sunshine (part 1)
In which Harry's a dick and y/n is a virgin who cries a lot.
Ë¡ .° ・ Â Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Ë Âˇ . ° ・ Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Âˇ .° ・ Ë ď˝Ą °.  ¡ Ë â§ĚĚ Â
Y/n wonders if she thinks too highly of herself.
She thinks sheâs pretty. Not in an obnoxious, self-obsessed way! She knows sheâs not a supermodel, and she definitely has a lot of days where she looks and feels totally dead â but at the end of the day, sheâs not hideous. She splurges on pretty makeup products, does her hair in the mornings, spends a decent amount of time planning out cute outfits⌠you know, little things to make herself feel pretty!
She brushes her teeth twice a day, showers regularly, flosses. Wears pretty perfumes that smell like flowers and lip gloss that tastes like strawberries. Thereâs a stash of gum in her bag that sheâs always chewing on, so she knows she doesnât have bad breath; and she carries an extra deodorant in her backpack too, so you canât tell her sheâs repulsive or anything like that.Â
Sheâs kind. She smiles at strangers and always laughs at peopleâs jokes (even if they arenât funny)â holds the elevator door open and says a polite âgood morningâ or âhello!â with her happy, cheery voice. And even though sheâs a bit shy, she tries her best to spread love and kindness in the world. It just makes her happy to make other people happy!
Plus, being nice means that everyone else is nicer to you. So even if sheâs in a bad mood, sheâll fake a smile and pretend like sheâs happy y/n.
But, she wonders... if she has all of these amazing qualitiesâ if she really is as pretty and kind and wonderful as she makes herself out to beâ then why hasnât she been kissed yet?
She loves her friends, of course she does! But how is she so different from them? Why do all of her friends get asked out on dates and have amazing boyfriends while sheâs still a lonely virgin who hasnât even been kissed yet?Â
Itâs not like sheâs this super virginal person who gets grossed out by boys! She wants to be kissed, she wants to get fucked! Sheâs toyed around with the idea of just downloading tinder and losing it all to some stranger in one night stand, but her romantic heart just canât stand the thought of it.Â
Yes, sheâs desperate⌠but sheâs also romantic. Love is on her mind 24/7. Itâs what she thinks about before she falls asleep, what she daydreams about whenever she gets bored. She could spend hours with a romance novel, hyper fixating on the little things that most people wouldnât blink an eye at. The way the boyâs hand cupped the girlâs jaw while they kissed, or how their fingers brushed as they walked down the street. Little things like forehead kisses and prolonged glances across a room.Â
She craves it for herself, desperately aches for the affection that she reads of. She wants to rest her head on someoneâs chest and listen to their heartbeat as she falls asleep, feel their fingers playing with her hair, or their lips skimming her cheek. Wants to laugh under the covers and share secrets and be vulnerable and in love. She wants it more than anything in the world!Â
And yet, she hasnât even been kissed!Â
Everyone else seems to do it so easily â find a nice guy, go out on a date, and fall in love. So why is it so hard for her? Her friends tell her that she's the prettiest and sweetest girl out there, and that the right guy simply hasnât come around yet⌠but y/n canât help but think, is any of it true?
Is she even that pretty? Is she actually likable?
Whatâs wrong with her?
Ë¡ .° ・ Â Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Ë Âˇ . ° ・ Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Âˇ .° ・ Ë ď˝Ą °.  ¡ Ë â§ĚĚ Â
Harry hates these stupid college parties.
Theyâre loud and stuffy, with way too many people crammed into one room for his liking. The alcohol is cheap, the music is annoying. The entire apartment smells like weed, and thereâs not even a secluded corner for him to mope around in without some group of drunk girls completely invading his personal space. Everything about these parties sucks.
If he could, heâd leave. But heâs meant to give a ride home to his roomie Blake, and Blakeâs currently hooking up with the host of this party.Â
So Harryâs stuck here. Great.Â
He checks his phone, and itâs nearly midnight. Blake should be done soon, right? The blonde girl whoâs been talking to him for the past 20 minutes is getting awfully close, her hand trailing on his biceps and migrating towards his chest, and sheâs blinking up at him with fluttery bambi eyes.Â
Any other night and Harry might be into whatever this girl is hinting at, but heâs 100% sober and 100% not in the mood to hook up with a girl whoâs taken one too many shots. He grabs the girl's hands and peels them off of his chest gently, muttering something about needing to use the restroom (he doesnât even need to use the bathroom, he just needs a minute away from the pounding music).Â
He sends her off in the direction of her friends, who are giggling to each other in a corner across the room and not-so-inconspicuously checking to see if their friend has managed to successfully get with Harry. Heâs sure theyâve realized that he rejected her when they all glare at him. Sorry to disappoint, he thinks to himself.Â
Heâs nearly positive that any bathrooms in this shitty college apartment will probably be occupied, either with someone throwing up all the drinks theyâve had or with a couple hooking up. But no harm in trying anyway.Â
The first door that he tries to open is locked. The second door opens up to reveal a coat closet.Â
The third door however, opens up to a bedroom.Â
The walls are decorated with posters and pictures, fairy lights hanging from the ceiling, and tiny pots of succulents placed all over the room⌠but the one thing that stands out the most is the overwhelming number of books scattered all over the room. Thereâs a bookshelf on each wall, cluttered with books of all colors and sizes. Stacks of books lie on the nightstand by the bed, a stray book sits on top of a dresser, and a pile of new, untouched books sits pristinely in the far right corner of the room.Â
Books, books, and more books all over the room. And, a book in the hands of a girl sitting quietly in her bed, staring at Harry.Â
Dressed in a hoodie and some fuzzy pj pants, the book that sheâd once held up closely to her face now rests on her lap as she blinks up at this strange intruder. She sits upright, closing the book but sticking her finger between the pages so that she doesnât lose her place. âUm⌠hi?â she says quietly.Â
He steps into the room, and looks at her blankly. âHi.â She blinks at him. âSâthis room taken?â he asks.
âUm. Well,â she looks at him curiously. âNo, I guess not.âÂ
âOkay, good,â he responds, quickly closing the door behind him. He sits on a spinny chair that he pulls out from under a desk and leans his head back, letting out a deep sigh of relief.Â
The girl, with her finger still lodged between her book, stares at him confused. Who is this guy?Â
Heâs cute, and sheâs mildly embarrassed that heâs come into her room when sheâs looking so⌠sleepy. But he also seems kinda grumpy and is obviously not in the mood to talk. Heâs leaning back in her chair and closing his eyes, gently rubbing his temples as if heâs meditating.Â
She observes him with wide eyes. Then after a minute of silence she awkwardly picks her book back up and tries to resume reading.Â
Kinda hard to do with some random guy sitting in her bedroom, though.Â
In this secluded bedroom, the sound of the music has decreased dramatically. Harryâs pounding headache starts to fade away, and he feels himself start to relax for the first time since he arrived at this stupid party. He looks around the room that he so luckily stumbled into.Â
The desk in front of him is, to no surprise, cluttered with more books. A laptop is plugged in in front of him, and thereâs a cup full of colorful pens and markers sitting against the wall. Hanging on the wall is a string of pictures starring the same girl with different groups of people.Â
He looks at the pictures hanging from the walls. Then he looks back at the girl laying in the bed.Â
âSâthis your room?â he asks, finally connecting the dots.
