Feb 26, 2018
Growing up fat taught me to hate myself everyday.
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Growing up fat taught me to hate myself everyday.
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#growingupfat Ive seen this around and I though I'd add - trying on your older siblings clothes and having them be too small - skinny friend complains about being fat - skipping meals to loose weight but just slowing down metabolism - almost crying when dance teachers make you wear just a leotard - being afraid to eat in front of people - working out but just gaining muscle with fat will over it - dealing with bid breasts at a young age - people lying and saying your not fat so they aren't considered rude - skinny kids asking how you can get your legs to touch - no one denying in when you say no one will ever like you or find you pretty -"omg do you have a double chin if you look down?" - never wanting to go swimming because bathing suits are tight and make you feel worse - hiding when people try to take your picture - starving yourself at a young age - trying every diet you can and nothing working - comparing yourself to other kids in the locker room - parents neverending disappointment - never finding clothes that fit in the kids/young adult second - no skinny jeans - ponytails never look good - nothing tight - no being able to run as well as the other kids and everyone knowing why and expecting it - being picked last for every team even if your good - people being a,aged when you say you barely eat play 5 sports and work out and train constantly - people being surprised when your perfectly healthy, just fat - no one ever believing when you say your weight - hearing laughing and just knowing it's about you
I don't really ever seen it talked about that, if you grew up being constantly told you're ugly or fat and made fun of, that the first time someone genuinely tells you that you're beautiful, the first reaction is usually to assume that they're also making fun of you. But, on top of that, because you've internalized all the bullying and negativity, you then assume that there is something wrong with that person, and you reject them outright because of it.
Growingupfat/Growingupugly #3
Having the feeling you're not loved truly even by your friends and family
Question of the day:
Is it really gender envy or are they just skinny??
(and I've been building self hatred towards my body ever since i was 7?)
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older neurotypical adult: don’t worry, x will go away when you’re older.
me: sure, jan
older neurotypical adult: hey why don’t you believe me? that hurts! I was just trying to help. :(
me: I know you were but almost none of the things my elders said would go away when I got older actually went away. I’m 22 and I’m still fat, still depressed, still autistic, still have low self esteem, and still can’t function worth a penny.
me: And because I believed them, I was hopeful that it all would go away and the the ugly duckling would turn gracefully into a swan and I would be happily accepted in society.
me: But no. I’m still the ugly duckling as I was in my childhood and for years, I hated myself for not being able to become a swan. I’ve only just now begun to accept myself and society and even my own family hates me for it.
me: Now I would’ve been fine with “x will go away as you get older, but if it doesn’t, it’s okay.” Because at least then I wouldn’t be stuck with as much self loathing as I had to suffer and still do.
me: I’m sorry you’re hurt that I don’t believe what you say, but it’s believing statements like this that partially caused me to hate myself in the first place and I just can’t let myself fall into that trap again.
Girl who lost weight after her boyfriend dumped her for being fat: he had the nerve to want me back and I flat out told him no.
Me, an fat intellectual who will never be thin in her life and has never been thin ever, fighting the urge of self harm and holding back tears in order to be supportive: you go girl!
#growingupfat Venting about the ever present fatphobia and having some asshole thinking it's ok to question your intellectuality because of my weight. :/