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— by Joe DiStefano: In the dog days of summer, few foods are as satisfying as cold noodles. From an old-school Chinatown classic to a luxe West Village take on a rustic Korean summertime soup, and from fiery Tibetan mung bean jelly to Thai dessert noodle soup, there’s a slurpable strand for every palate. Here are the absolute best cold noodles in New York…

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The Basics Drinks at this level are like the lingua franca of most bars in this country. There is little confusion about what you are ordering and no worry that the bar won’t carry the necessary ingredients.

Where to Order: Pubs, real dive bars, any place that advertises its season-long NFL Sunday Ticket subscription or lights up its vodka bottles.

What to Order: This is the most barren of all drink circles, and you'll want to get no more ambitious than various combos of booze and ice, or drinks that require one spirit and one mixer: gin and tonic, Jack 'n' Coke, Scotch and soda — you get the idea.

Foolproof Classics These are the drinks that everyone should know how to make. If you get a blank stare when you order from this circle, that's the bartender's fault, not yours. And if that does happen, you can also explain the drink's recipe knowing the bar will almost certainly stock the necessary ingredients. Shoot low here: You may think everyone should know how to make a Sidecar, but that’s just a sign that you are spoiled. Avoid citrus drinks or anything that would require fresh ingredients.

Where to Order: Ironic dive bars and places that stock one bottle of bitters and no more than three kinds of vodka. Also, there might be a TV playing sports, but that sport is baseball.

What to Order: Martinis, Manhattans, and old-fashioneds are good go-tos (provided you're confident the bar doesn't put stuff like orange wedges in any of the those drinks), but be wary of any drink order that requires precision. Jackson Cannon actually suggests going with a Negroni here, and his reasoning is solid: The drink is simple and the proportions are as easy as they come. Campari, gin, and sweet vermouth in equal measure. And it's served on the rocks, which means it's supposed to be a little watered-down.

The Jigger Set Here we ascend from the material to the sympathetic. Drinks at this level are composed of simple, standard ingredients, but can be unpleasant if made poorly.

Where to Order: Places that stock at least a couple of bottles of rye, simple syrup, more than one type of bitters, and give their house cocktails names like "Dante's Inferno" or "Mama's Little Helper" or whatever. In other words, places that are trying to be Death & Co. but aren't quite operating at that high level.

What to Order: Any drinks from the foolproof classics will be made far better here, but you can also get into more interesting cocktail territory. Sazeracs, Aviations, and French 75s are all good. Just stay away from anything that requires more than basic juices and standard ingredients.

Advanced Techniques Now we're getting into it. These are the kinds of drinks that tempt people to use the word "mixologist" when talking about the bartenders.

Where to Order: Places that purchase specialized equipment expressly made for concocting drinks. High-power blenders, sieves, those little apothecary bottles that hold things like homemade syrups, bitters, or homeopathic medicine.

What to Order: Go bold with your order. If a bartender calls himself a mixologist, you might as well make him work for the title. You can feel safe ordering drinks that require egg whites, multiple types of the same kind of spirit, or fire, but probably not all three in tandem. Here is also where you'll find the collection of nouveau tiki bars that have opened in the last couple of years. If you end up in one of these places — and you will know it when you do — order a Mai Tai or Piña Colada; it will change your opinion of how good those drinks can be.

The Double Black Diamonds This is the upper echelon. Here, you can order pretty much anything your nerdy cocktail brain can imagine. In fact, you don't even have to have a specific drink order in mind: Just list off the kind of stuff you like — "I’ve been doing a lot with applejack lately, but was in the mood for something that is basically a crusta.” — and you'll have it.

Where to Order: Is the bar called PDT or Mr. Lew’s Win-Win Bar or the Hawthorne or Clio? If you know those bars, I trust your judgement.

What to Order: This is graduate-level drinking, and as is the case in actual graduate school, vaguely free-forming your thoughts is the best option. That said, a few otherwise unavailable classic drinks show up in this circle, too: the Vieux Carre, Widow's Kiss, and any kind of Corpse Reviver should be reserved for this kind of drinking.

As always, these are guidelines, not hard-and-fast rules. If you find yourself in a sports bar, but the bartender has a handlebar mustache and you spy a copy of Dr. Cocktail’s Vintage Spirits and Forgotten Cocktails tucked behind the bar, by all means adjust your order accordingly. And if you're a big tipper, order whatever the hell you want because money immediately renders every drink order less lousy.

Illustration: Jen Cotton