She looks up from the book again and nods.Â
âOh,â he hums, surprised. He supposes he shouldâve realized it as soon as he walked in. Girl in a room full of books, reading a book. Face clean of all makeup, snuggled up in a blanket, nice and comfy as though sheâs just about ready for bed. Itâs a bit silly that he only made the connection once he saw her pictures up on the walls. âWhy arenât you out there partying?âÂ
âUm⌠not really my scene,â she says, closing the book and looking at Harry properly. Her nose scrunches up, âAnd it smells really bad in there.â
âJesus, tell me about it,â he groans. âCould hardly breathe in there. In factââ he says, already standing up, âdâya mind if we open up a window? Still feels stuffy in here.âÂ
She shows no resistance as he slides the window open, accepting the fact that sheâd be sharing her room with this stranger until the party was over. Harry sticks his head out and takes a deep breath of the cool, fresh air. Much better than the sweaty, smoky, sickly smell going on inside the apartment.Â
When he turns back around, the girl has rearranged herself. She sits criss-crossed on her bed and looks up at Harry, fidgeting nervously with her lip bitten between her teeth.Â
Sheâs kind of cute.Â
Harry breaks the silence again. âI think your roommate is hooking up with my roommate right now.âÂ
âOh.â She blinks. âIs your roommate Blake?âÂ
He nods.
âYeah, Maddieâs been saying that she, um⌠you know,â she looks down at her hands as they play with a loose thread on the hem of her pants. âWants to hook up with him or whatever.âÂ
He nods his head, leaning back against her wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest. As refreshing as the air is, the night time breeze is cold.Â
âNo offense,â he says, âBut you donât seem like youâd be friends with Maddie.â Maddie (y/nâs roommate) has jet black hair, wears heavy eyeliner and black lipstick everyday, and is at least a little bit high 90% of the time. Y/n, in comparison, has flowery bed sheets, a stuffed bunny tucked in next to her, and is hiding in her bedroom while a party being thrown in her own apartment.Â
She just smiles softly. âYeah, we met online. But sheâs really nice.âÂ
He raises his eyebrow. âShe seems like a bitch.âÂ
She defends her roommate immediately. âSheâs not a bitch!â But then she thinks about it for a second. Maddie can definitely come off a bit⌠harsh at times. âWell⌠sheâs usually really nice to me, at least.âÂ
That makes sense. It would be very hard to be mean to this girl, he imagines. Sheâs too nice. It would be like being mean to a puppy or something.Â
Good thing Harry isnât mean. Heâs just⌠a bit of a grump.Â
She taps her fingers against the cover of her book awkwardly, staring at Harry as he looks up to her ceiling and closes his eyes. He just wants to be in his bed right now.Â
After a few more minutes of silence, Harry pushes himself off the wall. âI think Blake should be done,â he says, checking the time on his phone. âIâm going to leave now.âÂ
âOkay,â says the girl quietly. She watches as he leaves with a nod of his head, and shuts the door behind him.Â
That was weird, she thinks.Â
Whatever, though. She opens her book and forgets about it.Â
+++
Donât people say that drowsy driving is just as bad as drunk driving? What constitutes drowsy driving? Should y/n even be out on the road right now?
She doesnât know. All she knows is that Maddie woke her up with a phone call at 2 AM, asking if y/n would come pick her up from Blakeâs apartment cause she was too high to get back on her own and she doesnât want to stay the night there.Â
Y/n, being the sweetheart that she is, obviously wants her roommate to get back safe. So sheâs in her car, at 2 AM, yawning every three seconds as she drives to the location Maddie sent her.
She texts Maddie from the car, but Maddie doesnât respond. She calls her, then sends another text, but still no answer. After 10 minutes of no response, she goes up to the door and knocks.Â
Maddie doesnât answer. Instead, itâs Harry.
His eyebrows furrow as recognizes the girl from that party heâd been at two weeks ago. She looks just as comfortable as she did then, in a big pink hoodie and a pair of sweats. âWhat are you doing here?â he asks, his voice confused and his eyes doubting. Not many people come knocking at his door at 2 AM.
Unlike y/n, who looks like she just rolled out of bed and drove here (that is exactly what she did), Harry looks like heâs been up all night (heâs been playing COD). Heâs not wearing a shirt and has a pair of sweats slung low on his hips, showing off a chiseled abdomen that acts as a canvas for a multitude of pretty tattoos. Y/n finds herself staring at the swallows that lie under his collarbones, the butterfly painted above his stomach, and the ferns lining a yummy pair of v-lines that point downwards⌠she swallows thickly and forces herself to look away.Â
âUm,â she covers her mouth as she yawns, hiding her cold fingers with the sleeves of her hoodie, âMaddie needed me to drive her home.â She blinks sleepily, and canât even bring herself to be embarrassed that she looks so dead.
âItâs 2 in the morning,â he scoffs. âShouldnât you be asleep?â
She blinks sleepily again. âI was.âÂ
Harry rolls his eyes. If it were him, he would not have gotten up and driven all the way over here. Someone elseâs problems are not enough to get him out of bed. But, this girl⌠sheâs too nice.Â
He leaves her at the door and goes to Blakeâs room, pounding on the door rudely. âHey!â he yells, irritation evident in his tone, âyour roommateâs here.âÂ
He hears a bit of shuffling, before Maddie stumbles out of Blakeâs room, makeup askew and clothing only half on. She giggles up at Harry and apologizes playfully, but he just glares at her. Her eyes are glazed over and the whites of her eyes bloodshot, very obviously high if the way she couldnât walk straight wasnât enough of an indication.Â
He feels bad for the stupid girl who drove all the way over here in the middle of the night because her roommate wanted to get high.
Maddie trips over her own feet and falls into y/n, who uses all of her strength to keep her roommate upright and walks her slowly down to the car. âAre you feeling okay?â Harry hears her ask quietly. He scoffs to himself.
He doesnât get it. How the fuck has this girl not lost her shit? Her irresponsible roommate woke her up at 2 am and made her drive all the way to some strangerâs house, and yet she still manages to be so⌠gentle. So kind, to someone who barely even deserves it. So caring, to someone who seems to care so little.Â
As y/n helps Maddie get into the car, she looks back up to the apartment and sees Harry watching them from the doorstep. They make eye contact for a few seconds, his eyebrows furrowed as he leans against the doorframe. His gaze makes her heart stutter, a chill running down her spine. He looks⌠upset. Almost like heâs mad at her.
