#grivex

"I know", Cub's voice was shaking a little and it broke Scar's heart even more. "He doesn't mean it. He's in so much pain. I can feel him suffering and it pains me not to be able to do anything about it. Something went wrong with his friends. You know how scared he was of how they'd react."

Scar nodded his head.

"I pushed him, Scar. I told him they'd be alright with us. I shouldn't have made promises like that. It's my-"

"It's not your fault, Cub. First of all, we both tried to convince Grian to tell them. We have known Mumbo and Iskall for so long. Who could have thought they'd react this badly? Maybe they just had a little fight. Those two will come around", Scar tried to reassure his boyfriend, but he couldn't even convince himself with his words. Just then another wave of pain washed over them and Scar clung to Cub, both of them breathing harder.

"I don't think a little fight would cause him to be in so much pain."

Scar nodded, not even trying to argue with that. It was just too obvious. He'd never regretted the accidental magic bond they had created with Grian. Not even once. But looking at Cub now, he wished those emotions would come over a little less strong. "We will be there for him once he returns. He'll get all the cuddles in the world and I'll make cookies and you can read one of your books to him and we'll all fall asleep together and everything will be alright again."

The pain faded a little and Scar leaned back, searching Cub's face. And finally a little smile appeared on the other's face, even if it still looked really sad.

"I hope so. I really do. And if it doesn't I'll have a word with the two idiots. Make them see how dumb they are."

They sat there for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's warmth. Scar could feel himself getting tired, but the stinging pain kept him from actually drifting to sleep. A loud beeping sound from both of their communities jolted him awake and when another wave of pain followed right after it, Scar could feel the panic rise. He jumped off Cub, taking out his communicator and looking at the screen. His whole body felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water over him.

"Cub... This is bad. This is really bad. He must be injured."

Scar turned to Cub and found his expression of dread mirrored. Both of them jumped into action, running for the door and they were up in the air a few seconds later. The coordinates Grian had sent them were a good distance away and he couldn't help but panic. The pain didn't feel as bad as when Grian had been hit by that Ghast, so maybe he wasn't in immediate danger of dying. But Grian never sent a call for help in the public chat before without saying what was wrong.

There was another beep from his communicator and Scar almost dropped it in a hurry to look at it.

<ZombieCleo> Joe and me are pretty close by. We'll be right there.

Scar heaved a sigh of relief and turned to Cub. "Cleo and Joe are on their way."

Another minute passed before the communicator beeped again. Scar was prepared to see a message by Cleo, but he had thought she'd tell them what happened to Grian... This? This was so much worse.

<ZombieCleo> We need reinforcements. Xisuma, come here at once!

None of them ever bothered their admin. They all knew that Xisuma had enough to do with keeping the server running. They tended to solve problems on their own first. If Cleo's immediate reaction was to call so urgently for X... That had to mean something bad.

Scar fumbled to get out another rocket, when it suddenly hit him. He heard a scream and realised a second later, that he was the one screaming. It felt like his body was on fire, a searing pain running through his veins. He was also falling, the rockets somewhere below him in the air. He must have let go of them. He couldn’t even find the energy in himself to panic as he was falling down. All he could feel was a numbing pain. He was about to crash through the trees, when he suddenly stopped. He could feel Cub’s arms around him, holding them steady as they slowly descended. Cub’s hands that were usually so calm were shaking and clawing into the fabric of Scar’s jacket.

When they landed Scar turned around and the look on Cub’s face told him all he needed to know. “You felt it too.”

Cub nodded, his eyes filled with pain. “Scar… You need to control your emotions. You almost… You could have died.”

“No! Cub! Don’t tell me I’m too emotional. Not now. Not when… Cub what happened? There was so much pain and now I can’t feel him anymore. I can always feel him. Always! Is he…?” Scar looked at his partner in desperation, silently pleading with Cub to reassure him, to tell him that everything was alright. He needed to hear that they were going to be okay.

But Cub looked at him so pained, opening his mouth a few times to start, but not forming any words. And then he saw a tear running down Cub’s cheek. Scar shook his head vehemently. “No… No! He’s not. He can’t be. He’s not!”

