface was covered with half empty solo cups and paper plates smeared with cake icing. The coffee table was the most cluttered, featuring a mangled cake that used to say “happy 900k”.

This party really was an excuse for you to get Hamzah to interact with other people in a casual setting again. You were close with him and loved his company of course but everyone needs a break after pouring so much into one project. The sun had long set at this point, the constant flow of drinks keeping the atmosphere warm and loose. There was an array of different liqueurs that was brought by your friends and goddamn was it being put to use.

Six people sat around the room, the merriment was palpable as they played a drinking game. You were honestly nervous when Martin suggested a drinking game, more nervous when he said “truth or dare”, but it was difficult to be uncomfortable in their friend group and you quickly relaxed as the game progressed. You played many rounds, torturing each other with dares and forced confessions.

You watched as it unfolded, Chase dared Martin to streak around the block in his boxers, which he did suspiciously eagerly. Martin dared Chase to do the same but he only laughed as he drank, saying his “sleeper build is gonna stay asleep”. Chase asked you to talk about the most embarrassing date you’ve had, you told them about when your date got so drunk he spoke about john wick for 40 minutes, berated the waitress for not bringing a drink he didn’t ask for and then proceeded to throw up on both of you. They couldn’t help but to laugh as you hung your head “Its not funny guys they kicked us out and i had to drive him home…”

You dared Claire to call her mom on speaker and watched as she grimaced when her mom said hi to only Hamzah and then yapped for 10 more minutes. Mandy took a huge swig when Claire asked her if she used her horny sims mod to “digitally cuck” herself. Mandy dared Hamzah to dm his crush in Instagram, but forced him to take a drink when he turned his phone to everyone. The screen brandished a “wyd” text to Duke Dennis.

“He’s gonna start thinking you’re being serious if you keep this shit up” you said through the laughter of everyone.

It went downhill fast as everybody watched Hamzah prepare his dare for Martin. He sauntered around the room, pouring each warm half drunk drink into one red cup. Everyone watched in horror as he stood above the mangled cake and plopped a hefty amount into the discolored mixture.

“For my noob in crime, i’ve created The Slush ™.” He announced as he swung the cup low enough for everyone to see the devious concoction. He handed it to Martin, who paled as he looked down at a cake iceberg in a poison sea.

“That looks like dishwater…” Mandy spoke bluntly from beside him.

“Can you not say that right before i have to drink it? Please?” Martin pleaded, it was evident he was fighting with himself. The room stilled as you watched him take a deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Everyone shared his grimace as he forced the cup to his lips, tipping it back before yanking it from his lips.

He gulped, then he chewed.

Time stilled as you all watched his expression fall to one of complete remorse, he pried his mouth open to barely squeak out.

“…s-so chunky…..”

You couldn’t stop yourself from gagging comically loud in response to his soggy voice, but then he really gagged, then wretched so hard his body shook. He was gone from the room soon after, racing out the room with Mandy close behind.

“ Don’t feel bad, he was probably gonna throw up anyway” Claire patted you on the shoulder tenderly

“That was fuckin’ hilarious though”

Mandy eventually came back in the room, explaining it was Martin’s ‘bedtime’ now and they had to leave. You said your Goodbyes and it wasn’t long until Chase and Claire did the same. This left you and Hamzah in the after math alone.

You both sat at opposite sides of the couch, he scrolled on his phone, presumably changing the music as the speaker played a more mellow, bass-y song. You briefly rode the waves of the alcohol rushing through your veins, but forced yourself to a standing position anyway. Hamzah didn’t look up from his phone as you left or when you came back with a black trash bag. Only saying something when your back was turned, tossing empty cups and plates into the plastic bag.

“Ugh, how are you already cleaning? party’s not even over yet”

“Seems pretty done to me” You gestured to the empty room, swaying closer to the coffee table to pick up scattered paper plates.

“Nah, we can still have plenty of fun.” His voice barely dropped, drawing out each word.

Even sober you couldn’t help but to think about how attractive Hamzah really was, many times you had to ignore how his morning voice made you feel when he sleepily offered you a coffee in the earliest mornings. It wasn’t any easier now that the warmth of the booze kept you chatty. His words sent a particular chill you couldn’t help but chase

“Well, what do you have in mind?” You stood closer to the couch now, one hand on your hip as you looked down at him, garbage bag briefly forgotten. You watched as he pulled himself to the center of the couch, tossing his phone somewhere nearby.

“Let’s keep playing truth or dare.” He pat the couch beside him, welcoming you to sit again. You plopped down next to him, not ignoring how the space between you had shrunk to almost nothing

“Ok, i didn’t want to clean anyway” you slouched into the couch, watching his expression as he asked you

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth”

“What were you thinking when i shaved my head” He said plainly

“Honestly I thought you were having a Britney spears moment” You said, laughing for a second before turning to look at the grown out blonde he sported now.

“But the blonde looks really good on you, even now” You brought your hand up to his hair before you thought to stop yourself, finger twirling the golden hair, just long enough to barely curl now. You only pulled away when you met his tipsy gaze, parted lips barely turned up, like he was secretly enjoying the contact.

“Truth or dare?” You stuttered, bringing your hand back to yourself.

“Truth”

You thought to yourself for a moment, not fully sure of what to ask him before copying Mandy’s turn.

“Why didn’t you dm your ‘crush’ when everyone was here”

Hamzah’s face fell as you finished your sentence, but he chuckled as he spoke.

“Why you wanna know? Worried i’m gonna start bringing some girl around?” He picked up the remnants of his drink, swirling the melted ice as he took a sip.

“Nah, just wanted to see if you would drink again…” There was a heavy pause as you watched Hamzah almost hide behind the red cup, eyes skirting up and down you as you sat upright, head barely tilted to smirk at him.

“Truth or dare” His voice vibrated lowly now.

“Dare” You leaned in as you said it, an obvious challenge, there was a certain lack of anxiety in your body as you taunted him.

“Dare you to sit a little closer to me…”

He leaned back into the couch, elbows resting on the backside as he glanced to the barely empty space beside him. You looked at the tiny gap between you too before sliding across the couch, pulling your warm thighs flush against his. There was no stopping the bashful smile that blessed your lips when you looked up at his brown eyes.

“Why don’t you get a little closer”

“Well, how much closer you want me to get?” You sighed through a coy smile, shaking your head as you tossed your knees over his lap. He only took that as a challenge, Hoisting your hips onto his lap and having you sit on him fully. If you hadn’t been drinking all night the reality of the situation would have you shaken like a puppy, but the heat kept a confident version of yourself at the forefront. You crossed your legs over his, folded hands in your lap as you looked at him.

“so..” You chided,

“…Truth or dare”

“Dare” His hand stroked your back as he looked at you with lidded eyes, hands dancing against the warm ruffles of the zip sweater you wore.

“Dare you to take your shirt off”

He couldn’t stifle the smile unfolding across his face, he pulled away from you just long enough to tug his long sleeve shirt off. You stole a long glance at him as he pulled his shirt off, the smooth expanse of his toned torso exposed as he pulled the cloth over his head. You felt your body heat up at the view of his bare arms, still toned from the boxing match he trained for, hoped he didn’t notice the way your legs clenched together when he tossed his shirt on the other side of the couch. He looked up at you, cockier now, leaning back on the couch, you let your eyes wander up and down his skin.

“Truth or dare”

This time you really thought about your answer, you knew he was getting worked up, a heated glint shone through his eyes as his hand skirted across your shoulder. If you chose dare, you know he’s gonna push you further, and you might get carried away with yourself. You wanted to tease him as much as you could while this moment lasted.

“Truth”

His eyebrows barely shot up, clearly surprised with your response. You watched as he paused, seemingly thinking of a response.

“What’d you think of the boxing match, huh?”

“hmmm…” You turned your back to him, lost in a faux thought, pretending like you haven’t thought plenty about how his shirts got tighter and tighter around his arms as he trained for the fight. The silence settled thick in the air for a moment, he fiddled with the strings hanging off the front of your hoodie, waiting patiently to hear your voice.

“Well, it definitely didn’t surprise me when you won, i saw all the training you put in…”

How could you forget how he would routinely come home from the gym or a jog, buzzed hair slicked with sweat and biceps glistening in the sun. Or when you would knock on his door and he would answer mid workout, emerging from his dim room to look down at you, chest heaving impossibly hard from the pushups he forced himself through.

“Thats all? You think i should keep up with the work or nah?” he asked from behind you, you shied away from him as he trapped you in his arms, chin resting on your shoulder now.

“mmm, i mean… i can’t say you don’t look good” you turned your head towards his now. Your faces impossibly close to each other, sharing breath as you studied his face.

“But i personally loved when you had some more weight on you…” You turned back away from him, unable to hold your tongue.

“Really??” You could hear the shock in his voice as he laughed incredulously, shaking his head as he sat back against the couch.

“Yeah but i mean.. you look good either way” you could tell you were speaking a little too much but couldn’t stop the thoughts from spilling out. When you didn’t hear another response from him you spoke.

“Go again, i cant think of anything” He didn’t see the smile that crossed your face as you waved a hand over your shoulder at him.

“hmmmm” Hamzah hummed, rumbling your body as he leaned into you again, bare body flush with the cotton fabric covering you.

“Can i…” His voice wandered off but his hands slid under your sweater, his fingers played with the fabric of your cropped tee.

“Can you what? Thought we were playing a game.” You goaded him into speaking, never pulling his wandering hands away from your clothed torso.

“Dare you to let me.. you know…” His voice trailed off as his hands slipped under the hem of your shirt. fingertips kissing the skin of your soft belly, drifting closer to the fabric of your bra.

“I’m not sure what you mean-” You’re sure he can hear the smile in your voice, relishing in the feeling of having him tongue tied, following his fingers with yours as he felt up any skin he could get his hands on.

“I wanna feel you up baby, can I?” His voice was unwavering, sent shock waves through you straight to your warm core. Hamzah sounded tenacious but you could tell he was growing impatient, that didn’t stop you from pushing him farther.

“ I don’t know, think id rather drink…” leaning forward against his knees, you moved like you were reaching for your drink but stopped when you heard him sputtering.

“Huh- bu… just for like… twenty seconds…”

“twenty seconds, huh?” giggle slipping through the air as you peeked over your shoulder, caught the breathless look on Hamzahs face as he stared at where your clothed bodies met. He didn’t get shy when you caught him staring, only smirking up at you crookedly like he was drunk on your company only.

“You gotta, Its a dare” He pulled his hands away from you, tilting them up and shrugging like the situation was out of his hands.

“Fine, but only twenty seconds, and keep it over the bra.”

“Whatever you say” He didnt waste a second, his hands slithering through the layers of your outfit till he felt the warmth of you again. Slow drawings over the waist band of your bra tickled your skin as he inched closer to your heart. You sucked in a breath when his palms finally dragged over the lacy cups of your bra, leaned into his hands when he groped you fully, feeling the weight of you in his hold. It grew harder to hold back whimpers as he fondled your breasts, You tipped you head back and shuddered when his thumbs roughly dragged over your covered nipples. He stole the chance to graze his soft lips at your exposed neck, hands picking up in intensity as you struggled to keep your breathing steady.

Twenty seconds pass.

Then twenty more…

And twenty more……

Yet you didn’t dare tell Hamzah to stop his ministrations as he pinched at your covered nipples, applying as much pleasure as he could through the fabric. You lost yourself in the consuming feeling, letting soft moans slip past your lips as he nuzzled into your shoulder. You didn’t realize the way your hips rocked and twitched against him with every squeeze until one hand slipped off your tit to grip your hip, grounding you. He flattened the other hand against your pounding heart, pulling you deeper into his embrace.

“That was definitely longer than twenty seconds ” He purred into your ear, you could hear the smile in his voice as he reveled in the way you struggled to keep your composure. You prayed he didn’t comment on how long you let him toy with you, even now, the stillness of his hands had you aching for much more. But Hamzah would never let an opportunity to tease you go.

“You dare me to stop?” He whispered, low voice in your ear as he slowly played with the bottom band of your bra, barely brushing the sensitive skin hidden from him. No matter how hard you wanted to control the moment, you felt your will melting under his fingers.

“Please don’t….”

Something changed after those words, you slipped off the hoodie you were wearing, leaving you in a tee shirt and sweats. Hamzas hands groped at the soft skin through the shirt, any timidness thrown out the window as his hands wandered your body. You leaned into his hot touch, head tipping back into him, he pressed silky kisses from your shoulder to your ear. Each kiss was blissful, every touch sent waves of pleasure rippling through your skin, you couldn’t help the breathless pleas falling from your lips.

“Turn around for me baby, need to see that pretty face.”

His hands were already on your hips, turning you in his lap so you faced each other. If you were more sober you would’ve felt more exposed now that you could watch as he undressed you with his eyes, But the sight was so invigorating that you only wanted more and more. He gawked as your hand trailed to the hem of your shirt, your thumb hooked the bottom and you watched his eyes fixated as you peeled your shirt higher and higher. Large hands squeezed your sides as you revealed more skin, bunching the shirt around your chin and exposing the lacy bra concealed under cotton.