It makes her frown. She wants to say something to him, apologize for ruining his night⌠but then Maddie sticks her head out of the car and vomits.Â
Harry shakes his head and turns away.Â
That girl is too nice for her own good.Â
+++
âHey.â Blake pokes his head into Harryâs room, where Harryâs busy playing a round on his computer, âDo you mind if Maddie and her friend come over?â
âDonât care,â Harry mumbles, uninterested, not looking away from his game.Â
âSick,â he turns around to go back into his own room, but stops when Harry suddenly pauses his game and calls out to him.
âWhoâs the friend?â Harry asks, turning around.Â
âY/n,â Blake answers. Harry stares at him, his brows furrowed. The name doesnât ring a bell. âHer roommate.âÂ
âThat quiet girl?â Harry clarifies.
âYeah, that one.âÂ
Oh. So her name was y/n.Â
Good to know.Â
+++
Itâs dark out when Harry finally turns off his game, sliding his headset off and stretching his back. He lets out a long groan as he feels his spine crack, a delicious feeling after being hunched over his controller for three hours straight.Â
Standing up, he scratches at his stomach lazily, throwing his headset onto his chair. His arms feel a bit sore, having been to the gym earlier that day, and his hair is still wet from when he showered. He puts on a sweatshirt, finding his apartment too cold to be roaming around shirtless, and heads to the kitchen to find something to eat.Â
He stops in his tracks when he finds y/n sitting in his living room all alone.Â
Sheâs got a book in her hands, a thick, worn-out novel that looks older than herself. Sheâs sitting comfortably on their couch with her legs tucked underneath her butt, so engulfed in whatever sheâs reading that she doesnât even realize that sheâs not alone anymore.Â
Itâs the first time heâs ever seen her outside of her sleep attire. Sheâs wearing a pair of loose, comfy looking corduroy pants, and a tight top that cuts off just below her ribs. Her chest rises and falls steadily, eyes skimming across the pages of her book so quickly that he wonders if sheâs actually absorbing any of the words or not. She chews on her lip as she reads, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.Â
When Harry finally speaks, it makes her jump in her place. âWhere are Blake and Maddie?â
Her book nearly falls out of her hands as she whips her head around. When she sees itâs him, she relaxes. âOh. Um,â she sits upright, closing her book, âTheyâre in his room.â
He nods slowly, squinting his eyes. Thereâs no nice way to ask his next question, so he just spits it out bluntly. âWhyâd you come over if youâre just sitting out here while they hook up?âÂ
She tucks her hair behind her ear nervously, feeling a little shy under his intimidating gaze. âMaddie was my ride to campus today. And she wanted to stop by here before we went home.â She shrugs quietly, âSo I kinda had no choice.â
He huffs. Of course.Â
Y/n says that Maddieâs nice, but Harry really doesnât like her. How weird is it to drag your friend somewhere just to have them sit alone while you go hook up with someone?Â
âHow long have you guys been here?â he asks.
âLike, an hour.â
âSo youâve been sitting around doing nothing for an hour?â
She pouts. âI had my book.â
He blinks. She just sat here reading for an hour, while her roommate abandoned her to go hookup with Blake⌠and sheâs okay with it?Â
She is too nice for her own good.Â
âDo yâwant some pizza?â he asks, already opening the freezer.
Normally, y/n would say no. Sheâs kind of an unwelcome guest and she doesnât want to be a burden on Harry. But⌠she hasnât had anything since breakfast. And Maddie still hasnât come out. Sheâs kind of starving.
âWhat kind?â she asks politely.
âUmm⌠cheese or pepperoni.âÂ
âI donât like pepperoni,â she confesses shyly. âBut also I could just pick it off if you want pepperoni. Whatever you want.âÂ
He rolls his eyes, shoving the pepperoni pizza back into the freezer. He wants to scream at her to stop being so nice! Stop being so considerate and just say what you want!
He puts it in the oven to bake, setting a timer for 15 minutes, then takes a moment to contemplate his next move. He could either go back into his room, where he could lie in bed and nap until the pizza was ready⌠or he could stay in here and sit awkwardly on the couch so that y/n wouldnât be all alone.Â
99% of him wants to just go back into his room where he can be grumpy and alone in peace⌠but then he looks over at y/n, whoâs sitting on the couch all by herself. She looks so uncomfortable and out of place, tracing her thumb over the raised up font on the hardcover in her hands.
The 1% of him that feels bad for her wins. He sits down next to her on the couch.Â
He nods his head towards the worn out book, which looks thicker than anything heâs ever read. âAre you reading the fuckinâ bible?âÂ
âNo,â she shakes her head, laughing to herself quietly. She runs her fingers over the grooves of the title, a feeling so familiar that it comforts her when sheâs feeling so out of place. âItâs Wuthering Heights.âÂ
He furrows his brow. âNever heard of it.âÂ
âItâs good,â she says. âKinda dense, but Iâve already read it a few times. Itâs one of my favorites.âÂ
He nods again, tapping his fingers on his thighs as silence overtakes the apartment once more. He looks around the living room, trying to find something else to say.Â
Y/nâs heart pitter patters in her chest nervously. She canât help but feel a bit nervous around Harry. Sheâs pretty shy in general, and Harryâs stoic demeanor certainly doesnât help her relax. Her voice is quiet as she asks, âUm⌠whatâs your major?â A feeble attempt on her end at a conversation.Â
âMath.âÂ
âJust math?â she parrots.
âMhm,â he cracks his knuckles. âPure math.âÂ
She huffs out a quiet breath, a pout on her lips. âIâm in a math class right now.â Her fingers pick at a piece of fuzz thatâs stuck on the couch. âCalc 1. Itâs really hard.â
âMm, yeah.â Harry hums, âTook that during my first year.âÂ
She looks at him with wide eyes, âDid you pass?âÂ
He holds back a smile. Itâs amusing, how earnestly sheâs asking him â a math major â if he passed Calculus 1. That class was generally easy for him, mostly just beginner stuff compared to the math he does now that heâs in his third year. But he doesnât say that. âYeah, I did,â he says simply, not wanting to make her feel bad.
She nods, looking back down at her book. âIâm kinda scared. Our first midterm was really hard.âÂ
He hums sympathetically. Even though it was easy for him, he knows that calc class is infamously hard for others â especially for those who arenât math inclined like himself. âHow about you? Whatâs your major?âÂ
His legs are spread apart so that he takes up nearly half the couch, whereas y/n sits curled up on the other corner, trying to take up as little space as possible. âBio,â she readjusts herself so that sheâs sitting crisscrossed, her book still clutched to her chest protectively. âWith a concentration in ecology.âÂ
Ew. He hates biology. Actually⌠he hates everything except math. Math is easy for him.Â
The oven beeps. A rush of relief fills his chest, finally free from this awkward conversation, and he eagerly abandons y/n on the couch to get the pizza out. Heâs hungry, starving, and doesnât bother with a plate or anything before grabbing a slice and shoving it in his mouth.Â
âCome have some,â he mumbles, mouth full.