He could feel tears welling up in his eyes too. “Cub, please. He’s...”

“Scar… Let’s… Go to the coordinates. We are pretty close. We’ll know what has happened when we get there.”

Scar tried to get his breathing under control. They needed to keep going. Grian wasn't dead before Scar saw his body. There was still hope. There could be other reasons for the bond to have disappeared, Scar just couldn't find a single one. He tried to keep his focus, but every time he thought he had it under control, he swore he saw Grian's dead and bleeding body right in front of his eyes. He couldn't concentrate on anything around himself anymore. 

Everything seemed to disappear. 

He swore he could hear Grian's voice screaming in pain. If Grian was dead, it would be his fault. If he had just been more persistent in following Grian. Or if he wouldn't have pressed him so much on telling his friends about their relationship. If Grian was dead, Scar was to blame. He should have been able to prevent it. He should have known something was up, when the pain had started. 

If Grian was dead... Scar felt like he couldn't breath. He felt like he was suffocating under his own thoughts. He tried to get some air into his lungs, his breathing becoming panicked. He couldn't breath. His vision was starting to swim, black dots dancing on the edges. He tried to hold on to hope, but it didn't work. Someone was talking to him softly, but he couldn't hear it. In his mind Grian kept dying over and over again, calling for him as death took a hold.

He knew he was imagining things, he knew he was right in the middle of a panic attack, but all that knowledge didn’t help him, when it felt like he was unable to breathe, unable to hold on to reality. 

He tried. He needed to calm down. Just breathe. When had breathing become this hard?

He felt something solid against his back, the warm feeling spreading from his back through his whole body and suddenly the warmth spread all around, filling every nook and cranny of his being, as if a protective layer had just surrounded his very soul. And then Cub’s voice was right in his mind, calm and caring, though with a hint of the same pain that Scar felt..

“I’m here. You’re not alone. You’re never alone.”

Scar slowly nodded, the movement jerky, his body still shaking as he tried to gasp for air.

“C-cub… Can’t…” Cub made a shushing sound and Scar felt arms around him, hands resting on his abdomen as the voice in his mind sounded again.

“Calm down. We’ll get through this together. I need you to get through this. I  can’t have you lose it now. Please.”

His voice sounded so full of pain and guilt and weirdly enough it helped Scar calm down as he took a shaking breath. Cub needed him. Cub was there for him. Cub was in pain. 

Another breath. His heart was racing. He leant back into the touch. He could feel Cub’s chest moving and matched his breathing to the calm rise and fall.

“You better?”, came the rumbly familiar voice, this time not in his mind but from right behind him and he nodded.

“Sorry”, he said, his voice sounding as weak as he felt at the moment. “I…”

“It’s okay. We’re both hurting.”

“And yet you didn’t lose it like this. I’m so-”

“Don’t. We both felt it. We just handle these emotions a bit differently. Doesn’t mean it’s not completely normal to panic. We just… We need to keep going, Scar. If there’s any hope-” Cub stopped, his voice tight with pain and Scar could feel a tremble against his back. He certainly wasn’t the only one feeling this. “If there’s any hope, I don’t want to be too late. He’s not dead until we’ve seen his body.”

Scar nodded and with the help of Cub he slowly stood up, both of them hand in hand.

“Let’s keep going. Together.”, Scar said, wiping away his tears with his free hand and Cub nodded.

“Together.”

~*~

Grian awoke with a start. In a split second everything that had happened came back to him. The fight, the potion and then… Nothing.

It was dark all around him. Where was he? He couldn’t even see his own body in the complete darkness. And it was quiet. Too quiet. The only sound he could hear was his own beating heart. It echoed loudly in his ears.

Next came the realisation that he was floating. He wasn’t touching any floor. It was like he was in an endless void. He stretched out his hand in front of him, trying to summon a magical light, but the moment the magic travelled to his fingertips it felt like it was sucked out of him again, floating into the void.