“Damn sitting pretty all for me, huh?” Hamzah couldn’t resist bringing his hands back to your chest, watching your face contort as he bunched the lacy fabric under his palm. You couldn’t help but to push your hips deeper into him, in pursuit of any friction he could give you. Whimpers slipping out as you felt the effects of your little game on him. You could tell his resolve was slipping when his heavy breaths turned to deep grunts, hands smoothing over your back as he pulled you impossibly closer.

Normally you’d be feeling crazy right now, the heat in his words, the way he chased any contact with you, his heavy breath on your skin would’ve had you flustered and running in embarrassment. Normally you would’ve thought about how you would have to live with him still after this, see his face in the tired early morning and late nights. You would’ve questioned how the hell you were going to look him in the eye and not think of the electric feeling of his hands on you, or see the way his eyes devoured your body. But now, with empty cups littering every surface around you couldn’t think of anything past the way his hips chased yours with every stuttering movement.

“Dare you to take this off for me.” Hamzah’s hands played with the hooks of your bra and for the first time tonight you hesitated. Insecurity rushed through you now, the idea of him really seeing you seemed a little too real now. He felt a little out of your league, it was hard not to compare yourself to the girls you had seen thrown themselves at him. There wasn’t much time for you to sink into the thought as Hamzah’s voice cut through the silence.

“You’re not getting shy on me now, are you?”

He pulled back to meet your gaze, when you couldn’t take the fire of his eyes on you, your eyes fell to the smooth skin of his chest. Toned pecs rising and falling as his hands dragged down your sides, sending goosebumps down your skin as he gripped your hips. He pushed his hips into you, tugging you into him at the same time. Huffing out a moan, you braced yourself on his shoulders, nails gripping the muscled skin for stability as he rolled your clothed bodies together. Even through multiple layers of clothes you could feel his hardness under you, pressing into your hot core repeatedly.

“cmon, cant you feel what you’re doing to me, hmm?” His words went straight to your pussy, clenching around nothing every time his bulge would rub against your covered clit.

“s’not fair to work me up like this, then hide your pretty body from me…” His words were making you feel dizzy, the feeling of you bodies molding together driving you mad. Any attempt to think of anything but him was squashed with every syllable and movement from him. His hooded eyes never left your face, drinking up the way your plush lips parted to let shuddery breaths slip by. His eyes were trained on yours as you lifted your bunched shirt off your head, his eyes took in your body as you pulled it over your head. You snuck a hand behind your back to unhook your bra, he watched as the straps loosened and you slipped them off your shoulders. You moved slow like syrup, relishing in every little reaction from him as you snaked your bra off your shoulders.

“Fuck… look so perfect for me….” His hands smoothed up your stomach to your bare tits, kneading them in his hands. His thumbs found your pebbled nipples, you tipped your head back in ecstasy as he rolled them in his fingers. He brought his mouth to your exposed neck, placing tender kisses under your chin,on your racing pulse, on your collarbone, trailing lower until he felt the rapid beating of your heart under your skin.

“haah… hamzahh…” He hummed against your chest, brown eyes rising to look up at you, he smiled when he saw how you looked, how you sighed anytime his fingers flicked against your nipple. The feeling of him harshly rubbing against your core left you breathless, you could only dumbly watch as he pulled back from kissing your chest to lick a chaste stripe across your nipple. You flinched at the quick sensation , he watched as your nipple reacted to the cool wetness, growing firmer before he licked again, swirling his tongue around the nub before taking it between his lips.

His brow furrowed as your hips bucked into him, moaning into the air as you rocked roughly into his bulge. You reached in between yourselves to reach your hand past the band of his boxers, felt him groan against your chest when your fingers brushed against him. Growing impatient, you pushed him against the couch, standing in front of him to peel your own sweat pants off, climbing back on him before he can get his pants past his knees. You pouted, bringing your face close to his, wondering why he hadnt dared you to kiss him yet! He must’ve read your expression well enough because before long he gripped your jaw and closed the distance between you two.

The kiss completely threw you off, he was slow and intentional, taking his time like he wanted to savor each touch. He held you close as you moved against him, your underwear wasn’t doing much to stifle the way he throbbed every time you softly mewled under him. As you grew more desperate he began to loose whatever bits of composure he had left, he pinched at your nipples harder as you humped his clothed dick. Moaning into his mouth, he took the chance to trace your lip with his tongue before the kiss turned deliciously sloppy.

One hand slowly drifted off your breast, trailing down your torso with a feather light touch and giving you goose bumps. Hamzah brought his fingers to brush up against your clothed pussy, wet lace sticking to your puffy core. You broke away from him to whimper when he pushed against your neglected clit, pushing back and forth between the warm fabric. He hooked one finger in the lace, tugging it to the side to finally slide his finger through your slick folds.

“Damn baby, what’s got you so worked up, huh?” He pet your silky core, satisfied with the pathetic twitches and moans every time he brushed against your sensitive bud.

“Barely touched you and you’re already so wet”

“Please, Hamzahh… i cant take it anymore….” You whispered, grabbing at the wrist working between you, not to move it away, but inch it closer to you. He was purposely light with his fingertips, tapping your clit before dipping between your slick folds leisurely. He coos at your pleas, mocking your pouted expression, before resting his hand on your back and leading you to lay flat on the couch.

Hamzah lied above you, the weight of him pressing you into the plush couch grounded you. He never broke eye contact as he hooked his finger into the band of your panties. He started sliding them off before pausing, asking silent permission with his eyes. You lifted your hips, a silent admission, and he pulled them off your legs, tossing them somewhere nearby.

He sat back on his knees, eating up how you were displayed under him. Shaky legs wrapped around his hips, the way you pushed your face into the cushions, shying away from his gaze. He dragged a hand up your leg from your knee to your core, using his thumb to pull open your wet pussy. Hamzah watched your hips buck in the empty air, pussy clenching against nothing, just begging to be touched.

His thumb finally moved to pet your clit, eyes rolling to the back of your head with every circle he drew. You pushed your hips in rhythm with his hands, whimpering as your hips rocked into the patterns he drew on your pussy. His free hand went back to grope at your nipple, reaching for any part of your supple flesh he could reach. Then he switched the tempo, speeding up his rough pace until you were on the edge, then switched back to slow languid strokes. Your legs shook with every change, breathing knocked out of your chest everytime he pushed you impossibly closer to the edge.

“hufff… ffuck hamzahh, please….”

Hamzah leaned his weight into you, lips kissing at your collar bone and moving up. You could feel his smirk against the hammering pulse in your neck. He sucked and nipped at the flesh of your neck as he dragged his middle finger through your wetness, barely dipping into you. He licked a stripe from your neck to the lobe of your ear, biting down in time with the plunge of his long finger. You couldn’t tell if the gasp you let rip through you was more from the shock of the bite or the stretch of his deft fingers.

It wasn’t long before he was pumping his finger into you, kissing you roughly like a man starved. He swallowed your moan as he slipped another finger into you, petting your walls in search of the spot that made you squirm the most. His pace was relentless, the dirty sound of his palm against your wet pussy filled the room. You clawed at his back, breaking from the kiss to fill your starved lungs with air. The way he looked down at you, hooded eyes and roused hair, it had you shying into the pillow under you. You heard a soft chuckle above you, his hands slowing as he leaned back against your ear and lowly whispered.

“Wanna eat you out baby”

His fingers drew circles around your clit.

“bet you taste so fuckin good…”

They dipped inside chastely, reaching deeper than you ever could. He dragged them out, reaching towards your parted lips. you didn’t hesitate to open up, lapping up the juices coating his fingers. His eyes darkened as your lips wrapped around his fingers, working well to not miss a spot, eyes closed as you moaned around his knuckles. He retreated his fingers to move down your body, never breaking eye contact as he kissed down to where you needed him most.

He pressed a kiss to your pelvis, looking up at you with those brown eyes like he wasn’t teasing you to the edge of your life. Your hips twitched when he pressed a firm kiss right over your throbbing clit and shuddered as he licked a stripe up your sopping pussy. He latched onto your clit, sucking and swirling his tongue around the slick pearl. Your hands grabbed fistfuls of soft blond curls, you couldn’t help the string of curses and whines as he lapped at your core.

He watched as your eyebrows knit together when he fingered you open, bucking into his mouth as he fucked you on his hand. His free hand hooked under your knee, bringing your other leg over his shoulder and spreading your legs wide to stop you from wildly kicking as you were. The burning knot in your stomach grew as he flicked his tongue over your clit, panting heavy as you tugged on his short hair. He moaned around your pussy at the feeling of your shaky hands. The vibration only made you pull harder, his eyes clamped shut, a pathetic whimper slipping through him, you felt the couch shift under you.

You pried your heavy head off the couch to look down at him. Ombre curls stuck to his forehead, his eyes were glued shut as his mouth worked against your pussy. Then you saw the way his hips shifted under him, the sight of him humping the couch under him like a damn dog in heat. The thought that bringing you pleasure had him so worked up, you pulsed against his fingers. You practically rode his face, his fingers pumped out of you faster and faster, the lewd squelch noises filled the room. His fingers curved inside you, hitting the spot that had your toes curling.

“hooh fuck! wait- unff i’m gonna cum…”

Hamzah finally looked up at your figure again, shaking legs tensing as you pushed your palm flat against his head, trying to push his mouth away from where he was latched onto you. He never slowed down though, only spurred on by the way you fought your own orgasm.

“cum im my mouth, baby”

He spoke against your pussy, fingers abusing that spot inside you.

“cmon, wanna taste you”

You felt the familiar buildup, Hamzah’s praises only pushing you over the edge. You called out his name as your orgasm ripped through you, waves of pleasure knocking the air out of you as he made out with your pussy. Stars filled your vision as you chanted his name like a mantra, hips bucking against his face. He groaned around your pussy as he fucked you through each burst of pleasure, only slowing when you started running from the over stimulation.

He slid off you with a loud pop, smoothing his hands across your thighs as he moved up your body, leaning down to kiss you tenderly. The taste of you coated your tongue as he held your chin in his fingers, this kiss was much slower, dizzying in the way it had you feeling. Even in your hazy afterglow you reach for his boxers, palming his hard dick through the thin fabric. You broke the kiss to look in his eyes, could tell he was pent up by the way the simple touch had his eyes fluttering back.

The sound of his muffled groans spurred you on, giving you the energy to push him down to sit on the couch. you kissed his swollen lips, palming him through black boxers, then brought your lips to his ear.

“can i repay you?”

Your sultry voice sent goosebumps to his arms, fingers barely slipping past the fabric of his boxers. It amazed you to see how he went from talking you through your orgasm so confidently to how he looked now, only nodding dumbly as you palmed him in his boxers. You pulled him into a sloppy kiss as you finally tugged him out of his constrained briefs, the weight of him heavy as you slowly stroked in time with the kiss. If you weren’t feeling so impatient you would’ve relished in the whines slipping out of him every time your fingers rolled over his tip, but you couldn’t stop yourself from pulling away from him to kneel in front of him.

Hamzah’s chest heaved as he looked down at you, mouth agape as you smoothed your hands over his thighs. Feeling the way they tensed as your hands tugged his boxers down his legs, hard cock slapping against his stomach before you grabbed the base. His eyes were glued to your face as you slowly stroked him, he couldn’t help but to push his hips into the slow motion you had set up. You traced his veins with your thumb, his head tipped back against the couch when you gathered the slick pooling at his tip.

You licked your lips as you stroked him from tip to base, it didn’t take much before he was melting in your hands. You witnessed how he squirmed under you as you twisted your wrist around his sensitive tip, speeding up until he was gripping the couch under him.

“haah…. aaah fuck soo… so good…”

Your mouth watered at the sight of him losing control under your touch, the feeling of him throbbing in your hand had you biting your lip. You looked up at him through your lashes, smiling like you weren’t absolutely ruining him. He was babbling praises so quietly it seemed almost more for himself than for you. Hamzah’s thighs contracted under your hand when you pressed a long wet kiss to where his head met his shaft, he could only shutter as you look at him with wide eyes.

“Truth or dare, hamzah”

“whu- huh? i- aah-“

A moan cut off his response as you licked a stripe up his shaft, tracing his veins with your tongue until you reached the smooth tip. It was impossible for him to think straight when you wrapped your glossy lips around the head, pressing a soft kiss around his slit. He only mustered a response when you slowed, waiting for your answer.

“T-Truth…”

“Have you thought about me like this before?”

You stroked him faster now, watching as he fought to breathe long enough to give you a response.

“ F-fuck I…”

Any attempt to think about anything but you was futile, he would say anything right now if it meant you would put your mouth on him again.

“ uff… i- i do….”

“Oh yeah, tell me what you think about.”

You dragged your tongue across his twitching tip, eyes locked on his scrunched face as he groaned over you.

“ I- ughh… think about this…”

He huffed out as you alternated kisses and kitten licks against his throbbing dick.

“Think about your pretty face all the time baby- shit, s’all i need…”

You swirled your tongue around the tip, inching it farther in as his mouth continued to run.

“… hufffuckk… if you knew, unff- what i was thinking half the time…”

A moan slipped out of you, he nearly shouted at the feeling of your lips vibrating around him. His hands shot to rest in your soft hair.