She timidly walks over to the kitchen counter that heâs standing at, wiping her sweaty hands on her pants, and takes a slice as well. Blowing on it, she takes a much smaller bite than Harry did since itâs still so hot. She doesnât know how he managed to already finish a whole slice.Â
Now that they can focus on eating their food, thereâs no need for any more small talk. They eat comfortably in silence, only acknowledging each other when y/n asks for a napkin. He nods towards one of the drawers, asking her to grab him one too, and then theyâre back to eating in silence.Â
Blake and Maddie burst out of his room a few minutes later.
âHarry made dinner!â exclaims Blake, coming over and reaching for a slice of pizza.Â
Harry yanks the tray out of his reach. âGet your own pizza,â he mumbles, putting the pizza back down in front of y/n. He looks at her, and nods his head towards the pizza, inviting her to take another slice.Â
Maddie stops her before she can reach for a second slice. âReady to go?â she asks.Â
Y/n nods, wiping her hands on a napkin. âThanks for the pizza,â she whispers to Harry, quiet enough so that only he hears.Â
âYeah,â is all he says. He barely looks at her, too busy scarfing down his third (maybe fourth) slice.Â
She grabs her stuff and follows Maddie out of the boys apartment.Â
+++
âHey!â Maddie pushes her way through the stuffed apartment, reaching her hand out towards y/n. âListen, Iâm gonna go home with Blake.â
âW-What?â Y/nâs head is foggy, her brain a little clouded from the few drinks that sheâs had. Y/n doesnât normally drink, so the little bit of alcohol in her system has had its intended effect and gone a bit further as well â her cheeks are warm, and she feels the world sway a little bit as she looks up at Maddie with a pout. âButâ but what about me?â
Normally, y/n stays home whenever Maddie wants to go out and party. She prefers the comfort of her own bed and hates the anxiety she feels when sheâs drunk and wobbly and surrounded by a bunch of strangers. But Maddie had assured her that theyâd be together all night, that sheâd take care of her if she got drunk, and that sheâd drive them home whenever y/n wanted to leave.
Sheâs broken all three of those promises.Â
When they got to the party, Maddie abandoned her as soon as she saw Blake across the room. Luckily, y/n saw some of her own friends that she was able to hang out with, some girls from her ecology class who gave her a yummy strawberry smirnoff. They talked and laughed and y/n was having a good time, slowly but surely getting a little bit tipsy. The drink was so yummy, and Maddie wasnât there to keep an eye on her, so she didnât realize that sheâd gone a bit over her tolerance.Â
Sheâs a bit tipsier than sheâd like to be in a public setting, surrounded with people she doesnât know, and itâs too dark outside for her to get home safely on her own. And now⌠Maddie wants to abandon her? For Blake?Â
âDonât worry!â Maddie exclaims, completely disregarding the worry flickering in y/nâs glazed eyes. âIâll order you an uber home!âÂ
Y/n bites her lip nervously. An uber? At this time of night, when sheâs all drunk and stumbling around like a sad little baby deer?
âUm⌠canât you take me home before you go with Blake?âÂ
Maddie rolls her eyes, âcome on, really? Iâll pay for the uber. It'll be fine.âÂ
Y/nâs heart beats loudly in her chest, âI-Iâm scared of going by myself, Maddie. I think I had too much to drink, I donât feel safe.â
Her roommate purses her lips in a firm line, as if sheâs annoyed. She looks around the apartment, tapping her foot impatiently, then she lights up with an idea. âStay here,â she tells y/n.Â
âHarry!â Maddie calls out, making her way back to the other side of the apartment. âHey, Harry!âÂ
Heâs sitting on a couch, next to a pretty girl in a tight black dress who has her legs splayed across his lap comfortably. Thereâs a furrow in his brow that makes him look pissed off, but his hand rests very comfortably on this girl's thigh and he makes no objections as she plays with the collar of his shirt. His head whips over to Maddie as she tramples her way over to him.
âWhat is it?â he snaps, voice closed off and irritated.Â
âCan you drive y/n home?âÂ
He blinks. âHuh?âÂ
âCan you drive y/n home??â she says again, frustrated.
âWhy?âÂ
âCause Iâm going over to your apartment with Blake and she needs a ride home.âÂ
He stares at Maddie unbelievingly, and peers over at y/n, whoâs sitting all alone on the other side of the apartment. Her lips are pouted sadly, staring down at the floor with a far off look in her eyes.Â
âWhy canât you take her home?â he grumbles, looking up at Maddie with a glare in his eye.
She huffs, impatiently stomping her foot. âCause Iâm going home with Blake right now! Come on Harry, itâs not that far! Please?âÂ
He shakes his head. âFuckinâ unbelieveable,â he mutters under his breath, pushing the girl off of him as he stands up.Â
âThank you,â she sighs, dragging him behind her. âY/n,â Maddie says, stopping in front of her. âHarryâs gonna drive you home.âÂ
She looks up, eyes wide and round. âH-Harry?â
âYes,â she says harshly, âyou guys are friends, arenât you?â
âUmâŚâ y/n doesnât know what to say. She wouldnât necessarily consider them friends just because they shared a pizza.Â
Her night out with Maddie was meant to be fun, but right now, she just feels abandoned and kinda scared. And Harry doesnât seem too happy about this either, which makes her feel even worse.
âLets go,â he snaps, jaw clenching tightly as he swings his car keys around his index finger. She flinches at his tone and digs her nails into her palms nervously.Â
Sheâs trapped. Itâs either Harry takes her home, or she takes an uber all by herself. And sheâs too scared to get home alone right now.Â
With a final look towards Maddie, who stares back at her dismissively and shoos her towards Harry, she stands up shakily and follows Harry out of the crowded apartment.Â
The air outside is much colder than the apartment, goosebumps immediately rising on y/nâs skin and making her shiver. Harry doesnât acknowledge the way she stumbles over her feet, walking ahead of her briskly. Sheâs forced to keep herself composed, wrapping her arms around herself to keep warm and nearly jogging to keep up with Harryâs long strides.Â
He unlocks his car doors and gets into the driverâs seat. Y/n opens the passengerâs side door for herself and takes a seat, buckling herself in quietly.
Turning on the car, he notices the way her arms are tightly crossed in front of her chest. He turns up the heat, and pulls out of the parking lot.Â
They play no music and say nothing, driving in silence.
âSorry you have to drive me home,â she says faintly after a few minutes.Â
His turn signal blinks softly. âCanât believe your roommate just left you,â he mutters irritatedly.Â
She says nothing in response. She stares out the window, a lump in her throat as the drive past the streets of college houses and apartments. The red light they stop at and the name of the streets go blurry from the tears gathering at her waterline. She sniffles softly.