And that’s when it hit him. He knew this place. He’d been here before. A cold wave washed over his body. He had tried to erase every memory of this place. Nightmare after nightmare keeping him awake. He had tried so hard. He had wanted to forget it with every fibre of his being. His heart started beating faster as the dread settled in.

“No...”, he whispered, but it was like the void swallowed those words as well, leaving him in deafening silence. He pressed his eyes close, reaching for the bond in his mind. It was like following a threat. If he only could feel Scar or Cub… If only he had the feeling that he wasn’t completely alone, he would be able to pull through. He’d be able to get out of here without breaking this time. He only needed to feel them, their love, their warmth, their-

Suddenly Grian’s eyes snapped open and his breathing got more laboured. The bond. It was broken. As if someone had burned the threat that had been connecting them, severing him from the Convex. No. He couldn’t do this. Not again. He couldn’t pull through again. He’d rather die than have to stay here again. Tears trailed down Grian’s face, his heart rate speeding up even more. He could feel the panic washing over him and tried to calm himself. But it was hard to concentrate on something else when you were floating in an endless black void.

He wouldn’t break.

They wanted him to break.

He couldn’t break.

He needed to stay sane until he was saved… Would they even be able to save him? Because if not he didn’t know if he had the energy to escape this world again.

Time passed differently here. Grian didn’t know if it had been hours, days or weeks. He felt empty like the void around him. His tears had long since run dry. He had tried again and again and again to feel anything through the burned bond, to repair it somehow. Every desperate attempt had made him fall deeper into a seemingly endless hole until he had just given up.

And then the void suddenly disappeared. He was kneeling on the floor. He could feel the floor. He slowly opened his eyes, raising his head. He was in a giant throne room and sitting there on the throne…

“Hello, Grian. I missed you. I’m glad your little game of hide and seek is over now. It is over, isn’t it, little star?”

Grian felt his heart be gripped by dread as his mind flashed back to the endless void and he nodded, body shaking. There used to be a small voice in his mind, before he had fled. It had told him to stay strong, to resist. Grian tried to reach out to that voice, to a place inside of him that could give him the strength to stand tall and not fall. He couldn’t find even the tiniest whisper in his mind and he let his head hang low.

“Yes, ma’am. I’m so sorry. Don’t make me go back.” His voice was shaking and he knew he was starting to panic again. His eyes darted around the room that had stayed unchanged since the last time he had been here: black walls and pillars, decorated with gold. The walls seemed to press in on him after being in the dark for so long.

His eyes wandered back to the throne and next to it he could see Ex, looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. The fact that he was still here, probably meant that not much time had passed in the real world while he had been in the void.

“Oh, little star. You know I’m not doing this to be mean to you. I don’t enjoy it. You leave me no other choice.”

Grian’s eyes snapped back to the Watcher on the throne. She looked just like Grian remembered her. Even sitting she was taller than Ex next to her. Pale skin dressed in white robes. Her long silver hair was flowing in curls all around her, moved by some invisible wind. Her eyes were covered with a white piece of fabric tied around her head, but a golden glow still shone through from underneath. Her magic, even contained, was still so strong. Grian had never managed to do much while his magic was suppressed.

“I’m sorry, Atlas. I promise I won’t do it again. I won’t...” He hung his head again. No he wouldn’t do it again. It was useless. Resistance was futile. He had just ended up back where he began.

“You sure? I heard you made some friends, little star. Some very special friends. You really caused me some trouble coming back bonded. And to some blessed by the vex nonetheless.” Her voice got even more disapproving in the end. “Thankfully I was able to get rid of that little mistake of yours.” She smiled gently, almost motherly. “But I’m glad you made friends again, little star… and special friends at that. You do remember what happens to your friends, when you mess up, right, Grian?”

Grian’s eyes widened and he froze. The threat was clear even when her voice was still so light.

“I will start with those two vex boys who have tainted you.”

Grian jumped to his feet, eyes wide, heart beating high in his throat. 

“No!”

“No?”

Grian was shaking. His mind flashing to moments he had spent with Cub and Scar. Every shared kiss, every fond look, every longing touch. 

“No”, Grian repeated less forcefully this time. “Don't hurt them.”