“im sorry… but its not fair when you walk around looking like that…”

His hand fell to your wet chin, spit dripping out the corners of your mouth as you stroked any part of him that wasn’t in your mouth. He pulled you off his dick slowly, you hollowed your cheeks as you dragged out your contact. Hamzahs thumb dragged across your bottom lip as you rested your cheek in his hand, catching your breath as he looked down at you.

“how could i not think of fucking these pretty lips, huh?”

You stuck out your tongue, letting him slap his cock against the wet muscle, his hands gripped your hair more firmly now, rubbing his dick messily against his favorite part of you. He guided his tip to your open mouth, he didn’t bother to stifle the loud groan as you slid down his length, inch by inch until a tear rolled down your cheek.

“ So much better than i imagined too, fuck you’re driving me crazy…”

You could feel yourself getting worked up again as he went on. You slipped a hand between your legs, hoping Hamzah wouldn’t see how desperate his words were making you feel. He guided your head to a steady rhythm, fucking as deep into your throat as you could take. The sloppy noises from the way you worked him filled the room as you swirled your own fingers around your sensitive clit. He hissed when you moaned with him deep in your mouth, fistfuls of hair as he tried not to thrust too roughly into your throat. The salty taste of him had your pussy dripping, your second orgasm barreling towards you.

“Its true baby, i’m obsessed with you”

His pace got faster, unable to stop himself from using you for his pleasure. He looked absolutely destroyed, mouth hanging open as he pushed you deeper on his cock.

“obsessed with those pretty lips of yours, sweetheart.”

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as a second orgasm ripped through you, his constant praises pushing you over the edge. Hamzahs pace didn’t stutter, too busy chasing his own peak to fully realize anything. You could tell he was on the brink by the way he throbbed against your tongue, balls pulsing when you fondled them.

“Shiiitt… so fuckin close… can i-“

You popped off of him, stroking his wet dick as you looked up at him, panting.

“cum for me, Hamzah.”

The sound of your hand sliding against him was almost too much, nearly louder than the sound of Hamzah whimpering over you.

“Wanna cum on your pretty face, sweetheart…”

He’s lost any shame as he quivered under your rough touch, moaning like a virgin as his hips chased your hand.

“pleasee”

How could you deny such a pretty face? you took him down your throat, nose ticking his pelvis as you gagged around his length. It wasn’t long before he tugged you off his throbbing cock, borderline wailing as he pumped his dick against your open mouth. One hand held you steady under the jaw, the other set a brutal pace on his dick. He shook as he painted your cheeks, warm cum spurting against your tongue and flushed face. You kissed his tip as he worked through his high. He shuddered when you slipped it back in your mouth, making sure to suck every drop from him before he was pulling you off by the hair.

There was a moment where you both stared at each other, chests heaving as you paused to catch your breath. Hamzah was the first to speak after a long moment, he looked at you fixated before breaking the silence first.

“Truth or dare?”

Hamzah felt the pounding in his head long before he opened his eyes. He groaned as he slapped at the sheets, each movement sent a painful throb through his head as he searched for his phone. Judging by the way the light was flooding into his bedroom he could tell he had slept in. Finally he felt the rectangular edge in the pocket of his sweat pants, he reached into his pocket to fish out hs phone but stopped in his tracks when he saw what slipped out with it.

A pair of lacy panties were caught on the corner of his phone. His brows furrowed as he tried to remember how his night ended last night, the more he thought about it the more came back to him. He unlocked his phone and his face immediately paled, eyebrows shooting to his hairline when he saw the last thing he was looking at last night.

A picture of you taken from above, his hand cradling your face as you looked at the camera with the most fucked out face. Cum was dripping down your cheek and coated your swollen lips. It was the hottest picture he’s ever seen, the angle getting a perfect view of your bare tits and your big eyes looking straight into the camera. His dick was twitching just looking at it.

He went back to your lacy underwear , holding them in front of his face like he couldn’t believe they were actually there. He knew it wasn’t right but he shoved them deep back into his pocket. He thanked whatever god allowed him to get a picture of you like this, but in the same breath he cursed them, because

How in the hell was he going to look you in the eye now?

𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹

Joost is a touchy man, he’s always throwing an arm around someone or pulling them into hugs. Any close friend of his knew he would find any excuse to pull someone close, he lived for the feeling of human contact. This was something you knew about him even before you were together, it was one of your favorite quirks of his. You didn’t expect how much it would intensify when you got together.

Joost was always glued to your side, following you from room to room, using an arm to pull you into his side whenever you weren’t giving him your undivided attention. It was impossible for him to keep his hands away from you, if it wasn’t his hands he was laying his head on you or draping his long legs over yours, trapping you in place under him.

It was worse when he caught you by surprise. There had been many times when you were laying around leisurely, scrolling mindlessly on your phone with a pillow tucked under your chin. Suddenly you would hear a shuffling behind you before feeling the bed dip and the weight of him pushing you into the bed.

“ughhh, youre crushing mee.” his warm figure pushing you into the mattress, he presses kisses to your hair and your cheek as you turn to him.

“don’t mind me! your feed is just better than mine.” Joost would never budge, you resigned quickly every time, scrolling away as his laugh would rumble through your chest every now and then.

It was easy for him to fall asleep like this. Your phone was littered with pictures of him napping, blonde mop of hair laid across your chest as he used your heartbeat as a lullaby. His big frame engulfed yours, legs trapped under his as his chest rose and fell, you always complained about the pressure but it would be lying to say you didn’t love it.

There were other times it became too much. When he had you trapped under him like prey, kissing any part of you he could reach. His soft lips would pepper your face as your lied on your back, arms helplessly grasping at anything around you.

“you look so beautiful like this.” His hands slipped between your legs, your pants barely pulled out of the way. His body had you sandwiched between the bed and his weight, fingers slipping between your folds. Any attempt to make sense was impossible, each pump of his long fingers pushed the air from your lungs, his body kept you from sucking in the air you needed. You ended up babbling nonsense, airy moans as your hips twisted under him, searching for an escape that wasn’t there. Your fidgeting only egged him on more, his hips pushing into yours as his fingers pet your clit.

“how does that feel, baby?” he whispers into your ear, you can only whimper in response, fingers clawing at his bare back as you were at his mercy. “cmon, i need to hear you.” he would bite your ear as you fought to get a word out, hips stuttering as you failed to run away from the intense feeling of his fingers sliding into you.

“need to hear you say it…” His fingers abused the spot that kept you squirming, you could feel his heartbeat pounding against your chest as his lips nibbled at your neck.

“tell me im doing good”

You let a groan slip out your throat, the pace he set unbearable. he continued to talk you through it, begging you to tell him how it feels but you could barely keep your eyes from rolling to the back of your head.

“say it baby, say how i make you feel” you felt your orgasm barreling towards you as his hand moved in the space between your bodies, the feeling was so overwhelming you felt tears well up in your eyes “f-fuck Joost its so so good.” you repeated it like a mantra, a tear rolled down your cheek as you finally got the words out. “You’re gonna make me-!” you choked on your words as your orgasm crashed over you, stars littering you vision. The sound of Joost cooing praises at you as your body rode the waves sent goosebumps over your skin. His hands didn’t stop until your free leg was kicking wildly and your hands we’re trying to pry his body off yours.

He wouldn’t get off you though, only uses his cleaner hand to smooth stray hairs out of your face. He would tell you he had the best view from where he was, his thumb stroking the wetness off your cheek.

Other times when he was fully in you, sweaty bodies slapping together as he played with your clit until you were clenching around him. The feeling would push him over the edge, thrusts faltering as your thighs clenched around him. He would ride out your highs together, sweaty chests heaving, before flopping over your lifeless body. He cant stop himself from crushing you, spent from having given you everything he had. You didnt push him off immediately, dragging your nails across his bare back lightly as his breaths grew slower.

the feeling of him resting on you was soothing, the rise and fall of chests pressed together as your eyes fluttered closed. He wraps his arms around you like you would slip away if he didn’t, you would hum his name into his platinum hair, he would echo yours back, prolonging the moment as long as he could. He’d press deep kisses against your lips, snuffing out any attempt of protest and stealing the breath from your lungs. He would ask if he was good for you and you would nod, pressing a kiss to his flushed nose. When the feeling of your sweaty skin became too much you moved to push him off but he only squeezed tighter, whispering a phrase you heard often into your ear.

Part 3

The sound of rubber wheels humming against cool asphalt lulled the moving cabin. A land ship splitting a midnight sea, soaring through the black glittering sky. The rock of the tour bus had long swept everyone else to sleep but there was one glowing light hidden deep in the soft shadows of night.

Joost couldn’t pry his eyes from his phone, his crew mates had already maliciously made fun of his screen time. Here he was, the start of his big tour and he was always found hunched in a corner, with his face buried in his phone. It was easy enough to tell them that he was handling business emails or even looking at fan content but he wasn’t exactly telling the truth when he said that.

Joost had been scrolling through your messages like a crazed fan, watching and rewatching every little clip you sent him. He had to stop himself from leaping to his phone every time he heard the subtle vibration from across the room. He couldn’t stop the smirk that would skate his lips when a new picture was sent through though, resigning himself to opening each message cowering with his back turned. Joost had grown far too fond of your close company, he only realized when it was much too late. Before all this it was easier for him to be happy with what he had, Weekly meetings and bar hopping with you was plenty to keep his mind satiated. With the added space between you now, he couldn’t help but wonder what you were doing anytime there was a break in his day.

It was almost wasteful, all this traveling and seeing beautiful places, meeting interesting people and indulging in rich cultures; yet his favorite part of the day was when everyone would turn in for the night and he could stare at the pixels dancing on his phone for as long as he pleased. This was the source of his guilt, knowing there was nothing more fulfilling than waiting for your quiet ringtone to disrupt the steady night air.

Even as the tour dates started to roll by, moving from venue to venue and performing for sold out arenas, he found himself looking for you in the crowd of fans, seeking anything that reminded him of your company. He felt his heart skip if he saw someone that looked like you from the corner of his eye, he pulled his phone out and snapped a photo anytime he saw something he knew you would love. Joost would just let them sit in his camera roll, though, never working the courage to text you about anything other than his dogs.

He felt at odds with himself, He knew this emotional turmoil would be the result of all this yet he was much too selfish to not take advantage of the opportunity. He invited you over anyway, the image of you living in his house so nonchalantly was too tempting to give up. He knew it was bad when his heart hammered in his chest at a picture you sent of yourself in his bed. The camera was focused on the multiple dogs laying on top of each other like a can of worms, but the mirror on the desk across the room caught the tousled morning look you sported. He couldn’t pry his eyes away from the soft tired smile you unknowingly posed for the camera, just like he couldn’t look away from any other sliver of content you appeared in.

It was easy enough to convince himself he was just worried about his pets, that it wasnt strange to check in so often. It was a temporary feeling, just long enough to get him through the sound checks and calls with venues. Not long enough for him to properly hide the way he glanced at his phone as soon as he had a free second. Its not like you were making it easy either, sending ample videos of your adventures with his pups. Joost could never tell you how many times he watched the video of you on the couch in the early morning, wrapped in his blanket on his couch. He remembers laughing at the video, reminding him of something he would see online, he tries hard not to remember how many times he watched the end of the video. He couldn’t help the way his heart thumped at your voice, enamored as you panned to the last dog.

In the video, his whitest dog licks the camera,the screen blurs with spit but your morning voice can be heard in the background as you recoiled from the slobber. “ewwwww” your voice played through his headphones dozens of times, blue light illuminating the pink tint of his cheeks. He blesses his dog mayo everyday for pulling that grumbly voice out of you on camera for him.

The videos were his favorite part, watching as you played with his dogs. His heart was full at the way they interacted with you, obvious in the wagging tails and panting faces they loved you as much as he did. The combination of that and your voice in the background, cooing or calling them over, it was his newest drug. He certainly didn’t tell anyone about how he felt when you sent a video of you and mayo playing fetch, ball of white fur plopping a wet ball in your hand. The ‘good boy’ you aimed at the dog in the video making joost feel much more perverted than he was ready to admit. Yet shame didn’t stop him from replaying that clip a million times over.

Even with Joost greeting crowds of entranced fans all obsessed with him, reaping the benefits of the hard work put in his craft, he was always trapped in his head. His mates all thought the stresses of tour were getting to him, or some form of imposter syndrome had him feeling anxious. Joost was okay with letting them think that tour was the source of his distant behavior because he wasn’t quite sure what was wrong with him himself.

The truth though- he knew exactly what was wrong, just not how he would say it to the people around him. He couldn’t just say “Oh sorry, im just feeling strange because my best friend sent a video of them calling my dog a good boy, nothing crazy”, so he leaned into the lie, quick-drawing his email app open any time anyone entered the room. He figured, if he tried long enough he would believe it was tour that was making him feel so spaced out. That worked well too, he could almost convince himself it was true! Yet he couldn’t stifle one thing…

he could not stop texting you…

It was like he was at odds with himself- the devil on his shoulder already typing out a message as the angel pleaded with him, begging himself to think of anything besides your place in his home. The angel warned him about the danger of temptation, knowing if he kept up such close contact with you the fuzziness in his chest would continue to burn into something he couldn’t control. No matter how hard the sensible part of him prayed he would pull away from his phone, choose the righteous path to preserve his friendship with you, he always listened to the darker side.