Harry whips his head to her. âWhy are you crying?â
Her lower lip wobbles as the first tear falls from her lashes. She wipes it away quickly. âI donât know,â is all she says with a watery voice.
He stares at her befuddled, brows furrowed and eyes a piercing green, but she refuses to meet his gaze. She just looks outside the window in a melancholy haze, lost in thought, eyes unfocused as tears drip down her face silently.Â
He sighs deeply and taps his fingers against the steering wheel, praying for the red light to turn green so that he can get this girl home as soon as possible.Â
+++
When they arrive at her place, he sits in his car and watches as she stumbles up the steps of her apartment. She mumbled out a soft thank you through her tears and managed to climb out of his car smoothly, but the way she wobbles on her feet makes Harry worry that he shouldnât leave until heâs sure she got in.
She stands in front of her door for a solid two minutes, trying to find her keys, and Harry taps his fingers against his thigh impatiently. When she finally finds them, she struggles to fit the key in the lock, hands shaky and her vision still blurred from the tears. Aaaand then she drops them.Â
Harry sighs and puts the car in park. By the time sheâs picked the keys back up, Harryâs already gotten out of his car and reached the top step. He takes the keys from her and easily unlocks her door. âIn,â he mutters, ushering her into her apartment impatiently.Â
He follows her into her bathroom and turns the light on for her. Their eyes meet in the mirror as he asks, âcan you get yourself ready for bed?â
She nods, looking down at the ground sheepishly as he leaves her to take off her makeup and brush her teeth. She opts to skip her skincare routine and doesnât even bother with putting her jewelry back in her jewelry box, simply just leaving her earrings on her bathroom counter to deal with tomorrow.Â
Harryâs probably gone back down to his car by now, she thinks. Itâs so embarrassing, how he had to drive her home and guide her into her bathroom. He seemed annoyed with her. He probably thought she was so messy â an annoying, overdramatic girl who started crying in his car for no reason.Â
More tears bubble in her tears as the hot wave of embarrassment washes over her. She was such a mess, of course sheâs never been in a relationship. Nobody would want to date someone like her.Â
She takes off her clothes and whips off her bra, sniffling to herself sadly. Slipping on her favorite sweatshirt, a huge pink one that goes down to her mid thighs and covers her hands, she uses the sleeves to wipe away the excess tears in her eyes. She stumbles over herself a bit and bangs her foot against her dresser as she reaches for a pair of sleep shorts and it only makes her want to cry even harder. Drunk y/n is extra emotional, and every little thing is sending over the edge.Â
As sheâs stepping into her pair of sleep shorts, her bedroom door opens, Harry walking in with a glass of water in one hand and a pill bottle in the other. She trips over herself as she tries to pull her clothes on as soon as possible, but it just makes her lose balance and stumble to the side. His eyes widen and he turns around quickly, muttering a quick fuck to himself.Â
âSorry,â he mutters. âAre you decent?â
Y/n regains her composure, cheeks burning as she pulls her shorts over her hips. This night could not be going any worse. âYeah,â she says quietly. She hopes itâs dark enough in the room so that he doesnât see her flaming cheeks and puffy eyes.Â
He turns around and hands her the water, which she immediately starts chugging down. She didnât realize how thirsty sheâd been until sheâd seen the glass in Harryâs large, tattooed hand.Â
âSlow down,â he grunts. He pops open the pill bottle and takes out one Advil for her. âTake this.âÂ
She grabs the pill from him obediently and swallows it down with the rest of her water. Then she looks up at him, as if waiting for his next instructions.Â
âBed,â he says, nodding his head towards her daisy printed sheets. She goes to climb in but trips over her shoe that sheâd messily discarded on the floor. Harry grabs her waist before she can fall to the floor though.Â
âJesus,â he murmurs. This was like the seventh time sheâs almost fallen over tonight. Is she always this clumsy or was it the drinks?Â
He grabs her hand and physically guides her into her bed, making sure she lays down properly and lifting the sheets for her to climb under. Grabbing her ankle, he literally has to guide her under the blanket, then lets the duvet fall over her gracefully.Â
âAll good?â he asks, once sheâs tucked nicely into her bed, teeth brushed and medicine taken so that she wouldnât wake up feeling gross tomorrow.Â
She looks up at him, eyes no longer tear filled but still clearly sad. âYeah..â she says quietly, however her eyes flicker around her room as if sheâs searching for something.Â
He furrows his brows, and glances in the direction her eyes have landed. A stuffed bunny lies on the floor next to the shoe that she tripped over. He bends over and picks it up, handing it to her questioningly. She takes the bunny and snuggles it into her neck, eyes fluttering as if she can finally relax. âThanks,â she whispers.Â
Harry nods curtly and heads for the door. When he turns around one final, y/n is watching him with sleepy eyes. âBye, Harry,â she squeaks out.Â
He stares at her for a second. âBye.â Then he closes the door behind himself.
+++
Y/n wakes up with a pounding headache and an upset tummy.
That was mortifying.Â
Sheâs never gonna be able to face Harry again. He was so annoyed with her, she just knows it! The way she dragged him away from that party, cried in his car, and tripped over herself like a stupid goat with clanky legs⌠oh, he probably thinks sheâs the worst!Â
She wishes she had more control over her emotions, that she couldâve held in the tears until she was alone in her bed⌠but she just felt so miserable last night. She had wanted to start crying literally when Maddie first yelled at her at the party, but she tried to stay strong. Kept herself together so that she at least didnât start crying in the middle of a party.
But then⌠getting in the car with Harry. God. The deafening silence, the irritation radiating off of him⌠it made her feel terrible. She felt like a nuisance, like an annoyance and a burden.Â
And she completely humiliated herself in front of Harry! The cute guy that she maybe sort of had started to have a tiny little crush on, simply because he was cute and mildly nice to her and she has a habit of romanticizing small interactions. Â
There was no chance heâd ever want to be in a room with her after this. He probably wants nothing to do with her.Â
She stumbles out of her bed and plants her feet on the ground, her head spinning a little bit as she squints her eyes. Her little stuffed bunny has fallen onto the floor again, and she picks it up and places it onto the bed next to herself. She remembers how Harry had picked the bunny up and given it to her before she fell asleep last night, like she was some little kid that he was stuck babysitting.Â
Ugh. Sheâs never going to talk to him again.Â
+++
Harry stands outside of his lecture hall, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed angrily. His eyebrows are furrowed in classic Grumpy Harry fashion and his lips are pursed in a disgruntled frown.Â
Heâs annoyed.Â
He stares at y/n, whoâs sitting on a bench not too far away. Her tote bag sits on the floor next to her feet and thereâs a book in her hand, her finger in between the pages as a temporary bookmark to not lose the page sheâs on.Â
Thereâs something about her that just⌠annoys him so much. He canât quite explain it.
