Coming from an ED, it’s hard for me (or perhaps too easy) to admit that there are some foods and lifestyle choices that are causing me to feel painful and inflamed. I’ve struggled with deep feelings of apathy towards life since I started ‘giving’ up my rules. Diving straight into junk food and letting go of routines doesn’t work for me. I loose interest in food because it doesn’t excite me when it’s not bright, colourful, handmade and full of strange superfoods. I do eat pizza, and icecream. But too much causes too much negativity in my heart. Even before my ED, I delighted in healthy eating and exercise. I understand that it is problematic, but since I started eating more freely and with less focus on health (alongside getting up later, getting less sunshine, drinking less water etc), I’ve been suffering from headaches, fatigue, inflamed joints, bad skin... I am trying to find a balance between eating enough every day and optimising my health. Often I skip meals to compensate for ‘fear’ foods. In the long term, I hope not to be scared of any meals, but while I’m trying to weight restore and feel healthy, I am concentrating on just eating enough. And if that food is safe and full of vegetables, then who am I to deny myself that?
I have a full weekend to concentrate on my health and studies. Here’s how I’m going to approach it.
Wake up at six am - I used to do this in the summer when I lived in Copenhagen, and I never felt more alive or energetic.
Meditate for fifteen minutes - I meditate every evening, but twice a day sounds even better.
Start working earlier and take more breaks - I work well when I break things down into timed chunks of forty minutes followed by twenty minutes of stretching or a cup of tea. I will also take an hour for lunch and go for a walk, and finish work at dinner time.
Eat abundantly - I have filled my fridge with colour and healthy, nutritious foods. I want to eat more regularly to avoid blood sugar spikes and crashes.
Look after my skin - I will avoid makeup and simplify my routine. I’ll drink two litres of water!
Make time for movement - I will do a workout that I enjoy followed by a yoga flow.
Forgive myself for relapses and ‘unhealthy’ choices.