The devil in him told him there was truly nothing wrong with what he was doing! Theres nothing obscene with checking in with your best friend, its only really because you’re watching his dogs. Its not his fault he had to text you to see his own beloved pets! Plus it’s not like it wasn’t normal to miss such a close friend. He could say with confidence he had started texting Apson more too, and its not like he was falling for him!

Joost knew, deep down, that he wasn’t being fully truthful with himself, knowing it was his fault you were there, that it was true the warm buzz in his heart would keep growing the more he reached out to you. It was simply easier to focus on the easy truths than the hard ones, easier to let himself focus on the heat of his phone than the one on his cheeks.

So thats what he did, rewatching clips of his pets bounding around, tongues flapping as they played or lounged. He watched through a screen as they let you into his life so easily, comfortable with you as if you had raised them yourself. Joost convinced himself his worries were inflamed by the distance between his home and the stresses of tour. Perhaps it wasn’t so bad to seek refuge in a close friendship, its not like you were able to see him through the phone!

Unfortunately, this didn’t work well for him

Joost knew he was in deep shit when you sent a specific picture of his dog mayo. The picture broadcasted the snowy white fur, fluffy tufts illuminated by the warm sun rays. mayos tongue hung out of his mouth, smiling as much as a dog could. The top half of picture was perfect, like something out of an ad for dog food or pure breed competitions. The bottom half was not as perfect, showing the stained white fur and mud caked paws he unabashedly sported off.

The picture wasn’t the problem of course, the real issue was where his mind went when you sent it. Joost could only think about you standing over him, scolding him for making such a mess of his long fur. Crouching down to the dog as mayo looked up at you unashamed, he imagined your will breaking at his pleading eyes as you pulled your phone out to take a picture. Joost wondered if you did that soft smile you always did as you sent him the picture, captioned “accidental masterpiece”.

It frustrated him how you could go on, sending him the most beautiful pictures and living unaware of how he could only think of you. How was it possible that you could seem so unaffected by your place in his one home, while he toiled internally over a picture of his own dog. His brows furrowed as he stared at the picture, willing himself to try and think of anything but you. The longer he stared the more upset he felt, how could such a picture incite such a stupid response in him? How? How??

“Hey man, are you good?”

Tantu’s voice yanked joost out of his thoughts. He had barely felt himself rise and start the day, only assuming he did as he found himself sat on the tiny couch in the rocking tour bus. The rays of early morning light filled the bus, Tantu swayed as the tour bus pushed ever forward against the rough road. Joost damn near jumped out of his skin at the sound of his friends voice, he felt his face heat up like he was caught doing something scandalous. Tantu glanced down at the picture of the dog then back at joost, who’s mouth was opening and closing in search for an explanation. Still, Joost spoke before he thought.

“Im fine man, it’s nothing” Joost said, it came out much colder than Tantu (and Joost) was expecting, it wasn’t often he would see his friend so closed off. Sure, they had been through many hardships side by side, but for Joost to act so harsh surprised him. Tantu wasn’t going to allow Joost to push him away so easily though, instead he sat in the space beside his friend, who’s face was turned silently toward the ground.

“You know you can tell me anything man, right?”

Joost’s head turned to his friend, his brows turned up as the words settled in the air. The devil on his shoulder erupted, “how could he say that when he had no idea what was going through our head! If we told him what we were really thinking he would think we’re crazy! and stupid!” The angel however, only saw the honest attempt of a friend reaching out to him. Tantu saw Joost’s behavior and was worried enough to sit next to him, maybe it would be helpful to talk to him.

“I don’t know i’m just- i guess… i’m feeling anxious.” Tantu took in every word from Joost as he struggled to find the proper way to say how he was feeling, he still wasn’t ready to share what he was thinking because he himself wasn’t sure what he was thinking. He didnt really want to tell Tantu the truth, but saw no escape from the questioning.

“Is it because we are heading toward Stockholm?” Tantu’s voice barely softened as he tilted his head towards him. Joost had almost forgotten that there were actual real issues he had to worry about. He had been on the road traveling from his last show in Olso Norway, to his next show in Sweden. The last time he was here it was one of the worst times of his life, he knew this, and he was worried but he knew it wasn’t truthful to say thats the only reason he was upset.

“I guess… yeah.” Joost lied.

Tantu hummed at his response, looking away as he searched for the right words to comfort his friend. Joost was Angry with himself for lying, the devil on his shoulder rejoiced at his weak will.

“well… thats definitely a good reason to feel nervous, but what good is it to spend your time worrying?”

Joost listened as his friend’s words hung in the air. Tantu continued.

“ I mean, it might be scary, its true anything could happen, but you should think about all the good times you had there, too. Its not like you’re not meant to be there, you got a sold out tour for a reason!”

Tantu’s words helped to ease some of Joost’s worries but he still searched for more.

“I just feel like anything i do makes it worse… but its not like its easy to just walk away, but it might be easier to just… forget.” Joost wasn’t lying anymore, but he knew to be careful with his words.

“It might seem easier to distance yourself, but thats not what you want, is it?” Tantu lied a sturdy hand on his friends shoulder as he spoke, Joosts glassy blue eyes watched him from behind thick frames.

“Think about it, if you didn’t go people would’ve found something to be upset about anyway. The only thing you can focus on is what you want, thats all you have control over.” There was a pause, his words hung in the air as they clarified Joosts jumbled mind.

“What do you want?”

“i just want to be… good.”

Joosts shoulders slumped as he opened up, the fear of doing the wrong thing was what was eating up at him. He always felt whatever choice he had would end up badly for him, not just what happened at Eurovision but now again with you. He was scared no matter what he did it would dive a wedge between you, all he really cared about was your friendship, how could he put it in jeopardy by introducing complicated feelings.

“You are good, why do you think you have all these people waiting for you?”

Tantu was more right than he ever knew, though he was referring to the crowds of fans waiting for him, Joost only thought of you waiting for him at home. You had never let Joost down before and it was almost unfair of him to expect the worst from you.

“ You’re right, man in just scared of… losing everything, yknow? I Feel so out of control, Its scary…”

“It is scary, but getting in your head about it wont make you feel any better. You can’t control how they feel about you, only how you respond.” Tantus expression softened as he looked at Joost. “Plus, its not like you to run from a challenge! what happened to “dream big”!?” He shook Joosts shoulder as he gave him a pep talk, shaking him back and forth like he was trying to transfer the energy to him manually. Joost laughed as he did, the words skillfully easing his mind.

“Thank you, Tantu… i needed to hear that.” They shared a long look before Joost yanked him into a tight hug, scared he might shed a tear if they sat in silence any longer. Tantu jumped with shock at the sudden attack of affection, but wrapped his arms around him nonetheless. They shared the silence, Joost sat in the still calming air of the hug with his eyes closed before Tantu once again broke the silence.

“soooo…. can i see that picture you were looking at?” Joosts phone sat beside him, still open to the picture that you took. He loosened his grip on Tantu, lingering in the the comfort of his embrace before pulling away to grab his phone.

“Sure bro…” Before this conversation Joost would’ve lashed out or told him that he wasn’t looking at anything, but Tantu’s calming company soothed his ire. He handed the open phone to Tantu, who cooed at the happy face of mayo before he laughed at the absolute mess captured in the picture. Joost couldn’t help but to laugh with him as he clutched his stomach with laughter.

“This is beautiful” was all Tantu could say about the picture, smiling at Joost as he handed his phone back to him. Joost could only nod his head in agreement,

it was beautiful.

It was almost beautiful how horrible the night went. Its not like Joost wasnt expecting pushback after everything thats happened, but he was not prepared to fight the anxiety that came with. Despite the fact that there was no real charges against him and he had a good reason to be there, they still held him at the border.

Two hours he spent stewing with himself, two sides of him fighting each other. One side told him it would be better to turn away, the law was incessantly searching for anything to incriminate him. Hours of prodding at him wore him down quickly, he almost believed that he was wrong for trying to come back to the source of his modern troubles. The other side was much stronger though, Joost knew he had fans waiting for him in Sweden, he knew he was innocent, why else would they be searching so hard for something, anything to stop him from getting through. The good side reminded him that he couldn’t turn his back on the people who were waiting on him. No matter how hard they would make it, he would fight to do what he loved most.

The one thing that truly ruined his night , after all the troubles of the day, the only thing pushing him through the day was the thought that he could come back to your messages and fill his brain with the pictures you sent to his heart’s content. After everything that happened, nobody was in the mood to party or hang around, they decided it was probably best to lay low while they were in Sweden. This left Joost to stalk back to his end of the bus before slipping into the shadows of his sheets to fully indulge in his guilty pleasure.

Imagine his surprise when he checked his phone and not a single message was from you. He scrolled through every notification, praying he missed something but his heart sank into the bed when he saw nothing he hadn’t seen already. He lied the phone flat against his heart, maybe he was expecting too much from you. The devil on his shoulder was quick to speak up, was it fair to use you as a brace for his emotions? How could it be fair for him to rely so heavily on your company to feel sane?

Joost thought about what Tantu asked him:

“What do you want”

Joost knew exactly what he wanted most and he decided he wasn’t going to mess up the one good thing in his life this time. He knew he savored your time spent together, knew that the way you could carry a conversation was unlike anyone he had met. Sometimes it felt you were reading out his journal, the way you could perfectly describe feelings he struggled to put words to. The way you appreciated the arts and little things in the world, it was so refreshing to see. Joost’s memories with you are blurred with tears from laughter, He cherished your humor, your viewpoints, your company. There wasn’t a person he confided in as much as you, and he was scared shitless to mess up the relationship you had.

He didn’t want to complicate what you had by getting lost in his delusions.

Joost thought maybe it was time he distanced himself from you, he was terrified of developing unhealthy habits that could change your friendship. He thought maybe, if he didn’t pour so much of his mental energy holding onto your every message he could stop this feeling. Your connection was much more important to him than his feelings, such too sacred to muddy up with confessions.

Tonight was the first night Joost spend doing what he told everyone he was always doing, checking emails, opening and closing apps like they could distract him from anything. He even texted Apson, who never responded, probably asleep as it had been well past midnight already. It wasn’t long before Joost resorted to staring at the ceiling of his nook, counting the bumps in the road as the bus rolled down the dark path.

Just as the angel on his side shook his head in pity, the phone laying against his heart shook as well. The vibration made him jump out of his skin, he lifted the screen up instantly- squinting at the blinding light of the display. His eyes were met with the name “mary puppins”. Joost rubbed his eyes, not from lack of sleep, but disbelief. He felt guilty as had to tell himself not to get excited, it wasn’t normal for you to call so late in the night, much less a video call, what if something happened to his babies!

He was quick to answer your call, he saw the own worry on his face, he missed how it melted away when he saw your appearance. You pouted into the camera, visibly tousled as your pajamas sat crooked on your shoulders, your eyes were barely open as you looked down into the camera.

“Joooost” your voice came out ghastly, it was evident by the way you grumbled you had just been asleep. He had to lift his phone off his chest so you wouldn’t hear the way it thumped at your tired voice. Joost brought the phone closer to his face whispering into the microphone, scared someone would wake and see the content smile he hid off screen.

“Is everything ok?” His brows furrowed, but he could tell by your calm demeanor no bad news was going to be relayed.

“Noo! Everything is not okay!” Your whines rang through the phone speakers, lack of sleep making you delirious. Joost couldn’t stifle the chuckle that slipped as he watched your dramatic display.

“I was already upset when i woke up, I was having the best dream! but i had to pee sooo bad… it took me forever to get free from that fur trap and when i finally do, Mayo fucking steals my slipper!” Joost watched as you flipped the camera, at first he only saw the couch, plush blankets tossed over the back, barely visible in the low light of the night. It wasn’t long before two white fluffy ears were visible on the opposite side of the couch, Then Mayos head popped up from his hiding spot, tail wagging as a plush slipper was wedged in his mouth. He watched as you attempted to close the distance, but mayo bounded to the opposite side of the couch. You chased him again and once again he trotted to the other side, dropping low as if this was a game.

“ugh! He thinks i’m playing with him, even if i tell him to sit he just speeds away when i get close!” You groaned into the quiet room, mayo still happily whipping his tail, the fur of the slipper was visibly wet from slobber as he panted around it.

“Well, have you tried telling him to drop it?” Joost whispered into the phone, voice low as to not wake anyone else.

“have you tried telling him to drop it??? wow what an interesting thought, hadn’t thought of that one!” You scrunched up your face, imitating Joost with a nasally voice. He deadpanned into the camera, stifling a laugh to convey a unimpressed face.

“Hmm, it’s obvious you dont need my help so… bye-“

“wait, wait! im sorry just… listen i tried to tell him to drop it but he doesn’t listen, look.”

Joost watched as the camera flipped again, mayos wagging tail visible as you slowly approached again.

“Mayo, sit.”

He sits

“Mayo, drop it!”

His head tilts to one side, he doesn’t drop it.

“Drop iiiiit.” You urged

His head tilts to the other side, white ears flopping over.

“Mayo, please”

He drops down low, long white tail whipping in the air, before bounding away from your dejected figure. You flip the camera back to yourself, pouting your lip you wordlessly pleaded with Joost, eyes screaming “help me”. He tried not to enjoy this moment too much.