The way her cheeks dimple as she smiles up at the guy talking to her, tucking her hair behind her ear gently when it falls into her face⌠it makes his jaw clench angrily as he watches her from a distance. Sheâs so nice. Too nice.Â
She laughs at something the guy sheâs talking to says and it makes his stomach feel sour. He doesnât like it.
Blakeâs hand snaps in front of Harryâs face. âBro. Stop staring.âÂ
Harry forces his eyes to look away, brows still furrowed grumpily. âWasnât staring,â he mumbles, pushing himself off the wall and going into the lecture hall.Â
âYou were,â he responds, following closely behind. âSheâs really nice⌠I dunno why you hate her.â
âWho says I hate her?â Harry scoffs. âI never talk to her.â Especially as of late, sheâs quiet as a mouse around him. He was over at her apartment to pick Blake up the other day and sheâd only said a quiet âhiâ before scurrying back into her room, like a scared little bunny in the presence of a snake or something.Â
âWell⌠I mean, you could be nicer.â
Harry furrows his brows. âWhat do you mean?â
Blake hesitates. âLike⌠I dunno. Maddie says you made her cry.âÂ
âHuh?â He thinks back to that night⌠âHow was that my fault?â All heâd done was driven her home and tucked her into bed? She just started crying on her own!
âSheâs just kind of sensitive,â says Blake. âI know you probably werenât trying to mean, but youâre definitely not sunshine and rainbows. Youâre scary, did yâknow that?â
Harry rolls his eyes. Everyone seems to have this preconceived notion that Harry's this huge dick who never smiles⌠and though itâs true that he rarely smiles in the presence of strangers, heâs not an asshole! He just doesnât feel like wasting his energy in pretending to like people he doesnât actually like. Or smile when itâs much more comfortable to furrow his brows and pout grumpily.Â
And he finds that usually his grumpy demeanor works in his favor â people stay out of his way, and he gets to avoid the headache that comes with interacting with people. But now this girl⌠this sunshine girl who always has her nose in a little book and always says please and thank you and is nice to everyone and stumbles over herself like a little puppy who's learning how to walk⌠sheâs gone on and made him feel bad about it.Â
How annoying is that? To have the nicest person on the planet think youâre scary? Â
âI wasnât trying to make her cry,â he mutters, irritated. âI didnât even say anything to her.â
âWell maybe thatâs the problem. Like⌠just try. I think youâll like her.â
He doesnât think so. Sheâs too nice. They probably wouldnât get along.Â
+++
There are three things y/n does a lot.
The first is studying. Her grades come first, always. Sheâll be at the library for hours at a time, snuggled up in a booth with an iced coffee and her color coded notes, studying until she can barely keep her eyes open. Itâs unhealthy, and she really should take breaks more often⌠but she just gets really nervous about her grades!Â
Sheâs used to being at the top of her class, and has always been a straight A student. But recently, sheâs been struggling. Sheâs doing fine in her chemistry class, and absolutely thriving in biology. But calculus⌠calculus is her worst enemy.
The second thing she does a lot is reading. Sheâs been a bookworm for as long as she can remember. Her most frequent genre is romance (obviously!), but sheâll dabble a little bit in the popular fantasy series, maybe pick up a thriller every once in a while. And if sheâs feeling sophisticated, sheâll try to read one of the classics⌠something philosophical, like Camus, or maybe something a little heavier, like War and Peace. But those situations are rare. She prefers her little world of romance.
The third thing that y/n does a lot⌠is cry.Â
Sheâll cry if she watches a sad movie, sheâll cry over a sad book. She cried when Finnick died in The Hunger Games, and she cried when she finished Of Mice and Men. She cries every single time she watches Pride and Prejudice (2005), sobs her eyes out when Mr. Darcy says, âYou have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love- I love- I love you.â
She cries if someone yells at her, and she cries if she thinks someone doesnât like her. She cries almost every time sheâs drunk (example: when Harry drove her home), and she cries in the middle of the night when sheâs feeling homesick. She cries for no reason when sheâs getting close to her period⌠and sometimes, she cries because sheâs just lonely.
Now, you might be thinking⌠y/n sounds super annoying. But please donât think that! That would also probably make her cry.
Sheâs just a tad bit sensitive! She has so many emotions in her little heart, and sheâs trying so hard to be responsible and manage life as a young adult but at the end of the day sheâs just a girl!!! Sheâs just a girl, and sheâs tired and stressed out and lonely and touch deprived, and sometimes she has a hard time keeping everything together so she just⌠cries.
If she could control it, she would! Do you really think she wants to be crying in the library? Of course, not! Itâs embarrassing, and sheâs trying really hard to keep her sniffles quiet and to suck the tears back into her eyeballs⌠but when sheâs sad, she canât stop the tears.
So now sheâs crying in the library. And itâs all because of Issac Newton.
Why did he have to invent calculus? Like, what was even the point? Why did she, as a girl studying ecology, have to take this stupid class?
She buries her face in her arms, the tears unstoppable at this point, and just hopes that anyone walking past will think sheâs napping and not crying her eyes out.Â
Sheâd studied really hard for that last midterm. Likeâ sheâd literally been in the library for a week straight, just doing calculus problems over and over again. She went to office hours to get help on all the questions she was stuck on, and was watching the Organic Chemistry Tutorâs videos religiously. She did so much math that she was literally having dreams about doing calculus.Â
And yet, even with all of her studying, she still managed to fail the midterm. Like⌠she seriously failed it. As in, if she doesnât get an A on the final, she will literally have to retake the class.
Sheâs so sad. Sheâs never gotten a grade this low, ever in her life. And sheâd tried so hard!!! The morning of the midterm, sheâd actually felt confident! She thought she had it in the bag!
She was so, so wrong.Â
She feels stupid â not just because she failed the midterm, but because sheâs literally having a breakdown about it in the library.Â
This is stupid. Everything is stupid. School is stupid, Issac Newton is stupid, calculus is stupidâ
âY/n?âÂ
Uh oh. She tries to wipe away her tears discreetly, licking her lips and clearing her throat and desperately hoping that itâs not obvious that sheâs been crying.Â
When she lifts her head, she finds Harry standing in front of her. âWhyâre you crying?â he asks bluntly, looking down at her with his brows furrowed.
Ok. So it is obvious.
âUm,â she sniffles, âHi Harry.â She hopes that maybe if she pretends like everything is fine, then he wonât pry any further.Â
It doesnât work.