Grian expected anger. He expected to be punished, to be sent back into the void for years maybe. He knew he shouldn’t be standing up like this. But Cub and Scar? He wouldn’t let them get hurt, he couldn’t.

There was no anger. Grian almost jumped out of his skin when he instead heard an amused chuckle. Atlas was laughing, a gleeful smile on her lips. And it scared Grian even more than any anger ever could.

“Oh, little star. I really want to meet these friends of yours. I think the last time you dared to speak up like that was with that other mortal boy… What was his name again?” She stopped, looking at Grian, tilting her head a bit as if thinking, though they both knew that was a charade. “Ah, yes. Taurtis.”

Grian flinched violently at the mention of the name, his mind going back to images of Taurtis’ body, broken and bleeding in front of him. 

“You cried so pretty that day. It was the day you swore loyalty to us. It was the day you received your mark. Such a joyful day for Watcherkind. A pity that boy is gone. But now those vex will help you take the next step on your destined path. You see, there was never anything you could have done to change your path. Your little game just brought you back to your true destiny.“

Grian didn’t want to hear this. He didn’t want to hear of the old prophecies again. Prophecies that made the Watchers rip him from his home in Evo. Without those he would have been able to keep living his mortal and peaceful life. He wished the oracles had never seen something great inside of him, he wished the Watchers would have never taken interest in him. 

“Don’t hurt them…”, Grian repeated, sounding far less determined. He sounded as lost as he felt deep down. “I’ll-” He swallowed, panic rising in his throat. He wasn’t prepared for this. He really wasn’t. He had been on the run for so long. He had built himself a life. He had thought- He had hoped he was safe.

“If you promise not to hurt them I’ll obey.”

“Very well. I knew you’d come around, little star. You’ll see the light soon as well. It’s your destiny after all.”

Atlas snapped and then there were hurried steps. Grian looked to the side, a figure dressed in all black flowing garments hurrying over. A young man, almost a boy, no older than twenty, his feet and hands were chained together. One of the Watcher’s attendants, which really was a glorified term for slaves. Grian’s mind kept flashing back to seeing Taurtis in those same loose clothes being shoved around and he needed to take a shaking breath to calm down. Taurtis was no longer here. He was long gone.

The slave stopped in front of Grian, never once looking into his eyes, holding out a little box and Grian took it. He already knew what was inside and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop this. It was just another way to keep him under control.

The young man hurried off and Grian opened the box, looking inside, a stone cold feeling gripping his chest as he looked at it. Two plain silver metal bands, the same as last time. He felt bile rise in his throats when he looked closer and saw the scratches in the metal on the inner side where he had tried to get them to come off the last time.

“Little star.”

The warning was clear. He wasn’t allowed to stall. Atlas expected him to put them on now. The box felt heavy in his grip even when it weighed nothing at all. He took out the first band and slipped it over his right wrist. It immediately tightened, a constellation of stars glowing on the metal. Atlas’ constellation. It was like a mark, piece of evidence of who he belonged to.

He looked back up to Atlas who had an ecstatic expression on her face. A smile so wide it edged on creepy. Grian couldn’t hold that gaze and he turned back quick, slowly slipping on the other bracelet. Both of them glowed the same and Grian could feel it deep into his magical core. He had handed over ownership of himself. He was back under the Watcher’s control. It was over.

“Ex was it, right? I have one more task for you… Bring me the Vex boys.”

Grian’s gaze snapped up, his eyes widening and he felt anger rising inside of him, his magic coming up to the surface on its own, reacting to the strong emotions, to the need to defend what was his. 

“You promised-”

“Sleep, little star.”

The stars on the metal bands started glowing. Grian tried to fight, he really did, but it was a losing battle. His legs gave in and he fell to his knees, but he barely felt the impact. He called for his magic, to protect him, to help him. He couldn’t let anything happen to Cub and Scar. His magic flared up, stronger than before, the glow of the bracelets getting weaker.

Atlas looked at him, seeming a bit annoyed, which was a rare sight. And when she spoke next it wasn’t only her voice he could hear, he could feel the magic behind her words.

“Sleep.”