“You know it’s because he speaks Dutch right?”

“I know that, but…” He watched as you paused, deep in thought, tired eyes fluttering in the low light. There was a long pause before turned back to your phone with a bashful look.

“You don’t remember it, do you?”

Joost watched as your shoulders slumped, he stifled a laugh as you mumbled about being too tired and swearing that you were practicing.

“I feel like this is something you could’ve googled…” He tried not to think about the fact that in your sleepy stupor you thought to call him first. Instead he just smiled as you cursed, apologizing for calling him so late for such a stupid reason, he was quick to brush it off.

“why don’t you look at the cheat sheet i sent you?” He watched your eyes light up before the call paused, there was silence as he assumed you were looking through their messages for the picture he sent. He heard a quiet “aha!” before the camera turned back on.

“Ok i found it, watch this.” Your voice was littered with confidence, more awake now and more focused on winning this “game”than anything else. The camera panned across the corner where Mayo was hiding, he sat on the opposite end of the hallway, slipper in mouth and ready to bolt off any second.

“Mayo, sit”

Once again, he sits.

“Now, loos-lay-ten”

Mayos head tilts again, his mouth twitches like he almost understands. Joost’s snicker echos through the phone speaker.

“You laughing at me?” You squinted at the screen.

“I think he’s having a hard time with your accent, no offense.”

“This is your fault! you were supposed to teach me all this stuff before you left!”

“…I did…”

There was a pause.

“Whatever, how would you say it?”

“Its “Loslaten, los-lat-e” say it” His low voice rumbled through the night, he watched you take in his words.

“Could you say it again, I didn’t hear…” He looked into your eyes through the screen, It was hard to tell if you were doing the same. Joost repeated the word, drawing out each syllable so you could repeat it. He watched as you stared at the screen, it was hard to tell what you were thinking about but you didn’t show it.

“Ok loslaten, got it.” You flipped the camera again, mayo was chewing your slipper as you approached.

“Mayo, loslaten!”

He dropped the slipper immediately, ears sagging in sadness as he looked up at you behind the camera. He listens quite well when he understands! Joost watched as you bent down to pick up your slipper, squealing when you touched the wet fur. He watched as the camera panned back to Mayo, you sighed as you reached out a hand to pet him. Joost watched your fingers dance around the white fur, scratching under his chin and behind his ear. He fixated on your hands, fingers curling around blond fur as you whispered out “good boy”. Joost prayed it was too dark for you to see the flush on his cheeks, he used one hand to cover the pink blush- feigning like he was wiping his face.

He watched as mayo led you back to the bedroom, climbing on the bed and curling up among his pack.

“At least he tuckered himself out…” You sat on the edge of the bed, flicking on the bedside lamp. There was a short pause, Joost could tell now was the time to say goodnight but he couldn’t bring himself to end your time together. It didn’t seem like you wanted to leave either, your eyes danced around like you were searching for something to say, it wasn’t long before you broke the silence.

“So, you were in Sweden today? How did it go?”

Joost let out a long sigh, he couldn’t hold back from spilling his thoughts. He told you about everything, how he knew it wasn’t gonna be good, how he felt on edge all day. He told you about what Tantu said, how it helped but could never prepare him for what actually happened. You listened as he laid it all out, the prodding, the questions, how he felt guilty for keeping everyone waiting. It was so refreshing to talk to you, You comforted him when he spoke of anxiety, cursed for him when he mentioned the criminal treatment, even reassured him when he lamented for letting his fans down. When you told him everything would be alright, it was much easier to believe.

Eventually, when everything that needed to be said was said and you had both caught your eyes fluttering closed, you reluctantly parted ways. “Goodnight” You said,

He said it back.

The end of the call brought him right back to the dark shadows of the tour bus. He craned his neck up, looking out the window behind him. Joost watched as the stars floated in the sky, the contrast between having your company and the suffocating silence was intense. Just a moment ago he felt so good, the relief you brought so palpable it was hard to think of anything else, now he felt so numb. Right before that call he swore he would try harder to suppress these feelings, but as soon as you called it was evident he was much too weak to ever push you away. The thought was chilling, he hated the feeling it brought.

He knew he was trapped, couldn’t risk your friendship but couldn’t drown the growing feelings. It pained him to think of, made his heart ache, he hated the feeling- it was overwhelming, everything was too overwhelming. Joost just wanted it to stop, so he quieted the rushing thoughts the only way he knew how, numbing his mind to everything, pushing out any thoughts, any feelings that weren’t focused on just tour.

He listened to the hum of the bus, let the drone fill his mind. Joost couldn’t stop the waves of sadness wading through him,He couldn’t accept a life where you weren’t there. His ship split the asphalt sea, an endless horizon of darkness in all directions. A subtle rocking as he blindly surged forward, blue eyes clamped shut, too scared to see the moon lighting his way.

The bereaved man, Captain of his own ship.

𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹

𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹

no cause imagining the smoke curling in the air as your sat between his black jeans. one hand wrapped around his lighter, the other smoothing down your cheek, thumb dragging over your lip. He’d pass it to you as you pumped him in your hand, watching your lips wrap around the cig as your hand worked his tip. You would purse your lips, blowing the smoke out slow before wrapping your lips around him. He would hold back your hair for you, taking a long drag as you sunk down on him, shuddering out smoke when you hollowed out your cheeks on the way back up. You’re quick to set up a brutal pace, he tries to hide his moans with hits of nicotine but grunts out everytime your nose brushes the blonde hair at his pelvis. You’d take it all, gagging at the base before you pulled off for a breath. His hooded eyes would gaze down at you, half smoked cig hanging between pink bitten lips. His grip on your hair would tighten, guiding your panting lips to his tip and swiftly down his shaft. You couldn’t rip your eyes from his face, brows furrowed as white smoke billowed from his mouth, whiney moans following close behind. You would moan around his shaft and he would lose control, picking up the pace as drool dripped down your chin and around him. The wet sound would fill the room, his head tipped back he pushed your head into him. His thighs would clench as his climax barreled toward him, sputtering warnings from around the white filter. He’d pull you off, stomach tensing as you pumped him over the edge, spurting cum over your tongue and lips. He would pull the last hit from his cigarette, ash stuck on his sweaty chest as he passed the smoke to you in a kiss.

Smoke unfurled in the afternoon air, sun seeping lower in the sky and blanketing warm air around the room. The drone of the tv put on as a background to your meal, an overwhelming calm filled the room. You sat in comfortable silence, remains of a joint sitting at the edge of the ashtray as you finished the last of your wings. Your eyes were on the tv but you weren’t watching, your mind too jumbled to focus on the show.

You thought about what happened the night before, you spent the whole day replaying it, stewing on what to say and now that it was time you had frozen up like a clam. He was sat to next to you, enjoying his food without a single care while you could barely keep your eyes on the tv. You couldn’t let this fizzle into nothing, you needed to know if it was nothing to him.

“So umm, our party went pretty well, right?”

Hamzah turned to you, he didn’t say anything, red eyes dancing across your expression. You couldn’t stop your mouth from moving.

“ I mean I had fun im just… worried about martin, have you heard from him?” You didn’t know what you were saying, high brain scrambled by the low lidded look he gave you.

“ Ha, yeah he actually texted me earlier, he said it felt like someone ran over his head…” His shoulders shook as he huffed, eyes turned away from you as his words seeped though the air like honey. You watched as his hand lifted to scratch his neck nervously, verbally thankful he wasn’t the one puking for once. Though he carried on like nothing, there was something in the way his shoulders slumped that was different. You knew you could’ve let the conversation die there, laugh dryly and be done with this all. You could easily go on with your life, keep your roommate and friend and the comfort he brings. Was it even worth it to jeopardize what he already brought to you? Was it too selfish to ask more of him?

Your racing thoughts had your heart pounding, you felt too cowardly to say the truth so you bit your lip, nudging the rawness with your tongue. The peak of your high was fizzling away too fast now, not high enough to lose your thoughts, just high enough the paranoia turns to an anxious rock in your gut. Minutes passed as you tried to focus on the buzzing Tv, you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, feigning interest in the screen instead. But when the thick silence hanging in the air was too much to bear, Hamzah broke through it.

“Sooo… you tryna smoke again?” He cocked his head towards you, glass jar already twirling in his hand.

“You read my mind…”

You watched as he sprinkled the green between the papers, pressing it even gingerly with his fingertips. You knew it was probably a bad idea to agree with this, the high might make you say something you might regret before you could stop yourself. Still, you never denied him, not for a second, aching for the intoxicating feeling that every hit brought. You felt you needed the heavy feeling to keep you grounded, so you sat and watched as he pressed the paper together, rolling the flower until the glossy adhesive was all that was peaking out.

Your shoulders tensed as you watched his tongue dart out to moisten the edge, glossy pink against white as it swayed back and forth. You brain flooded with memories, thighs clenched as you failed to stifle the image of him pressing you into this couch. You watched as he dragged his tongue across his bottom lip before it disappeared, Brows knitted in focus as he sealed the cone and twisted the top closed. ‘Stay focused’ you told yourself.

You relaxed when you heard the lighter.

Flick flick

You heard the paper crackle as he kissed the flame to the joint wedged between his lips, watched as the paper curled and tiny embers floated into the sky. He sat back as he exhaled, smoke curling in the air as it rose. He plucked it from his lips and held it out to you, His arm extended out the peace offering between you, reaching over to cross the distance between the cushions.

You scooted closer, grabbing the filter with two fingers before taking a slow intentional drag, then watching as it curled in the air. You relished in the almost instant calm that flowed through your face and down your shoulders, taking another drag and sitting against the couch. When you turned to pass it, Hamzah was already looking at you, eyes grazing down you face before meeting the joint pressed between your fingers.

Nothing was said as he plucked it from your fingers, inching closer to you while bringing it up to his smooth lips and taking a drag. This routine repeated, stealing obvious glances and light touches as you passed it back and forth. When it was burned to the filter and your eyes were equally reddened you set it in the ashtray, there was a silence hanging in the air, fluttering between the settling smoke. You couldn’t bring yourself to look towards him, the space between your seated bodies crumbled with every hit. You sat against the couch instead, the drone of the tv went on, the show you were watching long ended, leaving the ambiance of a documentary to fill the air.

There was really no point in delaying this conversation, it wasn’t an option for you to pretend nothing happened, you wondered if he was thinking of last night like you were. You weren’t sure you could be the one to bring it up but you couldn’t sit in this limbo of uncertainty either, which one of you would dare to take the step into uncertainty. When you tried to open your mouth, your words got caught between the dryness in your throat. It was easier to get lost in the scenes of nature in front of you, eyes following an antelope dart across a desert expanse. A slowed clip showed it’s long legs lunging its body forward with desperate force, expertly crossing over bushes and terrain as it ran for its life. Graceful legs carried it from point to point, how was it that even at its darkest moments nature could be so beautiful.

You head turned towards Hamzah before you could think twice, the sight of the light dancing against his features was enamoring. You studied his face, his reddened eyes focused on the tv, long lashes framing his droopy eyes. There was the softest smirk on his lips, you couldn’t tell if it was from the high or the fact you kept inching towards him. It was subconscious, searching for his warmth until you sat almost touching. Suddenly his knee touched yours and you jolted, your heightened feelings made the touch feel like more than it was. You looked back at the tv when Hamzah touched you but turned back to him when he started to speak.

“Are you bored of this?” He spoke so softly to you.

“umm…. yeah…” You felt tongue tied, head lagging behind as there was a short pause, until you had an idea.

“you wanna… play a game?”

His eyebrows raised slightly, tongue peaking out to drag across his bottom lip.

“Ok Saw, What type of game?” you jeered.

“How about Truth or Dare?” For once you didn’t hesitate, Hamzah didn’t either.

“Ok, truth or dare?”

“uhm, Dare?” It was hard to focus when you felt like you could feel your heart rattling your chest, you wondered if he could hear your heart pounding too.

“hmmm… “ He rubbed his chin, deep in thought before he spoke up.

“Dare you to do all the dishes for a month”

“Wha- a month?! thats ridicu- ughhh, fine whatever.” You crossed your arms, not sure why you were agreeing to this over a stupid game. “You barely do the dishes anyway.” you scoffed.

“Ok” you sighed, “truth or dare?”

“Truth” He spoke evenly.

Hamzah left the ball in your court, you had been scared to pick truth but he seemed so ready to answer any question you had for him. He let you take the reins so you did. You could feel his body shift with every breath he took, his face locked on yours as you asked him

“How much of last night do you remember…?” Your eyes were trained on your lap, fingers playing with the warm fabric of your pants.

“Everything, i mean it was blurry at first but…”

“But what?” You turned your head to look at him, his mouth was barely hanging open like he had more to say, but it snapped shut.

“I think I answered your question…”

“what were you gonna say though?” You tilted your head at him quizzically, he only chuckled in response, brown eyes crinkling shut.

“Isnt it my turn? you’re asking a lot of questions.” You only huffed in response, waiting for his question.

“Truth or truth?”

You turned a brow up at him “hmm what a hard choice…” You tapped your chin in faux contemplation, he cut your sarcasm off.

“Do you… regret what happened?”