âWhy are you crying?â he asks again. Thereâs not much compassion or comfort in his voice. Same old grumpy Harry, so blank and impassive.Â
She shrugs her shoulders, feeling small and embarrassed. âIâ itâs silly,â she stammers, looking down at her fingers.Â
Harry doesnât say anything, staring at her and waiting for her to continue.Â
She swallows thickly. âI failed my midterm,â she whispers, her voice catching as a new lump grows in her throat.Â
âHow bad?â
One lone tear falls down her face as she shakes her head disappointedly, which she wipes away quickly. âReally bad,â she whimpers. Her cheeks burn hot as she realizes that she canât hold back the tears any longer. She quickly averts her eyes from him, staring into her lap and hoping that he canât see her face.
This is the second time heâs seen her cry, which is two times more than she would like. He probably thinks sheâs some silly, over emotional girl⌠probably thinks sheâs so annoying. She just wants to curl up in a ball, hide in a dark hole and cry by herself. She canât handle Harryâs judgment on top of her shitty midterm grade. Â
He stands there silently for a moment. Her lower lip has pouted out cutely and he can hear her sniffling quietly. âWas it math?â he asks.Â
âYeah,â she grumbles sadly. Stupid math.Â
He hums. After another tense moment he asks, âDo you want help?â
âHelp with what?â She stares down at her fingers, her tone dejected. The happy glimmer that usually sparkles in her eye is gone.Â
âWith math,â he clarifies. âI can help you.â
She looks up at him curiously, still pouting. âYouâd help me with math?â
He nods, pulling out the chair next to her. âLet me see your midterm,â he says, nodding his head towards the packet of math problems sheâd just been sobbing over. Embarrassingly, the front page is stained with a few tears, but she hands it over nonetheless.Â
He scans over the first page quickly, reading the question and seeing how she answered it. âDo you know why you got this one wrong?âÂ
She sniffles and shrugs. She hadnât even tried to look over the questions, too mentally exhausted to even try and understand what mistakes sheâd made.Â
âLook. You tried to cancel out the tan3x, which would make sense in any other case⌠but since itâs to the power of 4 you could really easily have used integration by parts.â
âWish I knew that before I took the fucking midterm,â she huffs.
âHey,â he tsks. âLearn from your mistakes so that you donât make them again. You need to know this stuff to do integral tests later.â
She shakes her head. âI tried so hard, Harry,â she barely whispers, her voice exhausted. âLike I studied so much, and I really really tried to make it all make sense. But itâs just so hard for me.â She sniffles and wipes away more tears, taking a shaky breath and looking away from Harry.Â
She doesnât want to try anymore. She just wants to give up.
He purses his lips, brows furrowed. Thereâs something about seeing y/n upset that just feels so wrong. She usually brings so much⌠light into a room. Seeing her cry makes it seem like the entire universe has gotten a little sadder.Â
âYouâve got the right idea when youâre solving theseâŚâ he tries to comfort her (though heâs never really been good at comforting people), âItâs just little things that youâre doing wrong. And itâs probably because youâve got a shit professor who just has you copy down problems.â
âThatâs literally all we do!â she whines, not even caring if she sounds like a baby. âHe does the problems so fast and then I have to go home and try and figure out how he did it all by myself!â She sniffles and puts her head in her hands, more tears dropping from her eyelashes. Sheâs exhausted, her head starting to hurt as she exhales a shuddery breath.Â
He lets her cry a little bit. âListen,â he says gently, turning to face her. The normal furrow in his brow is gone, his gaze a little bit softer. âNext time you come over with Maddie, bring your notes and we can go over them together, okay?â
She sniffles. âSeriously?â
âYes.âÂ
âLike actually?â
âYes,â he says again exasperatedly, rolling his eyes. He stands up from the table and puts her midterm back down in front of her. âLighten up, sunshine. One bad score is not the end of the world.âÂ
She feels a bit silly now that Harryâs witnessed her having another breakdown in the library. But, despite how little he said⌠he actually helped her calm down. This was not the end of the world.Â
âOkay,â she whispers, âthanks, Harry.âÂ
He nods and walks away.Â
Maybe he doesnât hate her, she thinks to herself.Â
Ë¡ .° ・ Â Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Ë Âˇ . ° ・ Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Âˇ .° ・ Ë ď˝Ą °.  ¡ Ë â§ĚĚ Â
âIâm going out,â Maddie says as she walks into the kitchen, discarding her half full coffee mug on the counter as she grabs her car keys from the hook in front of the door.Â
âYour mug!â y/n tuts like a mother. Maddie rolls her eyes as she pours the last of her coffee down the sink and puts the mug in the dishwasher. Y/n ignores the dramatic eye roll, knowing that Maddieâs just playing around, and asks, âWhere are you going?â
âOver to Blakeâs,â she responds with a wink. Sheâs been telling y/n about how sheâs been waiting for Blake to text her all week because she doesnât want to be the one texting first all the time⌠weird situation-ship stuff that y/nâs never experienced before. Seems like he finally texted her, with how excited Maddie is to be going over.Â
Just as Maddie is about to step out the door, y/n remembers Harryâs offer. Heâd been serious, right? He hadnât just said that because she was crying⌠right? She really hopes not, because she really could use his help. Sheâd been up for hours last night, trying to do the homework, but ultimately giving up because she got too frustrated with herself. Maybe⌠maybe heâd be able to help her?
âWait!â y/n calls out, âUm⌠can I come with you?â
Maddie raises an eyebrow, âWhy do you want to come over to Blakeâs apartment?â
Y/n turns a bit shy, âHarry⌠heâs, um, helping me with math.â
âHarry?â Maddieâs eyes glimmer curiously. âHeâs literally such a dick. Heâs helping you?â
âHeâs not that badâŚâ y/n mumbles, remembering the ounce of kindness heâd shown to her in the library the other day. Heâs just a little bit⌠reserved, sheâs started to realize.
âPlease. He literally never smiles. I dunno how you got him to talk to you, he always ignores me when Iâm over.âÂ
(Honestly, she doesnât blame Harry for not talking to Maddie⌠she sometimes ignores Maddie in her own apartment tooâŚ)
âYou have two minutes to meet me in the car or Iâm leaving without you!â
Ë¡ .° ・ Â Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Ë Âˇ . ° ・ Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Âˇ .° ・ Ë ď˝Ą °.  ¡ Ë â§ĚĚ Â
With her schoolbag in hand, y/n taps lightly on Harryâs door. Blake had told her to just go in, but she feels like thatâs rude, so she stands in front of his door nervously and waits patiently for him to open.Â
âWhat?â he grunts, opening his bedroom door. âOh.â The furrow in his brow softens the slightest bit when he sees itâs y/n. Heâd thought it was Blake bugging him about something. Y/n is a much⌠nicer surprise.Â
âHi,â she says, chewing on the inside of her lip nervously. âI was wondering if⌠um, you could help me out with my calc stuff?âÂ
He stares at her for a second, then says, âyeah.âÂ
He opens the door wider and she follows him in. His room is messy, but not gross. The bed is unmade, three half full water bottles on his nightstand, and thereâs a pair of sweatpants on the floor⌠but at least it doesnât stink!
