#growingdown

So, it's time. I honestly thought my body wasn't going to ask me for things till my 40s, glasses, wheelchair, diapers maybe? Bring it, my 40s were going to be my silver years (Because I honestly think 40 is the perfect age to rest and give up), I thought with some luck all my years of drinking, smoking and living life to the fullest weren't going to catch up with me till my 40s, late 30s maybe, but never 20s. NO. The 20s are the ages to be stupid. Even if you start a family or do something remarkable at the age of 25, there's still a little voice in your head that says something like "Hey, this would be an excellent time to jump off a plane on a parachute". 

But no, picking up my glasses today made me realize, this is the beginning of the end, whats next? Diabetes? Loosing my hearing after so many concerts attended and how much I like to cancel peoples voices with my headphones? I mean, I already lost my gallbladder but that was, after careful consideration, just a family curse. I don't know what might come next, but to be honest It doesn't scare me. It doesn't even bothers me, I've lived a lot of good things and I wouldn't really change much, maybe the drinking and smoking, maybe spending so little time with my parents, maybe looking up to the broken bulb on my surgery room's lamp to find out how my insides look like, maybe not learning enough recipes from my grandmother, maybe waiting 7 months to meet Shane, etc.

What really bothers me is... my new glasses.

Not really the shape, the color, nor the way they feel in my face, but the images I see when I put them on. When I put those blue ray bans on I see EVERYTHING, images are so HD I can't even believe I'm living in the same world as before I got them, I DON'T LIKE THAT. 

I like my world blurry. Human. Far away. Unreachable. I don't like it when I can see the shapes and forms and sharpness of the objects, I don't like that when I got outside my car I could see the moon and the branches of a tree just like they would look in my worst nightmares, I don't like it when I can see in perfect detail the church on top of the pyramid, and I definitely am not going to like when I see my classmates on HD talking about the stupid things they always talk about, to teacher's boring slideshows.

I don't like that not even on my sights best years I saw that perfectly that what I see now, I don't care if I don't see the meteor arriving earth, I care If I cant see Shane and I know I will always be able to see him because he's always close to me, I wouldn't mind using glasses to see him because he's the only beauty I let my body get destroyed into, I wouldn't miss his perfectly sculpted face for nothing in the world. And the people that are close to be won't be lost to my sight and thats what matters. 

I want my blurry world back, with mistakes, flaws and miss shaped images, I don't even have my life so clear to see the world clear, It confuses me, I like to think my image is a result of my emotional status, I don't know where I stand with my future and the things that are close to me are the ones I value, and the far away wants can go to hell because I'll deal with them when they come to meet me.