There was a pause after his sentence. You thought about the night, there wasn’t a single moment you regretted. There was a similar feeling where it should be, shame sat deep in your heart. The feeling that you jumped a little too eagerly at the first sign of intimacy, that your desperation put the wrong idea of you in his head.

“Nah, not regret…”

“Then what?” Hamzah could see right through your vague answer.

“I just didn’t want you to think i was like, easy i guess…” You felt your shoulders slump, this was the over sharing you were fearing before.

“I would never think that about you, i mean- I was the one begging to… touch your, y’know…” Hamzah’s voice grew smaller as he spoke, his hand nervously scratched at the scruff at the base of his neck. The sight of him shrinking into himself sent a pang through your heart, it was somehow comforting to see him as nervous as you felt. You watched him wipe his palms on his pants, your eyes drifted up to his smooth skin, his eyebrows knit together as the silence grew. The weed made every moment stretch longer, made the warmth radiating from him feel like a furnace. Your voice, gravely from the smoke, broke through the still air.

“Did you want this to be a one time thing…?” You spoke tentatively, like speaking too loudly would shatter the tension between you.

“No! no I…” He answered almost too fast, but there was no doubt he was sure in his answer. You cut him off as he struggled to find the right words.

“You seem so nervous, what happened to your attitude from yesterday?” You couldn’t help but to tease him about his jumpiness, your thoughts spilled out your mouth.

He cleared his throat “well this is different from then, i don’t have the same excuse anymore…” Hamzah spoke so earnestly towards you, you’ve never heard him be so honestly vulnerable before. Its not that he wasn’t in tune with his emotions , but he only expressed them coated in a shell of humor.

“Weed is just not the same, doesn’t make make you do crazy things like alcohol. It just makes this all more real i guess…” He rambles briefly before turning towards you to gauge your reaction, you only nodded your head as you listened. Hamzah was right, there was nothing to hide behind, everything said was really set in stone.

“Did you want this to be a one time thing?” He echoed your question back to you, you turned towards him, felt the pull as you shook your head side to side. He couldn’t stifle the crooked smirk slipped on his face, a barely spoken confession between you. The moment stretched into oblivion, not in a way that felt suffocating, but like the sea stretches towards the horizon. It was comforting, you let the conversation drift, all that needed to be asked was answered, What more was there to say?

After what felt like forever, you turned towards him, ready to take your turn. You were stopped in your tracks, the space between you seemed to shrink every time you looked back at him. Your faces were much closer now, pulling together like the waves to the moon. His eyes met yours, they traced your features deliberately before landing on your lips. You felt your lips part, sucking in the softest breath as you watched his every move.Hamzah was the one to move first, he closed the distance slowly, stoping centimeters away from your lips, giving you one more chance to pull away from him, you didn’t dare to move.

He hesitated

You waited, but he didn’t move.

“Hamzah…”

His lips barely curled into a smirk, mocha eyes piercing into yours. He patiently waited for your words, your patience had run thin.

“kiss me”

He moved like a soldier following orders, without hesitation like this dare was his only mission. His lips pressed into yours softly, as if it was your first time touching skin to skin. You moved slowly, leaning into the kiss and swaying with his touch. It was timid, languid, hushed like a secret just for the two of you. You pushed into him and he would pull you closer, dragging you in like a whirlpool. You savored the taste of weed on his lips, lost in the feeling of him.

Hamzah raised a wary hand towards you, his movement lagging like any haste would make him wake from the dream he felt he was in. As his hand traveled through your hair his hand pulled you closer, fingers resting at the base of your neck, a soft sigh parted your lips. the feeling of him drawing you in intensified by the high. He took his chance to deepen the kiss, his tongue slipping past your parted lips. You hummed as he lost his composure, his desperation seeping into every touch.

Your hands traced up his chest, grabbing for anything you could as you fought for air between kisses. Every moment was electrifying, you felt his hands start to tug at your plush skin, smoothing over the goosebumps peppering your skin like his touch wasn’t the cause of them. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into his lap as he savored the earthy taste on your tongue. Every second was more intense than the last, every gasp and breath caused him to break more and more, you felt it in the way his chest heaved under your hands.

You felt your legs slip over his waist, thighs resting on either side of his. Every touch was addicting, goosebumps kissed your skin as his hands smoothed over you thighs. A shuddered breath slipped past your lips, your hips moving on their own as you lost yourself in the feeling. The kiss faltered as your cores swayed together, the heat of his body seeping through layers of clothes. You pressed your foreheads together, jaw hanging slack as he pushed his hips harshly into yours. With every sense heightened you couldn’t stop the broken moan that followed the firm grip on your hips. Right as you moved to kiss him again he pulled back, huffing out a breath and shifting his gaze down.

“S- sorry i just…” Hamzah smoothed one hand over his face, if his other hand wasn’t still firm on your side you would’ve leaped off his lap by now. Instead you rested your hand above the one on his face. “I just feel bad…” He laced your fingers together, pulling your intertwined hands to his lips as his brown eyes looked up at you.

“…Im doing this in the wrong order, aren’t I?”

You had half the brain to try to reassure him, to tell him you couldn’t care less about whats normal. Before you could even form the words to say he scooped you up off the couch, arms under your legs as he made his way through the living room.

He paused at the base of the stairs. “I mean, you really deserve better…” He stalked up each step, you buried your face in the crook of his neck, feeling the skin with your lips as you dragged them across his neck. “I want to give that to you, treat you nice but…” Your hands twirled the hair at the base of your neck, kissing every goosebump that sat on his skin as he walked past your bedroom door to his. “… I just can’t help myself.” He uses one hand to twist the knob, stepping into his dim room, the light was low like your heavy lids and warm like the redness rimming them. You push the door behind him closed with a soft click of the lock and he finally sets you down.

“Something about you makes my brain short circuit, like, i know how to act, how i want to be but when i see you-“ Hamzah rests his hands on your hips and you take a step backwards, deeper into the warmth of his room, he follows your every move like a mirror. “-I forget how i want to treat you, i feel myself become vulnerable to every impulse that crosses my mind.” You pulled his hands off of you and clasped them in yours, you both took another step deeper into the room. “Ive never noticed anything like that, you’ve always treated me like anyone else, Hamzah.” You felt the soft carpet under your feet, another step closer to the bed in tandem like a languid dance. “If you could hear my thoughts on a daily, i’m not sure you would look at me the same…”

His words brought a dizzying memory back to you, words he spilled during your first run playing these games. In his drunken state he told you how you occupied his thoughts behind closed doors, how he imagined having you under him a thousand times before he finally had you. The thought didn’t bother you then, and it sure as hell wasn’t gonna stop anything now. You knew if you didn’t stop him now he would only sink deeper into the anxious thoughts he was fighting. Before he could get another word out you pulled him closer to yourself, you could see the uncertainty as you smoothed your hand across the side of his face. You felt your heart leap when he broke eye contact to lean into your touch, letting the last of his nerves melt away and settle into your palm as his eyes fluttered closed. His skin felt fiery against yours.

Hamzahs lips slightly parted, as if to say something else but you were done with talking. You took the chance to close the distance between you again, pulling him flush against you. You lead him closer to the bed and felt the downy surface sink under your weight as he pushed you down. Hamzah crawled unto the bed over you, he kissed your collar bone, your pulse, the spot where your jaw met your neck. His lips pressed against the corner of your mouth as you sighed out a breath of relief. You couldn’t tell if it was weed the that was making everything feel so electric but the feeling was addicting. Just as intense as your first night, but now you could commit every feeling to memory.

Hamzahs hand held the base of your face, his thumb stroking your chin as he stabilized your gaze to his. His bronze eyes danced across your face, studying every micro expression that flashed across your face. His hand floated down your face, a barely there touch drifted down your arm and left goosebumps in its wake. He watched intently and you shuddered at the feeling of his hand slipping under your shirt, the warm skin stuttering under his touch. Hamzahs hand caressed your side, your eyes fluttered shut as you savored every minute connection between you.

You felt the anticipation building in your core as his hand slipped between you and the bed, unclipping your bra before his hand slipped back to the front of your rib cage. You opened your eyes to meet his, watching as you felt his hand slipping between the valley of your breasts. His hand inched higher, and when he rolled each finger against your nipple you couldn’t stop the soft gasp that slipped past your lips as you pushed into the feeling. It was his turn now to press your parted lips together, tasting every whimper you let pass your guard.

Your head sank into the mattress, tossed back in pleasure. Hamzahs lips clasped around your neck, sucking marks in time with each movement of his hand. He reveled in the plush skin, taking his time with working you up. Your fingers wrapped around the hem of your shirt, tugging the restraining fabric over your head in a greedy search for more. Hamzahs hands grasped at every inch of exposed skin, the kiss grew sloppier with every second that passed, his control unraveled at the seams every time your back arched into his hands. Your tongues moved like waves lapping at the beach, crashing against each other like rushing waves. His hands dragged against your torso, stumbling against you like he had to remind himself to slow down, like you would crack under the desperation in his fingers.

You tugged at the base of Hamzahs tee, yearning for the feel of his skin against yours. He pulled away from you to tug it off his body, revealing his olive skin still toned from his fight training. You smoothed your hands on each of his arms, closer and closer to his face, memorizing every ridge and dip in his skin. His hand met your cheek and it was your turn to lean into the feeling. He leaned closer to you as your fingers met at the nape of his neck, you heard him suck in a shaky breath as you twisted into his palm, pressing timid kisses into his warm palm. His movements paused.

“… Are you sure…” His voice was quiet, like it could shatter the air between you.

“I mean- It’s just- you said before that…” Your eyes fluttered open, it was kind of funny how he was still so on edge even while you were melting in his palm.

“Hamzah…“ He cut you off

“It’s never too late y’know, I mean we could do this the “proper” way- not that i don’t want to, Its just- you said that stuff and i dont want you to think…” The weed has got him rambling now, anxious thoughts spilling out like ash. He had good intentions with his words but your patience had really grown thin.

You hooked your hands around his neck and pulled him onto you, kissing the corner of his parted lips. Trailing from the hollow of his cheek, against his sharp jaw, and up to where his ear meets his face before you whispered

“ Hamzah, shut up…”

He paused for a second, like he was fighting between feeling embarrassed and laughing. You huffed out a laugh into the crook of his neck.

“I dare you” your lips curled into a Cheshire grin as your nails scratched the nape of his neck. His body shook against yours as he laughed, anxieties finally rolling off his bare back. Finally his hand pulled your shirt off, tugging your unclipped bra and tossing both garments unto the floor behind him. Your lips locked together as his hands pulled you closer to him, the skin to skin contact heated your body, chest rising into his as you fought for breath. His hands were rougher now, like he was allowing himself to give into his dirtiest thoughts about you.

You felt his heart beating against yours as he grunted into the kiss, his brows knit on his forehead. Your legs hooked onto his thighs as the kiss grew sloppier. You bucked your hips mindlessly from under him, at first barely far enough to reach his hips. Hamzah’s lips curled against yours, he took your bottom lip into his mouth and bit down as your hips searched for contact. He pulled back, your lip snapping into place as he drove his hips into yours. A choked groan left your throat at the friction, He rolled his hips roughly into yours again and your head flew back.

His mouth caught your collarbone, nipping at the skin on your neck as his right hand moved to your chest. Hamzah groped the plush skin, rolling your nipple between his fingers as his hips pushed you into the bed. Each thrust had you stuttering, shoulder blades pushing into the bed as your soft gasps filled his room. He moved into a steady pace, huffing as he humped you into the bed, you were so worked up by now the wetness in your core pooling with every push.

Hamzah buried his head into the crook of your neck, whimpering and grunting into your ear so sweetly, every noise sending shocks straight to your pussy, pulsing around nothing. You pleaded his name, aching for more and more. Each drive felt like it was melting your brain, with your heightened sensitivity it felt like you were already at the end of your rope. “Hamzahh” you gasped out, he only pushed harder at the sound of his name. The feeling of your nails on his back only egging him on to push his throbbing bulge into your clothed pussy.

You hand reached down towards his hemline, desperate for more and more you snaked your hand into his pants. Before you could slip through the layers he grabbed your wrist, pulling your hand up above your head but never stopping his movements. When your other hand moved to touch his chest he grabbed that too, meeting your wrists above your head and holding you down with one hand. You moved to roll your hips against his, but his hand splayed against your stomach, keeping you painfully still under him.

“Let me take my time with you, baby”

He pushed hard against you.

“Why’re you rushing, huh?”

Your breath was pulled out of you, he moved his hips slowly against you, making sure you felt every second. Hamzah finally hooked his finger into the top of your pants, dragging them down to your thighs. You felt so exposed now, even with your underwear still on the feeling of his hands holding you down and the almost cold air on your chest had you squirming under him.

“This what you want, right baby?”