His computer screen is paused mid-game, and she realizes that heâd still been holding his controller when heâd opened up the door for her. He throws a jacket that had been thrown on the back of his chair onto the bed, and motions for her to sit. Then he pulls up another chair that was sitting in the corner of his room to sit next to her.Â
âLetâs see it,â he says, shutting down his computer.Â
âSoâŚâ she takes her laptop out of her bag, setting it down on his desk and turning it on so that she can open up her homework assignment. While it loads, she unlocks her ipad to the scratch work sheâd done last night. âI was trying to do the homework last night, and I think Iâm supposed to be doing integration by parts but honestly Iâm not even sure how to do that⌠so Iâm kind of lost.âÂ
Harry leans over her ipad and looks at the work sheâd done. Itâs⌠wrong.Â
âCan I see your notes for integration by parts?â He asks, trying to figure out how she ended up with 1 as her answer when it should be a much larger, much more complicated mix of trig and integrals. She scrolls up until she lands on a page titled Chapter 7, and points to the second example on the problem. Her notes are cute, written in pink with girlish, bubbly handwriting. However, itâs clear that sheâd been struggling to keep up with the lecture, some of her work completely scribbled out and replaced with messy numbers and formulas. Next to one of the big portions of scribbled out math, she's written âWHAT???â along with a sad face doodled underneath it.
Clearly sheâs a bit confused.Â
âOkayâŚâ he scrolls down to a new page in her digital notebook and copies down the example problem that had confused her. âLet me show you how you do integration by parts first, and then weâll look at the homework problem, okay?â
âMâkay,â she hums compliantly, crossing her legs and hiding her hands in her sleeves. She feels a bit⌠nervous. She doesnât want Harry to think sheâs stupid. But sheâd rather have her ego a little bruised than fail the next midterm too.Â
âSo⌠you do integration by parts when you canât just do normal integration⌠usually if thereâs e^x in there or a natural log then you know that you have to do integration by parts.âÂ
She nods, following along quietly.Â
âIn this one⌠you have x times e^x dx⌠you have to break it up into two parts, U and dV. And then you take the derivative of U and find the integral of dV. And you plug that into the formula. Do you know the formula?â
She blinks at him. âUmâŚâ she shuffles through her notes and finds it. âItâs this.âÂ
âGood⌠so what you do is you assign x to either U or dV and then e^x(dx) to the other⌠and then you find dU and V based off of that. Should we make x be U or dV?â
She purses her lips, âMake x=U?â
âYesâŚâ he nods. âDo you know why?âÂ
She shrugs. âI guessed.âÂ
His lip quirks up in the first smile y/nâs ever seen from him, a slight dimple popping up in his cheek. âSâcos we have to either find the derivative of U, or find the integral of dV. Itâs way easier to use the derivative of x, cause itâs just one. If we made x equal to dV⌠then weâd add a fraction and a power of two to our equation and itâll just make things ugly.â
âOh.â She stares at his hands as he writes down what he just said in math terms, scribbling in his boyish handwriting that U=x and dU=1. âOkay.â
âSo if U=x, then dV is equal toâŚ.â
âe^x?â she answers.Â
âGood,â he says gently. âAnd what is V?â
She stays silent for a moment, searching the paper as if itâll give her an answer. He senses her confusion and helps her out, saying, âIF V is the integral of dV, and dV is e^xâŚâÂ
âWell Isnât the integral of e^x still e^x?â Her voice is unconfident, looking up at Harry with wide, round eyes.
âYouâre right,â he says encouragingly, a soft smile on his face. âStop doubting yourself so much.â
A reciprocating smile spreads on her face, feeling a little more confident with Harryâs praise.Â
âAll you do now is put your numbers into the formula. Can you do it?â
He hands the pen over to her, their fingers brushing. Her hair falls in front of her face as she leans over the page to write down her answer, and Harry watches softly as she tucks it back behind her ear. He notices how long and delicate her eyelashes are as he stares at her side profile.
âIs that right?â she asks quietly, trying hard to be confident but still so nervous that sheâs done it wrong.
He tears his eyes away from her face. âAlmost,â he says, leaning forward. Their arms brush against each other, the space that they initially had set between their chairs having shrunk as they worked on the problem together. She can feel his breath as he quietly murmurs next to her ear, âYou just need to add +C at the end.âÂ
She furrows her eyebrows and turns her head towards him, and feels her heart stutter as she realizes how close their faces actually are. âWhat does the +C mean?â
âItâs just like⌠itâs supposed to represent any constants that we couldnât find. Because when you take the derivative of a constant it just ends up being zero, so when youâre given an integral and doing the anti-differential process⌠you donât know if there was actually a constant there or what it was. So the +C is just representing any constant value that couldâve been in the answer, even though you donât know what the number is.â
She blinks at him. âUm⌠okay. Iâll just pretend like that made sense.â
He chuckles, the first time sheâs probably ever heard him laugh. âItâs honestly not that important to get it. Just remember to add +C every time you take an integral.â
âGot itâŚâ she says, adding the +C.Â
âThink you can do the next one on your own?âÂ
+++
âHarry,â y/n pouts. âIt says Iâm wrong but I dunno why.âÂ
He pauses his game and slides out of his seat, going over to y/n. Sheâd relocated to his bed after they did a couple more problems together and felt confident enough to do the rest by herself. His chest brushing against her back softly as he leans over her shoulder, going over her work. âWhatâs the integral of sin(x)?â
âCos(x),â she says confidently.
âNot quiteâŚâ
She sits there for a second, brows furrowed. âOh!â she adds a negative in front of the cos(x).
âThere you go,â he grins down at her.Â
She lays down on his bed, her hair splaying out behind her as she throws her ipad on his bed, relieved. âHarry. Youâre a genius.âÂ
He laughs, a quiet huff of air that passes out of his nose with an amused smile on his face. âSo it makes sense?â
âI think you should be teaching our class. Youâre so good. Thank you for helping me.â
He hums, giving her a satisfied smirk, and goes back to his game while she finishes her homework. It's a strange setup, sitting in his bed and doing her homework while he plays, but she doesnât mind it.Â
In fact, itâs kind of nice.
Harryâs kind of nice.
She kind of likes Harry.
Ë¡ .° ・ Â Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Ë Âˇ . ° ・ Ë ď˝Ą  ° . ¡ Ë Âˇ .° ・ Ë ď˝Ą °.  ¡ Ë â§ĚĚ Â
hope u guys loved it!!!!!! part 2 is up on my patreon already, and will come to tumblr next saturday (july 29) pleeeeaaaase lmk what u rhink and give her a rb and a comment i love u guys so so much!!!
sunshine - part 2 (already posted on patreon!) : In which Harry's a little bit nicer, and y/n is very excited to possibly, hopefully, maybe be kissed.
sunshine masterlist


