You felt the cold air against the wet fabric of your underwear, your eyes moved down to his boxers, a black veil so thin you could see the wetness pooling at his tip, each throb tightening the band around his waist. He pushed his hips back against your own, dragged his length against the soft fabric of your underwear painfully slow. You let out a shuddering breath, each sensation so intense your heart skipped a beat, muscles tensing at the feeling of the leisurely pace he built. When your head dipped into mattress his hand moved to your pleading face, body squirming under him as his thumb rested on your chin, barely pushing down to pull your gaze back in him, your mouth parting as you looked up at him. He leaned down towards you, bodies rocking as he slotted his hips against yours. With your foreheads pressed together you could only watch as his dick pushed against where you needed him most, Hamzah’s low grunts grow in intensity with every thrust, hips stuttering like he’s struggling to keep a steady pace. Your wetness sept through the fabric between you, pussy aching for more and more as it pulsed with every push.

“Fuck…” He sighed out above you “I can feel everything baby,” Your wrists struggled under his grip.

“Tell me, whats got you so worked up?” He pulled his hips from yours as you blubbered for an answer that was unneeded. His free hand slotted between you, fingers pushing against the soaked fabric torturously slow.

“Hanzah, please…” was all you could manage as his fingers caressed against you, slow pets up and down your core like he was studying every twitch and clench brought on by his own hands. Your hands straining against his as his fingertips pushed against your clothed clit, it was all too much to bear.

“I can tell you’re soaked, even through your pretty panties” Hearing your roommate say such salacious things was crazy enough, you would’ve never imagined they be directed at you.

“please…” Your voice was as soft as a whisper, you couldn’t tell if he was ignoring you purposefully or too invested in your body’s reactions to hear your pleads. Hamzahs fingertips slid through the fluttering lips and finally hooked around the fabric, you could only watch as he leisurely exposed your core to the bedroom air, sliding the soft fabric down your legs and setting it at the edge of the bed. The contrast was cold, it sent a shiver down your spine swiftly. Hamzah swiped his finger through your slick folds, your hips twitched into his hand.

“Feels so good baby, bet you taste as good as you look right now.” He brought his fingers to his lips, never breaking eye contact as he pushed them past to graze across his tastebuds. He hummed lightly as he savored the flavor of your arousal, plush lips wrapped around his fingers as he lapped up every drop. You watched as he drug his fingers from his swollen lips, stared as he sank them back to your aching middle. There were no thoughts in your head as he slipped his long middle finger between your folds, all you could do was gasp as he used your juices to coat his fingers before easily dipping between the swollen skin.

Hamzah took his time with stretching you open, pushing knuckle by knuckle into you agonizingly slow. Your hips bucked into his fingers with every push, any pleas for more caught in your throat as his fingers pet your gummy walls. He moved faster, fucking into you until your back arched off the bed then would switch back to the slow lethargic pace he started with. Your wetness drooled unto the sheets, the room filled with your choked moans and the soft squishing from his palm against your pussy. Your eyes pinched shut as he went faster, you could feel his uneven breath on your face as if he was enjoying this as much as you.

The hand clasping your wrists loosened, pulling away to hold your jaw in his hands. “Look at me baby, wanna see that pretty face of yours.”

The moan you let out at his words was truly pathetic, an airy whimper as he forced your chin down towards him. His hand moved over your neck, down your collar bone and over your soft breast. The feeling of him groping you combined with the pumping of his hands had you clenching around him, fighting to keep your eyes on his as he worked you to tour climax. Hamzah leaned closer to you, pressing his lips to your cheek, then moving to suck deep marks into your neck. The knot in your core built every second, threatening to burst with every movement.

“Hamzaahh, I’m so close…” You could barely get the words past your lips, but he was quick to stop his ministrations when you did. He pulled off you, leaving you a whimpering mess on the bed in front of him. your hips twitched as he slid his fingers out of you, the lack of contact making you let out the saddest groan.

“Don’t worry my love, I’ve got you” Hamzah sunk to his knees by the edge of the bed, eyes in line with your wet pussy as it pulsed around nothing. He kissed your thigh, slowly peppering his lips closer to your sopping core. He used his thumb to pull open your wet lips, enchanted by the way you drooled unto the bed. You jolted as he pressed a chaste kiss over your clit, watching as he licked the wetness off his lips and groaned.

Hamzah’s will had grown thin quickly, he licked a stripe up your pussy and moaned against your clit, the vibrations causing you to moan back, echoing his. He latched unto your clit and slid a single finger back into you, your climax built up fast as he swirled his tongue around your bud. Your hand moved down to tug at his curls, pushing his mouth against your throbbing pussy harder. Hamzah slid a second finger into you and hooked his other hand under your knee, forcing your shaking legs from closing around his head. Every breath you sucked in only egged him on to push harder, curling his fingers till he hit the spongey part in your walls. The sound of your wetness mixed with breathless rooms filled the room, your back arched off the bed as your climax barreled towards you. You opened your mouth to warn him but all that came out was choked out moans.

“You gonna come for me, baby?” He felt you clench around him, clit throbbing against his tongue. You could only nod your head vigorously as your fingers dug into the sheets, legs shaking around his head. Hamzah moved his hand to your stomach, pulling you deeper against his mouth and pinning your quivering body into the bed. Your climax hit you all at once, legs closing around his head as you shook from the waves of pleasure. You yelped as his lips latched unto your bud and fucked you through it, his pace unrelenting as your cum ran down his fingers. He didnt slow until you were squirming away from him, hands pushing his head off your sensitive core.

He pulled away, tongue swiping at his glistening lips. The look in his eye was dangerous, lids hooded like what you gave was barely enough. You were left panting in the bed, aftershocks sending goosebumps on your skin as you remembered how to breathe. He leaned down you kiss you, his tongue tasted like you as it slid past your swollen lips, his hands caressing your arms and soothing your shivering body. His tongue invaded yours, coating your mouth in your own cum. Hamzah pulled away and a string of spit connected you, eyes looking down at you like his prized possession.

When your ears finally stopped ringing you splayed your hand against his thumping heart and pushed. You moved to slink off the bed, but hamzahs hand grabbed your bicep, stopping you when you were halfway down his legs. “I wanted to… return the favor” You were almost surprised, with his pants still half on and his dick throbbing angrily under his boxers, you thought the next step of this was obvious. “I know i just, i dont want to- i mean, we can skip it...” He slid his hand down the curves of your arm, guiding your open hand to stoke him through the black fabric.

“i just cant wait anymore baby”

He hooked his thumb into the waistband of his boxers, a stiff tent between you as he tugged it lower down his thick thighs. His hard dick flung out, free from its restraints and pulsing in all its glory. Hamzah tugged you back unto the bed as he stepped out of the last of his clothes, pushing you farther as he climbed up to rest on his knees. It quickly hit you that last time you never made it this far with him, from here on was a territory that was nothing like you had experienced with him before. Every thing suddenly became so real. Last week you were averting your gaze at his bare chest in the morning and now you were bearing everything thing to him, legs split open like it was all you knew how to do.

The feeling of him pushing his head between your lips broke through your thoughts like a butterknife, pussy shocked back to life so quick you could only watch as he dragged his tip against your clit. You eased back into the sheets, focusing on how he would prod at your bud before pushing his shaft through your wetness, until his base was pressed against you. He reached for your chest, groping and rolling your nipple until it pebbled between his fingers. You shuddered as he lightly pinched, subconsciously jutting your hips, pushing his tip into your most sensitive point. You both shuddered at the feeling, then he laughed and shook his head in disbelief.

“You feel so… fuck, are you ready?” He pushed into you firmer now, dick wet from the juices dripping down you. You nod your head, quick to answer despite your lack of words. He gripped your chin, barely squeezing your cheeks. Your lips parted slightly as he dipped his thumb unto your slick tongue.

“cmon baby, need to hear you say it.” He moved his hand down every curve of your body, feeling every rise and fall as he moved towards your clit, applying a soft pressure. You looked up at him with big eyes, barely able to make a noise. His tip prodded at your hole, pussy aching for him to keep pushing.

“I can’t wait any longer Hamzah, please.”

Your glassy eyes met his, his smirk flashed on his lips at the sound of his own name. The hand on your clit moved down to the base of his cock, pushing into you ever so slowly. He felt you clenching around him as he stretched past your wet walls, you shuddered out a breath as he pushed inch by inch. You both held your breath as he pushed to his base, pussy swallowing his sheath so sweetly you could cry. Hamzah sucked in a breath before he pulled back out faster than he pushed in, your mouth dropped open as he left the tip at your entrance.

“Unff, so warm baby, ‘its driving me crazy” He pushed harder this time, the force shifting you further into the mattress. Each push and pull had your toes curling, you fought for air as he settled into a rough pace. The sound of skin against skin filled the air, His face scrunched above you as his huffs turned to quiet moans. You whimpered as he picked up the pace, his hips snapping into yours so deliciously it had you melting in his touch. You pinched your eyes shut as he drove into you, the bed creaking under your shifting weight. The feeling of his dick pummeling your insides was bringing you closer to the edge faster than you could imagine. Hamzah leaned over you to hit a new angle that had you moaning louder, He pounded into the perfect spot that had your legs shaking. You suddenly felt his hand on your face, his breathless voice filled the air between you.

“Look at me baby, wanna see those pretty eyes.”

You forced your eyes on his, your eyes locked as he drove into you. It felt otherworldly, his brown eyes looking into yours, the way his hand smoothed against your face, how he smiled at you when you pressed the softest kiss to his thumb. Your eyes rolled back when his hand wrapped around your neck, Hamzah was quick to set brutal pace that had you barreling to your second orgasm.

“Hamzahhh, hufff im getting so... so-“

“Yeah baby? you gonna cum for me, huh?” His hand moved between you, thumb drawing fast circles around your clit. He felt you clenching around him as his hand splayed against your lower stomach. The pressure from his hand brought a new sensation you weren’t ready for. As he leaned down towards you it got more intense, He kissed you as he fucked into you, you couldn’t help but to moan into his mouth as you came dangerously close to your peak. You tried to tell him how it felt different this time, but his dick was punching all the air out of your lungs. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close as he pistoned into you. You scratched at his back as he moaned into your neck.

“Shit baby, im getting close- uunffffuck, god you feel so fucking good, so wet for me.”

His whimpers into your ear shot straight to your pussy, you reveled in the feeling of you becoming one. You could tell he was getting close too by the way the breath grew more uneven. Suddenly he sat back on his knees, pushing his hands into your stomach as he fucked you harder, giving his all in search for that sweet ending.

“ughhhh Hamzah, im gonna- umph! wait, it feels….” It was like you hadn’t said anything, Hamzah looked devilish as he slammed into your body but he never slowed down, only worked up by your jumble of words. He could almost feel himself in your guts as he pushed, your head fell back into the covers but he was quick to grab your chin, forcing you to look into his eyes as you slipped over the edge.

It was so intense, you couldn’t stop yourself from pinching your eyes shut as you came. Your mouth dropped open as you felt the wetness between you, opened your eyes to see Hamzah looking between you as you coated his dick in cum. You coated the sheets under you in time with his thrusts, watched the fluid cover his thighs as the squelching noise filled the room. You could barely make a noise as stars filled your vision, legs shaking around his hips as you mumbled curse words.

Hamzah’s thrusts got sloppier as he felt your orgasm around his length, jagged breath filling the air as he fucked into you. His whimpers got louder as he pulled you into him, sliding against your sensitive walls as your eyes watered up from the pleasure. His knees shook as his dick twitched inside you, letting out loud moans as his orgasm washed over him. You felt the warm ropes fill you as he pushed as deep as he could, hooded eyes still on yours as he pumped you full, eventually slowing to a stop.

The only sound now was of you both catching your breath, your body felt electric as you came down from your high. You whimpered one last time at the feeling of him pulling out, the slow drag of his dick against your walls was almost overstimulating. Hamzah slipped out with a soft *pop* and watched his cum drip out of your puffy pussy.

“Damn girl, that was… i mean wow…”

There was a brief silence, your brain still foggy from what was the probably the best sex you’ve had. Then he broke it again.

“…you made a mess…”

You groaned and covered your face with your hands, it embarrassed you that the same guy that you would avoid in your skimpy sleep sets had made you squirt for the first time in months. You heard him chuckle above you, his hands grabbed your wrists and pulled them away from your face.

“Don’t be like that! I mean, seriously that was the hottest thing I’ve seen.” You felt the heat rise to your face as he leaned down to press a kiss to your cheek, then the opposite one, and finally a soft peck against your lips. Hamzahs hands grazed over your skin, soothing you from the outside in. You giggled as his featherlight touch tickled you, he smiled at the sound, then spoke again.

“… But I will have to change these now, wait- lemme get something to clean you with, then I’ll pull them off.” He stepped away to grab a clean towel for you, you shuffled out of the puddle you made but couldn’t even bring yourself to sit up. You stared at the ceiling as you listened to him shuffling around in a different room. The thoughts of everything that has happened in two nights was rushing through your head, so much had changed in such a short time, you were there for every second yet you still felt like you had whiplash from everything. You shook your head like you could physically banish the thoughts from your mind. It’s not like you wanted things to stay the same as before, so how could you second guess the feelings that were now at the forefront?

When Hamzah came back into his room with a towel you sat up on your elbows, he came over and stood between your legs. You opened them to give him space to start wiping, legs twitching slightly when he brushed over your sensitive clit, he muttered the softest “sorry” before switching to a lighter touch. The contrast in this tender moment almost had you laughing, how a couple moments ago his hand was around your neck and now he’s looking up at you every second like you were made of glass.

Soon enough you were cleaned up, and you were stood behind hamzah as he pulled his sheets off the bed.

“Hamzah, i don’t want to sleep on your naked bed…” The tired feeling was setting into your eyes as you spoke.

“Well… maybe dont make such a mess then.”

“Can you shut up?” He laughed at your lingering embarrassment, walking over to his laundry to plop the sheets next to it before he walked towards his dresser.

“Let’s just go to my room.” you mumbled, following close behind him,

“Let’s? like together?” It was funny to you how Hamzah acted like you didn’t want him just as bad as he wanted you.

“uh yeah, are you really surprised?” He tugs open the dresser.

“Maybe” Hamzah pulls out a fresh pair of boxers and one of his shirts, his back still facing you.

“Are you gonna come over?” He hands you his shirt over his shoulder, you tug it over your head as he pulls his boxers on.

“…Yeah, Whatever you say, pretty”

And so you led him to your room, flicked on the warm light by your bedside as he slumped unto your fluffy sheets. He lay back with a heavy sigh as you slid over top of him, pulling the sheets to cover your entwined bodies. You pressed your ear to his bare chest, heard it beating against his ribcage like a drum. You hummed as he wrapped his arms around you, hand slipping under your shirt to draw soft swirls across your back. In this moment you felt you wouldn’t dare to change a thing about anything that had happened between you, you also felt sleep dragging you into its sweet embrace. Your head rose as Hamzah sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slow as honey, soothing himself for what he was about to say.

“wait uhh” He nervously chuckled “…are we still playing?” Hamzah asked flustered, lopsided smirk tugging at his lips. “playing what...? oh, Truth or Dare? You’re joking…” You let a soft laugh rip through the air, the thought that all this had been brought on by some stupid game for kids was too funny too you, you felt like one, still on cloud nine from the events of tonight.

“Yeah haha, its my turn i think…” After everything that’s happened , you could still hear his nerves shaking his voice, hear his heart pumping against his chest as it picked up in pace.

“Truth or dare?” His voice rumbling through your head, you lifted your head, resting your chin on the hand splayed against his chest. “hmmm…” You couldn’t stop the soft smile tugging at your lips, this all just seemed so silly to you. Two nights ago you were planning a celebration together and now you sat here, with his heartbeat kissing your fingertips.

“Dare” You said finally. He chuckled lightly, your head bobbing with every breath, you wondered if he was thinking the same thing as you.

“uh dare you, to uh.. to let me take u on a date??”

You didnt stifle the laugh that ripped through you, Hamzah only smiled at the sound of it, joining you as you slapped your forehead against your knuckles.

“You are actually so corny…” you couldn’t even wipe the smile off your face long enough to seem serious. He pushed stray hairs out of your face, smoothing his hand over your hair softly.

“Is that a no?” You didn’t respond, only rested your head against his chest as his hand traveled across your back, drawing shapes with his fingertips and bringing goosebumps to the surface. You only mumbled in his direction, letting yourself be consumed by the relaxation overcoming your body. You heard his voice right as it did.

“…Double dog dare you.”

✮₊⊹₊⋆ ⋆₊ ⊹ ✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆ ₊⊹₊✮ ⊹₊⋆ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

a/n2: and ur panties were never to be seen again the end :)

Hamzah sat in bed, phone tossed away like it was poison as his hands ran through his blond curls. He knew he majorly fucked up, he couldn’t run from his own roommate, couldn’t run from all the shit he let slip when he was drunk. He couldn’t think of what to do or what to say, figured a cold shower would take his mind off the flashing memories on his mind and ease the heat in his stomach. Not to mention, the thought of leaving his room and seeing your face in the kitchen gave him serious chills.

So he stalked into the bathroom, turned on the shower immediately, using the rain like sound to seem more occupied than he was. In reality Hamzah stood in front of the mirror, mind racing with the memories of the night. The the way you loosened up as you drank, throwing him looks with low eyes and a cheeky smile. He pulled his shirt over his warm skin, steam filling the room as the thought of you under him filled his mind. Hamzah could barely believe it really happened, the thought of you like that had crossed his mind many nights but it was truly nothing like he imagined.

You were so much better

Hamzah shook his head, trying to rid himself from the haunting thoughts of your moans, your twisted face as his mouth latched onto you. He couldn’t help but let the images work him up, it didn’t help that the picture of you was weighing in his pocket like a brick. He looked at himself in the fogged mirror, sighing as he emptied his pockets to pull his sweats off. He flinched as his hand was met with a familiar lacy touch. Guilt washed over him, its not normal to steal your roommates underwear. He tossed them on the counter, swearing he would return them to you as he yanked his pants off.

He stood in his boxers, the heat of the steamy room easing into his shoulders. It was perverted to do anything with your panties, he told himself he was above such dirty behavior. So why did he feel his hand reach for the small fabric, why didn’t he stop himself from holding it out in front of him, and why was his body reacting so strongly to a dirty pair of panties.

Even as he brought the fabric closer to his face, his brain was begging him to stop- to think of the hole he was digging himself into. Yet his hand moved on their own, inching closer and closer to his face. Hamzahs face heated up as his nose tickled the lacy fabric, he paused, nervous like you would burst in the door at any second, then took a quick chaste breath in through his nose. His dick twitched in his pants as your scent barely filled his head, he couldn’t stop himself from taking a second deep breath, choking back a moan as he grew harder in black shorts. He held them to his face, cheeks burning as his free hand smoothed over the growing issue in his boxer briefs.

He stroked himself through the thin fabric, shuddering as he took in your scent in greedy breaths. His resolve was quickly broken as you filled his senses, the steam-filled room made it easy to imagine your embrace around him as his hand slipped past the band of his boxers. Hamzah smushed the fabric into his nose, relishing in the feel of plush lace kissing his skin. Steam coated his skin as he imagined your hand in his place as he had many times before. Each breath sent an electric wave right to his core, he stifled his moans with your panties as his hand rolled over his slick tip.

It all happened so fast, he’s standing in billowing clouds of steam huffing your panties like a life line. His chest rumbling with low grunts as he stroked his cock in his other hand. Legs tensing as he pumped his hand around his hard length, moans growing in intensity as he got rougher with himself. It was getting harder to control himself, his knees almost giving out as he pushed himself closer and closer to the edge. Hamzah’s hand gliding across his shaft relentlessly combined with the scenes of last night had his eyes rolling to the back of his head. He whimpered into the steamy room as he barreled toward his climax, so close, until-

SLAM

Hamzah jumped out of his skin as the house shook, he had lost himself in the moment, forgetting the threat of you presence was looming. He set your underwear down, orgasm long gone now- fizzled away like sand in his hand, leaving an aching pain for him to deal with. He felt deeply ashamed and perverse, more importantly robbed. He was in the middle of smoothing his hand over his flushed face when his phone buzzed from the countertop. He peaked at the screen, eyes widening when he saw your name at the top of his notifications.

“heading out to pick up some stuff lmk if u need anything”

Oh, maybe this could work, he thought, gave him more time to think about what he would say to you when you came back. This was the perfect time to get some time to himself, he finally stepped into the scorching shower.

Hamzah let the hot water melt away his worries, the heat cascaded over his head and down his smooth back and fit arms. He shut his eyes and began to wash himself, focusing on the sound of the water pattering on the porcelain floor and the glide of the soapy loofa against him. This proved hard though, because no matter what he thought about he still couldn’t ignore the throbbing in between his legs. If he turned the knob and made the shower cold like he told himself he would, his problem would wash away. It was the sensible solution, the most simple with no guilt or regret needed, yet the feeling of his soapy hands against his olive skin didnt make him want to make a sensible decision.

His breathing picked up, slick hands working lower on his body under the guise of lathering soap. He tried to be light handed, still fighting with shame, but his dick twitched and ached anytime his hands grazed around them. “Fuck a cold shower”, he thought, he couldn’t fight the feeling anymore. Hamzah wrapped his fist around the base, groaning into the steamy air. He was grateful that you had stepped out the house at this point, knowing he wouldn’t be able to control the noises he was about to make.

He sighed as his hand worked up his shaft slowly, shuddering as he rolled his fingers around the tip before dragging back to the base. Already so hard, he didn’t wait to pickup the pace, the thought of you on your knees last night walked him through the pleasure. He remembered the last dare he asked, the look in your eyes as he posed you. Hamzah had always secretly loved your face, thought you were the prettiest thing but never dared to say anything. This wasn’t the first time your face had popped in his head while his hand was on his dick, that didn’t mean he didn’t feel shame wash over him with every thought, it just meant that he was better at ignoring it.

His hand slowed, he stopped only to peak his body out of the shower, reaching for his phone on a nearby shelf. He pulled the phone back with him, right hand slowly stroking himself while the other pulled up that sacred picture of you. His dick pulsed in his hand, body tired from being pent up for so long. Hamzah was quick to slide through apps, the sight of it alone enough to have him fighting against ending too soon. He wasn’t sure if you were going to change your mind about him having the picture ,it might be the last time he could really enjoy this so he wanted it to last.

Hamzah looked down at you through the screen, scorching water cascading down his body as his brown eyes met with pixelated ones. He rolled his hand slowly across his length, thankful you weren’t home to hear the whimpers filling the bathroom. He felt astonished anytime he looked at the picture, shocked you really agreed to let him take it. It was truly filthy, the way you bit your lip as you looked up at him, the evidence of the night smudging your makeup and rolling down your cheek. His hand picked up in pace as he ogled the picture, remembering you under him as he rolled his tip in his palm.

He grew louder as he pumped his cock, switching between long slow strokes to short fast ones had him whimpering into the open air. He had to fight his head from hanging back in ecstasy, determined to keep his eyes on you the whole way through. Hamzah felt so pent up, loud sighs and groans slipping past him as he chased his peak. He pictured your hands in his place, remembered how you stuck your tongue out to tease his tip the night before. His heart pounded against his ribcage as he abused his dick, the thought of you under him throwing him over the edge. Hamzah grew louder as he came, a string of curses and your name flying out into the steamy air. Ropes of white hit the porcelain floor as he worked himself through his climax, balls tensing with every wave of pleasure. The intensity had him bracing against the tile wall, legs shaking with the after shocks of his high.

His chest expanded as he caught his breath, stepping into the stream to let the water cascade over his face and down his body. After a pause he looked down at the phone still in his hand, swiped to message you sent him from before. You seemed to be acting casual, like nothing had ever happened. Hamzah was fine with acting, he’s been doing it so long already, he couldn’t bare the thought of wading through thick tension everyday. He sent a thumbs up reaction, setting his phone aside so he could wash away his remorse.

Long after his shower, when steam had settled and set on the mirror and he had cleansed himself of the mess, he dressed himself and headed downstairs. Red and Blue were quick to run to his feet, dancing between his steps as he walked towards the kitchen. They meowed up at him as he got to the cabinet doors, swinging them open and reaching for cat food. The meows turned to howls as they circled his feet like sharks, pleading for food like they had been starved of nutrients. “ok, ok! jesus…” He looked down at them, cat food in hand as Red clawed at his pants. He filled the bowls and set them down, watching the cats devour the food like feral strays.

Hamzah looked at his phone as he moved to the couch, it had been a while since you headed out. He told himself he was going to think of something to say to you and yet after all this time he didn’t even know where to start. Hamzah valued your friendship and company much more than anything, he wants to preserve whatever he could. If you blamed it on the drinks- he would too, shrugging his shoulders and saying it happens sometimes. If you said it was just a one time thing, he wouldn’t bring it up again, putting on his best poker face for the rest of eternity if he had too. But if you said you wanted more from him?

Hamzah was ripped from his thoughts as he heard jingles from behind the front door, he had half a mind to bolt to his room and slam the door shut but stood his ground instead. He felt glued to the couch anyhow, stuck as the door creaked oped then closed. He listened to your slow footsteps as you grew closer to the living room, staring at his blank phone until the steps stopped. He slowly lifted his head to meet your gaze, you looked back at him silently, shifting your weight to one leg and lifting up your right hand to brandish a brown bag that was emitting a smell so enticing.

“I got wingstop.”

Your face was deadpan- not worried or nervous, just normal. Thats okay, he could be normal.

Just follow your lead

“you went out for just wings?” He teased, matching the smirk that slid unto you features as you moved to set the bag on the coffee table in front of him.

“Nooo i just knew you were gonna be begging for food so i picked up something.” Hamzah looked at the other bags and asked about them. He listened as you described your trip out, recounting your steps as you checked off errands throughout the day. He reached for the wings, but your hands shot out to stop his. Hamzah stopped in his tracks, you only pulled your hands off when you gave you a puzzled look.

“Sorry i just… look what else i picked up…”

You shoved a hand into the inside pocket of your jacket, pulling out a small clear jar filled with green flower. “Figured it would taste better with the wings… soo…” You set it between you on the table, a peace offering between you.

Hamzah knew that this was a bad combination but he certainly wasn’t strong enough to reject you. There was a pause as he looked at you, theres was a glint of nerves in your eyes as quiet settled into the air. You couldn’t bear the quiet, so you broke it first, head tilting to one side as you asked him, truthfully

“…..Do you wanna smoke with me?”

𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹𓁹

A/n: this part was mid but its ok bc Part 3 soon ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)